My former crush just broke up with her boyfriend. How can I help her?

reply to post by Frankidealist35


All of my replies were based on what you said. I have every bias in this department, I'm a man that has been in your shoes.

Nobody in here knows you but, you. We are posting to help you.

All I can give you is advice from a man that has been thru it.

Also, yes, capitol letters and bold size 72 font is yelling. We aren't your enemy, we are trying to help you. Sometimes honesty sucks and sometimes the internet is a hard way of conveying things.

I wish you luck my friend.

this is silly asking for advice here.Go to relationship site.

OP- You still like the girl and it's obvious to everyone BUT you! FB stalking her and her bf to check on their relationship status, tells me another thing. You weren't that good of friends with her in the first place or she'd have told you that they broke up.

Look, you're in college and there's plenty of fish out there. Heck, I'd see 10-15 potential partners very time I walked to class.

Women like two things above all from a man: self-confidence and attention. It's really that simple.

reply to post by freedom12


Nope. I don't like her anymore. I'm not FB stalking her. I was FB stalking her when I really liked her but I haven't been anymore. I like someone else now. You don't know me. If you don't believe me you can get out of this topic. Just because I make a topic about a girl does not mean that I like her.

reply to post by ludwigvonmises003


Usually this forum gives good advice. I'm surprised that people here were so biased coming into this topic and had so many assumptions as to what my character is or how much internet stalking I've done (when I haven't done that much) or these other things like that.

reply to post by Frankidealist35
If you are checking her and his relationship status on Fb, I'm sorry honey, you ARE stalking them.

Just calling a spade a spade!

reply to post by freedom12


I wasn't using FB to check her relationship status. Don't you guys use FB at all? FB lists everyone's relationship status in the news feed and the ticker. I happened to be on FB when her relationship status went to being from single to in a relationship and I also happened to be on FB when she went back to being single.

I saw it all happen on the newsfeed. It's not like I was constantly checking her FB page to find out. You've never used FB before haven't you?

And if FB stalking is just looking at someone else's profile than many of you who are accusing me of FB stalking have done the same. But that wasn't what I was doing here. So...your point was moot.

Like I said before, if you don't believe me, you can get out of this topic.

Originally posted by mwood
since you have to ask for help from an internet forum.

The best way to help is probably stay away from her.

Yea I was gona say the same thing.. If you hung out a lot and she just ditches you as a friend than screw her. If she did it once she will do it again.


U

reply to post by USarmyFL


Not necessarily. Sometimes after being away from you for a while other people can realize what they missed and come back to you. It's happened to me once before and the person that originally rejected me (as a friend, not as a relationship partner) and I are now actually pretty good friends (the girl that I currently like). So... it's all possible.

It's not like she was ditching me completely. But if she does ignore me again like that, or, ditches me for a while then I'll be upset and move on.

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
reply to post by USarmyFL

 

Not necessarily. Sometimes after being away from you for a while other people can realize what they missed and come back to you. It's happened to me once before and the person that originally rejected me (as a friend, not as a relationship partner) and I are now actually pretty good friends (the girl that I currently like). So... it's all possible.

It's not like she was ditching me completely. But if she does ignore me again like that, or, ditches me for a while then I'll be upset and move on.

edit on 3-1-2012 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)

True but maybe leaving her alone will attract her more at the same time.. Just maybe say hi to her, give your condolences, let her know your there, then be gone.. And see what happens. Just my opinion. Good luck either way man. Women are an addictive disease lol.

*edit* I think women are the so called "God particle". They have the ability to make life heaven or hell.


U

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
I had a huge crush on this girl earlier on in the year last semester. I was obsessed with her. We were hanging out every week. There was a time though that she stopped replying to me and we stopped hanging out partially because we both had a lot of school work (and she was interested in this other guy outside of school, I think). But recently she got in a relationship. It lasted about 2-3 months but her Facebook says she is single now and same with her boyfriend's page. I don't know the full details of the situation... but I plan on talking to her about it soon.

Note: We've remained good friends and she's been talking to me more often over the winter break. So... we haven't drifted apart too much or anything. I think things might be less awkward now that she's single again next semester. I won't try constantly flirting with her and getting nowhere like I did before. I don't think I like her in that way (I stopped liking her as much since she got in a relationship) but would only get in a relationship if SHE wanted to. I think we're just friends.

But, I feel a lot of sympathy for her. I would like to help. How should I go about approaching her when we are in school when I see her next semester? My next College semester doesn't start till January 23rd. So I have a while to go. I don't want to talk about it on FB chat or text right now. This is something I would like to talk to her in person about it.

You need to be her friend. Relationships of the intimate kind are best created on friendship, then let nature take its toll.
Do not force it, push it, or otherwise seek it. It will happen if it's meant to happen with patience and time and she will respect and love you more for that then if you push for what you want, without considering first her feelings.

Don't be selfish and think only of yourself and value friendship higher then intimate contact. It will bring you all the way to the place you want to go, guaranteed.

Oh and don't play games. Don't play "hard to get" or "I will remain as hidden as possible so she likes me more when she sees me" BS.
Be yourself, don't be pushy, listen careful, reply with respect and consideration and watch love bloom.

