Look at what my wife posted on another mans Facebook page.

First, I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through this with my ex-wife about 6 years ago. For about 2 years she talked about leaving me, but never did. I did everything in my power to keep the marriage together, nothing I did would sway her decision that she wanted to leave. Finally I had enough when she sent an email home from work not thinking I'd see it, between her and a guy from the past. That sinched it, I told her I was filing for divorce. All of a sudden she wanted to stay.. blah blah blah. She promised me everything under the moon if I wouldn't file for divorce. I bought it.

Lasted about 2 months, then she was back to how she was before. We have kids so I decided to just stick it out for them. After another 3 years of it, I decided to just throw in the towel. My children were all but grown, daughter was 20, son 17. I moved out and a year later divorced her. I pay alot of money each month to her and took all the debt in the agreement. I only tell you this part because, even though I'm stretched each month financially now, that money spent is the best money I've spent in my life. Peace of mind is worth much more than any money I would have saved by staying.

I know it's hard, I was married for 20 years. You can be happy. Women do cheat, and there other ways to cheat other than just sexual. Online relationships are just as much cheating as actually knocking boots. Having this guy call you should be a major, she's just throwing it in your face flag. She has no respect for you this kind of proves it. You already know what you need and want to do.

Hope this helps.

P.S. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you seeing what she posts on Facebook, contrary to some of the opinions I've read on here.

reply to post by KewlDaddyFatty


If you love her, let her go.
I had to make that decision that myself as well.
We weren't married yet but I was about to propose. I was working a lot trying to pay for everything and get us stable so we could build a life together without all the stress of the Everyday.
She told me she didn't love me anymore while we were taking a shower together.
It was brutal and I was devastated.

I also had to live with her for a year after that because neither one of us had the money to move out.
First six months were rough. I actually walked right into her with another guy in Manhattan one day by sheer coincidence and it took everything in me not to throw him in front of a car.
Throughout the year it became a game. I was the first to bring someone back home (i had the guest bedroom).
I would make sure my guest was loud enough throughout the night.
Then she would bring someone home and do the same.
By the end we both still loved each other but we had taken it so far that it would have been impossible to go back to what it was.
I still love her to this day and she is still one of my closest friends. We talk often and I love to hear when she bitches about her husband (she married someone else within the next year).
Since then, I've had relationships quite a few women, mostly carnal in nature, nothing meaningful.

Forget the booze in the future.
This is the time when you should focus on your options.
Do some of the stuff that you've always wanted to do but couldn't... because you were with her.
I feel bad for the kids because they are the ones who really get hurt in the end. ( I think I read you had kids.)
If anything be the bigger person and try to maintain the higher path.
It will hurt like hell but in time the pain slowly fades.
So, that's my advice...
If you love her, let her go.
Hope it helps you!

Yeah sounds like she's already looking for greener pastures. I know it's way easier said than done but you need to cut your losses and move on. She's said she isn't sure she loves you and it's fairly apparent that this other bloke has been "taking care" of her so time to end things before you cause yourself or your kids more pain. You've already done what you could to save the marriage and it hasn't worked, so now it's time to throw in the towel.

If she comes running back be strong and stick to your guns. Don't do the whole "give her a chance" routine, it seems she's already wandered once (either in heart or in other capacities) so she's guaranteed to do it again. I really don't envy you, the next few months are going to be tough, but stick it out, find some other avenue to direct your emotions (sports, hobbies etc) and you'll be better off in the long run

Originally posted by Myendica
Dude.. I dont know why or how you viewed what she posted on someones fb page, but thats whats going to destroy your marriage. Women hate insecure men, and so stop "checkin" in on her. The first thing they do is confide else where. You must keep your cool. Rule number one, always, regardless of the playing field, MAINTAIN YOUR COMPOSURE! Say your sorry and stop being selfish and tend to her needs. Being a man sucks.. But someones gotta do it..

Are you serious?

She's a married woman of nine years, posting that kinda message on some random guy wall that she met on fb??

The OP has every right to question these actions, especially since he also mentioned the revelations of their relationship recently.

