Would you date/marry somebody with a kid(s)

reply to post by ReadyPower


Be prepared for her to have 3 kids and you being one of the 3 different fathers


They're so many people out there don't screw up with someone who has a bad track record

Originally posted by ReadyPower
I started dating a girl, who is really sweet to me and pretty... the problem is she had 2 kids, with 2 dads..
She spent the weekend with me, and it was fun.. but it was kind of weird.. her kids (1 and 3) kept crying, and distracting us..

Anyway... would you... have you.. are you.. dating somebody with another man/womans child?

Yeah, why not?

And to be honest... you seeing her kids as a distraction is not good.
If you don't like her kids and they are somehow an inconvenience to you.... perhaps date someone else and let this woman find someone who will actually care for her and her kids and be a decent person.


I mean seriously.... your OP is awful.

It all depends on several factors. If you are younger (less than 35), I would recommend starting your own family and having your own kids. It does make a difference having to deal with others children vs your own (especially when they enter their teenage years). After 35, generally the market for guys to find single women without kids is a tough one (unless you're filthy rich in which case you can be a sugar daddy).

All the lovey dovey feelings fizzles out after a while when the reality sets in and when you're going through the day to day grind and chores of running a family and looking at the monthly expenses On the other hand, you can certainly make it work if you really wanted to provided its not a one sided deal where she is only looking for someone to be a provider and care taker and be a father figure. If she is not milking you for your energy and resources to the full extent but contributes equally to the upbringing of the kids and the house, and if you enjoy kids no matter who fathered them, then its fine.

My boyfriend has an ex-wife and the ex-wife has a kid from the previous marriage. Every-time the ex had a new boyfriend she would visit and show him off. Ex-wife also just pitches up to visit her former in-laws while we are there. The kid ignored my boyfriend until she wanted something. And he keeps trying to have a relationship with the brat. The whole situation really just p****es me off. Just recently I found out (accidentally - someone slipped during a conversation) that my boyfriend had to look after and feed the ex-wife's pets while her and current boyfriend went on holiday??? Doesn't she have someone else to ask for house sitting favours? Also, the ex-wife is apparently the boyfriend sister's best friend, so she is around when sister-in-law has functions. His family all think this is perfectly normal for the ex-wife and her brat to pitch up and for him to do her bidding. I don't like people and socializing to start with, but when you are forced by default to socialize with a loud mouth, slutty, common proverbial blonde it gets really irritating - a perfectly boring conversation about the weather gets dropped to conversation usually found at the bottom of a gutter found outside a "tavern" . Of course, when I say anything about it, I'm always the bad person.

We have been together for 7 friggin years and the bloody ex-wife is still around. And the boyfriend wonders why he doesn't get any sex.

So if you think the hassle of ex-spouses and kids and the drama this entails is fun and exciting or worth it, then sure go for it. Otherwise steer clear. It might be easier if the kids are older and they have been divorced for longer. I have vowed to remain single if I ever break up with this boyfriend - dealing with ex's and other peoples snotty brat kids is just not something I want to waste anymore of my life on.

reply to post by ReadyPower


I think it is not necessary to date her to know it is ok or not ok .

I just takes some brain to use.

Originally posted by ReadyPower
I started dating a girl, who is really sweet to me and pretty... the problem is she had 2 kids, with 2 dads..
She spent the weekend with me, and it was fun.. but it was kind of weird.. her kids (1 and 3) kept crying, and distracting us..

Anyway... would you... have you.. are you.. dating somebody with another man/womans child?

unless you looking to be Uncle Dad...


bailsville.

Of course you should....it pisses me off when people say children are baggage! You can tell what type of selfish people they are just by that comment. I have 3 children and a boyfriend who adores all 4 of us. He truly is the love of my life. it takes a real good man to step up on a pre-made family. if you end up falling in love with this girl, those kids are part of her, and how lucky are you to have 3 people love you instead of one? My step dad started dating my mom when i was 4 years old and he IS MY DAD! He is the one who was there my whole life, not my real father so im in favor for the men who date woman with children.

