Advice for a girl that cant seem to get a date?

Ummm...what kind of interests do you have?

Usually the best way to meet and date is when you surround yourself with people that have some of the same interests as you. Usually dating flows naturally from natural conversations.

You help rescue abused animals, he does too. You like swimming, he does too, you read existential philosophy,so does he, you hate raisins....yeah...you get get it....

Basically, attraction takes more than just good looks and a funny sense of humor. It takes shared stuff. When you really feel a connection on lots of levels, not just physical. From what you say the physical thing isnt a problem, so it must be the communicating, im guessing?? Take an interest in a guy because you sincerely find him interesting and see where it leads.

It's okay not to have everything in common, but having some stuff between you and a guy is good for bonding.

This doesn't mean, pretend to love video games if you don't, or to pretend that music is your life if it's not.....be you, be genuine but find common ground.

And yes, above all do not rush it....a guy will come along, usually when you least expect it. Best wishes, mija

reply to post by mikelkhall


lol nope just the BTS relationships forum

You need to make the first move, just talk to a guy. You will be able to tell if he is put off or not interested.

I do agree with making sure he is unattached, but unless their is a ring its not set in stone either.

Oh and please don't be a tease, guys hate that once they realize they are not going to get any.

Just be honest, it will help out later as well.

reply to post by eyesontheskies


Wow. I just saw where I was, in the forum. I have been a member since 06 and I had no idea that there was a relationship forum.

I was just using the fire-hose and picking posts that interested me without even looking at the forum name. Guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

reply to post by eyesontheskies


As a girl who used to be in the same situation as you, I'll try to help you as much as I can. The advice in the posts above are pretty good. I wont try to reiterate things others have already said. One thing you should keep in mind is that most guys in your age group aren't very interested in relationships. All they really want is to party and have a good time, no strings attached. There isn't anything wrong with that, its okay to want to explore and experience life and such. Patience and understanding is a must.

Its important that you don't, in desperation, jump on the first guy who shows interest in you. I only say this because I often hear stories all the time about girls your age being with someone they really don't enjoy, simply because they don't want to be alone. It is better to wait for a guy who will appreciate you than to date a jerk who doesn't. I'm sure you are aware of this without having to say it, but I just thought I would put it out there, anyway.

Also, another thing to keep in mind is that you are on the cusp of a new life. Life after high school is completely different, and it will provide more opportunities, especially if you plan on going to college. You will end up meeting people form all over the country, and your dating pool will expand drastically. Take some time to figure out what you want in a guy/relationship. It's okay if you don't 100% know exactly what you want, but its good to have a general idea.

Another good idea, as someone else suggested above, is to ask your close girl friends. My honest advice is to only ask girl friends that you trust completely, and never ask a friend who has ever been spiteful toward you. Girls can be cruel toward each other for no apparent reason, especially when it comes to dating, and many of them will give you bad advice simply for the pleasure of seeing you fail. I know those are harsh words and you are probably thinking "Gosh, not my friends." but I'm telling you, I have had my best friends in the world undermine me in the worst ways out of jealousy. Trust your instincts.

Once you have picked a few girl friends you know you can trust, ask them if they have any single friends they think you would get along with. To be honest, this is how I met my fiancee, through a close mutual friend. But to be honest, I have also dated a few duds this way, too. Just keep clear mind and don't get attached too soon. Another thing you can try is asking for advice from your girl friends on how to make yourself seem more available to guys. This also carries the same risks as stated above, but it can also be very helpful. Just don't let them force you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. The number one rule of dating is to always be yourself.

Another thing to keep in mind here is your GUY friends. This may sound silly, but 80% of the time guys have crushes on their female friends and don't ever show it for fear of ruining the friendship. There is always a chance that could happen, if you decide to date a guy friend, but having a relationship with anyone is about taking risks. Sometimes, you have to put yourself out there and sometimes you get burned, it happens to everyone. just keep a clear head, and if you know things are working out then end the relationship before it gets too ugly.

