What happens when you turn 30 and realise you're not living the life you'd expected?

I think it's normal to undergo a major self-reflection at that age and consider what you have achieved, where you are at and what you want to strive for in the future. It's a shame that we are conditioned to view that age as a negative turning point in our lives when it could be the start of a fresh new chapter in our lives. I just hope that when I hit 30 I a have more direction, motivation and ambition than I currently do in my mid-twenties.

I turned 30 in April and I've had to start over completely. A year ago I lost my job & split with my girlfriend the very next day. I had to move back in with my parents. All I have is a high school diploma. I hit 30 and freaked out because I have literally done nothing with my life. I enrolled in the local community college. So at the moment I collect unemployment and do odd jobs for work while actively seeking employment and I go to school. I am still single and loving it. If I am in the same situation when I turn 40 then Houston, we def have a problem. My God the time flies and it don't stop.

I'm almost thirty... I've always believed that this is the only life your going to get, so ensure you do everything you want to do, be selfish and make sure you achieve your goals, if your not happy, well take charge and change it.
I'm not married and don't have a home but I've done almost everything I ever wanted to do, accept get married and buy a home. So I suppose that's next!

I'm not 30 yet but this sort of already happened to me. I've just given up on what I should be doing or what I should have been. It is what it is. That's not to say that I don't still try to better myself, just that I try to better myself because I want to, not because I should. I think I'm happier now.

reply to post by TheXoor


I turn 30 in a few months, and I'll admit that I've recently begun taking stock of my life....and I realized it wasn't ANYTHING I thought it would be. Not even close. But I'm happy. I know who I am, and I know I'm where I should be. Life isn't a fairy tale but, we do write our own story....and we can't get mad at what we have written for ourselves. However, we can do a bit of proof-reading

I'm almost 50.

An I living the life I expected?
No.

It's better than what I expected. It's the life I created.

This doesn't apply to only younger generations. I'm at the tail end of the Baby Boomers and 29 was the worst year of my life. "WTH have I accomplished in my life?" I kept thinking. 30 came and went and all was well. 40? No prob. 50? A little one. Nothing like 30 though. It's quite common to have emotional spikes at landmark b-day's.

Thanks~
Good idea!
Though perhaps we should dispense with the labels - ie. 'spoiled whining brats', or any of the such - because in reality, no matter what the age, likely everyone to a degree has been programmed with a false notion of the ideologies of lifestyle...
In effect, we are continuously changing and must constantly examine ourselves...and if the goals we once had still are of value to us, then we need to aspire all action to its accomplishment...because if we know ourselves, then we will know if the goal is real, or if we are not being real to it!

∞LOVE
mayallsoulsbefree∞

What I expected to be and have at 30 was,

To be recording a 4th-5th commercial album or being on tour with a pretty popular music band...

What I got?

A second unsigned album with absolutely no other members, back in school to learn a stupid career I don't care much about, no house, no car...at least I have found love.

Being very smart, friendly and hard working, I never expected that I would have to suck up on about everyone and step on my good human values in order to advance in life and jobs. I would of been better off not being artistically gifted to have a "successful life" although I can't say that I have lived against my values or that I've been miserable.

I am barely using 20% of what I could accomplish and what was expected from my teachers, family and friends...only thing left to do, is to never back down, stay positive, keeping in mind that happiness comes from inside and hope for the best.

You go to college, graduate, and expect a great job. In a society that creates tech to make life easier...that removes many jobs due to a new efficiency with their companies. ie: cloud computing, super efficient webs, softwares, twitter, facebook...and when they all crash yet...this "program-tec-videogame" will fail as it is beginning to now. And everyone will realize you need to PAY for your "conveniences. How?

Still..as I reply here...worldwide today there are new hopefull grads looking for work thats not there...and the tv tech (you can be a Medical Assist., Interior-graphic designer) schools are still getting students who are getting student loans that may never be paid due to the situation I just described.

Just now saw a man saying on a commercial how much greater his buisness is now that he upgraded his business efficiency with new software that does the work of 10 employees..and all the time youve been reading this....how many millions of college grads are now out looking? And how many non-grads are getting shut down?And there are high school students now applying for college(s)! For what again?

Are we seeing the picture now? We want what were told we can get and with the phones, pads, PCs, Kindles, Twitters etc, etc, etc...and we were raised with...and wont be able to get and maintain without those "great jobs" out there..and again? How many thousands have JUST NOW as I reply here...have entered this situation? How many worldwide? Right now. This is everyday, everywhere worldwide. Millions into a non-existent and rapidly disappearing job market due to new tech, declining businesses and a huge influx of new grads, job hopefuls and more tech.

