ATS, What Should I Do?

reply to post by Myomistress


I suggest looking deeply into your own soul and spirit...and decide what you want to do.

Whatever your decision turns out to be; ask yourself these questions.

Is your decision something that could be put on the front page of every newspaper; and you would not feel ashamed, guilty or afraid? Would you feel comfortable and proud of that decision?

Try before you buy

Go with the girl. Long distance dating defeats the purposes of dating.

Originally posted by Myomistress
reply to post by litterbaux

 

I am FEMALE.

Yeah; you left that out...

can't tell the players without a program any more.

reply to post by lonewolf19792000


I thank you for being sympathetic and for giving opinions without bashing or bantering like other members have but it wouldn't matter on the child front of the equation because while I'm into men as well, I do not want children and do not think I'll ever change that prospective attitude. I think it would be difficult to find a man to agree with never having children. So on your "set forth and multiply" side of the coin, if the word of the bible is truly God's and not man's I'm already kinda defying "his" word by making my life choices as is. But thank you for trying to be gentler with your mindset than many of the other posters above.

I also want to point out that even though I disagree with some of the things said in this topic, I hold nothing negative against any persons and accept your right to express your opinions. Thank you to all that have been sympathetic and have offered their nuggets of advice.

I also want to add that the guy and I already decided that we're not in anything serious because he's so far away but I still just feel guilt because I know he really likes me and everything so I don't see myself as being some cheating gold digger if we're not technically together as it is.

reply to post by 46ACE


It's quite alright, I know it's hard to tell over the internet sometimes and understand.

reply to post by Myomistress


Hi op,

Only you know the answers to the question you have asked. Be honest with yourself as nothing else matters.

If you can be one thing in this life, be happy. Don't leave nothing un-said for to long as life is to short and it could be to late.

Remember , your life is your life. Live it how you want to live it and don't be scared of change.

Good luck

Youre thinking about this too much. Follow your heart, do what feels right. Dont tell your family unless it turns into something real. What if you go on five dates and decide you dont like her?

Move out. i doubt your parents would really disown you forever. Thats not unconditional love.

Originally posted by Myomistress
reply to post by lonewolf19792000

 

I thank you for being sympathetic and for giving opinions without bashing or bantering like other members have but it wouldn't matter on the child front of the equation because while I'm into men as well, I do not want children and do not think I'll ever change that prospective attitude. I think it would be difficult to find a man to agree with never having children. So on your "set forth and multiply" side of the coin, if the word of the bible is truly God's and not man's I'm already kinda defying "his" word by making my life choices as is. But thank you for trying to be gentler with your mindset than many of the other posters above.

I also want to point out that even though I disagree with some of the things said in this topic, I hold nothing negative against any persons and accept your right to express your opinions. Thank you to all that have been sympathetic and have offered their nuggets of advice.

I also want to add that the guy and I already decided that we're not in anything serious because he's so far away but I still just feel guilt because I know he really likes me and everything so I don't see myself as being some cheating gold digger if we're not technically together as it is.

I get a kick out of people who ask for advice, then spurn it out if hand. There are some serious issues here, including the issue of homosexuality. But people here on ATS, by and large, have drunk that Kool Aid and anyone expressing contrary views is shouted down, as we've seen here. It's only the fabric of our civilization that is at stake. What the hey! Do what you want because it's ALL about you.

Nobody should care whether or not she is "offended." Oh, dear! We can't have that. Isn't it illegal? And who cares if she "disagrees" with advice she solicited. All that means is she wants a mirror in replies so she can accept ones that fit her pre-conceived notions of what she ought to do. You can call that encouragement, or being co-dependent. And "having babies" is irrelevant. You can "have babies" or not "have babies" either way with anyone, or just by yourself.

What we have here is, I think, beyond orientation. We're not even dealing with an emancipated adult. She still lives with and is dependent on her Mommy. She's not independent. As such, Mommy's views matter because Mommy is supporting her. If you want Mommy out of the equation, move out.

That makes a HUGE statement. She becomes independent and self-sufficient, in charge of her own life. And don't tell me there are no jobs out there. There are more jobs than you could shake a stick at. It's just that people don't want to do them or they think their time is too valuable. It's OK. The Mexicans will do anything and they're mostly very hard workers. Getting on your own is a lot more important than feeling guilty over a guy she's never met and with whom they have mutually decided is not going anywhere anyway. I can't believe that is even a priority. This whole issue is puppy love stuff. It usually happens in Junior High School.

