posted on Mar, 27 2012 @ 09:51 PM
reply to post by silent thunder
That's ok. I'll talk about it. After 10 years, there's no point trying to hide it. At first, I still had the strong urges and desires, but was
met with intense frustration. I mean intense to the point of bleeding from causing damage. But a strange thing did start to happen. Over time,
around 1 year or so, sex started to disgust me.
I would get the thoughts and urges, but the more I would think about it, and the actions involved and the fluids from both parties and they would just
disgust and revolt me. I could feel myself thinking how pathetic and disgusting couples were in the confines of their bedrooms. Perhaps it was my
way of dealing with my failures, a personal coping mechanism..?
After a few years (up until now), thoughts of sexual interaction (those intent nasty thoughts....) happen maybe once every 2 months. And to be
perfectly honest, I still seem to harbor some of those feelings that its disgusting, but that feeling is now more directed inwards at myself. I'm
angered by myself, and in those moments too I feel how society values my company as worthless without a sexual payoff. Its a bitter feeling.
Then, I snap out of it. And then next 2 months, I guess it slowly festers and depresses my expressions of life a little every day giving me the
thoughts of 'why bother'.
As I said, do not take the pill, its messed me up no end!
(hope I've helped, very personal stuff here!)