Yes, he should maintain his composure 100% & not make any rash decisions, but instead talk to her more about it & get to the root of the problem.

Women love romance, do something special for her she may have just lost the spark 9 years with some one plus kids leaves alot of ti
E to drift apart our just get stuck In your own little worlds, just think back to when u met her and all the hints she loved about you and try to bring them back. Me and my wife when thru a thing after being married just a year, we dated for 5 years and she had a kid and we had one together. In that time we both sorta got into our own thing and really never even talked or were intiment. And I actually moved out at one point. You just need her to feel that young puppy lobe feeling again she wants to feel special again and have someone's undevided attention. Approach her as if your trying to flirt with her like when your relation ship was still new she needs to feel love I think there is still hope she more than likely just feels the relationship is stale. And I also wouldn't mention the other dude to her. Some things are best just left unsaid.if she thinks your doing it because of competition it will mean less them if you just randomly do it, make sure you tell her what she means to you and be honest it's hard to do but do it you must.

All else fails a large industrial ziptie and a shovel should do the trick. Good luck my friend

reply to post by KewlDaddyFatty


She could be having an emotional affair. You could and have the right to ask her for her password or to have her show you her "chat" history. But be aware you may not like what you see, and you should offer her yours! BUT BE COOL! Don't act the fool! She is doing this maybe because YOU have ignored her...

It is my belief that FB causes too many problems, jealousy and animosity. In a healthy relationship there should be few if any Secrets!

reply to post by KewlDaddyFatty


here's the opinion of an experienced woman. sometimes a little "cheating" can actually make a relationship better. she has been with you for 9 years and she is bored. she wants that "giddy feeling you get when you meet a "new love" so... if you really love her, do things that will make her think twice about losing you. so often if she does end your relationship and get with the new guy, a few weeks into it, she will realize she was better off with you and by then, she will have burnt the bridge with you and you will have moved on.
Relationships are a game of excitment, security and... respect.
If you make her realize what she had after you are gone, she might come back and your relationship will be stronger than before. but... she is the one taking the chance of losing you and while she is fooling around, you may meet someone who makes YOU giddy, someone you like much more than her.

Originally posted by abeverage
It is my belief that FB causes too many problems, jealousy and animosity.

You can even start battles with your blood relatives on Facebook. It's like a new modern way to bicker and argue.

reply to post by dbates


When my Mother joined and would post every single day on my wall or any comment I made, I could see the signs that I needed to leave! But yes people place the dirty laundry on the Facebook line for everyone to see.

Poor silly humans

LOL

reply to post by KewlDaddyFatty


My fiance started posting on some guys page about 3 months ago, we broke off the engagement 2 months ago. Keep an eye on it bro...

Originally posted by Myendica
Dude.. I dont know why or how you viewed what she posted on someones fb page, but thats whats going to destroy your marriage. Women hate insecure men, and so stop "checkin" in on her. The first thing they do is confide else where. You must keep your cool. Rule number one, always, regardless of the playing field, MAINTAIN YOUR COMPOSURE! Say your sorry and stop being selfish and tend to her needs. Being a man sucks.. But someones gotta do it..

keep your cool yea, but then what... You know what to do brother.

Correction: I am the Paternal Grandmother not maternal..............

hot stuff?

Well I'm a 59 year old woman so maybe I'm just old fashioned.

39 years ago when my husband and I first met and talked he told me one thing he would not tolerate would be for me to betray him by cheating on him. He had, had a first wife (no kids) that he came home early one day and caught her with two men...............why I don't know, my husband could keep eight women happy. I'm nine years younger and can barely keep up with him.

My one thing I would not tolerate (besides cheating on me) was if he ever raised a hand to me or treated me rough or mean - that would be it. I was orphaned at 9 and from 9 to 20 I was physically, sexually and mentally abused. Never again.

39 years and we are still together. But we agreed to a monogamist relationship.

My own opinion, if you two are not polygamists and she called him "hot stuff" and I were you and want to salvage this relationship - both of you need to see a good marriage / family counselor NOW. Bring this subject up asap.