Our advice? Meh? Take it or leave it, but you're concentrating on the wrong issue.

reply to post by Myomistress

I thank you for being sympathetic and for giving opinions without bashing or bantering like other members have but it wouldn't matter on the child front of the equation because while I'm into men as well, I do not want children and do not think I'll ever change that prospective attitude.

You may not want children now but that can always change in the future, i've dated alot of women who when we were younger didn't want children and now they have 2-5 kids so it can happen.

I also want to add that the guy and I already decided that we're not in anything serious because he's so far away but I still just feel guilt because I know he really likes me and everything so I don't see myself as being some cheating gold digger if we're not technically together as it is.

Long distance relationships are hard, i've tried doing the same thing and it doesn't always work out, usually because one or both parties does not want to give it all up to go be with the other which is what may be asked by one or the other and when it comes to that, love will dictate this. In some cases the couple get together and move to an area between where both can go see family more easily. This is a hard thing to give "advice" on because not all people are cookie cutter shapes. In the end you will do what you feel is best for you and i wish you well .

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by Ericthenewbie
So by swearing I was doing the opposite, your are admitting that the mother's feelings are indeed more important then the daughter's feelings....

I'm still not sure how you come to the mother's feelings trumping the daughter's feelings....

been waiting for you to properly explain how you come to that conclusion for a few posts now.

So your rubric appears to be that bisexuals as individuals should follow what makes them happiest as an individual no matter the harm it may cause those around them?

Is that correct?

So essentially you are saying that one person (mother) should be able to choose the sexuality of another (daughter) while that individual (daughter) isn't allowed to choose their own sexuality (even if technically it's not a choice)....ya I guess I'm the one with my head up my *$$!

Originally posted by glen200376
reply to post by violet

 

No I think that everyone has had Neo liberal policies pushed upon them to accept gays.If their was no threat of hate crime hanging over people they would be a lot more vocal about not accepting gays.I think you badly over estimate support for gays.Don't get me wrong I wish them no harm but I do object to teaching people,espicially kids that this is a normal lifestyle choice.
No matter how much noise militant gays make it will never be the norm,like it or lump it.
edit:just to add,she has no wish to marry a man yet she'll lead him on online for months.Just shows she has no morals and is a manipulator,he's well shot of her.

edit on 24/9/2012 by glen200376 because: (no reason given)

How is my support of gays overestimated???
Are you suggesting I'm risking my life supporting my gay daughter?
I don't see protesters outside my window.
Maybe its where you live that this fear and hatred festers.I live near Vancouver and its not like this.

So you think somebody who has no attraction to the opposite sex should just marry and have children to please their parents?

All I would wish for is we can be more understanding. discrimination hurts. It really really does.

reply to post by violet


Do you always twist words like this?the truth hurts eh?

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by Ericthenewbie
I laughed out loud at your response...the only person here that has openly admitted that they are a mother of a gay daughter which is inline with part of the OP's questions/concerns, is violet and you claim she has no substance to her posts?

Having a gay daughter gives her the right to call me ignorant and outdated and to force her views onto me?

Who knew.

My son is heterosexual. Does that give my posts 'substance' and the right to be an advocate for heterosexuality?

Originally posted by Ericthenewbie

Yet you argue the OP's mother's selfishness trumps what you perceive is selfishness by the daughter. Please explain how the mother's feelings are more important than the daughters? Better yet explain how your input into this thread out weights violet's input?

Other people's feelings do matter in this world, including the OP's mother.

Originally posted by Ericthenewbie
I'll just point out the obvious in that you started the pushing of your views onto others well before violet entered the thread...the only irony is you trying to play the victim now!

Not a victim, thank you very much. Merely pointing out the irony of violet accusing me of imposing my views on others, when she is trying to impose her views on me.

Remember. My son is heterosexual. That presumably gives my pro heterosexual posts substance according to your logic!

edit on 24-9-2012 by ollncasino because: (no reason given)

I am not imposing my views onto you or anybody else. It's called being supportive of my daughter. My son is heterosexual too, is married with children and by your suggestion I must have tried to talk him out of it and told him to get a boyfriend instead.

Originally posted by glen200376
reply to post by violet

 

Do you always twist words like this?the truth hurts eh?

edit on 24/9/2012 by glen200376 because: (no reason given)

I think I misread what you said. I will fix my post. I just noticed I misread is for isn't or whatever it was.
No you haven't struck a nerve with me at all

Wow! Who would have thought that such a basic question would elicit such strong responses?

