Convince Us Why Marriage is Worthwhile

*Before anyone reads the contents of this thread can we please check our ego’s at the door, since this particular discussion will be for mature ATS members only. The thread is not intended to bash people (men or women) that intend to get married, are married, or have been married, but to look at how, why and what marriage has become, because it appears to be suffering greatly these days.

If marriage were a test result on a final exam it would receive an “F” without a second thought.



It’s seems that the institution of marriage is suffering great blows these days, since the national average is well above 50%, and as high as 75% in some areas of the USA for the divorce rate. What’s actually even scarier is the fact that we would have better odds at Craps in Vegas, than if someone decides to get married.



For many many years marriage has been a union that has been held in high regard by many societies as the foundation to start a family, but today marriage is often discarded like a half-eaten fast food burger.

What is going on these days and is marriage even worthwhile?

Since birth we are indoctrinated to think that we must, or should get married, so when people don’t get married there is a stigma that there is something wrong with them. For men it’s possibly they are gay, for women it is they are not somehow marriage material these fact alone are utterly ridiculous, but they are re-enforced because of years of handed down brainwashing.

The point of marriage is supposed to be that a couple intends to spend the rest of their lives together, but the question should be, Why can’t these same people live together without the throws of religious and legal contracts?

There will be a wide degree of answer for this topic, none will be consider right, nor wrong just different so please take a few minutes before you respond to someone's post.

Peace,

RT

reply to post by Realtruth


That couple looks happy there... Lets see what they look like 10 years down the road...

Money says they won't be smiling...

I was brought up with the idea that marriage was not important and just a waste of money. To tell you the truth i thought it was until i went to my first wedding ceremony last year for my sister's wedding, and it was beautiful. It was beautiful to see two human beings so in love and to see everyone celebrate their love. I see no harm in marriage anymore, if two persons wish to make that decision i now fully understand it.

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by Realtruth

 

That couple looks happy there... Lets see what they look like 10 years down the road...

Money says they won't be smiling...

You would be correct because the odds are 50% or more marriages fail.

What I find disturbing about the whole concept of today's marriages is the massive productions that are held for one single day, the huge amount of money that is spent and most couples spend years paying it off, only to be divorced and paying thousands to get divorced.


I personally believe that unreal ideals, self-centeredness and narcissism are playing a huge role in the demise of many marriages.

The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still take the same amount of work to cut the lawn.

reply to post by Realtruth


The 'Institution of Marriage' isn't worthwhile... Name one thing to me worthwhile that starts with 'institution'.

Anyway, my view is that why do a loving couple need a piece of paper to say they are together?
The only reason in this modern world? Tax and healthcare benefits... That's it!

If you truly love someone, you do not NEED a piece of paper and you most certainly do NOT need to tell your Gubberment.

If you want a symbol of your bond with your partner, go the traditional route with a coupling ring.
Or do as I plan to... Customize it a bit...
My partner and I won't be going with a traditional ring, but a customized necklace with our own personal symbols and family crest.

You need not prove your love to anyone else but your partner.

Op, I want to thank you for the thread, given your very clear outlines as to the topic area you want to focus on.

I can only add my own experience here. My ex-wife and I had been together for a few years and had our ups and downs...yet always thought of Marriage as the ultimate threshold where our love would be confirmed and such a big step would change important things. We naively believed there is something special to 'being married' that makes it a solution and something to look forward to.

In the end...Marriage solved only one thing. It solved legal questions and issues relating to how we were seen together under the law. Nothing else.

In fact, we divorced a few years later in such animus and bitterness that Marriage turned out to be the worst single thing we could have ever done. Oddly...it was a couple years after THAT which I brought her back into my home with her new child by a man she'd been with after our divorce, to get her out of a brutal and dangerous domestic violence situation that man put her into.

Unmarried...and with no plans to ever go that route again, we have an odd status between us now...sharing my house as much for economic reasons as stability and my position in our (Yes..I see him as our son now) son's life as the only Father he's ever been old enough to know. We've been like this over 8 years now though, so I'm not sure what we'd technically be called.....Dysfunctional isn't it because we make it work well. Married? Nope... Soul Mates perhaps??

All in all though? Marriage is VERY over-rated...and anyone who EVER thinks it's a solution to problems that exist prior to marriage.....is compounding those problems to make a nightmare, in my opinion.

Marriage is something you either want or don't want.

Being that I am happily married,off and on for 17 years and been through several relationships,I will offer my thoughts on it.

It's not easy at all.
It's about commitment ,understanding differences between the two of you,respect for one another and love.

That is a relationship.
A marriage is a legal binding between two people.
It's just paper.
The commitment and all is the true marriage.

