Hypothetical Question(s):

You've been married a couple years. You've had a relatively stable relationship but then suddenly your partner stops having sex with you.

1) Is it okay to cheat?
2) How long before its okay?
3) Cheating is not an option, how do you go about resolving the issue?

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP LOOKING FOR THE "ITS OKAY TO CHEAT ANSWER"

Basically some guy on jeremy kyle set up an online dating profile because his wife stopped having sex with him. Wanted to know how other people would go about resolving the issue, im not trying to advocate cheating is okay.

reply to post by SearchLightsInc



1. It's never okay to cheat.

2. It's never okay to cheat.

3. Open communication is needed to find out what the problem is.

Cheating is not fun.

Learn to communicate with your partner. Talk about your feelings and thoughts.

Lack of communication I'm assuming is what got you both is this situation, or not. Thus, cuts off the intimacy and so forth.

If you are thinking about cheating, just divorce. Unchain yourself from the karma and your mate from suffering.

Something is missing within you, or the relationship and another person(cheating) will not fill the void permanently. Good Luck.

reply to post by SearchLightsInc


Talk about it to clear the issue.

lol if there is an "option" to cheat in this question, this marriage has already failed. Divorce and cheat all they like.

Originally posted by kaylaluv
reply to post by SearchLightsInc

 

1. It's never okay to cheat.

2. It's never okay to cheat.

3. Open communication is needed to find out what the problem is.

Never said it was okay to cheat, its just a hypothetical question im not gonna be using anyone's answers for anything, i just wondered.

Some guy on jeremy kyle (Lul wtf you watching that for?) Set up an online dating profile "Because my wife stopped having sex with me"

Wondered how other people would approach the problem.

Typically, if a woman is the partner who stops wanting to have sex, it is because she is angry about something. She has probably been dropping hints like crazy. Women tend to withhold sex because they are seething with resentment. Men tend to not want to think about why this would be. It's a vicious cycle, borne out of lack of communication, lack of honesty, and lack of caring about what is going on with the other person internally. Men usually stop wanting to have sex because they're getting strange on the side.

If you are clueless as to why your partner has stopped being intimate, and all you can think about is, how long before you are justified in cheating, then your relationship is worthless. You are also being selfish as hell.

Go ahead and divorce, and find a new partner....but if you don't wake up to what caused the past relationship to fail, you're doomed to repeat the same mistakes, ad nauseum.

reply to post by SearchLightsInc

You've been married a couple years. You've had a relatively stable relationship but then suddenly your partner stops having sex with you.

People stop having sex ?

This happened in my first marriage

Was it OK to cheat, absolutely my affair was Mrs C and we are soul mates
How long did I wait ? Hard to say I think it was about 3 years.
I tried everything, romance, talking, arguing, advice from a social worker you name it I tried it.
Turned out she just wanted a european father for her kids and then did everything to get shot of me.
So yeah it's ok to cheat in some circumstances.

Cody

Originally posted by kaylaluv
reply to post by SearchLightsInc

 

1. It's never okay to cheat.

2. It's never okay to cheat.

3. Open communication is needed to find out what the problem is.

Quoted because it is a perfect answer to all 3 questions. Cheating is wrong. Period. Unless you have a mutual agreement on an open relationship, which in turn makes it not cheating, its never ok. If you need to go outside of your relationship, you shouldnt be in one.


Openly talk to your partner.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


It was a hypothetical question but thank you for answering

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by SearchLightsInc

 

You've been married a couple years. You've had a relatively stable relationship but then suddenly your partner stops having sex with you.

People stop having sex ?

This happened in my first marriage

Was it OK to cheat, absolutely my affair is Mrs C and we are soul mates
How long did I wait ? Hard to say I think it was about 3 years.
I tried everything, romance, talking, arguing, advice from a social worker you name it I tried it.
Turned out she just wanted a european father for her kids and then did everything to get shot of me.
So yeah it's ok to cheat in some circumstances.

