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Please help before I go INSANE
page: 2share:
Originally posted by iSHRED
Originally posted by yourboycal2
But i would say forget him move on and find something better.
Tell him you want to take a break , and if he wants the marriage to work then he should get help fixed , nd then start over.
But if that was me in that situation i'd walk away ! start over clean slate
And thats one of many problems with society and the worst advice you could give.
Marriage is forever.
Your post disgusted me and made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Marriage is forever huh ?
"A Scarborough, Ontario man allegedly beat his estranged wife to death Thursday, and left her body (pictured) to rot in her apartment while her 2-year-old played obliviously in the home because he felt she was just too obsessed with Facebook."
www.allfacebook.com...
Tell her marriage is forever...
'A row over how his eggs had been cooked for breakfast is thought to have led a man to kill his wife, stepdaughter and three neighbours.
Stanley Neace went on a rampage with a shotgun while in his pyjamas in a trailer park in the rural east of the U.S. state of Kentucky.
Police officer Jody Sims said Neace, 47, killed his victims in two mobile homes before shooting himself at his home on Saturday."
www.dailymail.co.uk...
marriage is forever...
"A husband shot his wife in the head then shot himself Tuesday afternoon at South Jordan City Park after she filed divorce papers with the Third District Court in West Jordan."
www.abc4.com...
Its forever and ever..
'Anger over a lack of response to a Facebook status post has resulted in a Texas man being arrested with a charge of battery on a household member.
Read more: digitaljournal.com..."
and ever
"Battambang province: A wild violence happened in a poor family that drunken husband beat his wife with bamboo trunk on the neck after the wife blamed him openly as he was drinking. The wife died on the way to hospital. After hitting the wife, the assailant escaped by leaving 6 sons and daughters. The scene occurred at 6:30p.m on 26-March-07 in Steng Chork village, Prey Touch commune, Mourng Reosey district, Battambang."
www.khmernews.com...
When your done with your fake self righteousness , you will realize and wake up to reality . There are times when the best thing to do is walk away. Unless of course God loves watching you suffer?
Originally posted by LightSpeedDriver
reply to post by freespirit1
Personal disclosure. I experienced similar relationship problems that my significant other blamed on my alcohol level. To address that problem I went from drinking daily to nothing at all and kept it up for several months with no problems whatsoever. It was never good enough though which kind of showed me that alcohol was not the problem but in fact the relationship itself. To cut a long story short, she left without a word after 10 years of being together. I then went back to drinking and still do.
You know, I have done the same before, just totally quit drinking to "save" a relationship. Of course it didn't work. Something about this man though.... I feel he is worth the fight. If he proves not worthy, i will bow out gracefully and we all move on................ sad but true in this day and age
reply to post by yourboycal2
did you see my last post???
marriage is about overcoming hardships together, not bailing on each other when the going gets tough
did you see my last post???
marriage is about overcoming hardships together, not bailing on each other when the going gets tough
edit on 15-12-2011 by iSHRED because: (no
reason given)
reply to post by freespirit1
The hardest problems in life to solve are our own problems. I think this thread illustrates it quite well from the advice given. Sometimes I have also felt exactly the same as you, at my wit's end. Looking at the problems of another person has a certain emotional detachment that makes it easy to see the right paths to take but when it comes to ourselves, its a helluva lot harder.
In the bad old days, I would drink a litre of whisky and 20-40 pints of 5% beer a week, all after coming home. I have no idea how that compares to other people but it did always end up in me going to bed ready to sleep within a minute or two and is obviously way too much. Now I just stick to the beer and try to keep it to a bare minimum but imho alcohol is one of the most brain screwing drugs out there. It is unfortunately cheap and readily available from a large variety of shops and establishments. I can buy beer at the train station here. It's actually quite weird cos you aren't allowed to drink it on the train.
And indeed, chemically induced happiness is usually never good. It can get to be very expensive too if one decides to make it a hobby.
Good luck!
The hardest problems in life to solve are our own problems. I think this thread illustrates it quite well from the advice given. Sometimes I have also felt exactly the same as you, at my wit's end. Looking at the problems of another person has a certain emotional detachment that makes it easy to see the right paths to take but when it comes to ourselves, its a helluva lot harder.
In the bad old days, I would drink a litre of whisky and 20-40 pints of 5% beer a week, all after coming home. I have no idea how that compares to other people but it did always end up in me going to bed ready to sleep within a minute or two and is obviously way too much. Now I just stick to the beer and try to keep it to a bare minimum but imho alcohol is one of the most brain screwing drugs out there. It is unfortunately cheap and readily available from a large variety of shops and establishments. I can buy beer at the train station here. It's actually quite weird cos you aren't allowed to drink it on the train.
