One of the last taboes: women being envious of other women at work

reply to post by QueenofWeird


I understand where you are heading. Let's just say that even when I was young and naturally sexy, I wore office appropriate clothing and I was there to work, not compete with other women for what? a one night stand? an awkward office romance? I left my enjoyment of sex at home with my significant other, where it belongs.

What exactly are your intentions at the workplace?

Originally posted by InTheLight
reply to post by QueenofWeird

 

I understand where you are heading. Let's just say that even when I was young and naturally sexy, I wore office appropriate clothing and I was there to work, not compete with other women for what? a one night stand? an awkward office romance? I left my enjoyment of sex at home with my significant other, where it belongs.

What exactly are your intentions at the workplace?

I go to work for world domination of course! Just kidding. I am the one at work who leaves the others at peace and wants to be left alone. That is, when I go outside for a smoke let's chit chat.

What I mean is that one can't hide the inside for along time. So in my case, my natural sexiness if you will, comes out. The article in the op was about toning it down which a) is impossible (got nothing to do with dress but showing WHO you are) and b) putting the power with those that envy.

reply to post by QueenofWeird


I think by calling women "they" you have some unresolved issues with women.

Originally posted by InTheLight
reply to post by QueenofWeird

 

I understand where you are heading. Let's just say that even when I was young and naturally sexy, I wore office appropriate clothing and I was there to work, not compete with other women for what? a one night stand? an awkward office romance? I left my enjoyment of sex at home with my significant other, where it belongs.

What exactly are your intentions at the workplace?

I definitely agree with everything you just said above. The only reason a woman exhibits those type of behaviors at work is if she is looking for attention or to find some romance. I fall under the category where Im really friendly with men around here ( I work in LE, which is male dominated) and tend to be a "funny" girl. Thus, they like my humor and some have even called me "hot" (yeah right lol). So with that being said...I have gotten a few negative remarks in the past. They usually come from single women who are out there in the game trying to compete and find a boyfriend. So it really depends on your intention and what you are trying to get out of being "sexy" at work.

Many women don't treat other women with respect at work - true.

But the MUCH bigger problem is when women receive jobs/promotions based on either dates or dressing in a sexual way.

When I was younger I was thin with a very large chest. Though there were a few women who were a little catty, the worst was the direct harassment. I never went along with this and my career suffered.

I have seen women without any work experience in a certain area get promoted. The only thing that stood out was there tight cloths and short skirts. There are plenty of women who don't have a problem using men to get ahead. This isn't envy, it's valid anger towards sexual harassment.

The OP mentions she doesn't show cleavage when interviewing with women. Does this mean she shows it when she interview with men? Totally inappropriate in by book.

I hope the OP thinks about her work product. Perhaps this is not the case of envy but a case of other women being mad because she is promoted based on her sexy dress?

Getting a job based on your cleavage IS sexual harassment - you are taking a job from another women who will not go along with that behavior.

reply to post by InTheLight


Well they are they and I can't use the word all the time. But back on topic. I find it highly interesting that you assume that being sexy is about finding a mate!
Because when I see sexy people I just find the sexy! Be it men or women.

So I now see how we approach the op from totally different view points.

reply to post by Daughter2


First of all, different countries different attitudes! Now about my cleavage. Even if I don't show anything, my front porch is quite large. Thank you Mother Nature So look where you want or not.

My lips are quite full, maybe I should wear a veil?

Seems like kidding, but this is my point exactly: women instead of enjoying other women's good looks, there is this whole thing going on. AGAIN, I am seldom envious of another woman's looks and NO I am not gay. I just like beauty, attractiveness or just plain old good grooming.

reply to post by blackmetalmist


Exactly, it's all about intentions and I would agree that some troubled women still play into that game of using sex to get what they want, thereby perpetuating anger in the professional women who have the real goods to offer and also by them accepting sexual harrassment from men; another never-ending scourge on society. Be careful what you put it on for, you just may get it.

reply to post by InTheLight


You're proving my point

reply to post by QueenofWeird


I'm still not understanding why you think it's a case of envy?



As one of "those" women you think are envious let me give my perspective on things. After a long-term break from work, I took some temp jobs. My last two "bosses" were young, thin, pretty blonds with long hair. One I had no problem with. She was very good at her job, had adequate experience and knew what she was doing. She wore short skirts but it didn't strike me as inappropriate.

