Finding the one that makes you want to kill yourself.

reply to post by 74Templar

Hmmm, this seems to have gone down a bit of a slippery slope since we last spoke B.

Do you have these feelings for both? Or is just one making you feel this way? I'd have to go with Tenth's advice here and make that list.

It's just the one that does it. But the other one I kinda get the feeling too, but only when I'm around her. The other one I think about it when I'm not with her.

The thing is, is that I see a different path with both girls. Both girls compliment me in a different way. It's just that both paths have a certain benefit. Both would be great. The one though, there is something about her that sets her apart. But who knows, because I don't normally feel this strongly about these things, I feel like I might be blinding myself with emotion.

(I could have sworn I never suffered from the awful disease of emotions)

Who knew!

reply to post by Lulzaroonie

At the start of all relationships we all behave a certain way, we toe the line, we say and do things to garner favour with the object of our affections. But there comes a time when once we're comfortable with each other, we begin to drop the facade, until we're back who we always were.

I've always been the way I am when I first meet someone, up through until we separate ways. I am not one of those people that does something nice for a week or two and spends the next two years sitting on the couch asking my girlfriend to bring me a beer.

If anything, I'm a very consistent fellow. Thank you for your input into the thread though. I do see where you are coming from.

reply to post by boncho


That's fair enough, I know I've done it in the past, and I expect you've encountered girls who have done it and turned into raging psycho beetches after a couple of months

reply to post by boncho


Maybe you have never met someone who made you feel like you want to invest all ofyourself into a relationship.
New feelings can be scary, however nothing ventured nothing gained. I may be an adrenaline junkie, but I would
rather experience passion , all kinds , in my life than coast safely thru life. If you have never experienced this
before than go for it! LIVE! I have had this and lost it but DO NOT REGRET THE EXPERIENCE Would jump
right in if I could have that feeling again. Of course, I m awoman and much stronger

running with the wolves

Originally posted by Lulzaroonie
reply to post by boncho

 

That's fair enough, I know I've done it in the past, and I expect you've encountered girls who have done it and turned into raging psycho beetches after a couple of months

I've met quite a few raging psychos in my day, indeed.

reply to post by chagahunter

Maybe you have never met someone who made you feel like you want to invest all ofyourself into a relationship.

I've raised the bar in the past, I think maybe it's just a very uncommon feeling now since I've grown into habits and customs over the years. She has made me think about how I can do it better... For the most part, I see that as a good thing.

Although, I feel a little irrational about it a bit as well. I imagine that's the part that's got me miffed.

reply to post by boncho

Depends it can either be a good thing or a bad thing, in any case it will be a good and bad thing. For dudes however what you describe the chances and percentages that it will go anywhere however is close to nil, zero, nada, and usually if they make you want to kill yourself no matter who it is, or on what end of the spectrum you and they come from then logically it does not sound like a good thing. For you see

In fact I am pretty sure its supposed to be the opposite of what you describe, you know someone who makes you want to life live and not always question yourself, and not always doubt yourself, and definitely not kill yourself especially over nothing significant, you should really look at her because those feelings may just be something that you experience brought about something that has accumulated in your life, and really it all may have nothing to do with her as a person other then the fact that she just happens to be there at that particular time and date when the whole thing went down, in fact yes its pretty common that when you are ready to get moving with one others show up, its nature and instinct in females to look for such thing they do it unconsciously, I could tell you why but really your on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know.

The butterflies in your stomach contrary to popular believe are usually there to warn you that there be danger ahead and you may be overlooking the edge of a cliff if not now at that particular time and date then at some point in time, the only difference is how prepared you will be when you both reach that edge. So don't take anything for more then it is and just keep doing what your doing and if it actually is anything then it will show itself over time, if not then it will fade away. Oh and unless you like both hanger ons then pick one girl or the other and get over your silly ruminations, because truth is no matter who you chose even though one may be more fitting then the other there will come a time when you will both want to consume each other, and at that time is when you really find out what you and her are all about, till then...Whatever bro. But again don't listen to me even thought you should, and take the whole thing with a grain a salt, in fact forget the grain. Take it all with a bag of salt.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


I normally don't get riled up over relationships, or much of anything really. Winning 10k at the casino to me is the same thing as losing 10k. I don't get excited over things. I don't get bent out of shape over bad things.

Girls in the past who I thought were gorgeous, I would meet them, talk to them, etc. But it is just another day. Of course there were many where I enjoyed their company, or enjoyed speaking with them, but I don't really get bent out of shape about them in any way.

Which is why this one confused me so much. As I don't normally have feelings like that and I am the one usually warning others to get as far away from those types of feelings as they can. (Not saying run from the girl, but check yourself so you aren't putting yourself on a lower level when dealing with others.)

In any case, I think my rational mind is kicking in, taking over and getting back to where I normally am. It's not to say I don't feel the same way, but I guess internally I have learned how to deal with it properly in the past couple days.

reply to post by boncho

Seems like you have been avoiding things, sooner or latter its probably going to be catching up to you. And that is what really has got you bent out of shape, you may just be superimposing your own thoughts and your own premonitions and expectations on this girl because you want something to happen and she may be the likeliest candidate as she was the least likely candidate before in your more "lively" days.