I have a 100x more respect for the men who do. It's shows character and just how deep a mans love can go for a woman. She could be your one and only and you might pass up happiness because of selfish issues from advice from men on here that are probably miserable and alone! for now just be the kids friend and her lover and let the pieces fall as they may! best of luck and i say GO FOR IT!!!! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!

Originally posted by ReadyPower
I started dating a girl, who is really sweet to me and pretty... the problem is she had 2 kids, with 2 dads..
She spent the weekend with me, and it was fun.. but it was kind of weird.. her kids (1 and 3) kept crying, and distracting us..

Anyway... would you... have you.. are you.. dating somebody with another man/womans child?

I dated then married a woman with 2 children from another man. It was difficult at first with the children but they quickly realized I was here for good and now we have a great family life.
Best decisions I ever made, wonderful woman who didn't deserved to be judged by the children she had.
I got into it knowing I would have to get involved with the kids, I did so and it made things easier all around.

The hands off approach doesn't work.

Yep the kids were crying and screaming at times even off the walls, but after my influence and time with them those days are over.

I guess it come down to how lonely you are OP.

Originally posted by THEDUDE86
reply to post by ReadyPower

 

Be prepared for her to have 3 kids and you being one of the 3 different fathers
They're so many people out there don't screw up with someone who has a bad track record

Always a distinct possibility. Although she may have just had bad luck, she may be a poor judge of character or she may think she can snare men by having pups with them. Proceed with extreme caution.

IRM

reply to post by Elentarri


Wow bad experience, heard of them before, but this one is a jerry springer episode.

I married a man who was twice divorced and had two children while I had never been married and had no children. If you love them, anything is possible.

There have been times when it was HARD. Sometimes it was so bad we almost didn't even make it.

It's not for everyone. If you're a selfish person, don't even attempt it, IMHO. It will take a lot of patience, sacrifice, and love.

Being a step parent can be very challenging because it's like you're expected to have all of the responsibilities of a real parent but none of the say. It was something I had to fight for. I wasn't going to was their clothes, cook their meals, buy them clothes, help with homework, run them around to all the school events, and babysit... only to be told 'You're not their mother!' if I told them to clean up after themselves or had to lecture them about being responsible. lol No way.

Also, when you're both the parents of the same child, it's not as big of a deal to give up on intimate moments 'for the team.' However, it could be frustrating on days like anniversaries or Valentine's Day when we weren't able to do things because my husband's exes would want to drop the kids off at our house so they could go and have fun. Or my husband would have to cancel plans for a romantic dinner because one of his kids had a school play or broke their arm.

So it's not easy. You can't be selfish.

Originally posted by Elentarri
My boyfriend has an ex-wife and the ex-wife has a kid from the previous marriage. Every-time the ex had a new boyfriend she would visit and show him off. Ex-wife also just pitches up to visit her former in-laws while we are there. The kid ignored my boyfriend until she wanted something. And he keeps trying to have a relationship with the brat. The whole situation really just p****es me off. Just recently I found out (accidentally - someone slipped during a conversation) that my boyfriend had to look after and feed the ex-wife's pets while her and current boyfriend went on holiday??? Doesn't she have someone else to ask for house sitting favours? Also, the ex-wife is apparently the boyfriend sister's best friend, so she is around when sister-in-law has functions. His family all think this is perfectly normal for the ex-wife and her brat to pitch up and for him to do her bidding. I don't like people and socializing to start with, but when you are forced by default to socialize with a loud mouth, slutty, common proverbial blonde it gets really irritating - a perfectly boring conversation about the weather gets dropped to conversation usually found at the bottom of a gutter found outside a "tavern" . Of course, when I say anything about it, I'm always the bad person.

We have been together for 7 friggin years and the bloody ex-wife is still around.

And the boyfriend wonders why he doesn't get any sex.

