Off Topic: Question of the Day II: Are Girls People?

Well, you can expect about that amount of reaction, but I'm glad that you tried anyway.

I don't really see why so many people are getting on your case about it. I mean, seriously. Yes, it's the girl's responsibility to leave him, but, uh...

If you see somebody being a jerk, then you speak up. I don't see how it's different just because it's a relationship. That "mind your own business" attitude is what allows child abuse, domestic violence, untreated mental illness, and all sorts of other crap to be so rampant in the States.

Yeah, there's got to be some kind of balance to it. But, dude, seriously, if you see a pattern of behavior that spells douchebag, call out their crap.

reply to post by AnIntellectualRedneck



The thing is, we don't know what constitutes being a jerk or being controlling in the OPs mind.

From the OP I'd have to assume that we aren't talking about physical abuse.

reply to post by darkbake


Oh, you are so misguided. They are dieties

No, I don't have a crush on the girl. I am not that attracted to women. I don't feel comfortable living in a house where girls are treated with disrespect, and she was talking to me about it on her own initiative.

The details would be the guy not letting her talk to his room-mates, checking her phone, micro-managing her, telling her what to do, forcing her to follow his belief system (which is not a good one, I have known him for years and he is paranoid and doesn't trust anyone) and forcing her to be friends with benefits even though she doesn't want that.

Women's rights are a big issue to me, and it makes me sick to see them being treated like slaves, especially since I have had a lot of great friends who are girls.

I can also see how it could be considered the correct option to mind my own business...

But to me, it is a human rights issue, and I am uncomfortable with it in my house. I have girls over to hang out here as friends, and I want them to feel like they are accepted and just as important as the men here.

Continuing on the mind my own business tract, I don't know what to think about that. Some girls like being abused or controlled. It reminds me of slavery. I guess it might not be my job to try and convince plantation owners to get rid of their slaves, but what if I had a room-mate who owned a slave and treated him badly?

On a side note, what if people were doing coc aine in my living space and I was uncomfortable with it? These are all relevant questions. And I really appreciate those who asked for more information.

I mean honestly, maybe I should wait 100 years or so until men and women are equal and then go out in society. I tend to notice a lot of behavior I would consider as an extremely inappropriate way to treat another human being, but other people can't see it as easily because they aren't aware of it.

Think of it this way:
Your friend has a guy friend over, then tells him what to do, checks his phone and won't let him talk to or interact with other guys in the house. When the guy tries to be himself, your friend shuts him up.

What would you do?

When a guy is dating a girl is she seriously his property, like a slave or something? Does he seriously get rights to her life?

I know my opinion on this matter is not a popular one, and a lot of girls think this is acceptable behavior for some reason...

reply to post by darkbake


OK, knowing all that now, I stick by my response. He is an abuser waiting to happen. Just a matter of time. If she will listen, tell her to run and just stay away from him. She is going to end up getting hurt, more than likely physically.

Do you need him to live with you? How about finding another roommate and giving him 30 days notice?

reply to post by chiefsmom


Thanks, I am thinking about moving out of the house myself. I just don't know anymore. I can't handle the way women are treated and maybe my ideal reality doesn't exist. I wish I could marry a girl and be best friends with her and leave it at that.

It is definitely a curse to be able to see how girls are treated in this world.

Originally posted by darkbake
reply to post by chiefsmom

 

Thanks, I am thinking about moving out of the house myself. I just don't know anymore. I can't handle the way women are treated and maybe my ideal reality doesn't exist. I wish I could marry a girl and be best friends with her and leave it at that.

edit on 18-1-2013 by darkbake because: (no reason given)

Oh, right.. Women are ALWAYS the victims... It can go both ways

Who knows. It's complicated. Last month, a girl was begging me to come pick her up to hang out, but the roads were icy and she lived an hour away. At first I didn't agree, but eventually gave in.

Which was stupid, because I ended up crashing on the interstate due to the ice, totaling my new car... once I got home, she told me that she was just using me to get to my room-mate who she had a deep crush on, and had the nerve to tell me I was trying to use her.

A second story - another girl came over to our house and had a boyfriend in the military, but ended up sleeping with one of my room-mates and she has had several more partners in the past two weeks and cheated on all of them while she was dating them.

The girl I was defending was a good person.

Hopefully I find some people out there who know what I'm talking about.