People who use strategies to get women are playing games and when the girl finds out you gamed her into your lap she will despise you later. Being there when needed, offering support and help, being a good ear and shoulder to cry on will get you what you want. Don't let work or school come between you again either, that was your first mistake.

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
reply to post by USarmyFL

 

Not necessarily. Sometimes after being away from you for a while other people can realize what they missed and come back to you. It's happened to me once before and the person that originally rejected me (as a friend, not as a relationship partner) and I are now actually pretty good friends (the girl that I currently like). So... it's all possible.

It's not like she was ditching me completely. But if she does ignore me again like that, or, ditches me for a while then I'll be upset and move on.

edit on 3-1-2012 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)

Instead of emotionally reacting and moving on perhaps you would do better to ask her why. You might find out it's nothing to do with you, perhaps then, she will see what she means to you. Instead of walking away and realizing you could care less, you approach and show you care more.

People give up way too damned easy...

Originally posted by freedom12
reply to post by Frankidealist35

 

If you are checking her and his relationship status on Fb, I'm sorry honey, you ARE stalking them.

Just calling a spade a spade!

LMAO, funny. Reading internet status messages and profile information is stalking? Sometimes women put way too much importance on themselves, don't they?
If I look at my friends who is a guy's FB status and I am straight, does that mean I stalk him too? Does that even apply at that point?

LOL my goodness, looking at a status does not equal a stalker ladies.

Also seeing 10-15 potential partners a class? My God have you no pride woman? Did you do every one as well or do you just imagine what it would be like with each of them?

I was told guys were sicko's but this one takes the cake. Sometimes women treat men like disposable underwear. Let us in their crotch area once then throw us aside for a new pair. Heck, when you got 10-15 to choose from, no wonder women are so loose with their morals these days!

Ok wow, I might be getting a bit old, but I think I missed the part when it became 'super-duper-cool' to be harsh to people who are just asking for advice. Ridiculous

Frankidealist35, there has been some good advice on here from the ones who care, so try to take in what resonates with you.
Who knows, she could be going through a tough time and might really appreciate your friendship. I know from my past that when relationships end, sometimes a lot of friends vanish with it as well. Don't let the haters get you down if you truly just want to help her out.

I hope it all works out for you, whatever you decide to do

reply to post by sicksonezer0

Other than that, you can see if she wants to hang out and if there is any chemistry, follow through, but be careful, you don't want to be on the rebound.

Why not? There's something to be said for being the rebound guy. He's in college, he's not looking for the love of his life or anything (or damn sure shouldn't be!). Have fun while you're still young man.

Don't be pushy or try and force it, just let things work it self out. If you are a good friend to her and listen to what she has to say, then the end of the video will apply to you.

Yeah, but if you're too slow on it, you'll be locked into the "friend zone" forever too, and that's tricky to get out of.

dont listen to these "write a poem" "be captain save a ho" answers, take her out and get her drunk, dip it and then pretend it didnt happen

I was obsessed with her

Um, so just stay away from her, ok?

Trust me i know how you feel, been there done that.

Originally posted by EspyderMan

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
reply to post by USarmyFL

 

Not necessarily. Sometimes after being away from you for a while other people can realize what they missed and come back to you. It's happened to me once before and the person that originally rejected me (as a friend, not as a relationship partner) and I are now actually pretty good friends (the girl that I currently like). So... it's all possible.

It's not like she was ditching me completely. But if she does ignore me again like that, or, ditches me for a while then I'll be upset and move on.

edit on 3-1-2012 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)

Instead of emotionally reacting and moving on perhaps you would do better to ask her why. You might find out it's nothing to do with you, perhaps then, she will see what she means to you. Instead of walking away and realizing you could care less, you approach and show you care more.

People give up way too damned easy...

The problem I have, is that they can't communicate with me.. Communication is key in anything..

U

Hi...

My advice is simple,,,move on...........

And find a vise vera ....

We women/men tend to entrap ourselves with this....

Beleive me,,,,there is love out there who will suck one's toes and back rubs,,,,,

It takes 2 to tango,,,,also,,,asking the WWW/ATS on advice is best ignored....

There is no book one can buy on how to do this what you ask...

You will know when you find love and both you tango!!!!!!!!!!!!

High 5 and stay you!!!

M

Thanks guys for all of the advice. I totally understand where you guys are coming from from the people that saw that I was obsessed with her at a time and think I should move on. The thing is that I am not obsessed with her any more and since I have stopped being obsessed with her have had better communication and I think things have been going better between us.

I will try to be her friend from now on. She has been there for me in the past as a friend when I wanted her and when I needed her to be there. Now it is my time to be there for her. I will not play the role of a hero that has come to save her. That would just be too obvious and be weird. But at the same time I will not just walk away from her. I think that would be a really cruel thing to do to walk away from someone when they are in time of need. If our friendship were to end it would take something a bit more than that.

To those that say that I could become the rebound guy... If it happens it would be meant to happen. But that is not really what I want from her. I think I used to really like her because she was a good friend of mine and that was before I had all the friends I have now in College so I was just happy to be making friends. If I find myself liking her again I'll treat her like I would like her... But I am happy to just be friends with her. I liked her because she was nice to me when things in my life were falling apart. But now things are fine and I don't think I like her in that way but more as a friend, but... If it it is meant to be it is, but if not I will not try to change our friendship.