Would This Be Wrong?

The girl tells the guy she loves him and wants to be his girlfriend. So he says:

"Okay, but these are the rules:

"#1: You are NOT the boss of me.

"#2. Do not try to manipulate me or control me. Do not make demands of me.

"#3 Allow me to be myself and let me express myself in my own way.

"If you can follow these rules, I'll follow the same ones for you and return the favor. What's fair is fair. If you can not follow any ONE of these rules, then I want nothing to do with you, regardless of how I may feel."

Because, many women think that the guy has to obey their every whim and that they are the boss of the guy.

Here's an example of why these rules could be important.. I had a friend with a girlfriend who hated his jacket. She absolutely demanded that he get rid of that jacket to please her. She raised a big ruckus and insulted and berated him all to hell and back until he finally relented and let her choose the jacket she wanted him to wear.

Finally the day came where she wore a pornographic shirt. Well, very close to being a pornographic shirt anyway. He said it was inappropriate to wear because it was just an offensive shirt. It had a muscle guy in a g-string in front of a Confederate flag showing off his muscle. He demanded that she got rid of it, she refused and started insulting him and berating him all to hell and back. As in "how DARE you demand I get rid of this shirt. I have every right in the world to wear this shirt you stupid sob..." yadda yadda yadda,,,

Eventually they broke up because she demanded that he be his boss and dominated and controlled every aspect of his life while she wouldn't give him anything in return.

Unfortunately, there are far too many women like that in this day and age. It seems to me that many women can not be respectful towards men and are quite irrational about it.

So that's where these rules come into play.

Because it seems to me that a healthy relationship borders on two-way respect, and a woman would respect the guy in this manner.

I'm not trying to say she should be a slave to him and his desires so please don't take it as such. It's just that to me a respectful person would allow their significant other these things, and the partner would return the favor. Respect and trust is what builds a relationship, not domination, control, and "do as I say not as I do" junk.

And there are a lot of women out there, as well as men, who don't seem to understand these things.

And personally, I just don't understand why some people have to be this way.

So, would it be wrong to have those rules?

reply to post by EvilSadamClone

"#1: You are NOT the boss of me.

"#2. Do not try to manipulate me or control me. Do not make demands of me.

"#3 Allow me to be myself and let me express myself in my own way.

"#4 Open the door as she runs out like crazy...


Two words: Good Luck !!

reply to post by SonoftheSun


Please keep it serious.

I think it's good to set up boundaries, healthy even but I wouldn't call them rules. Also as hard as it is, it's unfair to assume that this woman is like the woman you wrote of. I'm not sure that laying out boundaries before the first date is necessary or prudent. Perhaps as the relationship begins to become serious you could both sit down and talk about expectations, both yours AND hers.

reply to post by EvilSadamClone


Oh, I am. Finding the right person would not need to have sets of rules. Self and mutual respect are the basis of a loving relationship. It does degrade over time, in many cases, sadly.

But putting rules like those up front would scare the living daylights of anyone who'd wish to have a serious relationship.

It's just my opinion friend.

No idea why you would have to lay these rules down in the first place. Your obviously meeting shallow women and need to look elsewhere. Any intelligent couple knows these truths without speaking them.

Women aren't all as you describe. Men can be just the same, controlling and jealous.

reply to post by EvilSadamClone


If someone loves you they would not ask those things of you. They like who you are and wouldn't want you to change. That goes both ways. If your with someone and you want them to change in some way, your with the wrong person and it will always end badly. If you meet someone you really want to be with because you love who they are there is no need for those rules. You will understand that if you meet someone that you truely love for who they are one day.

Its worked that way at my house for over 20 years, and we are both happy. Equal works for us.

if you make rules then you're just playing the game. you don't need rules if you find the right girl.
don't even look, she will plop right into your lap and you won't have to change a thing.

