Im transgendered and I wish I wasn't

Originally posted by soon2beaher
im ur typical average guy, early 30's and since i can remember ive had urges to be a woman. i have no idea where they come from and wish they would go away.

ive gotten used to, and dont mind being in a male body. i find women attractive, have dated before, like motorcycles, music, fishing etc and wish i could be a regular joe just like most other guys.

but these dam urges just never leave me alone. i have experienced myself having a past life or at least choosing my parents and choosing to be born. but i dont understand why i have to go through these urges.

supression doesnt work. if i do supress then the urges come in dreams or first thing upon waking.

i have also experienced in meditation that i am not this body or the mind in a kind of eckhart tollish way. but still i cant really live life because these dam urges just bother the crap out of me and i dont want them.

i can say i fully understand the lgbt community and my heart goes out to them. had i not had these urges, i probably wouldd have had some bias towards this group of folks. but now only compassion

edit on 23-6-2012 by soon2beaher because: (no reason given)

Just out of curiosity, do you have older brothers and sisters? Studies typically show that children after the first-born produce higher estrogen levels.

I applaud you for the courage you have on being open about this.

Now let me tell you a story of my son:
He is almost 7 years old. He loves dolls, loves clothing, fashion and shoes. He secretly dresses in his sisters play clothes. When asked if he wants to be a girl he says NO! BUT, he says he is going to be a fashion designer and wants to dress women in what he thinks is beautiful. HE is 6 yrs old!! We have tried to get him into everything *boy* related....he tries it out and loses interest quickly and only continues his karate lessons because of his sister.

Now my husband and I are in agreement that we will love him no matter what his chosen gender preference in the future may be. Currently I believe he might be gay/transgendered or bisexual just by his mannerisms and play habits, but I am not 100% sure. He has no neighborhood friends, plays with his sister 24/7 and no grandparents. He wants nothing to do with his father, with the exception of learning photoshop.

He is very dramatic, outspoken, loud and loves to entertain. He is a natural artist, and designs clothing out of cutting paper and pasting them to the dolls.......

I guess my point is: If it makes you happy, then do not feel shame. Society is changing as well as cultural views. The torment you feel is something I pray my son never has to face.

Hang in there. Dont hate yourself...LOVE yourself!!

Try going to Drag shows in your area and see if that is an avenue you would enjoy. You may just be an entertainer.



Also, I agree with the Native American view that the special high status tribe members were two souled, and able to see clearly both masculine and feminine issues to help within the tribe.

AND if you believe in reincarnation, you may be acting out an issue that was never dealt properly with before.

Good Luck, Healing Prayers sent your way

Originally posted by iWantToBeelieve
reply to post by skitzspiricy

 

Look up the root meaning of Trans, and then gender. Multiple genders. Which one can not obtain without the genetic makings.

They have the mind of the opposite gender.. This has been proven.. The brain is THE defining sexual organ.. It must be terrible to be trapped in your own body.. I for one feel very sorry for trans people... The struggle must be terrible..

I also think they are very brave to go through the process too...

Sometimes it can take all the bravery you can muster to be yourself...

Be who you are, not what others or society wish you to be

Be proud of who you are... but there are still questions to be asked. Could it be a chemical imbalance due to all the estrogen mimickers that are leaking into our water supply?

It's a proven fact that chemical run off from BPA, birth control, herbicides, pesticides and pharmaceuticals are causing widespread gender confusion and intersex (both male and female sex tissue) amongst fish and amphibians, especially off the coast of California. Here is a quick article I found on the subject.

Bash on me if you want, but there is a real agenda behind this. Male fertility is at the lowest it has ever been, and female cancers are exploding off the charts.

Originally posted by soon2beaher
im ur typical average guy, early 30's and since i can remember ive had urges to be a woman. i have no idea where they come from and wish they would go away.

You are more average than you think. Many people experience this to some degree.

Originally posted by soon2beaher
ive gotten used to, and dont mind being in a male body. i find women attractive, have dated before, like motorcycles, music, fishing etc and wish i could be a regular joe just like most other guys.

