i need help dealing with anger issues

Sometimes the solution is in plain sight, for example I don't need "Anger Management". Everyone just needs to stop pissing me off!!! I would suggest looking at your friends and associates to determine what they are doing to upset you. After giving them the opportunity to alter their disturbing behavior you should part ways with any who can not or will not suitably improve their behavior.

Originally posted by lonewolf10
ive always had an anger problem but its getting worse.

i'm angry about things i dont have, work that i dont have, experiences that i haven't had, things that i regret, i'm even angry at people that are happy and think of them as stupid for being so happy.

no one wants to be around me, and when they are, they are uncomfortable.

i'm angry about how people have wronged me and i cant seem to let it go.

i know that we are supposed to focus on the present moment and be greatful for what we have, not what we dont have, but his eludes me.my mind is always running full throttle.
i guess i need to get into meditation or give myself an ice pick lobotomy.

if ya'll can recommend any sites or advise that can help, i would sure appreciate it.

You said it yourself. Meditate. Find peace in the mind. Stop worrying. Acceptance and tolerance are hard at first. It is the ego that makes them hard. You have to get past what you want and learn to respect how things are. It's not all about you, and you make mistakes. Acknowledge your mistakes.

Want to justify this kind of attitude? There are 7 billion people on this planet. Each one has their own opinions and their own beliefs about the world. Each individual has their own personality and behaves in a unique way. So if you want to be self-centered, just keep in mind that you are opposing the views of 7 billion other people. Not only will that make you hateful, but its just foolish.

To be self-centered is to be blind. To be blind is to invite anger. The truth will set you free.

reply to post by lonewolf10
OP I have learned something recently that may help you as it did me.

People listen when you whisper and cannot hear you when you shout.

reply to post by lonewolf10


This works for me. Every time you get angry or stressed or nervous, I want you to focus really hard on imagining yourself being old and on your death bed in a hospital. You're alone.

You
are
going
to
die
now.

From this perspective, look back at what you're angry about now. Ask yourself - was it really that big of a deal? The people that hurt you, does it really matter now that you're a few breaths from being dead? Do you understand that those people were no better and no smarter than you, that they were just doing the best they could to get through this life?

Just
like
you.

Do you understand now that it didn't matter who had what money, fame, love...? These people didn't mean anything to you, because they weren't YOU.

Now come back and make sure that when you do find yourself on your death bed, make sure you have as few regrets as possible to look back on.

Find out what makes you happy.
Don't set your goals so high that you can't possibly achieve them.

The best way to find happiness is to be realistic. Meaning that you shouldn't try to be a doctor if you don't have the education. You can't be a cop if you have a bum leg. You won't become a singer if you can't carry a tune.

Find out what you're good at, enjoy the hell out of it, and never mind what other people have or are capable of.

Good luck!

reply to post by jiggerj
LOL. In fact everybody should do that about everything. Dont go to work, dont do anything because you'er going to die someday. Very clever.

Originally posted by Logarock
reply to post by jiggerj

 

LOL. In fact everybody should do that about everything. Dont go to work, dont do anything because you'er going to die someday. Very clever.

edit on 25-9-2012 by Logarock because: c

Huh? My post was about developing a better outlook on one's life. It had nothing to do with not working.

Originally posted by DjembeJedi


I don't think you need any websites Brother..I Had the Same Feelings and Emotions For Years About Friends Family and Society in General Mad at Family for what they "DID" to me . Mad at Friends for Not Helping me Enough! Mad at the World for Being Such a Confusing place to Live...It was always filled with what Everyone Was doing to me What the WORLD was doing to me ...! Through a Few Near "Death" type experiences some MY Doing I can Honestly say most of my anger and Hate was "Self" Directed and Very Eluding..I allowed my Anger to Become Hate and Envelope me I pushed into Drinking Issues and More...The Only way out for me was to Realize the The World Does NOT Hate me ..I am not the only one who has Had Hard times ..I learned to Trust a "Higher" power and Let go of my Control over my own life ...as Soon as that was Implemented "BANG" Huge Change ! ..See Friend I think alot of us are Here for the Only Purpose of Learning to "Let Go" of Control and Learn to Forgive and Love all who we encounter Stepping outside of ourselves to see the Reason for others actions..The moment we Release ourselves from the bondage of Our "Past" and Present Control ..Life Settles and Shows you a "Path"..I say Let Go and Forgive Yourself and Others Brother..Then you can Find "peace" and "Calm"... I hope you Don't take offense to this advice I may Have when I was "Weighted" By problems such as yours..All the Best to you...

edit on 25-9-2012 by DjembeJedi because: mispost

edit on 25-9-2012 by DjembeJedi because: sp

To poster "DjembeJedi"
I'm not trying to be rude, but is the reason that you profusely capitalize the first letter of words that should not be capitalized, the result of a psychiatric disorder?

