Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

reply to post by getreadyalready


Depends if you reading the new or old testament. By generalizing "God" like most christians do your allowing yourself to a broad set of ideals. Old testament god would tell you to beat the # out of your kids, new testament god would tell you to praise there innocent nature. Regardless anything in moderation is never a bad thing, teaching your child that they won't be hit for excessive cocky behavior will only bring a world of hurt when they realize other people have fists and would use them justly in such an occasion. If the world were all rainbows and pixy dust maybe your way of parenting would work... but sadly it isn't.

reply to post by NoJoker13


Wait, are you agreeing with me or not? I've been in favor of spanking and corporeal punishment the whole thread, and the post you replied to was an extension of that, but you ended your reply like I was against spanking?

reply to post by greeneyedleo



I admire the strength of your convictions!
Although you are dead wrong.

Im not getting into a big debate or anything, just starting what I think.

I believe every now and then, especially my nephew, needs a little smack on the bum when he is playing up or being rude to his mum or dad coming home with ideas from other kids and being an absolute little #, its not just teaching kids right from wrong but a little bit of discipline aswell.

This whole save the children from ourselves giving them a smack, germs, getting hurt on playgrounds etc is the exact reason the human race is going backwards in evolution because were getting softer. Hell I was getting scrappes scratches bruises and busting myself up all the time.

If the world were all rainbows and pixy dust maybe your way of parenting would work... but sadly it isn't.

Haha yes so true, so true.....

reply to post by addygrace


It is people like you why children have no respect and causing trouble. Children need to smacked to be kept in line. White liberals always trying to tell others how to raise their kids and the kids end up being monsters for listing to those white liberals ways of raising kids. As an Mexican-American, pull out the leather belt and spank that kid or the kid would end being a spoiled rotten brat. Kids were a lot more respectful back then, because the parents show them real discipline.

reply to post by matthewgraybeal


Sorry but I disagree. Parenting is not defined by physical discipline.

reply to post by Chopper


People like me...hmmm...yeah things were all so much better back in the day....

reply to post by Kryties


You bring up the point that a little is better than too much. The trouble is, when it comes to physical discipline, it's a slippery slope.

reply to post by MonteroReal
[mo

I can't as this information doesn't differentiate. However you cannot prove that these children were not part of an escalation of violence that began with spanking and went further to where it became abuse. I have my opinion and you have yours. I'll stick with mine.

It's not as much fun as it used to be, back in the day.

Originally posted by redhorse

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
reply to post by redhorse

 

Your post was interesting and truly heartfelt. I commend you for handling very well what must be an extremely challenging situation at times. Not easy at all. Parents of special needs children are all over the world and they all have very unique and often difficult decisions to make regarding the well being and raising of their children. As all of us do - we try and do the best we can.

Well thank you.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
And that research shows that for the a majority of children (not all mind you - but a majority) the use of physical discipline was a negative impact on their lives and led to many other issues later in life. Here just a few facts:

www.dosomething.org...

Nope. You said "physical discipline" and then quote a bunch of statistics on "abuse". There is a difference. This is a misleading approach. I call foul.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
Now I know we're not talking about abuse - however for many - this is less clear than you think. It can be a slippery slope of escalating violence. Is this the same as spanking? Of course not. But the messaging used to convey this sometimes takes things to an extreme in order for a point to be made. The fact remains that poor parenting is one of the major failures of modern society - and its not for the lack of physical discipline.

I never said it was clear, and there certainly is a slippery slope, but I AM talking about abuse, and the fact that too many people (much as you have done here) interchange physical discipline of any sort and abuse, and this is complete and utter crap. My fathers abusive outbursts certainly didn't help me become a productive member of society, or really teach me anything. For me however, the emotional abuse that I did not mention (that had nothing to do with my father) was far more damaging than the physical abuse, (which is not to excuse it mind you). The emotional abuse is harder to qualify, or even identify though. Long story short here, for me, the beatings were not nearly as damaging as the head trips.

As I said in my post, there is a far cry from physical abuse that can (and usually) does contribute to someone becoming a criminal, or a drug addict, or another abuser, or just not-nice-person-in-general, and physical discipline applied with the intent to teach. You seem to be interchanging the two, and you know the difference in one breath and call them the same in the next. I find this baffling, and frankly irritating, specious, double talk. I don't know if it's simply in over-zealousness to prove your point, or if you simply take it as a given that most or many people cannot be trusted to apply appropriate physical discipline because they cannot exhibit the necessary self-control (which is the primary cause for the "slippery slope" aspect), or some combination of both, or even another factor. I also feel that a culture can teach people to approach it more responsibly, and I still feel that socially requiring no physical discipline under any circumstances is an over-simplified approach that is ultimately more damaging to a society.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
As for the end of your post, I'll avoid being insulted by stating that I am neither young nor childless and have very little time on my hands.

I said "most" read it again please. When I say "most" I mean "most" not all. I'm a stickler for applied vocabulary. Did I mention that I am on the spectrum myself? Please bear with my idiosyncrasies.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
I will say I never struck my kids once but found other ways to discipline them. They are now very successful people and I'm very proud of them. Different strokes for different folks as they say - but I'll stick to my ideals any day of the week.

While I admire the ideal of sticking to ones principles, and I have no doubt that your approach worked well for you and your family, I personally have found that sticking to a principal for the sake of sticking to a principal to be a recipe for hypocrisy, and generally does more harm than good. It simply does not work well for me, and in my experience it does not work well for most people even when they think that it is. You may be the exception.

For the record, I could brag my kid up too, but I don't have room, and most people get bored with it. I will say, she is fine, academically mainstreamed and excelling, with a few close friends, but she will probably never be a social butterfly.

