"How many of you got your asses whipped and what was the philosophy of your household?"

reply to post by guitarplayer


My grandparents raised my mother in a very strict pentacostal household. She was disciplined in traditional southern style... lots of beatings. My grandparents even made me "pick a switch" from the backyard a time or two, as young as 3. My mother was not opposed to giving my brother and I an old fashioned @ss whippin' when the occasion presented itself.

She chose to continue her adult life without any church affiliations. In fact she still blames the church for how my grandparents treated her. I'm more religious than my mother and less religious than my grandparents. We don't do organized religion in our home. We read the bible at home instead. If my kids ever wanted to attend church with their friends, I would be perfectly fine with that. Sorry it's not a simple straight forward answer.

Originally posted by B1rd1nFL1ghT
My gosh, this thread has left me absolutely heartbroken! To everyone here who suffered such horrendous acts by the hands of their most trusted family members, I wish I could reverse time and remove you from it all. This is very upsetting to hear so many people being raised in an unloving home. You are all very strong people to overcome that way of life. My heart goes out to you.

I would never say my home was unloving nor would I say I was physically abused, we rarely got spanked but for example..I once pulled a Bruce Lee combo at the front of the church by kicking my brother in the knee then punching him in the stomach, when he kneeled over I elbowed him the back and pushed him to the ground, in front of the entire congregation. I was quite proud until I realized my dad was coming up the isle. Yeah I knew I was getting it when I got home. I also once decided with a friend to take a camping peg and poke holes with it in the basement walls of our rec room (was a type of styrofoam insulation with wall paper over top) I wrecked the rec room, so yeah I got it then too.

I'm a parent of two children and I didn't spank my kids but I will say it really does depend on the kid, my oldest has always been pretty well behaved, you could reason with, my youngest has always been defiant and stubborn as a mule and time outs, etc., never worked, she could have used a few good swats on the butt. She's a learn it thru her rear and not thru her ears type. But alas, in this day and age that would make me an unfit parent, but I don't think it's really been to her benefit to be honest.

reply to post by CirqueDeTruth


Dear Lord! I can't imagine my child kicking me? She would have lost her da#n mind, that's for sure, lol! I think you should try the "brat whacker", lol !

I'm with you on making them do what you KNOW they hate. My daughters hate copying the collegiate dictionary. It's the same gigantic book my parents made me copy for back talkin'. Works like a charm! They're perfect little angels after a few hours of that. Also, scrubbing just about anything with a toothbrush. It takes FOREVER! All of the chores I had to do (for punishment) had to be done with a toothbrush. Do you know how long it takes to scrub a freakin' sailboat with a toothbrush?

So, to flesh out my story earlier...
I'm 32 now. My parents, both Christians (as am I), both believed that smacks were all good, provided they were actually warranted. In my case, I'd be pretty hard pressed to present a case in which I was smacked and didn't deserve it. I earned my stripes

With that said though, as a parent of two children, I've come to my own conclusions.

I likewise believe that a smack every now and then can be a positive thing, but my own conviction is that...
a smack should probably hurt the parent just as much as the child.
If it doesn't, you're probably doing it wrong.

Each of my girls has been smacked before - one of them twice, one of them only once. On each of those occasions, it was just about the worst, most heartbreaking thing ever - BUT... they certainly both learned their lessons, and never did those things again.

...so that's my feeling. If you get to the point where you're doing it out of pure anger, or if you're not affected emotionally yourself by smacking, then there's probably something wrong, and you need to look at yourself as much as you need to look at the behaviour of your children.


...oh, and I work in Children's Services, just as another piece of background.
So there you have it.

reply to post by sweetstuff


I have to agree with you, it depends on the child. I don't discipline my two girls the exact same way. They're two complete opposites and do not respond exactly the same. There have been times my husband and I felt like the traditional spanking is what they needed at that moment. We always talked to them before and after the fact. But I agree with you, spankings never seemed to correct the issue. Now I have an entire arsenal of disciplinary actions that work marvelously without laying a hand on them. Sometimes kids do need a good butt whippin' though!

Originally posted by strings0305
My parents never hit me. I was never grounded. I grew up with an acute sense of right and wrong, but also learned to question the value of doctrine and tradition. When I did something wrong, starting at age four, my father would have me read a piece of writing relevant to whatever I had done and write a response, of any length sufficient to explain why I did what I did and if it was "good" or "bad."

I'll gladly take all the flak for this next statement: If you are hitting a child, you are either too busy, too lazy, or not smart enough to come up with a better alternative that fits your child and does something more productive than "putting an end' to bad behavior.

We smack dogs to train them. I fully expect more of people.

You were reading and writing essays at four? No wonder you didn't need to be spanked you are a genius, clearly.

reply to post by otherpotato


Hi otherpotato, Thanx for your kind words and affection. You are a good person with a good and loving heart. It is true such a childhood can be devastating but in my case, I was determined to break the chain of destruction and cruelty and I feel like I did accomplish that. I sure do love my kids and grand babies. Those lil ones are the greatest! Those lil nippers hug on me like crazy and I enjoy it so much. I love hugging them, and even playing with them. I often get on the floor and play race car with the lil ones or whatever other game they are playing.

I feel fortunate that I did not become a toxic person like my elders. The kids and I love to draw and color in coloring books for hours. They are the joy of my life. I can't imagine how anyone could hurt such lil ones, I never could/would. I'm glad I somehow kept love in my heart. I became a nurse/care giver and loved caring for my patients. I strived to be a better person in every way....life is short and full of twists and turns and trials and it is what we make of it. I hope/think I did good. Hugs and Blessings and love to you and others that wished me well.