I hope this huge rant helps you, even a little bit. The important thing to remember is to enjoy life, and don't get caught up in what everyone else is doing simply to fit in. You have your whole life ahead of you, just sit back and enjoy the ride!!

reply to post by eyesontheskies


*posts relationship issues on large conspiracy based website*

*wonders why single*

True?

reply to post by emberscott


What a unique style

But do you get confused when you self mod too much or do it unexpectedly, and how on earth do you deal with it when you are threatened with a post ban? Bribe yourself? Make yourself look the other way? Get yourself inebriated and have your way with yourself?? I know that one works on me. Why I'm a sucker for my own hands with a cold beer or two. Been said I'll do anything.. no one trusts that hussy though.

I wish I knew what I thought about it.. I put myself on ignore years ago... Havent been able to get myself to unignore me ever since. damn it!

reply to post by eyesontheskies


Interesting post OP!
I completely understand your situation. I'm also having a hard time finding a match in my lame small town.
My advise to you is just to immerse yourself in what you enjoy doing until you find someone who is in the same boat and just as passionate about it and whatever. Especially if "eyesonthesky" has anything to do with astronomy, because astronomy girls are the best

Good luck!

Originally posted by ProjectBlue
Another thing to keep in mind here is your GUY friends. This may sound silly, but 80% of the time guys have crushes on their female friends and don't ever show it for fear of ruining the friendship.

As a guy who has been in that very position (my best friend for 12 years, had a huge crush on her, never told her), I concur wholeheartedly.

My advice? There's no rush. It's simply not worth having relationships that don't last, simply for the sake of having relationships. When the right person comes along, it will all be worth it. And when they do... make the moves you need to make to let them know how you feel. Don't let them escape you.

Luckily for me... I found the love of my life, but only after going through hell first. I'm now 31, married, with two beautiful children, and I'm ridiculously happy... and my wife is the best friend I've ever had.

reply to post by ProjectBlue


great advice. And i know exactly what you mean about girls. Girls are just the worst lol. Which is part of the reason im here because i asked my friend to give me advice and she treated me like a goody two shoes that cant handle simple human conversation. But maybe i should listen to her since she IS the smartest person in the whole world.

reply to post by mainidh

reply to post by eyesontheskies


Yeah, if you ask a friend for advice and she makes fun of you or tries to demean you, then she feels threatened by you taking an interest in dating, and she will probably keep the best advice from you, lest you get a better catch than her. That's a good way to tell whether or not you are getting good advice. A true friend would want to help you without making you feel bad about it. Some girls can't help but feel threatened, and will make fun of you as a knee jerk reaction. I suppose it goes back to the primal instinct to be alpha female or something like that. I'm not trying to say that all friends that feel threatened by you dated are bad friends either. Dating is just one of those areas where all rules and allegiances go out the window. It might even be a good idea to ask an older girl friend for advice to try to avoid all that nonsense.

I would also agree with what some other people have said about men maturing slower than women. In my experience, most men don't really grow up until they are about 23-25 years old. I don't mean that as an insult either, and there are exceptions, of course. Just be patient, once you go to college or get out into the "real world" you will see the possibilities are pretty much endless.

And don't let the trolls get you down. It's a slow night and they really don't have anything better to do. I think you are quite brave to talk about such personal topics on an open forum, and it looks like to me like you got some good advice from other members.

Just look at peoples avatars on this website... im sure they are in the same boat you are.. you're not alone hahahaha

im only joking, please dont take this comment serious.

Couple of things that have most likely been said, but are important nonetheless;

First off Stop Worrying. You are young. Learn more about you first, who you are, what you're about, you get the idea. This will instill the second important point;

Be self-confident. Now I don't mean by this walk into a crowd and demand attention from every guy in the room, but people have a sixth-sense for someone who isn't confident within themselves, and it reflects, even subconciously onto them and from you. Just put your head up high, don't give a rats about what others may think, and just be yourself.

Lastly, don't be afraid of rejection. You say your friends can do this like it's child's play, I wonder if you are thinking their opinions of what may happen if you pick a guy that isn't up to their standards, or even what may happen if you get a knockback is more important than what makes you happy. Because that is what is more important in the end. Just put yourself out there, you already have a 50% chance of a yes if you do, and a no is just a learning experience for next go round.