And here in America we say "Lets bring our soldiers home from Afganistan and all the other parts of the world we "police". I say this to you...bring them home to what? What jobs? What economy?

The most secure thing there even Is today for them...is to STAY in the military....

Im 31. Last year i made the biggest change in my life. I too was feeling that lost i have no idea what i am doing, or supposed to be doing feeling. So instead of sitting around the house and waiting for something to happen, i made the change myself. My fiancè and I saved up $2000 and moved from Chicago to central coast California. Every day i experience here gives my life new meaning. I wake up everyday happy to know that i do have a least a little control over my happiness. Im able to enjoy 80% more time outside because of the weather patterns out here. No humidity and no bitter cold.

Ultimately you have to know what it is that will assist you in your quest for happiness, grab it by the huevos, and run like hell.

Double

I thought I'd be fighting space zombies in my super cruiser by now...

Part of the problem comes in when we really don't recognize all that we have accomplished. There are things I wish I were doing now or thought would be different and I even started to feel a little down. Then after thinking about it all the things I had been writing off were accomplishments that not everyone has.

I have a masters degree. I am in a position where I get to boss other people around. I make a good a salary. I have more money in the bank than a lot of other people. I am in really good shape and working on picking up another martial arts style.

My point is from one perspective I was just looking at what I didn't get to do. You may not be an executive or movie star but you did a lot to get where you are today. If people recognized that they could relax a little. Plus, it's never too late to pursue something.

Wow, my friend and I where just talking about this...

I have a friend who is helping me do tile work in my home, hes 32 as am I.

He is lost despite having a decent set of skills, can't find work, he had to move in with his parents which is greatly effecting his outlook on life.

Hes in the exact position the op is talking about, he is greatly depressed with his situation and is unhappy with no clue on how to fix it.

We have had some long talks about this very subject, and like the fight club quote I have told him maybe the solution is redefining what he views as Success and Happiness.

I have so many friends right now who are my age and miserable, and I think I can trace it back to rampant consumerism. If they can't have the new car, latest gadget, nice cloths, etc, they view them selves poorly...

Successes is so much more than monetary, but that's what my generation has been taught to believe. When you base your world view on the accumulation of wealth you lose a great deal.

The problem with this world is expectations. People do not even realize these are choices, not inheritances. I’ve seen too many friends ruin relationships with expectations, seen too many co-workers base terrible decisions off expectations, and have seen so many around me lose faith because of expectations.

The simple truth to happiness is Forgiveness and Acceptance. In this philosophy there is no room for expectations. The power here is acknowledging the choice. Materialism, egotism and self-interest are what drive expectations.

Honestly if someone is not happy with their life go and change it – this is an incredibly simple decision. If you want a better job, go join a networking organization for professionals or trade specializations. If you want to meet a quality significant other go and volunteer your time somewhere and mingle with the other folks doing the same. People know other people and if you make a good impression, they will recommend you to a boss or co-worker, a single friend/child/grandchild. The old adage is very true – it’s not what you know, but who you know.

99% of people that are depressed are so because they have not chosen to change their circumstances and face their demons with faith, love and confidence.

Research Viktor Frankl. This man realized the power of choice in the most dire circumstances anyone could possibly imagine.

Well...In my view the "normal life" people are basically pressured into following....is rarely the best life for them.
How many people feel an urgency to have a car...career...a house...a wife and kids. I call this living by numbers...just the same as when your a kid and you are given a coloring book..to draw within the lines in order to make a pretty picture.

That's the version of life people insist on following...and its pretty much a bunch of B.S. Because even the most successful people, who on the surface achieve everything in life...more often than not...have medicine cabinets full of anti depressants....or get caught out like Arnold Schwarzenegger
or Lance Armstrong....because it is basically impossible to live within the lines, no matter how hard you try, we all mess up...some a lot more than others, and if its not our own messing up...its something fate throws at you, like an illness or a death or any number of things that can hit you out of the blue and turn your life upside down, permanently.

In Buddhism, the aim is to live in the moment, accept this moment, and don't look beyond it, neither back to past mistakes or missed opportunities nor forward to fantasies. This in truth, is the only way to live fully. To accept life as the unplanned and uncertain thing it is...to live without fear...and to value this very moment in time..all the time. If you can master this, you have mastered life and all the trying to tick off boxes becomes the joke it always has been...because ticking boxes off means nothing in the long run and in the short run too. The only thing that really matters is peace of mind..because you have already failed to live, if you are hung up over not getting it your way.

Life not up to par? Have some of these!

Oh, poor babies! I just love all the "It's the Boomers' fault!" comments, too. Let me talk about this from a Boomer's perspective, someone who has kids who will never see 30 again. Indeed, 40 is staring them in the face. And they look like it, too. It's not only the inevitable crow's feet around the eyes, but the extra few pounds, the knees beginning to go arthritic, and, of course, all the DRAMA over everything. In other words, back at ya!!