I'm married, now for five years, and we have two beautiful girls. Our benefits from marriage are shared health and dental coverage, and a generous life insurance policy to cover the mortgage and enough to send my little ones to college and other financial concerns that may arise after passing. Cheaper car insurance, tax breaks, etc.

Given the statistics of the married couple nowadays, I understand your point. Marriage is not for everyone, for some it's symbolic, religious or status.

Marriage will be worthwhile to some and to others it won't be. Neither my Husband or I prescribe to an organized religion. We went in front of the justice of the peace purely to get a piece of paper that would protect us legally, medically and so on and so forth.

Our commitment, which we made to each other - not to the government and not to a god, has nothing to do with "marriage" in our eyes and if it wasn't for the benefits of "marriage" we would not have even bothered.

So is marriage worthwhile? The protections it offers may be for some. For some it may be worthwhile for religious reasons. And for some it may not be worthwhile at all.

In someplaces,if you live together long enough,you are considered legally married,I do believe it's called common law.

Common-Law Marriage To be defined as a common-law marriage within the states that allow it, the two people must: agree that they are married, live together, and present themselves as husband and wife. Common-law marriage is generally a non-ceremonial relationship that requires "a positive mutual agreement, permanent and exclusive of all others, to enter into a marriage relationship, cohabitation sufficient to warrant a fulfillment of necessary relationship of man and wife, and an assumption of marital duties and obligations." Black's Law Dictionary 277 (6th ed. 1990). Before modern domestic relations statutes, couples became married by a variety of means that developed from custom. These became the elements of a "common-law marriage," or a marriage that arose through the couple's conduct, instead of through a ceremony. In many ways, the theory of common-law marriage is one of estoppel - meaning that couples who have told the world they are married should not be allowed to claim they aren't when in a dispute between themselves. Currently, only nine states (Alabama, Colorado, Kansas, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Iowa, Montana, Oklahoma and Texas) and the District of Columbia recognize common-law marriages. In addition, five states have "grandfathered" common-law marriage (Georgia, Idaho, Ohio, Oklahoma and Pennsylvania) allowing those established before a certain date to be recognized. New Hampshire recognizes common-law marriage for purposes of probate only, and Utah recognizes common-law marriages only if they have been validated by a court or administrative order. Alabama

www.ncsl.org...

Having been the witness of relationships starting happily then falling apart a year or two after marriage, I've come to the conclusion that people marry without knowing who they are marrying. It's a bunch of young immature love. They know the act the person puts on for the first few years their together, then it all goes down hill when they are behind closed doors. Dealing with each other, from imperfections, to things the person does that annoys them, from morning til night, day in and day out. The issue with people is they fall in love, and I believe the love is genuine, but they're falling in love with an act.

I think it wouldn't hurt if people really settled down for a few years with their partner. Get to truly know each other and learn to love each others flaws. Don't tie yourself down to that person for good until your love for that person is strong enough that whatever might irritate you about them becomes something you know to accept and love about them. Get past more than a few valentines, a few birthdays, a few bad situations in which you needed comfort, a few times you depended on that person. After a little over a few years, if that person is still treating you and making you feel the way they did the first time they made you fall for them, then you know that's marriage material.

The bottom line is if you want to be together,do it.
I mean be together not necessarily get married.
Share your live's together.
If you want to make it legal in the eyes of a religion or government,to make things work in your favor ,do it.

Originally posted by Realtruth
The point of marriage is supposed to be that a couple intends to spend the rest of their lives together, but the question should be, Why can’t these same people live together without the throws of religious and legal contracts?

I agree with your point and I can understand your question. And the answer, IMO, is that that is the way this society is. If two people can't deal with that, they shouldn't get married. If they can, they should if that's their wish. If society's perception about marriage changes, then most individuals within that society will change their views on it as well. This might go a long way in explaining why marriages typically don't last very long anymore. Mine lasted 7 years, for the record. I'm not going to go into my reasons, but for the most part, marriage is just a word to most folks. They don't understand the complexities that a long term relationship is going to bring. But if they get married anyway, they end up phoning it in. They just go through the motions and "play house". The people that last take it slow to begin with. A courtship can last for months, or years. The longer you take, the more you get to a how a person really is. That's why living together first is a good idea. It's a preclude of things to come, so you can get a better idea if you want the things to come, before you make it legal.

You do have people though who do things, like get married, not because that's supposedly the norm in society, but simply because they want to. It's an option they want to participate in. If they want to spend thousands on a ceremony, that's their perogative. Who am I, or anyone else, to say that the ceremony itself doesn't help solidify the love that led up to the ceremony? If two people feel more in love because of society's acceptance, what's wrong with that? They feel more a part of a society that they feel comfortable in and, as a result, they feel more of a bond between themselves.