Well done my friend. I respect your viewpoint. Thanks for respecting mine and for the exchange

Originally posted by mrsoul2009

You bring up the point that a little is better than too much. The trouble is, when it comes to physical discipline, it's a slippery slope.

It isn't a slippery slope - it's called self control. Yes, those who can not exhibit enough self control to only smack their children as a means to discipline as opposed to beating them out of anger would be considered child abusers.

There is a difference and in my opinion it is a significant one. If your children are left hobbling around with broken bones and mental scars because you were slapping them silly for every noise they made, of course that is unacceptable, and I don't think any one in this thread would argue otherwise. But if you have taught your child that certain things are not right and they decide to do them anyways, despite your various verbal warnings/time outs/removal of toys, then a tap on the bottom is hardly going to land them in therapy.

Originally posted by mrsoul2009
reply to post by Kryties

 

You bring up the point that a little is better than too much. The trouble is, when it comes to physical discipline, it's a slippery slope.

Of course, I do see your point on this. My view on it is as long as it is not delivered with malice, does not hurt the child beyond a mild sting, more like an exaggerated tap than a strike, and is located on or around the buttocks area then I believe smacking is OK. Personally I would never use the wooden spoon or any other implement other than my open hand, even though the wooden spoon was used on me as a child.

As long as one sets strict limits to the physical discipline I see no issue whatsoever with it. No harm is done, the child learns their lesson and everyone is happy.

P.S. - On a side note, the private school I went to had, and still does to my knowledge, a rule that parents could agree to that allowed the school to discipline students using a wooden paddle to the bum if the infraction was a serious one. I never did anything that warranted this, but a few in my grade did and I tell you they never acted up again after that!

If I didn't get smacked around a bit when I was younger, I'd have turned out to be a naughty douchebag.

Kids these days trying to act like 20ft tall gangsters without any respect for others are a result of this 'cotton mitts' approach, from a change in PC perspectives.

I'll be disciplining my children as I see fit, lawfully. Statutes apply to government employees only. I wasn't one last time I checked my payroll.

reply to post by Deebz


I disagree. You're attempting to qualify a "smacking." I get it. I know what you mean. but its not how I was raised and its not how I raised my own kids.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


I, like you, got the leather belt when I was young but mine came from a Marine Corp Drill Sargeant. I do not believe in using weapons of any kind on a child, however, I do however believe in the saying, "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child".
Try first giving your child choices, they can have this or that taken away from them for their behavior, you'll be surprised what giving them a decision will accomplish with thei behavior. But, there comes a time when one of those choices needs to escalate to, "Do you want 1 or 2 spanks?"
Having said that, I also believe you need be very careful when having to spank. I believe you should never spank in anger, and I believe when you do spank that the child's pants should Not be pulled down to spank bare skin. One to two swats gets their attention. Before and after the spanking I think the parent should explain why they are receiving this type of punishment (and should only be used when other methods have failed). Some children respond to talking it out, but when they get defiant and their behavior begins to escalate and they are affecting others, and affecting themselves whether it be in school, or at home, then I feel tough love is called for.
Immediately after allowing them to cool down, and after explaining why, I think you should hug them, kiss them, and most importantly remind them that you love them. I think you'll find that child working harder to not disappoint you in the future, and focus more on their actions and exercise self control. And at that time, when you notice them behaving properly is a terrific time for positive reinforcement with a reward! Whether it be with something they want, or more times than not you'll find the reward they crave is your time. Give it to them and make sure you let them know when you are proud of them.
Sorry for such a long post, but raising a child takes a lot of effort.

reply to post by xmartinez


Knock on wood friend, agreed!

There is no room for state or nation in a family's home, EVER!
Least you know where I may be coming from, its soon to be?...

At the end of the day, if the kid grows up properly with a good head on his/her shoulders and understands and appreciates the way they were raised, it doesn't really matter. You really can't tell someone how to raise their children.

I got the belt a few times as a kid, and I will admit I deserved it, but it made me grow up, have a little respect and know what lines can and cannot be crossed. Wrap your kid in bubble wrap and cotton wool and life isn't going to treat them very well. A mere smack to bring a little reality to the kids when they have done wrong does not hurt. I am not saying become a child abuser, wanks like that should be thrown away in jail, but a little discipline from a child's parents, be it a smack, being grounded, having privileges taken away does not make a child grow up to be a serial offender.....

Originally posted by Evil_Santa
reply to post by getreadyalready

 

Reading this is beyond frightening to me. By creating a constant environment of turmoil you're keeping your children in a constant state of uncertanty about their decisions because they do not have clear boundries for reward and punishment. This is further compounded by your activly trying to keep your children guessing.

Sadly this type of environment is probably the most detrimental thing child can grow up in because they never establish a internal sense of confidence, as well as a terrible ( or none at all ) self-image.

Most personality disorders are triggered by variations of this type of environment. I would implore you to reconsider your parenting methods, as i grew up in that type of environment and cannot form deep relationships now because of it. I sincerely doubt that's the gift of life you wish to give your children.

Where is the uncertainty? Most are not advocating random beatings just to keep kids in line. There are boundaries for reward and punishment. At least in my case.

There were only certain circumstances in which I got the hand, the switch, or the belt. Lying, stealing, repeatedly breaking rules, trouble with the law, things like that. I definitely understood what the punishment for things would be. Other things like poor grades were handles with grounding and taking away privileges. My good behavior was rewarded with more privileges, allowance, my own tv, a car, and trust. There was no confusion.


The system worked for me, and its one I plan on using. Consequences are something I will make very clear to my kids.