What does it mean when you find someone irresistable?

My best friend asked me if I would ask this on ats. She doesn't have internet right now so I am researching for her. She met this guy who she thinks is a total player but no matter how hard she tries she can't seem to resist him. They have that sort of love-hate-passionate relationship where she just seems to be drawn back to him even though she knows it's not the best choice. I've tried to tell her that its probably not going to end well and she says she knows that but she can't stay away from him, and she hates herself for that.

I'm going to copy-paste her the most helpful answers in a text message so please just give upfront and honest (no insulting) answers please. I myself have had a couple of really passionate heated relationships in the past but it never ended well emotionally. On the other hand the really pleasant and easy relationships can be kind of boring. Opinions, advice and experiences?? I think her biggest question is do the really hot passionate relationships always end in disaster or could it be a sign that you've found "the one"? Past experience advice needed, but please try to be nice. . Also, any idea why we are sometimes helplessly drawn to another person?

Because you want to have sex with them

reply to post by britelite1971


How old is she? Could these be feelings of lust not love?

Originally posted by RealSpoke
Because you want to have sex with them

Thanks for answering....but before I pass that onto her....once the sex thing is done what is the pull then...repeat sex? And will it eventually burn itself out or is there a desire and passion that lasts forever? I think that's what she really wants to know.

Worst case scenario:

Could be he has narcissistic personality disorder. They are exceptional at "reflecting" ones personality, which is "irresistlble". And then she will be reeled in. Scary times begin.

Or a psychopath or sociopath - cons can also be irresistible.

Look up articles by Sandra Brown - writer of "How to Spot a Dangerous Man"

Best case scenario : life-long bliss - don't we all want that??

What does it mean when you find someone irresistable?

You're going to get hurt!

Infatuation is a projection of your(her) own desires onto another person.

Even if people are equally infatuated with each other, it never ends well as it will burn out eventually.

I'd be more worried about your friend catching & spreading disease.

Originally posted by Bigfoot12714
reply to post by britelite1971

 

How old is she? Could these be feelings of lust not love?

I'm not sure age is an issue as I think lust can be felt any age Lol, but she is a very young 39.

reply to post by britelite1971

I sure hope your friend figures out how to control that little attraction issue. I've heard words very similar to hers from the lips of victims to domestic violence more than once. That logic, not resisting the love/hate, is what takes them back looking for love...and getting more truckloads of hate.

Tell her to follow her own instincts. It's taken our entire evolution to develop that sense of reading another person. It didn't develop all that time to be defective.

reply to post by britelite1971


Well don't studies show that women reach their sexual peak later in life than men? Not that I'm saying she's old...

reply to post by OccamAssassin


Thanks for a really honest and upright answer. I will pass that on to her. A question if you don't mind answering. Have you ever been in that kind of situation before and did it end well or in a bad situation?

Originally posted by britelite1971

Originally posted by Bigfoot12714
reply to post by britelite1971

 

How old is she? Could these be feelings of lust not love?

I'm not sure age is an issue as I think lust can be felt any age Lol, but she is a very young 39.

In my experience, the older the woman, the more keen they are to want to settle down. They try to find someone that already gives/has given them a certain feeling, as opposed to trying to find that quality in new people.
I'm not talking about ALL women here, but the majority I've met have been like this.
If she finds him irresistible and he's a player- she's going to get burnt. Unless she doesn't want a long term, serious, mutually exclusive relationship, that is.

reply to post by britelite1971


I sorry but you made me laugh so hard on your first sentence.

I remembered when I went to the doctor and told him my friend wanted to know what happens when.....

thanks for that,

reply to post by Bigfoot12714


Thanks for the humor and making me laugh. . It is true. Most of the articles about a woman's peak age are wrong. Not saying that you're old.

reply to post by britelite1971


It is unfortunate that a lot of girls are attracted to the
bad boys.Most likely sexual thrills,danger,excitement...
If the guy is too controlling,I recommend staying away
from him.

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD


Greeeaat! Now you made me laugh! I am so gonna text her and tell her thanks a friggen lot....now this guy thinks I'm the "friend".

Your friend keeps on getting a dose of a drug. It may not be a drug in the recognizable sense, but it sure as heck is chemicals on the brain.

Plain and simple, she's addicted to the chemicals produced by the interactions she has with this guy. It might be sex, it might be the way he smells. Whatever it is, every time she gets a dose, she needs more.

The withdrawal is going to be hell. But if she can just be "too busy" to see him for 2-3 weeks, it'll be way easier for her to eventually not need another dose of him. But again, the withdrawal will be utter hell. And she'll be a better, happier person for getting him out of her system.

Originally posted by mamabeth
reply to post by britelite1971

 

It is unfortunate that a lot of girls are attracted to the
bad boys.Most likely sexual thrills,danger,excitement...
If the guy is too controlling,I recommend staying away
from him.

First of all even though off the subject, I love your avatar. That kitty looks very much like my little angel Tiger. Secondly, thanks for the advice and I will pass that on to her. I have tried to tell her that this guy is no good but she says she knows and then just goes back to the same stupid behavior. It seems like at her age she should be past the whole "bad boy" stage.

"What does it mean?"
Trouble

Forgive the one liner but I don't want to dilute the message.

reply to post by britelite1971


I remember having those feelings when I was in my early 20's and I married 2 of them..bad boys..one was killed in a motorcycle accident and the 2nd hubby and I were married for 20 years. Both were thrill seekers and I think both were similar with a narcissistic personality and devil may care attitude about life. I have always been a care giver type and the responsible one.

Both men I discovered after many years in therapy were very much like my Dad..I believe its true we marry someone that's like either our father or our mother in the case of men.

At 39 she at some point may want to examine why she is attracted to this personality type and ask herself "What am I getting out of this relationship?"

Is this the treatment she's used to? is this filling a need to relive some aspect of her childhood? Was her father a player? I know mine was..but I loved him and accepted that from him and for me that was normal to see men cheat, drink and smooze. You can't fix these men..they bring excitement and drama, hurt and pain but...pleasure as well, thinking you are the woman who tames the tiger..however temporary that is.

Please remind your friend for me that at 39 her chances to find real happiness and a lasting relationship fade with each passing year, and ask her the question I posed earlier "What am I getting out of this relationship?"
and be really honest with herself when she answer's it. If she can't answer it..then perhaps some therapy is in order because at the end of the day this is risky behavior and she may be a victim of some type of detachment disorder..just my thoughts and experiences. Cheers Coco

Your friend will just have to get him out of her system. Go through with whatever feelings are going on safely (if he's a player, safe sex) .

Does she have other male interests, maybe that would quell her focus on this one so much?

I've been through this, the feeling doesn't go away, only time and distance take away the feelings.