I'm Scared of Death.. Im Searching For Soul And Life after Life.

Hello all, I just wanted to start off by saying that I have been up all night.. For i suffer from insomnia and anxiety.. to be honest I think it's the anxiety that causes the insomnia. I am not medicated for I don't believe in medication treating something thats natural.. I was diagnosed with depression when I was fourteen, I took medication for about a year until I stopped due to bad weight gain and other problems from the medication. I fought the depression myself and basically realized that depression is something I had to overcome on my own. Though I still have the chemical imbalance that is labeled as "depression" which is something to do with the seretonin receptors.. and blah blah.. I don't know to much about it. I was laying in my bed at 4:00am and I suddenly had a thought...

Now ill let you know (not to be self-centered) that I have a very vivid imagination.. When I imagine something happening to me.. I get so caught in the thought of that, that I feel that happening to me..
I don't know what it is but I can imagine something.. (anything) for example I imagined the world ending the other day.. I imagined me sitting on this chair.. reading about something.. and a massive wave hitting me.. I can feel the debree which the wave has carried I can feel myself panicking (I imagine how I would react) I can imagine being crushed by the meer force of the wave.. And it really is disturbing how I can live and feel in my imagination.. I focus so hard on it that I feel.. I hear.. even smell sometimes whats happening to me in that current "what if" state.

Anyways to get back on topic.. I was laying in bed earlier.. And I think about this...
This life that i'm living in.. This existence that I perceive every single day.. This... Just This!
I get this thought "What is this? This place.. This thing.. The only thing ive ever known.. WHAT IS IT!?
It's just so weird of a thought.. (Screaming in my head) It's just hard to imagine what is beyond this
vessel.. (Its so hard to grasp the big picture) Do you ever just think.. What the hell am I doing in this world?
(Please bare with me, If i sound weird I guess I am just much different then you.) I guess the reason I came here to ats in the first place is because.. I felt different then the average human being.. I felt as if everyone else isnt seeing the big picture.. I feel what everyone else feels on this site (or some of us) and that would be "awakened".

Then after that thought it instantly brought me to the thought.. My mom will die someday.. My friends and family will die someday.. it could be tomorrow, it could be 80 years from now.. I just don't know. Then I think...

I will die someday.

Then Boom. The feeling you get in your stomach.. The feeling I have felt very little.. The feeling you feel when someone you know dies. Like a fist is squeezing your stomach, and your head is filled with a rush of negative almost morbid emotion. Just the most extreme (negative) feeling you can get in your known identity..
Well for me anyways.. But then I realize.. I haven't seen nothing yet. I think about all the billions and billions of life forms that have felt much more pain then I have.. The countless people who have lost there loved ones.. And have experienced pain beyond the grasp of my self-proclaimed "vivid imagination". And I think about it..
I'm only 18 year's old. In my life everything has been peaches and cream... So much routine that I cant bear the thought that 5-10-20 years from now my life will not be the same.. The family and friends I love so much might not be there... I won't be able to stay up all night researching and learning to the brink of exhaustion.

Yeah... That's what I thought of.. I was so frightened by my own thoughts that I almost had a panic attack..
You know what I do when I feel sad.. Depressed.. And feel as if there is no hope for the world.. my identity.. My love for others.. and everything I know? I come here to ATS for metaphysics.. I youtube videos of people who died and went to heaven.. I look up as much as i possibly can about the soul until I feel better...

And that's what I did...

Here I am 6:11AM in the morning writing out my sob story in hope to feel better about myself.. Because somehow sharing my thoughts with my fellow human being makes me feel better.. Ive heard many times that we are all connected. And to be honest.. I feel emotionally we are. To be honest I don't even know what i'm writing about anymore.. I lost my point in this thread.. But in order to stay civil and not sound crazy.. I guess what this thread is about.. Is that i'm asking for help.. Anyone's help.. If it we're through experiences.. Or directions towards some kind of re-assurance that I will live after I die and please.. Though I do respect all religions.. This is not a religious matter. I do not believe in any religion though I do believe the message that most hold.
For I can not lead myself to believe that a single religion is true... But any help or anything that has made you feel better about death would be great.. Anyways.. Thank you all.. I know its a hard time in this world to stay optimistic about life. With all the BS going on with our government (U.S.) But i'm sure some of you still have hope in this world.. Maybe you can share that with me..

Thank you.