And indeed, chemically induced happiness is usually never good. It can get to be very expensive too if one decides to make it a hobby.
Good luck!
Admitting you guys have an alcohol problem is a good first step. I have an uncle who also has a bad alcohol problem. He's been through at least 4
marriages, and many jobs. He has no home, no retirement saved up, nothing. He lives with my parents at the moment. What kind of life is that?
There's got to be a way you two can learn self control. Sure, drinking a little in moderation is ok. Don't go wild with it and lose control of yourself. Don't let it do that to you. Be strong. Try to talk about it and what it is doing to the both of you. Overcome it together.
There's got to be a way you two can learn self control. Sure, drinking a little in moderation is ok. Don't go wild with it and lose control of yourself. Don't let it do that to you. Be strong. Try to talk about it and what it is doing to the both of you. Overcome it together.
He called you names because he is incompetent at performing basic actions of humanity and compassion?
It's time to seriously reassess your relationship.
Best of luck, and if things go down hill make sure to get in touch with the nearest women's support team.
Best regards, and love and light!
It's time to seriously reassess your relationship.
Best of luck, and if things go down hill make sure to get in touch with the nearest women's support team.
Best regards, and love and light!
edit on 15-12-2011 by b3l13v3 because: (no reason given)
reply to post by iSHRED
You don't realize when the line is crossed , and their is no point to salvage the wreck.
If your on a sinking ship there is a point where you have to evacuate because she can't be saved.
Same with a marriage.
Its pretty simple . There is only so much negative energy you can take before it takes a toll on your health. Sometimes its better to walk away start fresh. It gets to a point where you wear your self out so much there is nothing left , and you both to a degree live a misrible life as the norm.
This is not benficial to anybody. and hurts both parties
You don't realize when the line is crossed , and their is no point to salvage the wreck.
If your on a sinking ship there is a point where you have to evacuate because she can't be saved.
Same with a marriage.
Its pretty simple . There is only so much negative energy you can take before it takes a toll on your health. Sometimes its better to walk away start fresh. It gets to a point where you wear your self out so much there is nothing left , and you both to a degree live a misrible life as the norm.
This is not benficial to anybody. and hurts both parties
Honestly though, it may have been the alcohol speaking.
Originally posted by b3l13v3
He called you names because he is incompetent at performing basic actions of humanity and compassion?
I see what you're saying, and I agree. Sometimes people just aren't meant for each other.
Originally posted by yourboycal2
Its pretty simple . There is only so much negative energy you can take before it takes a toll on your health. Sometimes its better to walk away start fresh. It gets to a point where you wear your self out so much there is nothing left , and you both to a degree live a misrible life as the norm.
This is not benficial to anybody. and hurts both parties
Originally poste
There's got to be a way you two can learn self control. Sure, drinking a little in moderation is ok. Don't go wild with it and lose control of yourself. Don't let it do that to you. Be strong. Try to talk about it and what it is doing to the both of you. Overcome it together.
Oh hon,I really DO know self control. I have raised 3 kids in the last decade, one of them bi-polar schizhowhatever., I wanted to do some harm to her friends at that point.,.....I really do drink in moderation, only socially, and even if I really really want a bloody mary in the morning, I don't succomb to the threat on a regular basis.
Thank you for your input
It reminds me of this. Music is my main drug these days.
"Fix you" written from the male point of view but it can equally work from the female point of view too. An asexual song, if you will
"Fix you" written from the male point of view but it can equally work from the female point of view too. An asexual song, if you will
Originally posted by iSHRED
reply to post by yourboycal2
did you see my last post???
marriage is about overcoming hardships together, not bailing on each other when the going gets toughedit on 15-12-2011 by iSHRED because: (no reason given)
but it DOES take 2................ right????
2nd
reply to post by freespirit1
I would ask him..."Why do you drink so much before I get home from work? Wouldnt you like to drink with me (you, the OP) instead?"
Also, im an alcoholic to. I used to drink literally everyday, but now I usually only drink on the weekend and special occasions.
Edit - I also believe 2 alcoholics can have a good marriage together. You two just have to find a middle ground.
I would ask him..."Why do you drink so much before I get home from work? Wouldnt you like to drink with me (you, the OP) instead?"
Also, im an alcoholic to. I used to drink literally everyday, but now I usually only drink on the weekend and special occasions.