My parents were from the Great Generation. After enduring the Great Depression (25% official unemployment), and after beating the crap out of the Nazis they just wanted to settle down to some peace and raise a family. Instead, they got the Cold War, Woodstock, rampant drugs, and inner-city riots. And their kids (me and my pals) blamed THEM for all this just like you blame me now. They lived in modest abodes that a current welfare and food stamp mom would turn up her nose at (and there were no food stamps.) They lived frugally with the expectation of a modest retirement.

But they did some cool stuff, too. They taught me how to balance a checkbook. They taught me that credit was to be used wisely, if at all. They taught me a used car in good condition was a smart thing to do and that if I wanted my own house, the thing to do was to start small and never pay more than I could afford. They taught me to save money. They taught me a good education meant expanding the mind, but it also meant learning something useful. The couldn't pay for my schooling because they couldn't afford it, so I did it myself.

Just like I did for my kids. I also taught them to balance a checkbook, but it was too much trouble. I taught them about computers, suggesting of they learned thoroughly they would always be in a superior position, but they considered them an appliance and didn't care how they worked. So I paid private school tuition of $100K for a degree in "communications," which as far as I can tell is how to talk rapidly on a cell phone and text while driving about innane subjects that don't mean anything. I paid another $100K for a degree in anthropology, so my kid wonders why he can't get a "descent job" that he is owed by virtue of being a college grad. He doesn't appreciate it when I tell him it's because he doesn't know anything useful.

So he finally does get a job, runs out and buys a house with no down payment. It has a MONSTER Master Suite, sunken tub, the whole bit. and two more bedrooms. I suggest he has a growing family and...... Nope! Being on the lake with a speedboat is more important. So the house appreciates with the boom and he says, "Cool!" and refinances to the hilt. He uses the money for a granite kitchen top, and even newer $120K speedboat, a new diesel truck with a 6 inch lift, and so many goodies they can't fit in a 3-car garage. He has to lease a storage unit. He buys an old Porsche "because it will appreciate." Then he wants a new jeep named after a video game and his wifey says, "Only if the payments don't go up," so you know what he does--stretches them out.

The Porsche doesn't appreciate. Neither does the house. It drops in value to 50% of what he paid for it. His wife is pregnant with their fourth child and it's too small anyway, so they abandon it and stop making payments on it. The bank eats it.

But it's "All the bank's fault!" Now it's my generation that "has pulled the rug from beneath him." It's my generation that "has all the money!" which is quite literally true because I saved money and he didn't. Now you know the refrain: I should give him my money because he needs it and I don't. This is also true. I have it because I lived frugally and he didn't. So he's waiting around chomping at the bit until I die and he inherits. His wife even jokes that she wants her name on the back of the pictures on my wall she fancies. Ha ha. Very funny. Reminds me of the time his sister got mad when I brought home a persian rug for the entry because she thought I should have used that $400 for her college expenses. (Her college was paid for anyway.) Now I've heard hints on how they can't possibly pay for four kids' college costs...Maybe I could just pay for three generations instead of just two.

So when I see this Entitlement Generation in therapy at 30 I just have to laugh. They can afford therapy? Me, too. In fact, I think maybe I'll buy a brand new Mercedes or BMW 750. And I'm looking for a nice credible foundation that needs some donations. And kids. You better not lose your jobs because there is no friggin' way you're moving back in here. If I go on a cruise I'll get a house sitter, and it won't be you. Glad you're so damned smart.

As John Lennon said, "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."

I sometimes think that gaining wisdom from experience is less a process of assimilating new information and more a process of having old world-views broken, recast, and broken again. And again. And again...

Besides calling people selfish or unrealistic has anyone looked at some of the factors that gen y has faced that previous generations did not?

Drug abuse - Rampant in society especially in this age group.

Divorce Rate - More than half of marriages end in divorce now.

Technology - It has brought us together but has also created a generation that isn't as used to face time or normal socializing anymore.

Economics- They aren't alone in this one but the economic forecast are not good. Feeling there are no jobs and dwindling opportunities to advance. This generation has to compete the most with global labor as well reducing a large portion to service related jobs and the like which are often times degrading. Couple that with student debt and the other myriad ways the govt and system are robbing everyone daily.

Awareness - I would venture to say that his gen has been bombarded with information more so than any other. I think of Alvin Toffler and his Future Shock Idea.

In general I would say that consumerism, changes in social interactions, drugs, loss of family and close relationships, competitiveness ,debt, and lack of direction are the culprits.