Karma is a b****

For 20 years i have been breaking hearts, on purpose. I have destroyed hundreds of couples and relationships. Caused so much sadness. Once a woman would tell me she loved me, i would proceed to end the relation. Often after i have made them leave their boyfriend/husband. Since i suffer from NPD i never really fell in love with any of them. I have left hundreds of them crying.

That was until last month.
This woman made me feel like i have never felt before. She seemed from out of this world and of a beauty i had never seen before. For the first time in my life i finally told a woman that i loved her. She said she did too. Two days ago, she did not answer her phone all day. And yesterday she wrote to me. All it said was goodbye. She changed her number and her apartment was empty. It is almost like she never existed. She unfriend me on facebook and her account is now nonexistent. The only picture i took of her on my cellphone has been deleted.

I felt horrible. I never felt this pain before, it is the worst feeling in the world.

When i woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like something changed inside of me. I now realize all the pain i have caused. As i barely cry my self to sleep I can't help it but smile at the irony of it all.



I guess that what goes around truly comes around.

I expect no sympathy, I deserve none. Only had to write this somewhere.

Later.

Sounds like someone has paid you a visit.

From this point on, you cannot help but think twice.

Good luck.

Well what's done is done, its good to write out your feelings. =) But I'll just say that karma likes to teach lessons. When you make mistakes, it tries to reveal them to you within your own perspective.

WOW, Hundreds you say!! well im sure one heartbreak is not even close to enough karma yet. You maybe in for a rough few years. We do get back what we put out in this life, but directly related karma nah. I dont think it works quiet like this

Well, all you can do is go forward.

Most of those girls in your past (while maybe not being THE one) may have been a better relationship with you, if you had a respect for the role they played in your life?

Heck, one of my guy buddies, I told him this last year: how can you expect to ever be ready for marriage if you don't start making a habit of the things a husband needs to be? Not long after I had that talk with him, he got married--all out of left field for everyone else.

Funny enough, I've been where you were in a somewhat similar situation. See, I have always been a womanizer since my early teens and then I met someone I thought I can spend my whole life with; we decided to mutually separate, but deep down I know it wasn't mutual and I regret it to this day. Is it Karma? Maybe.

However I've been slowly getting back into my old lifestyle...Unlike you I took a negative turn instead of changing my ways...Will Karma get me again? Sure, but I don't care much and I know it's really shameful; It's just an endless cycle for me when it come's to relationship knowing I can never find a girl that's has morals and fits my high standards and that's because I don't have much morals either due to my past relationships.

Hopefully you'll change your ways. Me, however is stuck is limbo forever.

reply to post by DCLXVI


Karma is real...

The pain you cause will eventually come back to you...

And it can be tested... and proven... but only to yourself...

Cause no harm... and you'll be

Happier?

Originally posted by DCLXVI

I have destroyed hundreds of couples and relationships.

Really dude? Hundreds? Come on. Seeing that made it hard to believe the rest of your post. But I guess with players like you old habits die hard huh?

Look at the bright side. It might not have been karma. It may have been planned along along for this woman to play you like you've been playing women. Women have been known to do that you know. It's called payback and that's a b*tch too.

Either way, karma or payback, take it like a man. It's good that you've come clean and admitted your faults, and that's the first step in becoming a better man. I don't want to come across like I'm busting your jewels or anything, but if your past is the way you described it, then.......um.......you kind of deserved it. But I think you know that by now.

You know what the only woman I ever loved said to me after she broke my heart? "Be happy, at least now you know it's possible for you to feel this way about someone."

I changed my life for her, which already leads many to question whether the relationship was truly the right thing. I thought it was, because she was the one that made me change.

We broke up in March. She's now been in a relationship since June. I've been "faithful" to her since last October.

I hate everything.

Originally posted by CynicalDrivel
How can you expect to ever be ready for marriage if you don't start making a habit of doing the things a husband needs to be?

That's pretty good man. Really.

In a way I kind of knew that myself, but the way you put it clarifies it better.

reply to post by DCLXVI


Dear DCLXVI,

I had to think about this for a minute before deciding if I wanted to tell you anything. My wife of over two decades left me for another man. The man was a friend and he bombarded her with flattery. After she asked for the divorce, he dumped her. That affair negatively effected everyone in her family, in my family and our friends. It devastated the children (grown adults). Of all the people who were harmed, she ended up being harmed the most because her sister decided to be just like her and she had to watch as her sister destroyed her family. She tried to convince her not to cheat on her husband and was told by her sister that she wanted to be just like her. I don;t know about Karma; but, consequences and effects. If that was all I had to say, I would not have bothered posting.

While you may have been a selfish jerk for how you treated women, I don't blame the guy who my wife cheated on me with, she was the one that took an oath. What he did was wrong; but, what she did was worse. I forgave the both of them years ago. You don't need to apologize to those men; but, you might want to consider apologizing to those women. It could clean up a lot of guilt that you might feel.

My ex had a major problem last week and called me for help. I gave it to her, this is the second time I have had to do this, the first was in the middle of the divorce while she was asking for everything she could get. Her attorney doesn't like her so she called me. One of my children has told me that my ex wants to thank me in person, she also wants to apologize for what she did. I don't know that I want to hear it; if I do it will be for her and not for me. It is not something I care to remember; but, what would the world be if there was no forgiveness.