PS: I believe in a Creator but I did kinda stray away from religion in general.

There was no real philosophy in my house. My dad worked for an airline so was away much of the time. When he got back he was usually a bit grouchy from jet lag, my mum was the traditional stay at home mum.

When dad was away, me and my brother used to rule the roost. My mum would give idle threats about sending us to a children's home, when we played up. The other threat was always "just wait till your dad gets back".

Still neither of them ever hit us. My dad couldn't stand the site of me or my brother doing nothing or watching TV, he would always try and find some job for us to do.

I don't think using violence is a good way of discipling a child. It's not a lesson parents should be passing on.

We were a very normal British family, Christian, but only for the social reasons. Not hardcore church goers by any stretch.

I was spanked daily, mostly for doing dumb stuff. My father was massive and used his hand, didnt matter he could easily hurt you with a pillow if he had wanted. My mom used a wooden spoon, several of them were broken over my buns of steel.

reply to post by caladonea

When I was a child I got 3 spankings... and my mouth washed out with Ivory soap twice...for swearing and being disrespectful. In the household I grew up in you did not swear, you did not yell; you were expected to be polite and respectful. We could discuss anything...but had to be good mannered about it.

By the way... I learned the swearing at school...not a home.

Same here, caladonea! Also, your second post about being perfectly polite and proper, but able to swear like a sailor when relaxed. I never swore AT my kids, nor did my parents swear at us. I remember in 4th grade the first time I ever had to stay in during recess - one other girl was also there - no teacher anywhere.

She told me the word "Sh**" was what she said when she was mad. So I tried it on. That evening at home I felt so guilty that I "confessed" to my parents, who simply said, "Well, go on to bed, then." I imagine they giggled as my little self slunk back down the hall to do my 'penance'. They were watching Star Trek, as I recall.

Now, though, my mom and I both have delightfully animated conversations (we agree on lots of things, and share our day-to-day lives over the phone or with get-together days), and she's as able as anyone to pepper her speech with mild everyday "standard" so-called 4-letter-words.
!!

My dad died in 2010, but wow could he go off on angry rants about his job when we were older kids - in our teens, I recall hearing him ranting and cussing up a storm while he drank scotch and my mom made dinner. But they NEVER fought WITH EACH OTHER or cussed AT EACH OTHER or us.

I was spanked quite a bit as a child. Most of the time I certainly had it coming.

However all parents make mistakes and sometimes I got it without really deserving it.


Being in the Army today and having grown up the way I did I have a different method of
corporal punishment. I will smoke the dog crap out of my kid when she reaches that age.

What does that mean? Well, if she really messes up it will be push ups, sit ups and flutter kicks until the crying begins. Not only will she be physically fit, but she'll know who's in charge.

reply to post by guitarplayer

It is up to each of us to break the toxic upbringings that so many have had.

I totally agree with your post here. It is up to each generation to deconstruct the family system and try to adjust it to eliminate toxicity.

reply to post by strings0305

I'll gladly take all the flak for this next statement: If you are hitting a child, you are either too busy, too lazy, or not smart enough to come up with a better alternative that fits your child and does something more productive than "putting an end' to bad behavior.

APPLAUSE!!
Thank you for saying this.

The philosophy of our household was based on great disappointment with the policies of the Catholic church, hence I would be forced to attend church and Sunday school without my parents. Strange to say the least.

Back in the olden days, typical (mild and quick) spanking was a normal practice in our home. The schools also administered punishment, where one female teacher would have you put both hands on the chalk shelve of the blackboard and proceed to whip them with a 3 foot ruler.

reply to post by guitarplayer


I got spanked from dad, and mom used a bath brush. Mom was very faithful and dad not really.

Originally posted by zonetripper2065
I was spanked daily, mostly for doing dumb stuff. My father was massive and used his hand, didnt matter he could easily hurt you with a pillow if he had wanted. My mom used a wooden spoon, several of them were broken over my buns of steel.

Hahaha. That's hilarious.

Originally posted by NOTurTypical

Originally posted by zonetripper2065
I was spanked daily, mostly for doing dumb stuff. My father was massive and used his hand, didnt matter he could easily hurt you with a pillow if he had wanted. My mom used a wooden spoon, several of them were broken over my buns of steel.

Hahaha. That's hilarious.

Yes, funny because my mother hurt her hand more than once spanking us, then had to resort to the brush, belt, and slipper; mostly the slipper, then we'd laugh at her.

It was a different era then, and we children expected to be spanked. I didn't spank my children, I used the reward and no reward approach. It worked like a charm.

Originally posted by shrevegal
reply to post by hhcore

 

Hi hhcore, Wow, sounds rough.

Actually, I was thinking the same thing while reading yours. I was on fantasy island compared to your punishments....

Hugs right back atcha

reply to post by NOTurTypical

Hahaha. That's hilarious.

! I think It's sad.

Let see, i got beat by both parents, mom with the sandal and step dad with the belt plus some humiliating stuff. I sorta agree with disclipline of a child, but not to the degree that was inflicted upon me. I was never really bad, yea i did stupid stuff but not bad enough to what they did. all they managed to do was to drive me away from the moment i was 18 and only speak to my mother about once a month and i talk to no one else in my family.