Hopefully children are not involved. Legally, women have the upper hand in most courts of law. Tread very carefully. If she does not want to salvage this marriage, make sure you find a really really REALLY GOOD divorce lawyer (Not Levine in Chicago - he sucks).

Again, I'm old and maybe you young ones do stuff different now but my husband and I don't do Facebook or Twitter - I think they suck and are dangerous.

If she posted that comment in public, to my mind that is a verbal betrayal (slap in the face to you) and possibly it sounds like she has maybe even gone beyond talking or will shortly.

To me, you are not fulfilling something she thinks she needs and she (again to me) is looking around for something better to come along.

I don't know you personally and I could very well be wrong.

You both need a good mediator to sort through this if you both indeed want to remain married.

Again, I would never do this to my husband, don't need to, he is my rock, my anchor, my everything.

Be very careful how you handle this situation as marriage and children are legally binding contracts. In a court of law, women get full custody 80% of the time and most divorces drag the kids through the mud - they are the victims.

To me, and again, I'm older and from another era.............sounds to me like she is flirting, maybe more.

I would never post something like that.

You might print this and any other flirting junk she is putting out there on Facebook and start keeping a log / journal as if this situation escalates to court, you will have a paper trail that may be of help. Document, document, document.

If you can't salvage this marriage try to end it on a good note, don't tit for tat, "get even", it's not worth it.

If you both have children my heart goes out to them, again they are the real victims in most divorces.

Keep in mind "joint custody" means you get to see your children for 48 hours every two weeks if she agrees to comply and make sure you get a agreement that she cannot move out of state with your children or you will very rarely see them and she will play that woman game of alienating them from you and your parents.

I know, we've been through the divorce from hell to the tune of $28,000.

I've never seen my grand daughter in a school play, have gone through periods of time where we didn't see her for months - but I'm only the Paternal Grandmother.

Good luck.

Thanks for all the comments.

Her and I are emotionally detached from one another. We both know this. Like I said before, my marriage has been rocky for some time. We do have children with each other and they are young. Neither of us want to break up our home. Neither of us want to hurt one another but we both recognize we have problems.

I have suggested we see a counselor together. A neutral mediator may offer some advice for us both. I just don't think she's really open to the idea. When I get home today I am going to tell her that we HAVE to go. If she disagrees then I will do what needs to be done to move on.

Last night I did ask her to show me her messages on her facebook. I want to trust in her but I just can't. She told me there was nothing there to see and after looking I felt like an ass because I never found anything incriminating. She had explained to me she just didn't think what she had done was a big deal at the time and that she just wasn't thinking when she posted that to his profile. She did say she was sorry. She did say she does not want to hurt me and that she really messed up. Hopefully, with a bit of hard work and luck, we can get our spark for one another back.

Thanks again, I will keep you all posted.

reply to post by KewlDaddyFatty


If you are in question of your marriage-Get a divorce because it is already destroyed

For sure - do Not have sex with her while the continuation of the marriage is questionable. In most states 'reconciliation' is defined as sexual, and it wipes the slate clean of anything that happened before that is known at that time (it does NOT nullify thins you discover after the sexual act). Past cheating will be nullified, and all that will be left is the 'meltdown' and the 'drinking' to justify a divorce. Sexual relations after proof of your knowledge of her emotional or sexual infidelity will tell the court that it was accepted and therefore not up for discussion as a justification for divorce.

If she had him call you, it may be time to pull all phone records, if it was that easy to get a phone call to you from him, then rest assured there may be more than Internet communications involved, and I would speculate there is a phone record. If she has a separate phone account, and you don't have access to her records, then you need to have your plan in place BEFORE you ask to see her FB postings and her phone records, and if she refuses, then execute your plan. If you have access, and find extensive communications in the phone records, then execute your plan.

Protect and secure all financial accounts (including phone bills) in case SHE is making her own plan, or you may come home one day to an empty house and an empty bank account after she makes her plan to get out.