However, another one I had serious issues with. She was promoted without the normal education requirements and very little relevant experience. She was lacked so much knowledge about what she did I had a hard time even communicating with her. When I first started, I assumed she would be fired after messing up so much - to my shock she was promoted (by a group of old men). Her dress was something you would see in clubs. She would overtly flirt with the all male manager group.

So think about YOUR work. Are you less qualified than the women who you say envy you?

Disclaimer – male opinion…

Dear OP:

First off, thanks for sharing! You seem like an intelligent, beautiful woman – a rare gem in my opinion these days. Along with the rest of you female posters, ATS needs more female input IMO.

If we analyze the article as a system, we can determine the reinforcing and balancing processes.

The actual behavior is the reinforcing process.

The ego is the balancing processes.

Therefore in order to change behavior, ego must be modified. Ego is a complex system of how we each choose to view ourselves largely based on feedback from others. Ego is a choice; many people do not realize this as such. Behavior is derived from ego.

I strongly urge everyone to read two books; I read while pursuing my MBA: The Fifth Discipline by Peter Senge and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is by far the most important trait someone can hone for the workplace; as it goes a very long way.

In my experience, burning bridges is always, always detrimental – believe me I wanted more than anything to burn a few. I try to be the most pleasant with the least present people as this takes away most if not all of their ‘power’ for lack of a better term without going into the esoteric, as I feel that is beyond the scope of this topic/post.

Originally I read the post with no replies and now the conversation has wheels, but I have put in to much effort to scratch it, so hopefully I can offer some slice of insight.

reply to post by ConspiracyBuff


Ok, interesting! And thanks for that gem thing

reply to post by InTheLight


Well, I've worked in quite a few places over here and each company can be different but I think it shouldn't be taking place. Spending 8 hours a day 5 days a week with someone you don't get on with is hard. I try to get in, get on and get out as quickly as possible and have a little fun with colleagues where possible,

I tend to keep myself to myself here though, I don't go out or socialise because I just don't do those things and never have. Sitting in a bar I find boring and I always feel self-conscious. I did manage to overcome my fear of eating out alone though. Not that I have money to do that anymore but should I ever get my hands on the stuff again...

reply to post by Daughter2


No this is not about being less qualified! I take pride in my self and work. And by the way, I have biceps like a guy and can floor any nasty woman any time :Ok the biceps are true, the flooring is purely hypothetical.

My problem is that I don't like general female talk topics: relationships and bla bla. I like to talk about science and anything relating to IQ in general. I look like a woman but inside I a much more like man: results and no BS.

And the latter is prob why I am not envious of women most of the time and don't like the whole "cat game" . I read an article on inet the other day about men accepting getting lip a lot more than women!

Experiences may be tied to work environment/conditions, as well. For instance, I've experienced very different attitudes (women to women) depending on the work place and the field. Corporate environments are much sharkier then Social Services, for example. So yes, I do think there is some amount of competition/cattyness if you will, that is naturally part of the gender, but environment is a major contributing factor to the degree in which it comes out...

Originally posted by QueenofWeird
reply to post by boncho

 

How do you deal with it? What's your gender?

Im a guy. I buy them shiny objects and have sex with them.

If they are independent I get them to buy me shiny objects and have sex with me.

reply to post by LightSpeedDriver


Let me remedy that

Originally posted by boncho

Originally posted by QueenofWeird
reply to post by boncho

 

How do you deal with it? What's your gender?

Im a guy. I buy them shiny objects and have sex with them.

If they are independent I get them to buy me shiny objects and have sex with me.

You're a magpie hahahahaha

Originally posted by LadySkadi
Experiences may be tied to work environment/conditions, as well. For instance, I've experienced very different attitudes (women to women) depending on the work place and the field. Corporate environments are much sharkier then Social Services, for example. So yes, I do think there is some amount of competition/cattyness if you will, that is naturally part of the gender, but environment is a major contributing factor to the degree in which it comes out...

yes, I wondered the same too

It really depends on the person. I'm a woman, but I'm me first. It's pretty much impossible to say jealousy, or competitiveness is a woman-thing in the work place. My best friends are men and women, and men and women can be drama queens and bi*ches. I do think women, in my experience, are more suspicious of other women at first. Though I must say neither gender has a monopoly on being stupid. As far as how we dress in the service industry? Use what you got!