I've seen other people do it before and I wondered the same thing then. I mean it must block you from all types of employment, members of the opposite sex taking you seriously when communicating with you in writing. It must be very debilitating. I don't understand why you wouldn't correct a habit like that way early on in life. Unless you could not help it, and it was caused by a mental disorder.

To the OP,
I don't think you'll stop being angry until the logic that leads you to that resulting anger is changed.
Change the way you think, the logic that leads you into the emotion. Then you'll see a change.
I'd start with thinking in a less self-centered way. Start thinking about other people's misfortune, instead of your own. Hell, go try to help other people out of their misfortune, as uncomfortable as it may seem to do.

You do not need any websites or advice in any matter OP. You just simply love living in your anger don't you? This is not a question of I need help with my anger problems. Anger is something internally. And Internally you will find your solution. Internally, you will find that only I can help my self. You do not need meditation or guidance/advice of any kind. What you do need foremost is to watch your thoughts and detach your self from them. Voila

reply to post by lonewolf10


I would suggest you drop the screw driver and pick up another tool in the tool box of life. You've been walking around with the same tool (anger) for so long you don't know how to use any other tool. You have to force yourself to compliment people around you on a daily basis. Start with a goal of 5 compliments a day. Eventually you will be warm and fuzzy inside because you will realize how loving and caring for people will change your perspective on life.

It can be extremely hard to change, but you can do it! Just take it one step at a time. Eventually, you will shed the weight of anger and hate and feel much better about yourself and people around you. The first step is recognizing your fault, which is knowing you want to change. From the sounds of it, you have taken that first step. Good luck to you. I hope you can make the transition and see that anger is only keeping you from having a happy life.

reply to post by lonewolf10


Have a read and calm down...

Your Spiritual Revolution VIII: Basic knowlege VII: Meditation for BeginnersYour Spiritual Revolution VIII: Basic knowlege VII: Meditation for Beginners

Peace, love and light,
let u guide by higher i

Jim Irie

Life is not a series of random coincidences, everything happens for a reason, a crisis is an opportunity, in everything there is a blessing in disguise - an opportunity to reveal light.

You can't afford to get angry at stuff happening to you because it is all a result of your karma, just suck it up and deal with it the best you can - life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. When feelings come up inside you just feel them and know that nothing is permanent.

Between the teaching of The Buddha and The Kabbalah there all the answers to life

When you start to get angry, just focus your attention on your breathing and concentrate on the sensations in your body and relax as hard as you can

That help?

Yes, there is lots of good advice on here - around the philosophical area and also around practical going to anger management classes etc., but I would like to offer a different kind of solution.

I am not involved in this at all, however I do know how amazing this technique is and if you want to try something different try it. I have about 30 of the DVDs from the earlier days when it was not so commercial and pushed in your face and they show workshop attendees being 'cured' of all kinds of emotional issues from anger to abuse.

It is called Emotional Freedom Technique. Dont let the name put you off, it basically involves tapping on accupuncture points on the hands and upper body while saying a short statement of the problem. It is free and very DIY-able too, although you can find practitioners who use it in the US and all over Europe and the world. The idea is that it "reduces the intensity of troubling emotional issues" - which is what we all need.

Websites all over the place but the official ones are here(Gary Craig) and free manual and DIY instructions here

I know it sounds really strange that just tapping on these places can achive so much but it has worked for loads of people and can be learned in 15 minutes and the procedure done in a couple of minutes or less.

If it appeals to you, check it out. :-)

reply to post by lonewolf10


All of the symptoms you described are about one thing.. lack of Self-Mastery.

Are you in charge of your Mind ?

Do you decide what thoughts you give energy too ?

Do you decide what Actions you take ?

Do you allow others to control what you do ?

The only thing you can have Control over.. is what You Do.

So each problem is simply a matter of Choice..... CHOOSE what you put energy into, choose what thoughts you focus on, choose what actions you make.. what words you say and how you say them.

You DO NOT have to be controlled by anyone by letting them get to You.. are you a Puppet ? No !! Then stop acting like one and stand up, and makes the choices as they appear to you.

Experiment:- Make yourself think of negative things.. notice how the THOUGHTS MAKE YOU FEEL (sorry for yelling). That's right, Your Thoughts CREATE Your Feelings you are experiencing.... big clue right there.