Some of the posters on here have pointed out that, because you are dependent on your mother for support, that her feelings matter. Although there is a great deal of truth in that, the bottom line is, as parents, we have a hard time with our children's sexuality. The more off the beaten track it is, the harder it is to deal with.

Yet, would you ask your mother's permission to go on a date with a guy and have sex with him? I doubt it. Whether you date the opposite sex or the same sex, the end result is the same. Your sex life should be private, it's none of mother's business.

Although it would be smart to move out and be independent before choosing any path with another human being, our economy right now isn't cooperating and many kids in their 20s (and even 30s) still require help. That is something to be worked on, but is not salient to the subject at hand.

You owe nothing to the guy you've never met. That's just a fact. You cannot possibly owe him fidelity, loyalty, or anything else. If you had met and were carrying on a relationship, that's another thing, but since it only happens online, you are not really in a "relationship" in the true sense of the word. So don't worry about him.

As for the friend who is a lesbian, yes, something might come of that, but as with any individual who just went through a break-up, do you want to be a "rebound" partner?

There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality in private with whomever you wish to. What two consenting adults do in private, as long as nobody is getting hurt, is NOBODY'S business. Period.

If you want to explore, then by all means, do so, but be hesitant to get involved with anybody who has just been through a breakup.

I do have a friend who is bi, and has been married a long time. Her husband isn't threatened by her female lovers, like he would be with males. Go figure. In any case, what you do in private should stay private until you are on your own and are beholden to no one. You are trying to figure things out, and this is not the time to worry about your parents or anybody else.

In your own heart and mind, you'll find the right path. Best of luck.

Originally posted by glen200376
reply to post by violet

 

Do you always twist words like this?the truth hurts eh?

edit on 24/9/2012 by glen200376 because: (no reason given)

Originally posted by glen200376
reply to post by violet

 

No I think that everyone has had Neo liberal policies pushed upon them to accept gays.If their was no threat of hate crime hanging over people they would be a lot more vocal about not accepting gays.I think you badly over estimate support for gays.Don't get me wrong I wish them no harm but I do object to teaching people,espicially kids that this is a normal lifestyle choice.
No matter how much noise militant gays make it will never be the norm,like it or lump it.
edit:just to add,she has no wish to marry a man yet she'll lead him on online for months.Just shows she has no morals and is a manipulator,he's well shot of her.

edit on 24/9/2012 by glen200376 because: (no reason given)

REPLY to amend what I said

I thought you said we would be a lot more accepting of gays if there wasn't hate crime. So I replied with nobody is hating on me for being accepting.
Let me try this again...
So now what I'm reading is you prefer to discriminate? It should be ok to do that?
NO it is not ok in my book to discriminate against any human being just because they differ from you and don't conform to your views.

I think you badly overestimate people having no acceptance of gays. I honestly do not know anybody in person who talks like you do. As I said its outdated and ignorant.

What is with all the stars for homophobia?

Weird ATS - I knew the site contained lots of conservatives, but why the props for hate?

As to the OP - you know what to do. See above for why not to ask here!

reply to post by Myomistress

This is all just a question of personal preference, but in both cases the end result will in all probability be the same. And that being that in time however and whoever you chose and for whatever reasons, you will both likely move on.

And if you yourself do not know what you want, why would you think that random people online would be of help.

All that you seem to be saying when its all said and done is...I do not have any strong felling or opinions towards one or the other so I need others to tell me what I should do....Really op! your problem may as well be solved by flipping a coin. Something along the lines of "heads" its the long distance relationship with the guy, and "tails" its the more close distance with your lesbian friend and somewhere in there comes the part were you deal with your mother.

You know in fact I will flip the coin for you.....OK... it came out tails. Well there you have it, the coin has spoken.

Again, if you get anything out of my post it's that it is all just your own personal choice, so chose, or don't chose, or chose something else entirely, but in the end its your choices to make, and not ours.

I think my choice is slowly being made for me anyway. We talked last night and she invited me to some meeting (budget meeting for the school's lgbt club ) and the entire time she mostly talked about needing a companion and constantly talked about her ex girlfriend the entire time. How she started talking to her again, how the ex stresses her out, how the ex was rude, etc. But the point remains, that's all she was talking about. Now I have to see this one of about two ways. She either wants back with her ex still and just needs someone to talk to, or she wants to use me to get information on her ex because I'm friends with her ex too and she doesn't talk to her directly very often. Either way, I don't think I want to be in the middle of this or feel like I was being used. I've decided to fly solo for a while and pick NO ONE because I don't need anyone really and I've come to that conclusion. Back to the lonely singles life for moi!