I am sure it took quite a lot for you to put your "sin" out in public. Nobody on ATS had to know; but, you chose to publicly announce that you had been a major jerk. That is sure taking responsibility for your actions and I will give you a flag and a star for that. After you are done dealing with taking responsibility and taking whatever actions you feel are necessary to make up for your past, forgive yourself. If we accept what we have done, try to do better and forgive yourself. The guy that slept with my wife, he hated women, he wanted to prove to himself that they were all liars and slutty.

Life is what is in front of you, choose your path and learn as you go. Learn from your past, we all screw up, the nature of the game. Accepting that we have made mistakes is the best way to improve and we never become perfect. I wish you well on your journey, it took a lot of courage to put your OP out there.

reply to post by AQuestion


Thank you for your reply.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


You're more than welcome. It's what's mostly missing from my generation. My parent's and grandparents went into marriage young, and they went in knowing that there was expectations and consequences--and yes, even some roles to assume. They went in knowing that, at times, it was going to suck. A single person's mindset won't cut it.

But we wist longer, so we have time to prepare.

Bravo to you because you did learn from this. That is what we are here for and we can be hard headed for sure. Just be glad that now you understand what you have done to others and put that empathy into action the next time you get the urge to turn back to your old ways.

Some of life's lessons are extremely painful...We can experience that pain and use it to our advantage or we can use it to become bitter and continue on the path that bought us to hurt in the first place.

The hurt you caused was at least used as a learning experience and not just wasted. You have to try and find a silver lining in there somewhere.

I do not relish anyone's pain, but I am glad to hear you have learned a tough lesson nonetheless.

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by DCLXVI

 

Karma is real...

The pain you cause will eventually come back to you...

And it can be tested... and proven... but only to yourself...

Cause no harm... and you'll be

Happier?

Karma is not real, and its very easy to test and explain. Well, karma for THIS lifes actions in the very least do not come back to haunt us in this incarnation at least. Ill argue this fact with anyone. Too many times good people who never hurt a fly and only do good deeds are haunted by horrible, traumatic lives. And too many times we hear of the "elite" who live weathy, happy lives, all the while at the expense of others.

And if karma is something that gets "paid back" to you in your next life, i want to know if we can honestly look at a 4 year old child who is being abused in their home and tell them they deserve what they are getting, because surely karma is punishing them for previous wrongdoings in another life.

reply to post by nightbringr


Well, that is the ultimate problem with Karma, as a whole.

Originally posted by nightbringr

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by DCLXVI

 

Karma is real...

The pain you cause will eventually come back to you...

And it can be tested... and proven... but only to yourself...

Cause no harm... and you'll be

Happier?

Karma is not real, and its very easy to test and explain. Well, karma for THIS lifes actions in the very least do not come back to haunt us in this incarnation at least. Ill argue this fact with anyone. Too many times good people who never hurt a fly and only do good deeds are haunted by horrible, traumatic lives. And too many times we hear of the "elite" who live weathy, happy lives, all the while at the expense of others.

And if karma is something that gets "paid back" to you in your next life, i want to know if we can honestly look at a 4 year old child who is being abused in their home and tell them they deserve what they are getting, because surely karma is punishing them for previous wrongdoings in another life.

You can believe whatever you wish... im not here to convince you.

That side of "karma" is quite a touchy subject... to say that someone "deserves" something like abuse to us is insanitiy... but if said person has lived other lives we have no idea what they might have done to whom.

Rich people live according to their desires, some work hard for it, others are born into it and do nothing to earn said riches... but in all cases everything has a reason behind it... Even the rich have to learn their lessons in this life...

You can test the theory of Karma... but as i've said, one can only prove it to himself... its similar to the idea of God... No one can prove his existance to another.

But again, you don't have to believe a thing i say...

Originally posted by Akragon
You can test the theory of Karma... but as i've said, one can only prove it to himself... its similar to the idea of God... No one can prove his existance to another.

But again, you don't have to believe a thing i say...

Its not that i dont, i simply do not see it. As ive said, if we forget what we learn in a previous life, how can we apply those lessons to our current life? How can we look at a suffering child and tell them they deserve what they are getting for once again, surely they have committed misdeeds in a previous life?

If you say i can prove it to myself, please tell me how. To me, karma is incredibly unfair and i hope the universe is not run as such, punishing people for things they cannot remember is exceedingly unfair.

reply to post by nightbringr

Its not that i dont, i simply do not see it. As ive said, if we forget what we learn in a previous life, how can we apply those lessons to our current life? How can we look at a suffering child and tell them they deserve what they are getting for once again, surely they have committed misdeeds in a previous life? If you say i can prove it to myself, please tell me how. To me, karma is incredibly unfair and i hope the universe is not run as such, punishing people for things they cannot remember is exceedingly unfair.

What you say makes an incredible amount of sense to me.

The whole karma thing seems screwed up , as much as I would like it to be true at times.

I have also met those who rejoice when something bad happens to someone they do not like, and gleefully announce that karma is the cause, yet when something awful happens to them or a loved one, it is merely bad luck, because of course they feel they deserve no bad karma.

I can't really say you are suffering karma payback, but I think you may have just been touched and guided by a flesh and blood guardian angel. You can feel now eh even though it feels like suffering. What you should be doing is rejoicing in the fact you were given a gift.