Some people might say that if you feel better with society's acceptance then you must not be that sure of yourself. I should know, I used to think the the same way and associate with those kinds of people. But like a fine wine, some of us mature with age. Some of us come to realize that there's nothing wrong with fitting in with society. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you a part of something bigger than yourself and if you take your own individuality into the whole thing and let those colors show, you'll be doing your part to help make the society you're in stronger.

And that's where a marriage ceremony comes in. Especially the "bigger than yourself" aspect with the pastor standing in front of everyone leading the procession with passages from the Bible. Personally, if that day ever comes and the person I want to marry wants a christian type marriage, I would want us to choose passages that focus on what Jesus said and not "God". "God" sends mixed messages IMO. Jesus is more the "Steady Eddie" type. Love. that's it. Everything else can go take a hike. And to me, that would be a good foundation on which to start a lifetime together. Something that's consistent. If my love doesn't want that kind of ceremony, that's fine too. The type of belief that leads to that decision needs to be kept behind closed doors anyway

People are right though when they state that the marriage license itself is more of a business document then anything else. It's proof to the system that you're qualified for certain benefits. But again, that's the way our society is and if the majority of people don't agree with it, they need to change it. I personally don't agree that it should have to be this way, from a business perspective, but people like me are still in the minority in this society. And as we all know, the majority rules. Can I change it? No. What I can do is give my point of view about it all, not bow to society's pressure and stand my ground. I'm willing to fit in but I will keep my individuality and I will gain peoples respect by the way I do it. Am I doing it to change peoples' minds? No, but it's a side benefit I won't argue against and with the respect I've gained, I'll be more apt to be listened to and be met halfway by people who don't necessarily agree with me. This goes back to the "making society stronger" point I made a while back.

Bottom line: A marriage needs to be based on true love. Marriages come and go and ceremonies last for a day. True love lasts forever. Some people will try to tear you apart but you have to be stronger then they are, and that's not something a marriage licence will give you. Love will though.

youtu.be...

Now if you don't mind, it's bedtime. There's good football on tomorrow.

pregame.com... spx

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by Realtruth

 

That couple looks happy there... Lets see what they look like 10 years down the road...

Money says they won't be smiling...

Money says it's a photoshoot and they are just models.

What you are doing here is comparing the traditional institution of marriage (committment, fidelity, shared responsibilty loyalty, for better & for worse, etc) which cannot in any way be applicable to the concept of modern which has the get out clause of "no fault divorce" (nfd), and would be best described as marriage 2.0..
Marriage 2.0 has very little to offer the modern man because after all you are paying for what other men got for free when she was younger, hotter, brighter, and about forty pounds lighter. There is also the better than 50/50 chance that you will loose your house, your money, your car, custody of your children, thanks to the (nfd) and the feminazi divorce/theft industry, and its lawyerscum mercernaries, even if it was her who was unfaithful. In other words even if you are a faithfull hardworking conscientious provider if she decides to leave you for another you will most likely loose the most in any subsequent settlement.
The only chance you to prevent your butt getting fiscally raped in Marriage 2.0 is to tie up your assets in trust funds that no legal vulture can get around, do not fool yourself into signing a pre-nup as they are worthless in the modern legal system, other than that gentlemen my advice would be a resounding "dont do it". So to answer the question of the thread title I can't provide anything to convince you. All I can tel you is that if it was up to me I would have divorce lawyers that make their exteremely comfortable livings from human misery whipped naked through the streets, publicly executed, and hung on a gibbet so as to serve as a deterent to this shamefull, amoral profession. I realise these truths will be ugly to many, but I will take an ugly truth over a pretty lie every time.

Flame away

reply to post by Realtruth


Marriage is between 2 people
e.g. why ask for a license to get married is what i think is strange

I find it interesting that not many females are weighing in on this topic.

My concern now is that maybe women are starting to think that marriage is not worthwhile these days.

I think it would be great to hear the perspective from the female side. Any females care to weigh in?

Originally posted by Realtruth
I find it interesting that not many females are weighing in on this topic.

My concern now is that maybe women are starting to think that marriage is not worthwhile these days.

I think it would be great to hear the perspective from the female side. Anyone females care to weigh in?

Its because they know were on to their little scam

I think this speaks more about society than marriage.

Marriage is work. It takes an effort to maintain a relationship. After over two decades with my bride, I can say that they have been awesome. But we never quit dating each other. We always work (even when we're tired) at making sure that the other is paid attention to.

Today? People have a "microwave oven" mentality. If it takes more than 5 minutes or doesn't last longer than 10, then why bother.

Just my humble opinion.

Originally posted by hotel1
Its because they know were on to their little scam

hotel,

Although you may feel this way I think it's only fair to not take a shotgun approach, and place all females in a single category.

I would appreciate that this remain a non-hostile topic, even though I personally understand marriage is a passionate and emotional topic for many folks that have been down a rocky road.

Your input is greatly appreciated though.