Are You Offended??? SO WHAT!!!

This thread seems to have followed a line of anti-narcissism, so

The contrary-

Researchers are finding that narcissistic traits in some people aren't that bad after all. For teens and emerging adults, narcissism may even help them wade through the uncertain waters of adulthood. The research, featured in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, stems from the idea that narcissism is complex and often changes throughout a person's life. Previous findings revealed that narcissism can be beneficial, but the authors wanted to know more about when in a person's life this might be the case (and when it might not).

news.discovery.com...

So some research, and observation (we've all met the accomplished narcissist right?), shows that narcissistic personalities sometimes develop traits that lead to success in some form.


Or, contrary to the contrary, that type of stuff is propaganda to increase the trend and make people happy to be self obsessed.

reply to post by cbaskins

I don't think inner narcissism is what happened; I think being passive to this woman out of common respect and decency for all of those years, and ignoring the challenges she made in the presence of your belief's are what made you explode. That's passive aggressiveness, bear in mind that you can disagree with anyone and still remain respectful, seeing their point and hopefully them seeing your point, creates a mutual understanding instead of a heated argument.

If anyone refuses to see your side, even after you have taken the time to listen to theirs, and they start repeating their position, or get huffy...when it's appropriate; say "I respectfully disagree" and then changing the subject or doing something to remove yourself from the conversation is best.

reply to post by Hefficide


I think you hit the crux of how to help your therapy go better. When you said seeing how the other people "cope". Most all of the problems we have as adults; are due the to poor coping skills and mechanisms learned as children. Identifying and dismantling those are the key to the lock you are searching for.

Originally posted by Firewater
Reminds me of a quote i find myself using as a mantra on almost a daily basis...


"HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONTROLS YOU."


A simple truth that many will initially strongly disagree with. Then ultimately proves itself to be true via the ensuing (usually brief) argument.

then

and then

This is not only a quote its seriously right... If you want a first hand good example of this read about the life of "Musashi" or check youtube he is very well known in asia as probably the most feared samurai ever but he wasn't only "good" is was very, very and I must emphasize on this... intelligent... He won his first match and some of others against other swordsmen that were by far more experienced and better than him but he master minded them by getting them angry and won this way...

Just to give you an example of how bright he was and intelligent he shown up at a fight "to death" against another swordman nicknamed "the demon" so much he was good... Musashi had him wait hours before showing up which pissed the guy off and to throw oil on the fire he shown up with and I quote brought "a wooden sword" to a katana fight to death...

The demon dude was maadddddd with anger and just headed into the fight without thinking or analyzing the situation he never noticed that the wooden sword was a couple inches longer than his sword and he was using a long katana which gave him a edge on the other adversaries... He never anticipated the other sword to be longer than his cuz he was pretty much the only one using katana that long so he was only used to fight normal lenght katana so he wasn't careful in gauging distance + the rage ended up getting beaten to death with a piece of wood...

Sorry OP I didn't mean to get off subject but I just wanted to provide this as a part of why/how being mad or rage can cost you and how being calm and to stop and think about what your doing before you do will give you the overhand in any situation... especially life and death ones...

Hey, I resemble this thread. er, I mean

Seriously, there are things, as both offender and victim, that I needed to read. Very topical and ATS-centric.

That is one thing I owe ATS for, too. What I mean is that this is my first and only online community (I don't count FB) and while I'm not perfect, I have learned a lot about comporting myself and enjoying an externded--and sometimes dysfunctional--family.

