Spiritual Journey - Lost Grip on Reality, Life in Shambles

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


I'm not here to preach to you, but rather to share. I think I came periously close to going down the same path as yourself just over a year ago. I have always believed in God but had a problem with religion.

I don't want to write a book here or make this about me, so to cut to the chase. About a year-and-a-half ago I decided to meditate to try and connect with the energy/power that I had been picking up on more and more. What I tapped into simply amazed me....and scared me at the same time. It felt so RIGHT and so wonderful. I wanted more, but even more I had to understand it. SO. I started reading. (I did a lot of it here) For over a week, I contemplated many, many things. From mysticism to chakra to riki, astral projection, etc. etc. Finally, one night after struggling for over a week and feeling almost manic......I prayed. The relief and joy that came over me was my answer.

This is my personal opinion and I will not try and tell you that I am right and you must believe me, but you seem to have already considered this so I want to encourage you to explore this avenue some more.

The power of the Holy Spirit is so strong that when it is experienced, an acceptable answer for it must be found. if you are at all like me, you struggle with organized religion. In fact, organized religion struggles and even tries to suppress the supernatural nature of the Holy Spirit even though it is all over the scriptures. Ironic, eh?

I have gotten more involved with a local church this past year, much to my surprise. It is NOT organized. In fact, our pastor preaches AGAINST organized religion. What a breath of fresh air that is! The message is simple: LOVE. It is what we are meant for. When the love pours out of you to others, God keeps your resevoir full. THAT is how you keep the Holy Spirit flowing. I hope that makes sense.

I can't tell you what to do, it is a unique experience for everyone. I just want to caution you about some of the routes you spoke of. You know that part of you that you already talked about, the part tapping you on the shoulder and saying "Hey! Ya you! Maybe we shouldn't be messing with this stuff. Maybe it is dark and pulling us down somewhere we don't want to go." Listen to it.

If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

I would like to give you a link to my church's website. It sounds like you are searching, and aren't so much against christianity as organized religion. This specific link is the part of the website that has webcasts of our pastors sermons for the past year or so. I wish todays was available becuase it would be perfect. When i read your post I immediately thought of it, but it isn't up yet. He spoke of the holy spirit and the gifts that he bestows on us and what it means. Very, very good stuff. So look for it..it should be up this week. He has written three books now too, one of them about the pitfalls of organized religion.

Anways, here is the website:

CTK


Good luck with your journey, because yes, that's what it is. Just remember that it is about Love. You are NOT alone. So many of us KNOW there so much more to this life. I feel that I have been blessed by the people that were already around me to help guide me in my journey. My life now is even richer, more fulfilling and the anxiety I suffered from before is now gone. I am still on my journey.....just begining, really. But I feel that I know what path I am on, and what is at the end and who is in control, so I am happy in it. I pray that you find your way too.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical

Every day above ground is a good day. Split Infinity

Originally posted by yourmaker
kind of pissed me off dude, it's like you can't choose or feel for yourself, your expecting the right way to be spoonfed like it has been up until that point. it doesn't matter what anyone else is saying, including myself, the right path isn't ascension or christ, or being a good person only for karma, none of that matters in a short physical life, those ideas are based on an endless spiritual life which is all based on a faith no one really knows is true or not.

just be happy in the moment, understand that life, human life, the kind where we think and feel is rare and it doesn't last forever. the people around us shouldn't determine what you think or feel, only you, and if you feel you're lost, maybe you need to ask yourself why, and what can you do about it? with a mans attitude.
the whole suicide thing is just pathetic, and I don't pity you. i'm still here, anyone still living has their problems...
we got over them and realized it wasnt the end of the world.
yeah I was born into something I couldn't control, yeah it wasn't perfect, but seriously, it could be a lot worse.
it's not, so quit being so dramatic and do something about it.

I'm sorry that you feel this life is so meaningless, because I feel it so very, very important.

On the contrary....what people think and feel around us matters very much. THAT is what is left behind when we are gone. What we do to and for others is the only true way we leave a mark. I have always wondered about what it must be like to believe we just cease to exist after death. What a scary world to live in. I feel that I have a great responsibility while I have the gift of being in this world, preparing me for the next phase of my life. If I am wrong....at least I have tried to live a life where I love others more than myself.