At 21 you should have the world at your feet. Go get em....

There's no need to rush.
Worry when you've finished school.

I didn't get a boyfriend till sophomore year, so kinda similar? I didn't get another boyfriend until after senior year. (I wasn't comfortable enough at the time with myself to be in a relationship with anyone)

sure I get a decent amount of attention from guys now, but for some unknown freaking reason, they're all army guys. I swear. they find me. it's the strangest. thing.

we'll start talking, have tons in common, and then BAM. "Army Douchebag, please take your number." my last one was army douchebag #4.
and then two marines -_-

this needs to end xD


but maybe you should try to appear more confident to them, that's always more attractive to guys.
smile a lot! dress nicely and try a bit a make-up? (I'm not saying looks are everything, but enough to show that you respect yourself and you appreciate who you are ) (and I'm not saying that you don't do that already)
perhaps try a new hair style?
try expanding your knowledge a bit into things that guys like! (video games, certain movies, etc.) but be careful, you don't want to become "one of the guys"
basically just be happy, confident, smile a lot, laugh, show guys that you like yourself, so that they'll like you too!

hope this helps and good luck!
don't let the fact that you haven't had a boyfriend get you down, I'm sure it'll all turn around in an instant, and YOU'LL have to be beating them off with sticks, rather than your friends.


EDIT: I made that last part sound like you beat your friends with sticks....
....I meant the guys

Originally posted by eyesontheskies
Ok, gosh this is embarrassing, but I am a senior in high school and have never been on a date or even been asked out on a date. I just dont get whats wrong with me. All of my friends make it look so easy its like they have to beat the guys off with sticks. I just dont know what is making me so undateable to guys I mean I dont think im ugly cuz cute guys DO flirt with me and i dont think they would waste their time if i wasnt at least a little pretty and im in shape and people tell me all the time how funny i am so i just dont understand. I mean i would think that the problem is just that i need to make the first move but surely not every guy i have come in contact with in my life only dates girls who make the first move. So any advice on how to seem more dateable?

When they flirt with you, flirt back. Be agreeable with them. Maybe then you'll get more offers for a date. You sound like a sweet girl so don't say yes to just the first guy who asks. You may even be the type who simply doesn't “play the game” too well. And that's okay. It just means that you're looking for something a little more meaningful than a fling. I'm not saying that your girlfriends are loose or anything, they just seem to be more at ease with “playing the game.”

Look for a boy who seems to be the same way. He's going to be shy, like you seem to be, so you may have to approach him and start something. Just a conversation or something at first. Keep it light and easy so it doesn't seem to yourself that you're approaching him to ask him out. Just do it in a way that makes you feel like you're just trying to make a friend. Don't tell HIM that of course, but if you approach a boy with that in mind it might make it easier for both of you.

You might also want to start to associate more with other girls who don't seem to date much so the other boys who also don't date much can see that you're that type. That will make you more approachable to them too.

Good luck hun.

Why not have your girlfriends hook you up?

I'll bet a few guys have already even talked to your girlfriends about you (ASK THEM!). You can let the girlfriend know you'd be receptive, she tells the guy, he has the pressure off, and boom...asks you out for a date.

Or, let your girlfriends know who you are interested in. It WILL get back to the guys, eventually.

It's not near as difficult as you're making it out to be, especially as a gal.

It wont be about your looks, maybe they try but think your not interested

That's probably exactly right. If you've been flirted with, they were looking for a green light, and for some reason, you gave them a red one. Pay attention to what your friends do. Don't act like them, but a few queues won't hurt.

reply to post by randomtangentsrme

Chances are you are to pretty, talented, and awesome for most/ all guys to think they have a chance.

Bingo. Not blowing smoke, what I remember from high school was the same, I'd flirt with the girls I liked, of course, but most of them just seemed unattainable.

You must have heard that story about how the prettiest girl is usually the loneliest because guys are timid to approach her.

Be yourself, relax, don't try to slut it up, I bet you'll find out there are plenty of guys interested.

Give a "nice guy" a chance and he'll probably treat you like gold.

Honestly.

Also, make sure you shower. It's my #1 tip!