Research, message, delivery, and presentation: :UP:

OP a wonderful and long over due topic and thread imo.
Thank you for putting this in a much better way than I could ever attempt. This is an issue that lies close to heart for me, I liken it to juvenile sand pit arguments about who's sand it is or who sat here first. A non issue for someone on the outside but for the arguing parties it's as if losing the battle over the sand in the pit and who was there digging first would mean the end of the known world. When in reality it is as easy as sharing the sand pit or finding another one or indeed something else to do like get on the swings (A recommended highly liberating distraction to relieve disappointment after losing the sandpit to a foe)

It's ok for our toddlers to behave in this way but when grown ups display this type of behavior regularly (and they do) I worry. How is it possible to live for say 30 years and still believe that everything that does not agree with what 'I' think must be wrong and should be fought against tooth and nail. The more trivial the more important it seems too. People get in a greater debate and rage over someones faked body parts than they do reading about murder and war...

Thank you OP for putting this in a neutral way that hopefully appeals to mass understanding and interest.

reply to post by PatrickGarrow17


There is a healthy balance of narcissism versus humility or atleast there should be. The way the trends are going its showing that being a complete Asshole is much more self-gratifying than any other method of social and mental growth. Proving yourself to be the top, the best, the most outrageous, the most clever, etc., is outweighing any personal connection you would have otherwise because it solidifies you above the rest. The problem with this is like the OP has said is it eventually will single everyone out, out of their community, brethren, friends, and eventually family (or whatever order it works for you). Because if you dont need anyone except as a personal reference to your own elitism, soon you'll get bored of that too. Then truely divided we will fall.

I may have read your post wrong if i did then disregard my post lol

I have to say i'm surprised this thread got up to 10 pages already. All is not lost.

I remember a moment of it dawning on me, for the first time, that others have the right to whatever opinion they have. It sounds silly now, I take that principle for granted now.... but there was a time that I could not just accept that sometimes!

I had an argument with someone on the web, that I had considered a friend up to that point. Our fight spread out onto the message boards we frequented. I left the one we'd created together and started my own site, which had boards.

He followed there and harrassed me there, posting lengthy insults all over them.
Something suddenly just broke down, and it stopped provoking me. I just answered each with a sincere, "You have the right to your opinion about me." That's all. No attempt to defend myself, no attempt to argue.
Suddenly there was a separation between what I percieve about reality, and what others percieve about reality, and they just didn't have to match up. We didn't have to find the "objective truth" and agree on it.

It was okay... okay to see the world, or each other, in totally different ways and with different judgments, and one didn't have any influence on the other.

It was a revelation type of moment and my feelings were different ever since.

reply to post by PatrickGarrow17


I think there are probably varying levels of narcissism and where some levels might come with a degree of benefit others take it to the extreme. Moderation is good in pretty much all things, water is good for you, but too much can kill you. I think it to be quite beneficial to find love for yourself and one might consider this a degree of narcissism and honestly in this world a little bit can be quite beneficial to help defend yourself against the emotional attacks of others. There's a big line between being comfortable with yourself and admiring yourself to such an extreme that you need to hurt others as a means to prove your fictional superiority.

reply to post by Hefficide



You have deeply offended me by implying I'm a narcissist. We all know you were talking about me.. Why not just come out and say it? The steak story.. nice touch. Now i am ENRAGED!! HOW DARE YOU!

Just kidding.

reply to post by rwfresh


Imagine how I felt when I realized that my ex wife was right after all... I was a stuck up hypocrite! The fun part is that I'd send her some flowers and an apology letter - but she cleaned me out and now I can't afford to.

~Heff

I get a rush when a post gets stars, a thread gets flags, and most of all when i get an applause message.

Don't you guys feel this way too you dirty narcissists?

I was thinking about narcissism as it relates to forums like this, and found myself wondering whether the anonymity aspect enhances or reduces self satisfaction. No conclusion there yet.

Also, I find it interesting that the rush I receive from praise tends to be momentary. Meanwhile, when I realize error it sticks longer. On another thread I commented on how Romney is a flip flopper because Mass. passed gay marriage during his term. Another member schooled me that it was a public initiative and Romney didn't even have a veto option. The member demanded an apology, which I thought was a waste of time in this case so I didn't give it.

But realizing fault stuck with me for hours.