You should try reading Charles T Tart's book The End of Materialism. he has an open mind and investigates some of the things you talk about in your thread with some interesting findings.

don't be ridiculous. you are not afraid of death. you are afraid of the though of death.
so stop thinking about, enjoy life, and if you want to live forever: breed.

My friend, one way to look at death is a transformation. Some of the experiences in our reality are absolutely amazing, and just imagine how they'll be when you shed this physical form! I firmly believe in God, but i respect you if you do not. We all make decisions for ourselves.

Do you think it would be advantageous for nothing to exist beyond this realm we live in now?

If you want a good way to learn about life, and get a completely different perspective, I would recommend talking to the folks at record.oct282011.com Despite the fighting you run into on there, they'll show you things you never dreamed you could see.

Best of luck to you in your search my friend.

reply to post by BruceEFury


I think the reason I am replying to this is because your account there reminded me a bit of myself when I was 18.
I don't feel that way anymore (36 now)
I have retained a very vivid imagination (famous for daydreaming) and can totally get caught up in a scenario i've created to the point where i'm really feeling the emotion of it all and zone out of my actual surroundings.
Sounds to me though like these scenarios for you are on the negative side. You need to catch yourself when you start, end that thought and put that imagination to better use.
Sounds wishy washey to say think positive thoughts but you know what I mean. If you can create these scenarios so realistically, why not get absorbed by scenarios that make you happy.
As far as death goes - Nothing to fear there. At the moment we are all on holiday here and we will all eventually go home. In a wierd sort of way i'm looking forward to it and I know i'm not alone in that.

Hey Bruce,

No one can guarantee you with absolute certainty that there is anything after this life.

But what can be guaranteed is that the mind is capable of reach beyond the confines of what you call your body and affects things on many different levels. This has been the message of the mystics for man thousands of years, a message which is echoed in one way or another through every culture that is and has ever been.

And it has also now been proved scientifically through quantum physics.

With that in mind, the next logical step from the mind/spirit/soul/whatev not being confined within the body, is that it can exist without a body.

Personally I can't see it any other way.

Go get a low dose anti-anxiety med. Even Buspar which isn't addictive could work. Your anxiety isn't "natural." Look at past numbers of people with anxiety disorders. The increase in percentage of people with these problems is extremely disproportionate to increases in population. Same goes for depression. I personally believe it's our environment. the things we breathe, ingest, come in contact with every day.... None of it was around a few hundred years ago.

Even if you are totally against using pharmaceuticals, at least get a good vitamin b complex. It helps a whole hell of a lot more than most would have you believe. A former coworker and good friend (a PharmD originally from India who tends to go homeopathic before pharms) became concerned when I was taking up to 6mg of clonazepam in a single shift and told me about b complex. I wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't tried it.

My fiancee had a crippling fear of death and has come a long way on Paxil, but as far as I've seen, she's the exception. I wouldn't recommend that poison to anyone. As I type this, I'm having tingling and electrical shock sensations in my extremities and lips because I didn't take the garbage for a couple of nights.

I have never had a fear of death, I think mostly because of my paranormal encounters since childhood. If you're anywhere near NY, come visit my home or my family's home. Seriously, look into the paranormal. If you're that worried about death, maybe it will put your mind at ease a bit.

Dont be. Its like taking off a very tight uncomfortable shoe. You will be singing this song before ya know it,,, guranteed.




Ever stop to think that anxiety, depression, loneliness, anger, and all the DSM4 psych diagnostics given out is the correct response and all those that you see that seem happy confident and get most anything they want are incorrect?

Very good chance it is true.

hi op

i know how you feel
i was 18 once
its them bloody hormones
they drive you insane
they settle down in the 20s (so iwas told)
but its still the same now in my 30s lol
bloody dopamine

I used to stress over those very same things as a teenager. Sometimes so much that I'd lie awake at night in a cold sweat. It gets better, trust me.

As for coming off the depression pills to tackle your feelings on your own. WELL DONE. I never get depression, It's just occasional sadness, and you don't need pills for that. You only need cheering up and you can do that yourself by steering towards positive things. You'll have your up days and your down days, but I'm guessing you're definitely not daft so you'll cope like we all have to do, (till we find out what all THIS is about). Read a great book, smell the roses, write some limericks.

I can totally relate to everything that you're saying/feeling, having been through it myself.