I know many women who are "just one of the guys" so I don't think your affectations to your hobbies and orientation are in danger.

Originally posted by soon2beaher
but these dam urges just never leave me alone. i have experienced myself having a past life or at least choosing my parents and choosing to be born. but i dont understand why i have to go through these urges.

You may have had a long run at being women in your past and this is the first time being a man. This is actually the case for me and, knowing this, I embraced my dude-suit as a challenge. I enjoy many of the things that make me male even though sometimes it feels foreign. It's a learning experience and, even if you do choose to modify your body, you are still learning from it. There are very few "wrong" paths you can take with your situation.

Originally posted by soon2beaher
supression doesnt work. if i do supress then the urges come in dreams or first thing upon waking.

Suppression may be one of those very few "wrong" paths I mentioned.

Originally posted by soon2beaher
i have also experienced in meditation that i am not this body or the mind in a kind of eckhart tollish way. but still i cant really live life because these dam urges just bother the crap out of me and i dont want them.

Why do you not want them so badly? Is it because of the community you live in or is it something that actually bothers the real you, in your heart of hearts?

Originally posted by soon2beaher
i can say i fully understand the lgbt community and my heart goes out to them. had i not had these urges, i probably wouldd have had some bias towards this group of folks. but now only compassion

This might be what you are supposed to learn. Maybe you were an Ann Coulter-esque type person before and you realized you need to balance yourself out. Or perhaps you are supposed to balance somebody else out. Family perhaps? Sometimes we incarnate to help others grow and act as a sacrifice (not literally) to help them. Maybe you are helping others get more balanced.

Who knows? My personal situation was resolved when I realized that I need to learn what it's like as a man. I believe I have held some pretty harsh thoughts towards men in previous incarnations and I'm learning now that they aren't so bad. Besides, I learned to really dig my parts and they happen to work well since I'm married to somebody wearing a chick-suit.

By the way, many transgender folks are straight. The mayor of a town in my state is transgender (he's got the big breasts and all) and there is even a guy who hosts karaoke in a bar here that is totally a transvestite. They are both married men with kids and their wives kinda find it sexy. Just realize that many of your options don't necessarily close doors to others.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan

Found out that he had come to terms with him being gay, and had even told a few of his closest friends (when he was 15 or so). He was just worried about the percieved social norm of his Catholic family. So we sat him down, dragged him out of the closet, and just put it all out on the table. From that day things have gotten better and better for him.

What a beautiful thing to read

in this thread of mostly beautiful posts

we never know when or how we're going to have our faith in humanity restored - always nice when it happens

to the OP: I've got nothing special to add - just that life is too short to be other than who and what you are

that's true for all of us - no matter what the circumstances

Since you seem to be happy as a man, except for those urges, I would suggest that you do therapy to bring out the male aspect of your psycological make up while taming the female aspect. It is good for men to have a softer side to them.

You really do need to find a competent councelor to help you sort things out.
It is important that they have experience with your problem.

NLP Master practicioners and Trainers would be a good start.
Check out some of these items.
ixquick.com...

www.andrewtaustin.com...

reply to post by soon2beaher


If you're single, no kids around, have the house/apartment to yourself...there's your answer. Be Mr Smith when you go to work, and be Ms Smith when you get home. No need to spring it on anyone else.

J Edgar Hoover was able to keep the two separate and function brilliantly in his male public guise.

Who says you have to choose??

There are folks who have open gender roles in their relationships.. since you say you like women. It doesnt have to be an either-or decision. I watched a documentary of a guy who went through this, separated from his wife, tried the lifestyle, didnt like it, came back to his wife.. wife said.. dress up, who cares.. be my husband that I love. And they did. Supposedly they got a lot closer because they lived more like woman and woman as far as in interests and activities... and he worked as a man in a mans role. Interesting.. but somehow if you have the right partner, things seem to fall into place for your mutual happiness and fulfillment.

reply to post by soon2beaher


you were a woman in many many past lives and this was probably your first time incarnating as a male.