Originally posted by westcoast

Originally posted by yourmaker
kind of pissed me off dude, it's like you can't choose or feel for yourself, your expecting the right way to be spoonfed like it has been up until that point. it doesn't matter what anyone else is saying, including myself, the right path isn't ascension or christ, or being a good person only for karma, none of that matters in a short physical life, those ideas are based on an endless spiritual life which is all based on a faith no one really knows is true or not.

just be happy in the moment, understand that life, human life, the kind where we think and feel is rare and it doesn't last forever. the people around us shouldn't determine what you think or feel, only you, and if you feel you're lost, maybe you need to ask yourself why, and what can you do about it? with a mans attitude.
the whole suicide thing is just pathetic, and I don't pity you. i'm still here, anyone still living has their problems...
we got over them and realized it wasnt the end of the world.
yeah I was born into something I couldn't control, yeah it wasn't perfect, but seriously, it could be a lot worse.
it's not, so quit being so dramatic and do something about it.

I'm sorry that you feel this life is so meaningless, because I feel it so very, very important.

On the contrary....what people think and feel around us matters very much. THAT is what is left behind when we are gone. What we do to and for others is the only true way we leave a mark. I have always wondered about what it must be like to believe we just cease to exist after death. What a scary world to live in. I feel that I have a great responsibility while I have the gift of being in this world, preparing me for the next phase of my life. If I am wrong....at least I have tried to live a life where I love others more than myself.

but then you never really lived your own 'destiny', instead one that was carved for you.
what is the point of that? why live a life that is not your own? it doesn't mean you have to shun out those good qualities or pretend they don't exist because of it.

it's not meaningless, but it's also not the most meaningful thing in the universe.
my life is expendable in the grand scheme, forgotten in 1000 years.
the mark is a dream, a nice dream, that one day you will have to wake up from.

i don't suppose you've ever read one of my little comments about me dying in hospital, yes it's true.
I was dead for about a minute, my heart stopped because of too much morphine after a morning surgery during sleep.
I woke up and recall the nurse calling for a doctor, the machine started to beep, faster and faster until it stopped and the room began to quickly spin, fade into a hazy grey/white/black mist and instantly freeze like you couldn't believe.
I became a 'ghost', floated into the ceiling, which evidently was the floor of another hospital, waking up the next day in my body.
I died, travelled in time and momentarily became a ghost in the span of 5 minutes, but in reality it was under a day.

I am not sure what is after death completely, but that was my near death experience. Ghostlike.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical

Well, if you liked that advice. Here is another piece of free advice.
Watch this video:

www.youtube.com...

Then humble yourself.
There is no dark night of your soul!
Its all in your head.
Forget about it.

My humblest heartfelt feelings are felt from you. How do you send someone love??????

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical



First, you need to pack up your #, and move out of your ex-girlfriend's place!

On your way out the door, turn around do a round-about kick to her new boyfriend's face!

-Sour
(okay, sorta kidding about the second part)

I am at a stage in my life where I have been asking myself - what next? I mean, sure, im educated, I live comfortably, but I can't see any further than the monotony of regular life - I sleep, wake up, turn on the computer or television, go to work, and then go home. There is nothing "exciting" in my life asides from my spiritual experiences, which recently have "uprooted" me - I was hearing all kinds of things, with a variety of accusatory thoughts - I felt a deep sense of guilt and remorse for my own state of mind and my relationships with my family and friends.

Basically, I reached a point where I almost went mad, I was saying all kinds of things, expecting to find sympathy, expecting to find some kind of reciprocation - and all I got after it had ramped up to its maximum - was a diagnosis. I realise that there are some things that the average person is simply not ready to comprehend, things that they are incapable of sympathising or empathising with.

That being said, there were a lot of "eye openers" in terms of the beings and entities that I had communication with - I will tell you one thing, they are real, and I basically was hearing coherent messages and seeing what were essentially "hollograms" in addition to being visited in my sleep. I feel that "they" can sense those who are "waking up" and there are factions that wish to "test" such individuals, those that wish to "help", and those that wish to "suppress" such individuals.