Cody

I like your honesty

thanks for commenting

reply to post by SearchLightsInc


It was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for the thread

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by SearchLightsInc

 

It was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for the thread

IMHO, the best decision would have been to end the marriage first, then you can have an honest relationship with someone else. Cheating is dishonest and cowardly, but that's just me.

Originally posted by kaylaluv

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by SearchLightsInc

 

It was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for the thread

IMHO, the best decision would have been to end the marriage first, then you can have an honest relationship with someone else. Cheating is dishonest and cowardly, but that's just me.

In his/her defence, humans dont always make the best decisions 100% of the time. I think you're being a tad harsh.

Originally posted by SearchLightsInc

Originally posted by kaylaluv

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by SearchLightsInc

 

It was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for the thread

IMHO, the best decision would have been to end the marriage first, then you can have an honest relationship with someone else. Cheating is dishonest and cowardly, but that's just me.

In his/her defence, humans dont always make the best decisions 100% of the time.

Absolutely true. But, they should admit that they didn't make the best decision.

Originally posted by kaylaluv

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by SearchLightsInc

 

It was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for the thread

IMHO, the best decision would have been to end the marriage first, then you can have an honest relationship with someone else. Cheating is dishonest and cowardly, but that's just me.

With all due respect
The marriage was dead a long time before I met Mrs C, spiritually it was the right thing to do, I never cheated my soul, the rest was legal state red tape rubbish. I was honest and told the ex. She just chose to not believe. Dishonest ? No I was totally honest and up front
Cowardly ? Nah the brave decision was to be unfaithful and accept the consequences.
Still accepting them every day and loving it.

But that's just my experience

Thanks for the answer

Originally posted by cody599

Originally posted by kaylaluv

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by SearchLightsInc

 

It was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for the thread

IMHO, the best decision would have been to end the marriage first, then you can have an honest relationship with someone else. Cheating is dishonest and cowardly, but that's just me.

With all due respect
The marriage was dead a long time before I met Mrs C, spiritually it was the right thing to do, I never cheated my soul, the rest was legal state red tape rubbish. I was honest and told the ex. She just chose to not believe. Dishonest ? No I was totally honest and up front
Cowardly ? Nah the brave decision was to be unfaithful and accept the consequences.
Still accepting them every day and loving it.

But that's just my experience

Thanks for the answer

Well, it's a little different if you were upfront in the beginning -- that's not really cheating. Cheating is doing something on the sly, behind the other person's back. If the marriage was over, and both of you knew it, then I'm assuming you were officially separated. That's a whole different ball of wax.

My boyfriend and I have been together committed 2.5yrs. Living together 1.5yrs...
He recently started withholding sex and generally ignoring my initiating attempts, I talked toys, I talked role play I tried a bit of everything... I tried spontaneity, I tried scheduling it into our lives.

There is nothing more frustrating or hurtful than trying to work through this sort of thing.

But I talked it out with him every step of the way, at no time did I even remotely contemplate cheating!

reply to post by SearchLightsInc


No its not okay to cheat. Chances are if your wife just stops putting out there is a little more to it. But if your wife is cool with it then its fine and its not really cheating.

He's playing a game; specifically the sympathy card...I'm a great guy; wah wah any body wanna help me cheat on my wife; and be my mistress? I'll pretend I want to leave her; but I have her self esteem so low, she's not going any where or can't stand up for herself if I do cheat.

It's a scheming scam; from someone slick enough in communication to con strangers; but not good enough in communication for a real lasting relationship. The poor me; is such a horrible stance to take...I'll come off as a great guy; get someone wrapped then string them along or turn them into the same emotional mess I have made my current wife then do the same thing to the new person...because you are naturally sympathetic for having responded to my post in the first place.

Step as far and as fast as you can from those types.

Originally posted by SearchLightsInc
1) Is it okay to cheat?
2) How long before its okay?
3) Cheating is not an option, how do you go about resolving the issue?

edit on 20-2-2013 by SearchLightsInc because: (no reason given)

1. It is never OK
2. See #1
3. Decide how important the issue is. Note: It will never get better, so you need to live with it or move on.