But you are right, it can go both ways, especially if you consider the different perspectives a guy / girl have and hat each of them finds to be inappropriate behavior.

I think the picture is emerging here. You are the knight in shining armor out to defend "girls" (Hint: try "women" next time) from abusive relationships. They'll come to you for advice because you are so approachable and such a nice guy--as a friend, of course, so sensitive because you "understand." They'll even abuse you themselves. You are expected to drive a couple of hours in the ice and wreck your car to pick up a "girl" who really has no interest in you, but wants to see someone else in your house???

That's just pathetic. I say this in all seriousness without trying to make fun of you but you are acting like a wuss. You need to grow a pair and move out.

reply to post by Juggernog


Never mind, wasn't directed at me.

Ha ha I grew a pair after the wreck. After that, there has been a very low tolerance for B.S. I told her never to come back again. Note: the part where I stood up for myself and another girl against my room-mate and lost him as a friend with no gain on my part. I could easily date his girlfriend at the moment if I wanted to, but I'm not going to.

Why is everyone assuming that I have ulterior motives for doing the right thing? Do you all live in a world where doing the right thing is just never done anymore or something? That's unfortunate.

reply to post by Ireminisce


By the way, I do like your advice, Ireminisce - that is kind of the other side of the coin I was considering. I'm also heavily reconsidering going back to tactful, diplomatic discussions - yesterday was a bad day for me because a lot more # went down than this, so my stress levels were too high to deal with it in my normal fashion. It all kind of came out of left field.

That's been happening to me a lot lately... obviously, there could have been better ways to approach the issue, but the issue was brought to me and I had limited response time.

You would be surprised what I have dealt with diplomatically so far.

Also, I have been in an abusive relationship with a guy. Just so everyone knows.

The thread title made me think of something I saw posted on another site "women are just children you can legally ...."), fill in the space with your imagination.

reply to post by darkbake


I think more people should call other people out on their bullying and whatnot.

Sounds like your friend is a douche.

If he is verbally abusive or controlling of his GF imo you have a right to say something. You are sticking up for her! I have been there and when my friends husband stuck up for me on my behalf I felt good and my bf at the time had a reality check.

To those saying it's none of his business. If this person lives with him and he sees the "abuse" and yes controlling another is a form of emotional abuse he has every right to say something!

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Well, I have learned that my friend is a douche - it has only gotten worse, unfortunately. When she first started dating him, he was a super-nice guy, like my role-model for relationships. Then he started stressing and becoming a bit obsessive -

After the incident, though, he has become a total asshole. He dumped her and told her never to talk to him again and didn't even think about her feelings. He has become completely unapologetic and uncaring about people now.

As we all have started to become.

I would be interested to know how successful your room mate is with opposite sex, and by successful I mean does he have a high notch count, and do women/girls find his douchey ways devilishly attractive.

reply to post by hotel1


If you read the OP's post you will note that he puts on a nice guy act to get women in the first place. Re-read the first post using your comprehension side of your brain, please.

Originally posted by darkbake
When she first started dating him, he was a super-nice guy, like my role-model for relationships. Then he started stressing and becoming a bit obsessive -

edit on 19-1-2013 by darkbake because: (no reason given)

That's what's 90% of guys do Darkbake. They're nice so they can get the girl and, after they settle with them for awhile, their natural tendencies come out to play. In his case, he's a jerk.

No offense, but the fact that you're gun-shy about getting into a relationship with a girl is a good thing for you. You don't seem to know much about it all. From what I gather, you seem to have this impression that relationships are ideally a bed of roses at the end of a rainbow and that everyone plays nice all the time. That's not reality. It never was.

What you see sometimes when two people are arguing or just going about the daily business of being together isn't necessarily verbal or mental abuse. It's called life, and it can get rough sometimes. True, if it happens constantly everyday and just escalates with time, then there's a problem. It sounds like it's a good thing those two broke up because it didn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

I'm also having a hard time figuring out why you didn't take her up on her offer to get together with her. If I were in your shoes and she approached me personally with that offer, I would've taken her up on it. Again, no offense, but it sounds like you thought that you would be using her in a time of weakness. Maybe she just wanted thank you for being there for her. That's what friends of the opposite sex do do man. You really need to stop treating women like fine china all the time and be more assertive. There's a difference between being assertive and being a jerk, good women know what that difference is and, trust me, I don't think anyone will ever confuse you with being a jerk.