School Principal Abused My Son!

Not one month into the school year my 11 year old son was forced to sit at his desk all lunch hour. The Principal told him that he had to finish eating all of his lunch before he could join his friends at play outside. Not only that, but she rooted through his nutricious bag lunch to see what he was eating.

Now, for one thing I have a Master's in Education and a background in social work. It is common knowledge in the field that using food a weapon or tool can be psychologically damaging to kids and can create eating disorders. In my professional opinion forcing a kid to eat by denying him play time is borderline abusive.

The clincher here is that my son is ADHD and is on a medication that curbs his appetite during the day. This was the second time that this woman tried to force my son to eat. Not only that but she did this in front of the whole class. To defend himself, my son felt compelled to explain his situation to the cow. He not only had to divulge his disability, but the fact that he is on medication to all of his classmates ( we have only lived in this area for about 6 months).

Ok, here is when it gets good....That afternoon, (before my son came home and told me this) I got a call from the teacher saying that the school was concerned that my son was not eating. She insinuated that my son had some kind of psychological problem and that he should see the school counsellor. I calmly explained his situation however I detected some disbelief from the teacher.

When my son came home and told me what happened, I called the Superintendent. That was Thursday. I got voice mail but told her that I was upset and that the matter was urgent. She did not return my call for 2 days. When she did, she seemed to be quite on my side and said that she would do an investigation. Well at about noon Monday, she called to say that her investigation was complete and that she had "chatted" with the Principal about it. There was no apology or explanation. I asked the Super. what discipline would be taken and she said nothing would be done as there was no reason and no other complaints against this woman.

I told her that my son would not go back to school unless he had an apology. She told me to call the Principal and ask for one. Later that day, my son's friend came over and told me that she had heard the Principal and the teacher in the hall at lunch on that Thursday talking about my son and the Principal called him a liar. The little girl also voluntarily divulged to me that this Principal was routinely abusive to her and that her parents had been contacted by Child Welfare Services after they complained about the Principals behaviour.

That was it. I called the Super to say that my child would not go back to that school unless the Principal was at minimum disciplined. Besides, my son had been traumatized and refused to go back to school. For a couple of weeks he had fitful sleeps and was depressed.

I digress. Again, 2 days passed before my voicemail was answered. By this time, I had contacted the Director and sent an email to the Super. I did not return her call as I felt I was just being given lip service. 2 weeks passed and I never received a call from the Director.

During this time, I did my best to homeschool my son as a bus ride to the next town would take an hour each way. Besides, I was hoping for a resolution to the situation. I contacted the education ministry to ask how to go about homeschooling a child, which is perfectly legal in this province. The same day that I received the home school package, I got an email from the Super. stating that if I did not return my child to school she would report me to Child Welfare Services. I quickly called the Director again and it took his assistant 2 days to return my call. By this time I had given up and was waiting to hear back from a Lawyer.


Since that time, I have not been able to work (I am a single mom). Many people in this crappy little community seem to stick up for this woman and have ostracized us, especially the ones who are on the board and the school council. However, I have spoken to about a dozen parents who have had their kids mistreated by this woman. This is in a rural school of 70 kids!

What can I do now? Should I do anything? The lawyer tells me to just give up and homeschool my kid as a fight with the school district will be long, painful and expensive. It is the dead of winter now, I have no money or job so I cannot move but I simply cannot sit back and take this.

I find it hypocritical that just 2 weeks ago this school district force this anti-bullying campaign on little kids while their own staff is abusive. And all of this in light of many recent suicides of bullied kids. Makes me just sick......

Now I don't know your schedule...

With that being said, instead of calling multiple times, waiting days before even hearing back from them and even then not really get an acceptable response why not go there personally?

You will have a better chance of getting your apology and getting your point across if you're up in their faces and showing them how pissed you are rather than simply talking on the phone.

Anyway, if it was me you better believe I would be down there the very next day to make sure something like this NEVER happened to my son again.

Thank you for your suggestion. My thought about this is that I should be prepared to go to the district office and "occupy it" until I get answers.

School board meeting on the 12 and I am thinking that I should be there to publicly ask for retribution. All in all, I don't know how useful this will be. I am certain that the school board and administrators are simply giving me the brush off and don't want to deal with this issue. I don't see any reason that they will deal with it in person unless I take more radical steps.

In better times, this would not be a problem. However, I live an hour away on a not so nice country highway which at this moment is full of snow, ice, all manner of wild animals and it is well below freezing. I need to be prepared for a long stay. Not knowing anyone here is an problem for me as well.

Human rights complaint? Small claims court? Any other suggestions?
Thanks for hearing my rant......

Could you report them to Child Welfare Services? It seems fair to me.

Get together with other parents and make some noise that way. "United we stand, divided we fall" is something to bear in mind at all times with things that are coming our way socially. Now, if ever, it's time for the people to make their voices heard. Some will disagree with this next suggestion but it would be good for the children to have their say as well. Children need to find their voices. For too long we have functioned under the false concept that children are somehow lacking in cognizance. Nothing could be more wrong! It's definitely time to take any abusers to task and make them shape up.

Unite.