Edit - I also believe 2 alcoholics can have a good marriage together. You two just have to find a middle ground.
edit on 15-12-2011 by
buni11687 because: (no reason given)
reply to post by buni11687
I have asked him this, and the standard answer is "I don't knowllll..................." WTH am I supposed to take from that other than :" wash your hands and make me a sammich:
I have asked him this, and the standard answer is "I don't knowllll..................." WTH am I supposed to take from that other than :" wash your hands and make me a sammich:
Hmmmm, kinda sounds like a jerk to me. Wait a second, is this my wife?
Originally posted by freespirit1
I have asked him this, and the standard answer is "I don't knowllll..................." WTH am I supposed to take from that other than :" wash your hands and make me a sammich:
reply to post by freespirit1
"Oh look, the bread is all gone. Could you run/stagger to the store and buy some more?" Its just an idea and I am trying to be humorous. You sound pretty stable to me and I think you will eventually work things our, one way or the other.
"Oh look, the bread is all gone. Could you run/stagger to the store and buy some more?" Its just an idea and I am trying to be humorous. You sound pretty stable to me and I think you will eventually work things our, one way or the other.
reply to post by freespirit1
This is going to sting a bit... but you brought it and claim to want "help". Sad fact is, right now, both of you are Married to alcohol, not each other. I know that is not how it started, but that is where it be at. What ever you do to try and fix it without facing the underlying reasons why you both drink... will just be another "fix". A new job, less drink, more together time, etc. Nothing can fix it unless you both seek rehabilitation, separately. You are in the plunge already, without a parachute, just holding hands waiting to hit bottom.
It is time to seek out help individually by going to an AA meeting, standing up and telling what you just said here. Do it for you, for now. Listen to the advice and check into a rehab until you can get sober. If you have been drinking to "smashdom" for 11 years, you will not be able to quit on your own, let alone in the environment you are in. Neither will he. Both of you use each other as an excuse to drink right now, right? I am not saying separate for good, take time out to get sober and then look to why you drink. What causes the pain that you hide from by drinking? Its not your hubby. Neither does he really blame you.
But you cannot, will not find this out until you seek out and accept help from others who have been there done that before you. It will take time. Do it for you, do it now. Tell him about it, then let him go his own way in that regard. You can't make him do anything you want him to. That is part of the problem right now. Even if he threatens to leave unless you stay, still go for you. He will come around. Or not. Your life is at stake. Get_to_a_meeting. There are ones nearby you at all hours. Walk in sit down, listen, then look for someone you can talk too. Ask for help.
I know, I was an addict / alcoholic for 35 years. I could put it off and deny it to myself for that long because I thought I was alone and unique. And didn't think I had a problem that was "that bad". Or I could cut back, or get a job, etc. In the end, none of that worked. You have the benefit of me finding that out before you and tellin you true. Save your marriage and your life by first saving you. Go now.
This is going to sting a bit... but you brought it and claim to want "help". Sad fact is, right now, both of you are Married to alcohol, not each other. I know that is not how it started, but that is where it be at. What ever you do to try and fix it without facing the underlying reasons why you both drink... will just be another "fix". A new job, less drink, more together time, etc. Nothing can fix it unless you both seek rehabilitation, separately. You are in the plunge already, without a parachute, just holding hands waiting to hit bottom.
It is time to seek out help individually by going to an AA meeting, standing up and telling what you just said here. Do it for you, for now. Listen to the advice and check into a rehab until you can get sober. If you have been drinking to "smashdom" for 11 years, you will not be able to quit on your own, let alone in the environment you are in. Neither will he. Both of you use each other as an excuse to drink right now, right? I am not saying separate for good, take time out to get sober and then look to why you drink. What causes the pain that you hide from by drinking? Its not your hubby. Neither does he really blame you.
But you cannot, will not find this out until you seek out and accept help from others who have been there done that before you. It will take time. Do it for you, do it now. Tell him about it, then let him go his own way in that regard. You can't make him do anything you want him to. That is part of the problem right now. Even if he threatens to leave unless you stay, still go for you. He will come around. Or not. Your life is at stake. Get_to_a_meeting. There are ones nearby you at all hours. Walk in sit down, listen, then look for someone you can talk too. Ask for help.
I know, I was an addict / alcoholic for 35 years. I could put it off and deny it to myself for that long because I thought I was alone and unique. And didn't think I had a problem that was "that bad". Or I could cut back, or get a job, etc. In the end, none of that worked. You have the benefit of me finding that out before you and tellin you true. Save your marriage and your life by first saving you. Go now.
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