Although I feel the medication is an impedent, I am greatful for the support that I have had, even though those who are helping me in the physical world are not capable or not sensitive enough to realise what had been happening to me - the event that triggered it all "upset the applecart" of my mind, so to speak, I felt disorientated, without direction, and without that sense of "hope" that I had for the future.

At the moment, I have been able to pick myself up, but much of my "soul" or "spirit" has depleated, however, mentally, my thoughts have become far more accute, and the negativity has cleared for the time being - but there is this kind of depressing boredom, I still ask myself "what next" as I have ceased to "look forward to" things.

In terms of suicide, I feel that it is pointless, as I realise that I will continue to exist in whatever spiritual state I had been in, I almost feel as everything is pointless, but I continue because there is nothing else to do - things that I had once enjoyed seem empty, although I am a young man, I still feel weighed down.

My advice to you is to find something that you enjoy as a hobby, something that is yours, that you can build upon, a form of escape.

I feel strongly that this thread should be kept alive. How are you doing?. Feel free to U2U.

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


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@What's standing in the way?


I don't think there is anything in your way OhNoItsCritical I think what your experiencing is the level of heightened awareness and with that many around you cannot and will not understand your motives and feelings overall with the world. When you began your spiritual journey you have to remember many of those who are around you may not have started with you so they are still in a conscious reality that forbids them to think or perceive like you. its sad in some ways because "we" who do try to advance are doing so for the most part to support those very people we love who wont understand the more aware mind states. I have been there before and yes I recall speaking to a woman who I thought was all I needed but when I would discuss topics of my interest for example the ANNUNAKI she would more less be interested but like its a fairy tale but when I would show here data related to the stuff I was discussing she would get fearful then began to deny. So I had to realize like well am I wrong for wanting to share some things I learned or MAY BE AWARE OF -- no I am not wrong especially if she was more interested in the Jersey shore reality show over potential genetic data. SO to keep it short she is no longer with me but was it the end -- NO I realized many around me cannot take being enlightened to certain subjects especially the COSMIC/GENETIC subjects so I try to go at many people with a not DULL but a more SOFTER LIGHT APPROACH- meaning I will place the LIGHT or data/encouragement to learn about yourself more but I won't get to deep into it if I feel you are not receptive. I realized this helped me to more function around those who I love and not feel bad because they are not aware of things that I may be aware of.

Overall the spiritual journey for me has been a good experience I naturally try to think about my effects on others and how to assist them even in a subconscious way, for instance like just telling my new lady something nice in the morning effecting her over all day on a positive level or seeing a complete stranger and showing them or them even showing me respect just because and that effecting them or me effecting me by alerting me that YES there are still GOOD PEOPLE OF EARTH and many are just stuck lost in a world that FEEDS off of there conscious energy outputs like FEAR** fear of financial fail fear of not fitting in socially fear of not finding a spouse or partner. With that simple interaction between me and a stranger or me and my lady I can see the effects of keeping a overall positive vibrating energy and then IMAGINE IF IT DOMINO EFFECTED GLOBALLY OR EVEN COSMICALLY YES COSMICALLY FOR THEY NEED LOVE TOO OUR COSMIC FAMILY BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY OR THREAD LOL. Anyway OhNoItsCritical don't let the downs lower your frequency just because you attempting to ascend into a higher conscious reality just try and be patient with those you have around you and keep in mind that you are into some things the general populace my not consider. I have been there before feeling very low sad emotional about others around me not seeming to care about the world THEY WALK ON and how they may be under siege by higher powers some powers may not even be of earth yes another topic for discussion , so don't feel bad or get down I think its part of the phase of things, to experience people around you not fully understanding your positive intentions. Which in turn makes you question yourself INTERNALLY AM I EVEN DOING THE RIGHT THINGS SINCE MANY SEEM DISCOMFORTED. And your answer back should be a YES for you care for them and their well being and want to see them Spiritually advance as well and not be left inside a potential SPIRIT TRAP for the sleeping or ignorant.

Take care OhNoItsCritical and I wish you the best with your spiritual journey please wish me as much good as you can as well for I am on the journey also and need all the help that's willing to support spiritual awareness and ascension.

JUST REMEMBER THAT THOSE WHO MAY ABANDON YOU DURING YOUR SEARCH FOR HIGHER AWARENESS ARE NOT ALL DOING IT TO BE MEAN THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, BUT IF YOU MANAGE TO GET IT UNDER CONTROL YOU MAY ASSIST THEM MORE THEN THEIR CURRENTLY ABLE TO UNDERSTAND..