You seem to have a very thirsty mind which can go into overdrive very easily.
A problem with that is the insomnia. The thoughts that lead to the seeking, also contribute to the insomnia. When our minds are tired/exhausted from the constant searching, its only a step away into worrying, then panic. A tired mind can't function or react the same way it can when rested.
Be more gentle & understanding to yourself. It can take alot of pressure off.

Also, the great thing about having a vivid imagination is just like you can envisage scary, frightening scenarios, you are equally equipped with imagining wonderful, fantastic, joyful visions.

If this is your brain being destructive its going to be amazing at being equally constructive!

Bruce,

Have you ever noticed your body wants to be nocturnal? When Jupiter is overhead, you can't sleep.

It's because of Jupiters emissions, microwaves blasting Earth that won't let you sleep. It's also effecting your heart, won't let it slow down.

Your anxiety/health issues come from Jupiter. She's been REALLY active lately blasting Earth and will be for quite a bit longer.

Several comments here. First, try to determine why you are afraid of death. Is it the fear of fear itself, the fear of the unknown, the fear of pain, the fear of loss (if loss, break that down into loss of what or whom etc.), the fear of the afterlife itself, the fear of not knowing, loss of control ....

Second, you have the extreme depth of emotion and imagination that is extraordinarily rare. This to me is a sign of the great artists, musicians, poets and writers. It's sad but true that the greatest works of creativity were done in the deepest pits of dispair. These same activities 'can' lead you out of that same mood and help you to find your answers. It's a double-edged sword - one way you are happier and content - the other way you are miserable but at the top of the peak of creativity.

Third, for depression, a natural help (not a cure) is MORNING sunshine. The sun between sunrise and 10AM is a natural anti-depressant. So is brisk walking. Weight control is also a vital key to maintaining a modicum of happiness. My advice is to stay away from chocolates, even though they tout them as natural anti-depressants - they set up a cycle where your system will demand more and more to keep from being depressed. Everything in moderation is key to the depression diet.

Bruce, there's a film on google videos/other sites. Called "infinity: the ultimate trip" It's a collaboration of some people who have had near death experiences. If you fear death, and what comes after it, then please set aside a bit of your time to watch it. You may find some cofort in this film, I certainly did. (not that I've ever been afraid of death as such, but it did certainly back up some of the thoughts and feelings I've had on the subject) Please watch it, and enjoy it if you can

I can relate to a lot of how you think about life.

About your problems sleeping. Maybe if you set you mind to focusing on finding answers from within yourself, in the dream world, then sleeping might become more easy.

Maybe focus on lucid dreaming or finding out how real OBE/Astral Projections are, and seeing if you can find answers there. This in itself might make you subconscious mind more calm and happy to go to sleep to the land of imagination and possibilities.

I just finished reading Michael Newton's Destiny of Souls. A sequel to Journey of Souls, where the author a hypnotherapist brings people from their last incarnation on earth to their journey in the "spirit world". There's over 60 case studies in the second book and it is by far some great reading especially if you are going through a little bit of a life crisis right now.

We are immortal beings, and we have to lose our memories of ourselves when we come to this physical plane. Those of us who are well attuned can commune with their "higher selves" or "holy guardian angels", the part of you that stays in the spirit world.

He says we have to learn our lessons on the material plane before we can graduate up the ladder. The ultimate goal is to get back to the all. You have a "preview" of the life that you will have, and the body with some of the difficult choices that you will have to make. Some of his patients are blocked from seeing things they aren't supposed to yet.

Also you have an intense "evaluation" with your spirit guide (everyone has one) and a council after your previous life to go over what you did right, and what you'll have to work on in other incarnations.

One of the first things in "Destiny of Souls" he talks about is spirits being able to weave dreams or insert themselves into one's dreams. They do this when people are grieving right after they die. A few weeks later, I had a dream of my great grandmother that passed away almost 10 years ago. She came into my dream and told me "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye". And we never really did. I woke up with that dream and started to cry.

We are immortal beings. You never have to fear, you've been here before

reply to post by BruceEFury


The imagination can be great as long as you know when to use it and also realize it is all imagination. You are forming images, writing stories in the mind but the body does not know that these things are not happening, the body and mind react to the stimuli, you are feeding yourself with fear, so you feel fearful. Life is not pleasant when you are full of fear. Do you enjoy feeling this way? If not, it can be stopped.

reply to post by schlomo


Well said... I am going to find these books and read what they have to say. Thank you!