I have a set of rules so to speak, but they are more like,
- must listen to metal
- must share common interest we can do together
- must be as smart or smarter then me

anything other then that would be a given, like being respectful, friendly, loving, etc..
you don't need to make those rules if you're steering clear of those people regardless?

don't complicate it too much, just do what you like to do normally and eventually a girl will come along doing the same thing at the same time and you'll be like "oh sup qt?"

reply to post by EvilSadamClone

So, would it be wrong to have those rules?

Not at all! Those "rules" are the very definition of "mutual respect". Your buddy's girlfriend sounded like my second wife. We were married one year. I have very fond memories... of that divorce!

See ya,
Milt

PS:
I feel kind of bad about the way we originally met. Since then, I have read a lot of your posts, and decided you really are a pretty good guy. I'm sorry about before.

reply to post by BenReclused

I feel kind of bad about the way we originally met. Since then, I have read a lot of your posts, and decided you really are a pretty good guy. I'm sorry about before.

Wow, this was unexpected. Thank you for the apology.

This is one reason why I do try to never assume things about a person just by reading one or two posts.

I do try to be a good guy, but I'm not perfect and I have my hang ups.

But that's going off topic.

Too many women make it about the prize between the thighs, cheese between the knees, whatever you want to call it. Maybe that's just my opinion cause I been trampin this desert for more than a few months, guys got to have some standards.

I think guys wear a lot of really ugly clothes sometimes and most men would wear the same clothes they wore in high school for the rest of their life if their wives/girlfriends didn't make them buy new things.

I agree in equality, but for real, most guys need help with their wardrobe and will never understand why a woman wears anything but lingerie. Sorry, but true.

Anyways, to add, mutual love and respect mean you never have to set rules. Deal with issues as they arrive and always respect each other's right to be their own person.

reply to post by smilesmcgee


This is getting off topic but don't men have a right to wear what they want to wear? My Husband has an ugly pair of plaid shorts that I think are hideous but he likes them so I don't say anything. Conversely I'm sure on my "fat days" when I wear sweat pants and a huge t shirt he would rather me wearing my skinny jeans and a halter but he has the sense to leave it.

reply to post by EvilSadamClone

I do try to be a good guy, but I'm not perfect and I have my hang ups.

Yeah, me too. Unfortunately, as you know, I have tendency to be pretty damn devious, and pretty damn blunt, when arguing on ATS.

I hope our posts are not removed as being "off Topic". I felt you deserved a public apology.

Believe it, or not, I have given you quite a few stars since then.

See ya buddy,
Milt

reply to post by Miri08


Oh, yeah they still do. My husband was still wearing his juniour high clothes when we met. Some things had to go (the tye-dye and courdoroys) but his favourite stuff I actually sewed up when the seams got holes.

The point is, most guys just don't care and really aren't expected to.
You could call it a labour of love, making things easy for those guys who hate shopping.

Originally posted by smilesmcgee
I think guys wear a lot of really ugly clothes sometimes and most men would wear the same clothes they wore in high school for the rest of their life if their wives/girlfriends didn't make them buy new things.

I agree in equality, but for real, most guys need help with their wardrobe and will never understand why a woman wears anything but lingerie. Sorry, but true.

Anyways, to add, mutual love and respect mean you never have to set rules. Deal with issues as they arrive and always respect each other's right to be their own person.

edit on 18-9-2012 by smilesmcgee because: (no reason given)

You don't know how wrong you are! That is an extremely sexist thing to say and I just want you to know I am horribly offended. There is no way I would wear the same clothes I wore in high school. They simply wouldn't fit any more. There's no way I could, it's physically impossible. AND not all guys will never understand why women don't wear anything but lingerie. Some of us wonder why they just don't go around stark naked all the time.

The best thing for a relationship is to be yourself and honest.

We all know what guys want and we all know what women want.
Meet in the middle or do without.

Address any issues as they come up. Be nice, and talk about it.
Don't jump to your defenses from the get-go. If you feel that person isn't up to your liking, don't see them.



Don't be some freak-out relationship Nazi.



Nobody will want to know you.

So asking to be treated in a fair manner and be respected is being a relationship Nazi.

Okay.