I hope you find peace in your heart, and know that my husband looks mighty dang good in my pants and he can work them better than me even... I still adore him and love him and all his masculine and feminine tendencies.

The only reason those "urges" bother you is because you've been conditioned by an insular society to think there's something 'wrong' with you. Which is patently untrue.

Transgenderism is simply a disagreement between one's physiology and 'brain sex'. There's nothing abnormal about it and transgender people have existed for time immemorial. In fact, I remember reading about a 5000-some-year-old tomb exhumed that was found to contain what was roundly determined to be a transgender corpse!

Reject the uneducated, close-minded, insecure sector's way of thinking about the LGBT community and you will instantly become more comfortable in yourself and be able to embark on / continue your transition to the person you've always been.

You're a transgender person--there is no changing this fact. Like anyone, you must learn to love yourself before you can love life and, indeed, be loved.

I would not recommend going under the knife for most reasons.
IMO you are part of gods greater plan and one of the reasons you are here this way is because you are the one that can handle this experience and grow from it.
Remember there are factors that may contribute to your struggle.
Certain chemicals, visual stimuli and societal influences can induce thoughts that lean in one direction or another.
Don't hate on yourself when you fall short of what you think is normal because i believe that most normal people are afraid of the truth they walk around with in their head.
Most of all remember the grass only seems greener on the other side and somewhere in the middle can be cool.

I remember reading that males that undergo sex change operations - are not capabile of reaching orgasm - this makes sense as their sexual organs are removed. This can cause disappointment and depression for those that opt for full change. I don't care what the sexual orientation usually orgasm is the desired end result - or seems to be - yes sex occurs with out orgasmic release and some practice tantra that denies orgasm - but to deny or to be incapabile is different. So OP are you attached to orgasm either self or partnered you may want to do serious research concerning the removal of your sexual organs. That is a very permanent decision. Perhaps as another poster replied if you desire sexual intimacy with the female gender - your challenge is to find a partner that allows you the freedom of full expression.

I appreciate the fact that you have greater sympathy and understanding of the lesbi-gay community.

However, don't let people lump you into anything, because being gay is not the same as feeling the urge to change gender, and even in gay communities it may not be fully understood (although there may be more sympathy).
In fact, I'm gay, and I've wished I wasn't, and I've done drag and the silly stereotypical things, but even to me being transgendered is something I can accept, but not really understand.
But then again I don't understand straight people either, but I guess one has to accept them.
They're everywhere these days.

My advice would be to consult a therapist who specializes in such cases, although it's a long journey from that to any kind of gender reassignment.
And not everyone goes for that.
Some transvestites hit the town with their wives as "sisters", and there's many options.

Just don't waste your life being unhappy when you are young.
I've seen too many people waiting to deal with this when they are senior citizens (thinking then it won't hurt anybody around them), and that complicates matters and risks.
Don't isolate yourself, and seek a variety of others with the same feelings.
People find a range of options and support these days.

All the best to you, which ever way the wind blows ... and live a little girlfriend!

reply to post by soon2beaher


Well, I think if you're not 100 percent sure, don't make the leap! I have seen quite a lot of transgendered men in my city and, to be brutally frank, it's very hard to pull off. They end up feeling even more "freakish" as a woman because everyone still knows they were born a man, and that leads to this extra layer of societal disapproval and outright hostility. I can't help but feel that this road might be even harder than the one you're currently traveling.

If you really do want to stay a man and just want to feel more "like a man," I wonder if testosterone supplementation would help you. I knew a woman who actually did become a man, and she took testosterone and it really made her (him) behave in a much more aggressive, assertive, and competitive way. She (he) said that the change was absolutely striking!

Bear in mind, too, that you're still very young, and still going through a lot of sexual feelings at that age. As people age, they often settle down a bit more. The hormones are not as strong, and the desire to hook up with people can fade with time. Also, as someone who is female but basically not interested in actively pursuing a relationship with a man at this time, I can tell you I'm very happy with my single and sexless life. But this life is sooo different than the one I lead in my 20s and 30s, when I had affairs galore and meeting and dating men was a piece of cake. I don't really miss all of that now, and am very content with my solitude and studies, something that just wouldn't have been possible when I was young and crazy.