Self-Mastery is not easy, it takes EFFORT in every moment of every day to CHOOSE what you focus on, what you Feel, and what you Do.

So Choose wisely friend and you will find after about 30 days that you changed your behaviour pattern.. so be strong and Do.

reply to post by lonewolf10

It's the way you're bro.

If you're hurting someone or feel that it's stopping you from being happy then seek help. However, I encourage you to try to cope with it and accept who you're. You're probably just a minority and it's hard for minority personalities to find a comfortable place when the majority dominates things.

Not sure if you're like me, but I'm happy when I work or do productive things. When I don't do that, I always accrue shame and guilt and push myself into a corner and seek misery elsewhere as company. Of course, -really- solving the problem doesn't mean adding to it or submitting to it, but eliminating the shame. It's kind of like how a dad who abandoned his son punishes himself as a reprisal. Or how a person who feels like a failure will create a world view that supports some sort of Armaggedon. By surrounding yourself with more failure or more misery from elsewhere, it dulls your own misery. People who consistently fail or feel they can't succeed will adopt negative world views to reduce their own anguish. This is like how an ugly person might search for an uglier friend to feel more attractive.

reply to post by lonewolf10

You need to turn that potentially destructive energy into something positive. Emotion IS energy, when you are sad or upset you feel weak, if you don't control it you can actually "worry yourself sick". Anger and aggression are strength, which is why angry people kick and punch things while sad people sit down for a cry.
When you feel angry pick up a weight, go for a run or do some other form of exercise, try going somewhere private so nobody wrecks your focus.
Please note, I'm not saying sad people are weak, I'm saying there is a different type of energy associated with being sad and being angry.
I have what you might call an "explosive temper" and had to figure this out for myself, it works and unlike putting pills in your body this actually makes you healthier.
Tell you what, if it DOESN'T work I'll let you punch me in the arm.

I have been having the same kind of issue with anger for a while, now. I think it all started when I got into my first fight, a few years back. A guy was hitting my girlfriend's sister, just downstairs from our room. I heard her screaming for help, and I was already irritated with this loser. Something snapped in me, and I went downstairs and punched him right in the face. But every since that time, it seems my reaction to any stressful situation is anger and violent thoughts. I've never hit anyone before that, and I haven't since. But I would like to. Funny thing is, before that, I was the most meek person I knew, and I let everyone use me as a doormat. Now I feel eaten up with negative thoughts, 24 hours a day. I feel I have lost myself, and the good person I used to be is now just a tainted, twisted shadow. I want to die.

reply to post by Sublimecraft


Sublime's reply is along the lines of what I was going to say. You sound like me a few years ago. I had general-purpose anger directed at nothing for no reason. It drove me nuts (and still does a little) that other people have this attitude of entitlement, that they are somehow more privileged and deserve to be first in line, or whatever the case may be. I learned (am learning) to disregard them and focus instead on my own problems and what I need to do do improve them, because you may have already learned - no one can do anything about them but you. Love the Bruce Lee quote in Sublime's reply. That about sums it up.

I've also been going to church every week, which helps me.

Interesting sidebar: I was unemployed for over 2 1/2 years and almost still am. I got a job that pays next to nothing doing stuff I didn't think I'd be doing. I don't complain, though - it's better than where I was 6 months ago. But here's the thing... in my spare time I have been trying to get a product to market for months, getting mechanical engineers to help me get the design work/drawings done so I can prototype, and several have gotten on board (promising them shares of the future company) but then backed out, wasting many months of my time. Then I get this crappy little job, but guess what? I have a copy of SolidWorks on my computer there, and the owner is going to build a box for me with SW on it so I can start using it at home. What does that do for me? It enables me to design the product myself rather than having to rely on others. Kinda makes this lousy job..worthwhile. God works in mysterious ways, eh?

Originally posted by jonnywhite
reply to post by lonewolf10

 

It's the way you're bro.

If you're hurting someone or feel that it's stopping you from being happy then seek help. However, I encourage you to try to cope with it and accept who you're. You're probably just a minority and it's hard for minority personalities to find a comfortable place when the majority dominates things.

I found myself uncomfortable reading this reply. Are you serious?

reply to post by lonewolf10


Remember something........................you are not the things that have happened to you! You are the choices you make each and every day. Those choices will serve to teach those around you when you walk cleanly through life. Without realizing it each and every choice you make affects everything and everyone around you.

But you are never the things that happen to you or the injustices you survive. It's what you do with them all with the power you have been given to do good and right in this world.

I'm not saying anything that I haven't learned myself trust me!