My boyfriend is not trying hard enough.

reply to post by KarensHoliday


Finding a job these days is a job in itself.

And if he's not sending out resumes every day then he's not trying.
I remember reading on ATS that one member sent out something like 10K resume's before he landed a decent job.

It's time to put your foot down.

Either he talks to you now. Or he can GTFO! A relationship takes communication. If he's not communicating then he's not that interested in you.

And you need to discuss his lack of job hunting.

You might need to with hold a certain something till you see him actively pursuing work.
Don't be a pushover. Be firm.

reply to post by KarensHoliday

I'm curious what his job was before he was laid off and did he really enjoy what he was doing. If it was good money, but it's not something he really wanted to do, this is an excellent time for him to get more education and try to get into the field he really wanted in the first place. He will not get motivated until he can get excited about something and this economy being what it is, it's hard to get back out there when you see few jobs and they are paying less than what you were making. Also I have found that there are so many people that apply to the lower paying jobs with more education than I had gets pretty encouraging too. If you really love this guy, don't write him off yet. Try to find something that he is interested in besides smoking and drinking with his buddies and see if you can streer him into the right direction where he will feel excited about each day. Having a women like you who cares enough about her boyfriend to write here and try to figure this out would be enough for me. Good luck

Originally posted by veranda
i can say confidently from the information you've provided, from my experience (unfortunately!) that yes, he is a loser. and i dont think you should put up with it. there are plenty of guys who are kind with good hearts who are financially stable....i dated a guy like yours for two years...i hope in the future you don't regret it like i did :/

wow just becuase he has been out of work for a while does not make him a looser. Really what is the big deal if things are split 50/50 or 40/60. If you are with someone that means your world to you... Enjoy your journey and adventure together.. There are things far more valuable in life than money....

Things are tough with work, so I can understand why he would stop trying, going out and spending money he doesnt have is plain irresponsibility however.

How long was he employed at his old job?

If he is unwilling to communicate with you the relationship was already ended by him. It's your fault for not ending it on your side.

.02

Originally posted by KarensHoliday

Originally posted by Advantage
Money and job aside.. if he had a job and income yet still went out all the time without you.. would you put up with it and make excuses for his behavior ??

Strangely enough this bothers me less than mabybe it should. We give each other aot of autonomy in our movement and I am 99% certain he is not cheating on me. I am a very intuitive person and I think I would know. Maybe this is naive but I trust him this way. I am almost certain he is jut hanging around drinking beers with his guy friends.

The thing with cheating is that if a person is going to do it, you have no way of stopping them short of putting a leash on them, so obsessing jealously over every movement of a person seems pointless IMHO.

But...I do wish he'd take me out like he used to more. Even if he is jobless we could still go on "creative" dates like a cheap picknick in the park, etc. It bothers me that he has time for his male friend yet seems to take me for granted and only wants to spend time with me at our place so yes, it is adding tension and I don't like this aspect of the situation at all so you are correct in a sense.

You are missing the point...going off on a tangent about cheating and leashing people.

Originally posted by purplemer

Originally posted by veranda
i can say confidently from the information you've provided, from my experience (unfortunately!) that yes, he is a loser. and i dont think you should put up with it. there are plenty of guys who are kind with good hearts who are financially stable....i dated a guy like yours for two years...i hope in the future you don't regret it like i did :/

wow just becuase he has been out of work for a while does not make him a looser. Really what is the big deal if things are split 50/50 or 40/60. If you are with someone that means your world to you... Enjoy your journey and adventure together.. There are things far more valuable in life than money....

Yes...like a roof over your head. Food on the table. Bills being paid for utility services. These things are just as important as, you call it, *the adventure*. More so, really.

If the OP keeps having to dig deeper in her own pocket to keep them both afloat, with his not even looking for a way to bring his share in, she may even lose those things. That would be quite an adventure wouldn't it. The adventure of being homeless.....

Des

Originally posted by Destinyone

Originally posted by purplemer

Originally posted by veranda
i can say confidently from the information you've provided, from my experience (unfortunately!) that yes, he is a loser. and i dont think you should put up with it. there are plenty of guys who are kind with good hearts who are financially stable....i dated a guy like yours for two years...i hope in the future you don't regret it like i did :/

wow just becuase he has been out of work for a while does not make him a looser. Really what is the big deal if things are split 50/50 or 40/60. If you are with someone that means your world to you... Enjoy your journey and adventure together.. There are things far more valuable in life than money....

Yes...like a roof over your head. Food on the table. Bills being paid for utility services. These things are just as important as, you call it, *the adventure*. More so, really.

If the OP keeps having to dig deeper in her own pocket to keep them both afloat, with his not even looking for a way to bring his share in, she may even lose those things. That would be quite an adventure wouldn't it. The adventure of being homeless.....

Des

Man with attitudes like this I wonder how the world would be if the power went out the cars stopped running the phones stop ringing and your home becomes a glorified tinderbox.

But hey at least your significant other has job experience in accounting!

What is the point of living together if you aren`t spending more time together?

ask yourself, who is benefiting more by living together you or him?

When he first became unemployed he was probably depressed and didn`t feel like looking for another job right away, but as time went by he realized that being unemployed wasn`t so bad. He gets to play video games all day and hang out with his buddies all night and drink and the best part is he still has a home to go to, food to eat,someone to cook and clean the house, etc etc.
He`s probably perfectly happy with the way things are now, wouldn`t you be if you were him? He would probably be completely happy to live like this indefinitely.

I think you`re a fool for giving him any money if he wants to remain unemployed then he needs to live with the consequences of being unemployed and not having money to do the things you want to do is one of the consequences of being unemployed.

Your situation doesn`t sound like two people in a relationship living together, it sounds more like two college buddies sharing a house and each one is doing their own things whenever they want to.

I wish you the best but I don`t think it`s going to last eventually you are going to get tired of raising a man child.you`ll have to be the one to end it because he sure won`t he has a good thing going, playing video games all day and hanging out with his buddies all night.he has no responsibilities and no reason to take on any responsibilities.