Time heals a lot of puzzles and a lot of problems, it really does. Also, I wouldn't resist the feelings at all. If you have the urge, so what? You're a sensitive human being hopefully making the world better in some way. And that's really what matters. Besides, who knows . . . maybe you chose this struggle before you came down here, and decided you would find a spiritual path to reconcile it, and by doing so, add just a bit to the light of that star you came from. Or maybe you will find a way through this by picking up some entirely new avocation, such as painting or dance or graphic design, that allows you to express the feminine in you.

Anyway, my advice is to relax, accept that this is probably temporary, and also cease resisting the urges. Remember, whatever we resist returns to us with renewed force! However, you can "Agree with thine adversary quickly" without taking drastic action. Learn to grow with it, see how it transmutes over time, and see how this particular cross to bear may just turn out to be the thing that made you develop most fully as a soul.

reply to post by soon2beaher


I was doing the dishes and just had an intuitive feeling that I wanted to add. Women love to be pampered. As a woman, I absolutely adore anything involving makeup, hair, and body treatments of all kind. Here are things that women love to do that men can do as well.

*Get a great hair cut
*Get your hair colored and styled
*Go to Sephora and try on various colognes. Make cologne part of your daily routine.
*Go to Sephora and try on lots of face creams and interesting decoctions. Make a good moisturizer, and perhaps a good cleanser and astringent, part of your daily routine. It makes me happy in the evening to take off my makeup with cold cream. You can use cold cream at night just like I do, and make it a kind of feminine ritual.
*Get a pedicure and a manicure.
*Make an appointment to get a facial. Yes, men do get facials!
*Take a leisurely bath with bubbles or salts or any of the fizzing bath bombs you can find.
*Wear a lip balm that smells good and makes your lips feel good.
*Buy some cheap green or red clay and treat yourself to a nice drying facial mask.
*Get your chest and back hair waxed.
*Go a makeup artist, explain you're an actor auditioning for numerous parts, and want a makeup that is subtle and will cover many situations but will still look completely natural. (Do you think all those fabulous male screen stars are NOT wearing makeup?)
*Find a few necklaces that suit you and wear them out.
*Get a professional hot shave at the barbershop.
*Get a massage.

FInally, explore European men's fashions. When I visited France, I was struck by how beautifully the men there dressed. They wore scarves, really classy flowing, billowy kinds of trousers, soft blazers, and beautiful watches. They were extremely feminine in their appearance, but that was just the accepted style there. The style for men here is ridiculously limited. Expand just a bit and see how it goes. Even just wearing a scarf can make a man feel 100 percent different -- more artistic, expressive, and, oddly enough, more attractive! I can also say that I absolutely adore men with scarves, so I think women really like the look on men, at least, even if men don't go for it.

This may not take away your desire to BE a woman, but it can sure make you feel more feminine, just doing all the things that women take for granted and love to do. Good luck!

Some things are titillating precisely because they are fantasy and role-playing---but without the drudgery of having to live the reality. It's sort of like going to a beach resort and thinking "man, this is the life! I wish I lived here!" without realizing that if you lived there it would probably be as a maid or a bell-hop, and not as Jimmy Buffet himself permanently relaxing in margaritaville.

There used to be a Beavis and Butthead routine about "Dude, if I had [breasts], I'd never leave the house." And Beavis would say, "yeah, if you had 'em, I wouldn't leave your house either." But then they look at B-head in drag, and he is just as unnattractive as a woman as he is as a male....

Some of it IS role play, or it wouldn't be exiting. just something to think about.

reply to post by soon2beaher


we are all transgender. we all have female and male qualities. males that gravitate towards female tendencies do so because their soul is still holding on to those dominant qualities from a previous existence. there is no need to be concerned. be what you feel is true to yourself.

Sincerely,

spiritual33