It's hard to accept personal imperfections isn't it? Does anyone else think it's harder to shake off a moment of error than hang on to a moment of glory?

Maybe that type of thing comes down to a threat to survival being a higher priority than a successful endeavor in terms of evolution. Do we get freaked out in the dark because our ancestors got jumped by lions?

Even at the cellular level it applies.

In nature, it turns out, many new traits that, for example, enable their bearers to conquer new habitats, start out as blunders: mistakes made by cells that result in altered proteins with changed properties or functions that are new altogether, even when there is nothing wrong with the gene itself. Sometime later, one of these mistakes can get into the gene and become more permanent.

Evolution by Mistake

Moral of the story, try and embrace mistakes. I'm still haunted by some memories but think that attacking these times of unease and examining their emotional basis will lead to a healthier mindset. Also, I'm trying to recognize that I will be wrong often and being prepared for mistakes will assist in the process of letting go.

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by rwfresh

 

Imagine how I felt when I realized that my ex wife was right after all... I was a stuck up hypocrite! The fun part is that I'd send her some flowers and an apology letter - but she cleaned me out and now I can't afford to.

~Heff

You should tell her that. Tell her that you would have sent her some flowers and an apology if you weren't so enraged over her making you into a narcissist. Obviously it was her fault for not admitting her failure.

I'm still not over you outing me here on ATS. I've worked hard on my profile. And now you have stolen a load of stars and flags over content that was essentially about me.. that i clearly own the rights to.

reply to post by PatrickGarrow17


I lost 500 points today for being offended. I was initially upset until i realized i didn't know what the points were. Then i became offended that ATS took my points away that i didn't know i had because someone else on ATS had offended me.

This whole place needs to grow up and listen to what i have to say. I just find it so hard to understand why some people can't see how i am helping them by disagreeing with them. I could choose not to reply at all.. But i am reaching out to them by showing them they are wrong and then they offend me by not realizing i am right. It's disgusting.

reply to post by Hefficide
I have to agree with your family member that ketchup on a steak is appalling. That being said, taking offense at it is ridiculus. Our culture seems to be obssesed with taking offense. I tend to agree with two earlier replies: 1- that it may be somewhat based on tribal norms; 2- I really don't see the connection with narcissism. May people are offended because they are fanatics. Unfortunately, they used their perceived offenses to try to pass laws to control other's behavior. LIke you, I say SO WHAT. Although I think we are being groomed to become a global collective, I would think that this approach would not work. If you think that this will lead to a total break down of society allowing a tyrannical form of worldwide governent to take over, I think it would first lead to near annihilation with nukes first, with only the remants of humanity and the earth to deal with. If this is the case I hope that one lands on my head.

reply to post by _R4t_
This is off-topic but you brought it up. In 1978 I attended a course in customer service. I was taught that when someone is angry and yellling at you that you should agree with them. It's hard to stay angry when someone is agreeing with you. Next time try starting with "if that was happening to me I would be angry too! Let them vent more if they want and agree again. But be careful not admit liability on the part of your company, just agree that the situation is maddening.Then go on to say let's see what I can do to help you and proceed. I worked at a printer in the wedding invitiation department. There are few who get more angry than brides-to-be whose invitations have been screwed up, yet this worked 95% of the time. Hope it helps.

reply to post by Hefficide


I read your entire post days ago and then came back today and read it again being it was early morning and sometimes things are more clearer during that time of the day, atleast to me.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading it. As for the ketchup on the steak part, I prefer A-1 sauce myself (also on fried eggs) but I put ketchup on my steak all the time as a kid, it tastes good.

I don't understand why people get weird when other people like sauces with their meat. I guess that is the entire point, why does it make a difference if one is not eating it themselves? ~$heopleNation

Ah, now off topic, as a response.

reply to post by PatrickGarrow17


Nah, I don't because I don't usually get a busload of that mess. I'm often not vitriolic enough to get a side's support, nor when I do have a strong opinion, is it a really popular one.