With children involved, it will be complicated, but if you keep your nose clean and maintain the high road while showing she was the one that damaged the relationship, you may get better than that 48 hours every two weeks. Assuming you can demonstrate a continuity in employment and represent yourself as a responsible adult, and can show her to be in disregard for the relationship and the welfare of the children, you have a good chance of putting HER on the 48-hour visitation, unless your kids are very young. If they are all in school then you have a better chance. I assume none are of the age to decide for themselves with a marriage that is 9 years old.

And realize your records may also be used against you, and if you DO have some indiscretions that can be found, that she doesn't know about (and that she can find), then your plan will need to be altered - fifnd a way to share your indiscretions with her THAT YOU CAN PROVE, make your amends, then DO have sex and keep some evidence to prove it so YOU can nullify YOUR past (see first statement above - it goes both ways). A box of condoms with a dated purchase receipt and one empty package, and an email or some written communication with her afterwards, should be kept to prove the 'event' for your protection.

By all means, don't fall into remorse and stumble along. You need to get your s#it together now more than ever, unless you are not worried about your kids and your financial security. Now is not the time to worry about her, you must focus on your kids and your ability to be a father into the future. The rest of life will fall into place later. Rrest assured you will learn and you will find someone that has also learned these hard lessons and your next relationship will not make these same mistakes again. Life will get better, but for now do what you have to do.

reply to post by KewlDaddyFatty

Document everything and save it somewhere she does not have access to. You may need this information down the road.

reply to post by KewlDaddyFatty


Why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free? Oh, wait, you're married. Never mind.

Originally posted by KewlDaddyFatty
Thanks for all the comments.

Her and I are emotionally detached from one another. We both know this. Like I said before, my marriage has been rocky for some time. We do have children with each other and they are young. Neither of us want to break up our home. Neither of us want to hurt one another but we both recognize we have problems.

I have suggested we see a counselor together. A neutral mediator may offer some advice for us both. I just don't think she's really open to the idea. When I get home today I am going to tell her that we HAVE to go. If she disagrees then I will do what needs to be done to move on.

Last night I did ask her to show me her messages on her facebook. I want to trust in her but I just can't. She told me there was nothing there to see and after looking I felt like an ass because I never found anything incriminating. She had explained to me she just didn't think what she had done was a big deal at the time and that she just wasn't thinking when she posted that to his profile. She did say she was sorry. She did say she does not want to hurt me and that she really messed up. Hopefully, with a bit of hard work and luck, we can get our spark for one another back.

Thanks again, I will keep you all posted.

By her telling you she didn't know if she loved you anymore is a major reason to feel insecure. Sure, being honest is great and she was honest so now you know how she feels and you have to take action. By not letting those words eat you up will benefit both you and her.

Marriage takes work. Yall are stuck in a rut and something needs to be done. Try before you let go of the love that surrounds your family. Don't show any weakness.... "be the man" but also become her friend again, have a date night at least once a month, help her around the home with the house and kids, make her laugh, take her and the kids places even if its a little fishing that don't cost much. Change your day to day routine up a little.

Good luck trying to keep your family together. Seeing a counselor may be a good thing...but no one knows the two of you and the problems you two are facing like you and her. Save the money I say and just talk about anything and everything.

Do you tell her how pretty she is? Go back in time and remember what you did and said in the beginning and try that again. Good luck!!!

Deep down you know what you should do.

It is written everywhere for you to see in your head.

Only you know the whole story, if you want to know the best answer act like your on the outside looking in instead. Ask yourself, what would I tell someone who was going through this?

I cannot tell you how to act, or what to do but I can give you an idea of what to expect. If you divorce you will be butt raped by one or more of the divorce/theft industry's lawyerscum mercenaries. Going to see a counsellor is just pushing water uphill plus if the counsellor is a woman they will likely tagteam, and put all the blame squarely on you. I do not enjoy telling you this but if you stay together your wife will cheat on you if she has'nt already.
I dont now how old you are but what you might consider trying is a demonstration that you can play the same game. If your wife discovers that young, hot, thin women find you attractive it will raise your value in her eyes, and might just save the situation.

Kind regards