Its not an uncommon thing to do, everybody does it to an extent, something like 99% of people would do it at some point in there life's. But like I said, who knows, only way to find out were it all goes is to go ahead and go along with it all and see were it goes. If your expecting guarantees, well there is always doctor Phil. He is bound to give you an answer you want to hear, especially if you happen to be of the fairer sex. What I am trying to say is...Your on your own bro, write us a postcard or make a thread about how it all goes...I have no freaking clue, OK I lied I may have a clue or two, but I ain't telling you. However it sounds like it can go either way.

Me however. Well I think that 10k is a big deal, If I was there and you lost 10k at a casino I would slap you upside your dam head, and you definitely should get upset over loosing 10k. Do you know how many cheeseburgers you could buy and how many cats you could feed with 10K? That would be a whole dam lot of happy cheeseburger loving cats, that's how much.

When you were getting to know these women; were you being yourself, or were you embellishing it up a bit? Kinda like washing your car before you place an ad. If so; that can lead to not feeling good enough for whom you may have landed...and now second guess every move every word...since the you that you presented wasn't exactly realistic; compared to the man, you know you are when reflecting back upon yourself.

Either that or this woman is making you feel inadequate; through comments or suggestions, shaking your confidence. When that's the case; either A. She actually doesn't feel you are good enough. or more likely B she doesn't feel good enough or insecure and threatened by other women from the outside...so knocking you down a few notches so that you don't feel so confident, gives her more leverage, power and control.

If you look at her last relationships were the men kitty whipped so to speak? If so they didn't stand up to this test. So what is exactly the test? Well, your honesty, your confidence, and if you can not falter in both, and put her in her place...so she knows if she stands above below or equal, the games will keep being played until she figures it out...if it is an acceptable place she will stay...if not she will lose respect and either just use you since you are now so whipped and willing; or get bored and move on.

I don't think many people that do this; are even aware that; that's what they are doing...so try not to harbor any ill feelings; just stand up for yourself, draw a line and don't let anyone cross it...it's reasonable to have lines that people just can't cross with you...if not you'll land in doormatville. By your other post it sounded to me that you enjoyed playing the game and still haven't sown as many oats as you need too, eventually, you become at ease enough and comfortable in who you are and are always that person beyond facades etc; the lines you draw are apparent...if you don't know your lines you just haven't dated enough. The reason I think this is you are still enticed by the thrill of the chase...the girl that was available you like but really wanted the one that was unavailable...it's pretty textbook. But once in it; it's hard to see it for yourself clearly...so one becomes confused and seeks out opinions.

Just be yourself, faults and all and have enough self worth not to get trampled by drawing reasonable lines that make a relationship Ideal to you.

My two lines not to cross? No lies and no cheating...just because liars cannot have a healthy honest dialog that can solve problems as they arise; instead of solving it become placating that grows resentment, nothing is ever solved. The cheating is obvious; it's a respect thing, aside from disease issues...why even bother being in a relationship if you haven't sown out all the oats? Where your life is not sexcentric? plus someone needs to have enough spine to be able to say this isn't working for me sexually and have a dialog. Sure some people are poly amorous; that's when it is good to have an open relationship, where both are in agreement...this is not the same thing as random hookup buddies, love and sex can exist separately...whether the sex can be intimate or is just gratification in that type of relationship I am not sure...as that leaves my sphere of experience.

When two people are relatively comfortable and secure; in who they are then both can grow a trusting friendship that grows and supports, not controls. If you really love someone then you love who they actually are; not some ideal overshadowing who they may actually be, and slipping them into that mold against their knowledge or will. Expectations of someone else; is a relationship killer...how can anyone expect someone to live up to their expectations; when they can't even live up to their own most of the time...that's a sure sign of idealistic instead of realistic.

I hope my introspection from many years and many relationship failures; helps in some way. I have had three male friends my whole life and more women friends than I can count...no not partners; but actual female friends, there's nothing wrong with putting women in the friend zone instead of trying for the end zone; you will learn how the female mind works very well all you have to do is sit a female friend down over coffee and ask: How is everything?

reply to post by boncho


Your right if you can't be yourself around someone it isn't worth it.

Here you go.. Im dispensing with my heartfelt advise and giving you this advise... go buy and consume large quantities of an ANaphrodisiac. Put the libido completely to sleep. Then go out and see if you want to shove a sock in her mouth or not. Thinking with the correct part of your anatomy is imperative when youre making life altering choices.

Priceless advise from a older female.

Heartfelt advise : NEVER give up yourself for someone else ... if the person is good for you, they wouldnt demand it by action or coercion in the first place.

Your thread title reminded me of something from the past.
It's not metaphorical, but it Is pantomime.


all I can can say is that if you HAVE to be able to be yourself. You have to feel like yourself at all times.
It's always best if things feel natural. In my opinion.

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by boncho

 

This may sound silly, but bear with me.

Write a pros and cons list.

Then let your heart decide. If you continue to beat yourself up, you aren't ever going to make a decision and you'll loose both of them.

~Tenth

Excellent advice.

Furthermore, there are several types of relationships:
1) you like her more than she likes you
2) she likes you more than you like her
3) mutual degrees of apathy (may be due to financial ties, aged relationship, settling, etc)
4) together you are a team that can take on the world

Only the last category has the passion and stamina for a happy, lifelong relationship. If you don't feel like your spouse has got your back no matter what and that you are coconspirators in life, then save yourself a protracted inevitable breakup and move on now so you can find that true special person.