NAMASTE*******
LOVE LIGHT ETERNIA

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Hey guys,

Thanks for sending so much love my way. All of your replies really lifted my spirit yesterday, and a friend of mine invited me out for some beer and good times, and I ended up having an absolutely fantastic night. I met some new people, and I just felt really good. It was like all of my previous inhibitions were left behind. I've never felt like I was able to be myself so much.. I mean really be myself, without worry or fear about somebody accepting me. Being silly, making people laugh, and laughing with other people. I had an amazing time, I'm really grateful for it. I won't go too much into detail about the night, but let's just say that I've never quite had a night like it.

I feel that things could really start looking up. I don't expect my journey to be over, but I think that someone (whether it be me, god, my higher self, or whatever) is definitely on my side and is assisting me in some way. My hunger for knowledge is slowing (for now anyways ) and when I let go of all of that I ended up having an amazing time.

But seriously, the amount of love that I feel from this thread is overwhelming, and I mean that in a good way. You guys gave me hope, and I really appreciate how support all of you are being - offering me good advice that I feel is from your hearts. The worst part is that I was kind of embarrassed to post this because I was afraid - even though I'm technically anonymous, I was afraid that people were going to make fun of me, or just tell me to suck it up, or that I wasn't a capable human being... but really, sometimes you just need to reach out and ask for guidance. As hard as it was (and still could be in the future, I don't know), I think I've realized that I'm never alone, and that people and the world are full of love and can and will support you if you just call out and let your inhibitions and ego drop. We're never alone, and that is an absolutely wonderful feeling.

I mean it, I want to thank every single one of you for your support and love. I appreciate it more than you know, and while my journey may not be over yet - I may still have some darkness ahead, me posting this thread was an absolutely amazing eye opening experience.

I love every single one of you. Thank you so much!

You should know that you are loved so very much. Everyone here should feel the same.

reply to post by Th0r


google is blocking the whole site

here is a link to the interview in pdf format
www.illuminati-news.com...

reply to post by DerepentLEstranger


It's blocking that too, but I found it from another source - www.bibliotecapleyades.net... .This document is absolutely mind blowing. Almost everything that is said resonates with me on a very deep level.. it's pretty hard to believe, my mind sort of wants to bring in logic and make me doubt myself, but something just rings true to me.

I'm only less than halfway through, but I'm definitely going to sit on these things for a while.

reply to post by SystemResistor

Spend a few weeks with me in the woods in winter during SURVIVAL TRAINING....and you will go home with a whole new appreciation for life.

You never feel more alive than when you are close to dying. I have had this experience several times and once I was shot in the chest...I was wearing a Highly Advanced Nylon Kevlar weave that is not standard issue...but it was penetrated but it also saved my life. I thought I was going to die and two thoughts went through my mind as I was shot at close range....1. I saw the guy was pulling the trigger so the only thing that went into my mind was...OH $#!%! That's it! No life flashing before my eyes...just an intense anger that I could have allowed myself to do something so stupid and be conned into it.

The second thing that came into my mind was...and I yelled this out to my associates with me...WHERE THE #$&@ is my RIFLE? As...and believe me on this one...the only thing that is more important than hoping you live...is KNOWING YOU get to be the one to Kill the SOB that shot you...I was on my side and used an associates limb to help me aim.

To not take life for granted. Try not to bitch about it being boring or you have no direction or whatever....just go out and DO SOMETHING! There are plenty of places and things and causes to volunteer for...I signed up but my job is a bit on the extreme side....but if you feel a hole in your Heart....GO FILL IT....preferably not with bullets! Split Infinity

I'll admit that I didn't read this thread hard before replying, personally all that new-agey spiritual journey stuff is just a bit too "out there" for me, and I just tend to skim over it.

I did read your opening post however, and a couple things really stand out to me as needing "fixing".

1. Get your own place (or kick out your ex, if that's the situation). She's seeing someone else and you're living together? Right there's the source of most of your feelings of depression. Time to move on.

2. Get a job (and stick with it). I know, easier said than done these days but like others have mentioned a time or two, life's not going to hand anything over to you just because you showed up to the party.