Thanks Badkro....
I thought of that too. However, it might open up a can of worms.....backfire. You see, they may not take me seriously and it is an offense to make a false claim. Might be worth a try tho....

CosmicEgg...
Good suggestion only I don't know anyone here and the other parents who have similiar experiences have told me that they are afraid to get involved due to retribution. This is a very rural community. Everyone is related or has some dealings with others. Also, they are afraid of their own kids getting worse treatment. I have been trying to contact some groups in the city to help out. We shall see.

I'm not sure where you live, but since you said you are in a province, I'm guessing Canada. If the teachers' union is as indestructible there as it is in the states, nothing short of an attorney is going to make any kind of dent in this situation.

I have a son with EXACTLY the same issues: ADHD and meds that lessen his appetite. Personally, I'd beat the living crap out of the principal and be done with it.

/TOA

teachers love to power trip

funny.

i am always giving out to my kid for not eating his lunch at school. he tells me he doesn't have time . he wants to go and play.

As 'abuse' goes these days, this seems pretty tame. I mean we watch actual physical abuse on a fairly regular basis on the daily round up of headlines. You might want to ask yourself how far the battle is worth fighting on this specific issue, as the enemies you may be making on it are ones that become an issue far down the line. My son is also ADHD and special needs. It's not a question of right and wrong..just picking battles and value of a victory.

That isn't what I wanted to contribute though. They make digital recording devices very small these days and they are quite inexpensive if one does a bit of Ebay shopping or other discount retailers online. They can even fit on a childs keychain, if one thinks about it. (grin) If you were to...say......get a recording of what is happening and then share such an example of taht at a site like this and Youtube, I'll just bet it would bring a bit of discomfort to the school.

No one likes publicity on questionable behavior, especially if it even remotely relates to a child with special needs. Just get something solid for people to see and get mad about and the rest may take care of itself far better than going it against the district by yourself. Good luck either way though. This treatment does have to stop. I do agree.

Originally posted by The Old American

Personally, I'd beat the living crap out of the principal and be done with it.

/TOA

edit on 2-12-2011 by The Old American because: words mean stuff...I think I'll use the right ones

thats real nice. promote physical violence

you know some people believe that ADHD is a fabricated illness and the schools are quite happy to push it as it drugs kids and keeps them in line.

Lots of healthy children cannot sit still. Most healthy children will act before they think. Many healthy children are very easily distracted. Some children display these "symptoms" more than others. Many children will have individaul learning styles.
This can't be handled in school, so any that play up , lets just drug them and keep them and keep them quiet.

reply to post by krazykanuk


I'm surprised you did'nt actually go in to the school and speak with the school principal face to face. Get an appointment. If she won't speak with you, go down there and tell them you will sit and wait for as long as it takes to see her.

Then take the next step if that fails......new school or home school.

Stepping back a minute from the emotional force in this thread...

When the child was registered to attend the school were they told of the child's ADHD so that it was noted for all his teachers?

Lots of kids are diagnosed with ADD and ADHD these days.. seems like most of them today. So there would be nothing to hide from anyone.. best to have been out front and honest at the start.

Honestly, making a child eat their lunch before play is not Abuse of any sort.. it happens regularly at schools here where kids refuse to eat. We even have free breakfasts for kids who do not have food at home.

Seems this headmistress cares enough to try and get kids to eat before running around burning up energy.

Taking the hearsay of an 11 year old child and then acting upon it against another adult.. well that's not a good path to take at any time. Best to get real facts before going on the offensive.

Going to see the headmistress with your concerns.. and speaking in normal tones with her.. would have been the preferred immediate approach to take.

And I am sorry,. but I cannot understand how an 11 year old boy could be traumatised by this enough to have to stay home from school. My daughter used all sorts of emotional manipulations on me over the years to avoid certain days at school, etc, .. kids do that because they can.

I do wish you good luck with whatever direction you take.. and please understand I am not saying these things to you to anger you or upset you.. I am only pointing out a different perspective.

Now, for one thing I have a Master's in Education and a background in social work. It is common knowledge in the field that using food a weapon or tool can be psychologically damaging to kids and can create eating disorders. In my professional opinion forcing a kid to eat by denying him play time is borderline abusive.

Really? Your parents never told you "stop playing and come eat"? Or "you can play outside after dinner"? All the Master's Degree tells me that you know how to professionally deprive a child of an education and the background in social work tells me that you know how to professionally screw up a kid.

The clincher here is that my son is ADHD and is on a medication that curbs his appetite during the day.

Interesting... Define ADHD and how the criteria does not fit any and all children. Those medications are cheap chemical baby sitters. I don't see how a teacher making a chemically restrained child eat is abuse when he is on something that deprives him of his urge to eat. If he was on a medication that lowered his rate of breathing would someone making him breathe be abusing him?

Ok, here is when it gets good....That afternoon, (before my son came home and told me this) I got a call from the teacher saying that the school was concerned that my son was not eating. She insinuated that my son had some kind of psychological problem and that he should see the school counsellor.

Yeah lady, your son is not eating... That is a GOOD teacher calling to check in and that "psychological problem" she was talking about is probably the side effect of the medication.

