You Control Your Emotions, Not Others

Hello, and may Peace be with us all.

We're going to be talking about emotions. Not violence, or rape, or murder, etc.
Simply emotions.

No one makes you mad. No one makes you angry. No one frustrates you. No one even makes you happy!

It's all in your head. You are as happy or miserable as you allow yourself to be.

Dwell on negative emotions and you cultivate negativity into your heart.
Dwell on positive emotions and you cultivate positivity into your heart.

Your emotions are like a wild, rampaging beast if you are not mindful of them. They can wreak havoc and destruction.

We must seek to control our own emotions through mindfulness and understanding in order to have control over our own lives.

Peace.

reply to post by Sahabi


There are actions and interactions with others that result in an emotional effect. I think that's the only proper way to really control your emotions. Motivation, however, might be something you have control over. If you're motivated to have a good day as soon as you wake up in the morning, you will.

reply to post by Sahabi


You tell the truth.

However emotions are hard for people to control.

For many this is out of their grasp.

reply to post by Sahabi


Let's define "positive" and "negative" now !

reply to post by Sahabi


I totally agree. Our emotions come from our thoughts.

For example, If someone tells me I'm ugly, then I can either agree with them or not. If I think I'm the hottest thing, I will just smile and let them have their opinion. If I'm insecure and have doubts about my looks, then I'm going to be sad and hurt. Or I can realize that it doesn't really matter what a person looks like and there are a certain number of ugly people in the world and maybe I'm one... Does it really matter in the big scheme of things? No.

I choose how I react and respond. I am not always successful in controlling how I feel or what I think, but ultimately, I am in charge of how I feel.

Originally posted by gosseyn
reply to post by Sahabi

 

Let's define "positive" and "negative" now !

Positive: Peace, Harmony

Negative: Conflict, Chaos

On the other hand, I've seen philosophies like this used to allow bullies and sociopaths get away with their behavior. Since you control your own emotions, whatever they say or do can't bother you unless you let it, thus making it okay for them to treat people like crap and actually making it the victim's fault.

reply to post by smithjustinb


Hi there.

Motivation only achieves a temporary sense of emotional control. How long and consistently can we stay motivated about anything?

The key to true emotional control is understanding and mindfulness.

reply to post by Sahabi
In my opinion, the human, social animal, as a collective, will always let others control their emotions to some extent. These emotions are part of a natural process that we don't seem to fully understand and embrace within ourselves as a species. From human mating rituals to social interactions/status there will usually be some measure of control we allow others to have over our emotions, unless you are rejecting these natural processes thru spiritual beliefs or social rejection, even mental illness. I don't mean to make light by lumping them together, this is just my observations and personal beliefs. Emotions are not simple at all. Again, they are guides to ourselves and are a natural process to living as a human social animal. If you are sad, there are likely reasons why, and to reject sadness because it doesn't feel good doesn't sound very healthy to me at all. I doubt that anyone has ever fully controlled their emotions or shielded them from being impervious from control by others. There are no 'Spocks'.

reply to post by grey580


Aren't wild animals difficult to tame? Easier to tame a young animal than an old animal. Difficult to tame an adult animal, but not impossible. It takes commitment, patience, and understanding.

Emotions are your's, and indeed, nobody can sit you down and force you to be happy or sad. Emotions are a virus, whether good or bad. If somebody does something that makes you angry, such as being angry themsselves and trying to pass it on to you through their words or actions, realize that anger is a useless emotion and pass on from it. Anger arises from nothing positive, therefore, feel it, analyze why it's making you angry, and stand above it.

Edit: Read the Buddha's teachings on negative emotions. You can also read the Tao Te Ching and learn how to go with the flow of the river of life rather than struggle and fight against it. In letting the flow take you, you obtain the power of the river behind you.

Not true.People have effects on you that determine how you feel.

Is this some of that 'new age' tosh?

reply to post by Viking9019


This is 't new age at all.

You've unfortunately been conditioned since birth to believe that you must accept the negativity that life offers, and allow it to affect you, because you have no control over anything. Externally, you have no say. Internally, you are more powerful than any god of old.

It's true.
Only you can make you mad. I tell my kids that all the time.

Originally posted by Sahabi
reply to post by smithjustinb

 

Hi there.

How long and consistently can we stay motivated about anything?

For the same amount of time as you stay consistently emotionally positive.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


Nicely said Benevolent Heretic. Thank you for the wonderful examples illustrating the concept of the op.

"This guy on the highway cut me off and he made me so mad!"

This guy only drove his car in a way that offended you. He didn't 'make' you mad, you allowed yourself to become mad.

How could we deal with such issues superficially? We can tell ourselves that it doesn't really matter. We can forgive the guy. We can give him the benefit of the doubt. We can think about when we have done stupid things and give the guy a break. We can even make up excuses for him like... maybe he is rushing to the hospital, maybe his wife is about to give birth, maybe someone just died that was close to him, maybe he just lost his job!

But when it comes down to the most fundamental origins, emotions are a personal choice of how we react to situation.

reply to post by Sahabi


You make it sound so easy.

But you are right. It takes time and effort.

My husband and I learned a long time ago that saying "you make me feel... " is just worthless. Learning to own your feelings is a hard process, but it can be done! And it's SO empowering! I still get angry but I KNOW it's my choice to be angry about something. It makes it a LOT easier to release it and move on.

I have been doing this for so long, it's the default. It's habit. I can't even imagine living in a world where my emotional state is at the mercy of other people's judgments and actions! Ugh! What a powerless and out-of-control way to live.

reply to post by AnIntellectualRedneck


You are alluding to tyranny and injustice. That is a whole 'nother topic. But even then, mindfulness of our emotions is necessary. What is the better way to handle these situation? To become blinded by rage, anger, and fear? Or to have control of our emotions and figure out how to end the tyranny and injustice?

reply to post by Sahabi


But how would you recognize said tyranny and injustice if their actions didn't make you feel those emotions?

After all, you control your own emotion, so if someone's actions seem unfair or tyrannical to you, then it's your fault and your problem for not controlling your emotions better.