My former crush just broke up with her boyfriend. How can I help her?

I had a huge crush on this girl earlier on in the year last semester. I was obsessed with her. We were hanging out every week. There was a time though that she stopped replying to me and we stopped hanging out partially because we both had a lot of school work (and she was interested in this other guy outside of school, I think). But recently she got in a relationship. It lasted about 2-3 months but her Facebook says she is single now and same with her boyfriend's page. I don't know the full details of the situation... but I plan on talking to her about it soon.

Note: We've remained good friends and she's been talking to me more often over the winter break. So... we haven't drifted apart too much or anything. I think things might be less awkward now that she's single again next semester. I won't try constantly flirting with her and getting nowhere like I did before. I don't think I like her in that way (I stopped liking her as much since she got in a relationship) but would only get in a relationship if SHE wanted to. I think we're just friends.

But, I feel a lot of sympathy for her. I would like to help. How should I go about approaching her when we are in school when I see her next semester? My next College semester doesn't start till January 23rd. So I have a while to go. I don't want to talk about it on FB chat or text right now. This is something I would like to talk to her in person about it.

since you have to ask for help from an internet forum.

The best way to help is probably stay away from her.

Give her a back rub, and let nature do the rest

Captain Hero Style - Watch and learn!




Other than that, you can see if she wants to hang out and if there is any chemistry, follow through, but be careful, you don't want to be on the rebound. Don't be pushy or try and force it, just let things work it self out. If you are a good friend to her and listen to what she has to say, then the end of the video will apply to you.


Class dismissed.

reply to post by mwood


Did you not read my OP? We're good friends. We're not a couple. So it's fine. And she's been doing the initiating for the most part. It's not like I've been bugging her constantly.

reply to post by sicksonezer0


Hahahaha. I wish I had that back rubbing super power. It would be nice. That video was awesome though.

reply to post by Frankidealist35

Just one suggestion out of the many you'll receive,

Hi, Suzy. I just happened to see your facebook page and it said you were single. I hope you didn't have a painful breakup with Mike, it looked good for awhile. Anyway, if you want to talk, or if there's anything I can do, let me know. All my best, Frank.

Then, give her all the time in the world. If she's not interested, stay away.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but....

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
There was a time though that she stopped replying to me and we stopped hanging out

Is because....

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
I was obsessed with her.

Even more bad news...

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
I think we're just friends.

Once you enter the friend box the only way out is jealosy. Move on, get a hobby, concentrate on school. If it was meant to be it was meant to be. Flipping out over one girl is the worst possible thing you can do.

Sorry

reply to post by Frankidealist35

At any age, beware the rebound. keep talking-- if anything's supposed to happen it will,
including something you may find undesirable: she may return to whom she broke up with.
It happens, trust me. Like I said, keep talking: in the long run I wouldn't today want to be
with somebody who didn't want the same things I did.
Somebody of the opposite sex said something profound a few months ago when posting
her profile on a seniors dating site (yes I AM that old): "It's better to be alone than wish
you were." Whoever she is, the man will be lucky she chooses. Best of luck and H.N.Y.!

reply to post by Frankidealist35

Dear OP,

It sounds like you are totally infatuated with this girl. For that reason alone I would advise you to just walk away. Your post sounds like a man who is wanting, hurting and thinking of this girl. That being said, please do not delude yourself that your intentions are honorable. You want to make sweet, sweet love to her and nothing else. Sympathy is generally not experienced in the lower regions of the body....just sayin'!

reply to post by Frankidealist35


So... whats the prob then? just be cool with her, if anything, her boyfriend dumping her is a good thing, because it frees you two up to chat and hang out as friends..

Me personally, i never had female friends, i had females that i was friends with, but that was because i was trying to get with them. I'm an ass, but my theory is that 75% of males are "friends" with a female to get in there pants.

Besides, if my female friend was having sex with me, she would be my best friend. You can always go that route if your a jerk like me.

Don't try to hard. Might push her away. Definitely don't say "Hey baby, saw you are now single. I am totally stalking you on Facebook." Invite her to a cup of coffee at a Starbucks because you have something important to ask her. Like "I need some help on something for one of my classes." Try to conceal the smoke blowing out of your ass. When she helps you out, (preferably at your house) thank her by taking her out to eat. It is more intimate than a movie and you can get a lot more talking done. Finally tell her you are a lizard person. Hey this is ATS and the conspiracy has to fit in somewhere. Good luck to ya.

Originally posted by sicksonezer0
reply to post by Frankidealist35

 

.

Me personally, i never had female friends, i had females that i was friends with, but that was because i was trying to get with them. I'm an ass, but my theory is that 75% of males are "friends" with a female to get in there pants.

I believe your number is a bit low.
Like about 25%.

she might like the fact that you stuck around and waited.. but let her come at you, dont be on her all tough cause then shes just gonna be like "damn i thought i shot him down he was being a good friend for a while there" then she will probably just cut you off and youre going to be miserable. so let her come to you, get a lil female friend or something make her know that other females have had your attention, pay her less mind and she will think something is wrong. then she hits you up like "wtf?" and then you can be like "dtf?" then she be like "OMG i thought i was in the firend zone and you had feelings for someone else" then you smile, lay pipe give her the boot and move on to the next target. DONT CATCH FEELINGS THO!

reply to post by LightSpeedDriver


I understand where you guys are coming from but I am not infatuated with her. I thought it was clear in my OP that I stopped liking her when she got in a relationship like that. There are a few other people in my life that I am currently interested in and one of them is a pretty good friend of mine... so that is the answer to that question.

I feel like we're able to be better friends now that I don't want to get in a relationship with her anymore.

reply to post by Lawlz0rz


I'm not really interested in a relationship. It would be nice if it happened. But that is not my top priority. I like someone else right now.

But, I just want to help her through this tough time. Maybe I should not bother her for a while since she just broke up but I do eventually want to talk about it to her and help her out.

It is probably not so obvious to you; to anyone else it is obvious. She was/is your crush, she goes and hooks up with some dude and then they break up and she starts talking to you more? If you are going to wait for someone else to take his place move on.

You want to "help her"? Stop being ridiculous.

reply to post by derfreebie


If that were to happen I'd be all happy for her. I know she's really been wanting to get in a relationship and I feel bad that it just ended like this. Maybe if she got back together with the guy again then she might be less traumatized. I know she hasn't had many dating experiences (I haven't had any) so but when something lasts this short I have no choice but feeling sorry for her.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Hey man, truth be told you should probably just walk away from that one. But if you''ve got to talk to her be gangsta! Tell her your there for her and if she needs someone to listen to her vent be that guy, but don't be that guy thats going to listen to all that cause your desperate to get back into her life or you will just be helping her pick out shoes for her next date with some other dude.

reply to post by etombo


It wasn't anything serious. I was on a trip to Boston and she was just messaging me and asking me how I was. She also messaged me around Christmas time. So it's not like we were talking about anything flirty. We're just good friends right now. So... I don't see why you guys are assuming that I still want to be with this girl. I want to show compassion to her and help her out mainly because I used to like her and feel somewhat sorry that she broke up. That doesn't mean I want to date her.

reply to post by DevilsLettuce


How many times do I have to say it? Please read before you post...

I DO NOT WANT TO DATE HER!!!

I'm not going to constantly pursue her if she doesn't want it back.