Well at about noon Monday, she called to say that her investigation was complete and that she had "chatted" with the Principal about it. There was no apology or explanation.

What were you expecting? "Sorry, for being worried about your son not eating"

That was it. I called the Super to say that my child would not go back to that school unless the Principal was at minimum disciplined. Besides, my son had been traumatized and refused to go back to school. For a couple of weeks he had fitful sleeps and was depressed.

That where i stopped reading, it sounds like the problem your son is having is you...

Originally posted by JohnySeagull

Originally posted by The Old American

Personally, I'd beat the living crap out of the principal and be done with it.

/TOA

edit on 2-12-2011 by The Old American because: words mean stuff...I think I'll use the right ones

thats real nice. promote physical violence

you know some people believe that ADHD is a fabricated illness and the schools are quite happy to push it as it drugs kids and keeps them in line.

Lots of healthy children cannot sit still. Most healthy children will act before they think. Many healthy children are very easily distracted. Some children display these "symptoms" more than others. Many children will have individaul learning styles.
This can't be handled in school, so any that play up , lets just drug them and keep them and keep them quiet.

Have a kid suffering from it. Then have a nice, hot cup of...

/TOA

reply to post by krazykanuk


Thank you for sharing your experience-when my daughter was starting 2nd grade she presented with her Aspergers syndrome and ADHD The 2nd grade teachers had an expectation of 7 year olds to be able to change classes remembering on their own everything needed for 4 classes at time, remembering to turn in all homework and necessary forms without being asked for these things etc. There was also a behavioral chart system in place where, had it been used correctly with the focus on positive (everybody started on green everyday-the first violation of basic classroom rules had you move into yellow, and then red where they'd send home a form letter and the student would lose recess all week) but they used it to focus on the negative -interpreting these rules however they wanted(a first grade student for example had trouble tying his shoes the lunch duty teacher told him to tie his shoe he tried but it came untied again so he was placed on yellow she told him again and again it came untied -the form letter sent home stated "student disobeyed his/her teacher") My daughter was unable to organize herself the way they wanted and when they would put her in yellow and then red she would become hysterical but rather than calll me during this 3 1/2 week period they only sent the form letters saying she wasnt prepared for class and nothing about the hysteria which should have been mentioned I think. When they finally bothered to tell me, because my daughter was coming home every day unhappy but not telling what was going on either they attacked ME so I responded by questioning why I wasnt called immediately about this -they said they couldnt leave their class rooms -but this went on over a three week period surely they could have found time at some point to notify me or sent me a letter detailing what was happening. We ended up having to place my daughter in the partial school which is outpatient hospitilazation to get a diagnose. Meanwhile the home school district is supposed to supply the social worker with all work for the student-social worker takes it to the partial school and returns it to the regular school where its to be graded the goal being once the diagnosis is made and the student is stable they are able to "step down" back to regular classes-at the meeting between us, the teachers, social worker and head of the partial school her 2ns grade teachers were only concerned with being able to use the exact same approach with her-even when told this would throw her back in full psychiatric crisis -as she was almost experiencing a psychotic break) when the Dr told them they would have to use a different approach with her and lower their expectations they were only concerned with how to punish her. Fortunaltly we were able to transfer her to another elementary in the district with the program she needed now she is a sophomore in high school mainstreamed in a combo of regular and honor classes and is an A/B student-we've been able to lower her dose of meds for the ADHD and she did behavioral therapy for the Aspergers. She also has little appetite during the day due to her meds.

reply to post by PrimalRed


It seems as if you are in support of the schools raising her children rather than herself. Please enlighten me on what moral and legal ground the principal has to rumage about in the students lunch, or hold him back from playing with some friends (which I would think that the principal would encourage), or embarrass the child by forcing him to tell the rest of his classmates about his disability and medication.
While I do supprt your grounds on ADHD and the medication, it is not your choice. My personal belief is that the child should be taken off the meds as that might actually help with the problem and talk with someone and maybe change his diet, but that is not my choice to make.
There is also the matter of the principal and other women calling her son a liar in the parking lot. She had no justification to judge her son like that. Simply because she wants things to be done differently and the way he wants does mean her acting like this is okay.
If I were the mother I would walk down to the school bring hell down onto the power hungry principals head.

ADHD is handicapped? Many of our parking lots are going to have to be modified soon to make room for three times as many handicapped spots.

I used to teach school and 90% of my students had been diagnosed with ADHD. Some of the students really did have problems concentrating and sitting still, but the majority were simply kids who had never learned to behave and control their impulses.

I've had to deal with many parents who believe that their little angels can do no wrong and the teacher is always wrong.

For every parent who is upset that a teacher makes them sit and eat, there's another parent who's going to throw a tantrum about the school not making sure their child is eating.

The kids are most certainly in control of adults these days and they know it.

reply to post by Afterthought


Untreated it sure is-there is no way on Earth my daughter would be an honor student now without the medication and 4 years of being in special needs classes. How could she be? Without it she bounces from place to place and cant accomplish anything. I dont doubt that principal was wrong no child should be forced to eat if they arent hungry whether they have ADHD or not