Those two things right there will go a long way to restoring your sanity.

Lastly, based on personal experience (long drawn out painful break up with a woman I dearly loved), I recommend putting on a bright red shirt! Sounds silly, but it wasn't until months after we broke up that I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, wearing that bright red t-shirt, and something inside me "clicked" and I felt like my old self again. Remembered who "I" was, as opposed to who "we" were. It happened literally that fast, like flipping a switch, and I was ok. I'm not sure why it worked like it did, but it's worth a shot at least!

Life is what you make it, man, but unless you were born into wealth or get lucky with the lottery, you have to get out there and MAKE it. Best of luck!

For along time i walked that same road,for me it all changed when i realised why i was so lost.For along time i have lived my life to other peoples expectations of who i am,scared to be the me i wanted to be for fear of ridicule,behaving and acting the way i did just to fit in.I had lost who i was,caught up in others expectations of who i was.

Be the YOU you want to be.

"Know Thyself"~Socrates.This is were it all begins.

Regards to all

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


After reading your OP I was struck by how much you're situation sounds like you are suffering from a mental illness. I say this not to offend or embarrass you, but to tell you that you are not alone. If you haven't already done so, please visit your GP (or whatever they call your family doctor in your neck of the woods) and have a chat with them about your life and how you're feeling and how your health has been in general.

From my time spent in the mental health system here in the UK (both as an inpatient and an outpatient) I can tell you that what you are feeling is very common amongst the Conspiracy Theorists who end up in the system. The one's I have encountered quit often found that their lives began spiralling out of control because they were trying to impose their new "reality" on everyone and everything around them.

I'm not saying you're crazy (at least not crazy the way I am lol) but when things reach a low point, the best thing to do is seek help and as you have no support network (other than us of course) visiting your Dr is the next logical step. Just be careful about what if any medication they give you as some of them are worse than the symptoms you'd be taking them for. Lithium (which made me very ill) and Prozac are both worth avoiding if you get the choice.

I hope things get better for you mate and if you feel the need to chat, then I'm only a PM away.

Rev

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical

I once (or more than once to be honest) experienced a "dark night of the soul", and such wisdom poured out of these experiences and I can remember it all to a t.

From my first, one of the "great truths" I felt I'd uncovered was that - the hardest thing to do really well, is nothing at all.

Now, I honestly feel free to do that, which paradoxically gives me the freedom the energy to do pretty much anything I want or set my mind to doing. Doing and not doing is like music, or a drumbeat. And these states, of darkness and light, they come and go as well.

"This too shall pass."

I was once given a mantra from a friend which helped a bit - "I am safe, I am at peace, all is well" and another from a shamanic healing lady I went to see (thinking I almost needed an exorcism of something) which went - "I choose to live in the light, living in the light is easy, living in the light is fun."

Freedom, it's not an easy thing to get right into, and enjoy fully, but when we do, we begin to see the beauty in the world, in ourselves, and in a God we cannot begin to understand or comprehend.

I don't know what to say, other than that it's going to be ok, and you're going ot be ok.

For me, looking back on my "episodes" now, in hindsight - I wouldn't trade them for anything. Why? Because "all happiness for man must arise exclusively only in relation to some unhappiness, already experienced" (Gurdjieff) and "the more that suffering has carved into our being, the more joy we can contain" (Gibran).

There's a gift in your depression, if you can find it, and have the wisdom and the courage to not only find it, but unwrap it, because you yourself are the gift inside, not matter how ugly the packaging may appear to you at this time!

Don't know it any of that helped at all, but I hope something might have touched off something of value for you.

Don't know you who you, but I love you.

NAM aka Bob

reply to post by OhNoItsCritical


You're going to need to dig real deep and find the strength you never knew you had.

The ending of a relationship is often THE catalyst that leads to higher awareness. Strange to see it put that way, I know. It sounds cold. But it's happening for a reason.

It's overwhelming - this awakening stuff. Causes the mind to race. But look around. It's happening to a lot of other people.

You're not going insane. You're beginning to recognise that the illusion we've been living in (collectively) is insane. It's disconcerting to say the least....but necessary.

Be prepared for many ups and downs.

A lot of very good advice in this thread.