So if you think the hassle of ex-spouses and kids and the drama this entails is fun and exciting or worth it, then sure go for it. Otherwise steer clear. It might be easier if the kids are older and they have been divorced for longer. I have vowed to remain single if I ever break up with this boyfriend - dealing with ex's and other peoples snotty brat kids is just not something I want to waste anymore of my life on.

Elentarri,

You decide how you want to handle this..But.......

Your boyfriend is high maintenance because he is weak enough to let his ex run his show for him.

Hence his maintenance costs are by default imposed on your sense of Peace.

Once you know...for a man ..Peace is the most valuable commodity a woman brings to a man. Not Piece. Understand??

It is also the most valuable commodity a man brings to a woman. Peace not Piece.

What you describe from your boyfriend is not Peace.

His ex is leading him..not the other way around. Nice guys finish last. She is a user....high maintenance. She wants the benefits of a man without bringing him Peace. The most a man will get from her is Piece...and under this kind of condition ..it is overrated.

Your boyfriend has some issues. He still thinks he has to "Try out" for approval from her??? Wow!!!

"Try outs" Like trying out for a baseball team and hoping he makes the cut. Is you boyfriend like..the rescue type?? He feels the need to rescue...slay dragons, run touchdowns...et al??

Sounds like neither of them are mature...or thinking. Or perhapsed his ex never met a man she could not manipulate in this manner.

Just some thoughts,
Hope this helps,
Orangetom

As a single mother of two kids, I still have a lot to offer to a guy. It all comes down to being a responsible mother and providing a decent life for my boys. Do I expect a guy im dating to support these kids ? NO. But I am careful in choosing the person I date to be a good role model. Last thing I would want to do is date some alcoholic, druggie guy.

Give it a chance, sometimes marriages and relationships failed. I was once told that no guy would ever date me cause i have two kids. I had never had a comment hurt me so much. For a long time I was very hard on myself but now I know that it isn't true and there are guys out there who are understanding and willing to give someone like me a second chance.

Originally posted by blackmetalmist
As a single mother of two kids, I still have a lot to offer to a guy. It all comes down to being a responsible mother and providing a decent life for my boys. Do I expect a guy im dating to support these kids ? NO. But I am careful in choosing the person I date to be a good role model. Last thing I would want to do is date some alcoholic, druggie guy.

Give it a chance, sometimes marriages and relationships failed. I was once told that no guy would ever date me cause i have two kids. I had never had a comment hurt me so much. For a long time I was very hard on myself but now I know that it isn't true and there are guys out there who are understanding and willing to give someone like me a second chance.

Baloney...blackmetalmist,

There are lots of men out here who would take on a woman with children. I know many of them. I know more men who have taken on a family not theirs...than women.

Read my response to Elentarri above your post.

Peace is the most valuable commodity a woman brings to a man and vice versa...not Piece.

Peace is also the most valuable commodity a man brings to a woman and children both.

You are correct to be choosy about the man to whom you entrust your future..children or no children.

There are way to many males today who have been raised by mothers...television, movies, and peer group values. Many of these males are high maintenance and self indulgent...even feminine in their maintenance costs. They think they will always have and deserve a safety net...never will they deserve to fall onto and hit the concrete. They have very little good male influence in their lives. I think you use the term role model.
I see alot of these high maintenance males out here. I find them disgusting and never want to have to trust my life and safety to them.

In the same Light..why would I ever want to trust my life, safety, and life's work/monies to a woman and children who think the same as one of these males??

Thanks,
Orangetom

reply to post by orangetom1999


You are looking at things from the glass is half empty side a little to much me thinks.

Their is a good side as well your failing to see, more like refusing to see from my point of view.

why not???? The onliest problem is that, if the kids are old enough, they might walk in when you are having some very intimate moments ....

Originally posted by EspyderMan
reply to post by orangetom1999

 

You are looking at things from the glass is half empty side a little to much me thinks.

Their is a good side as well your failing to see, more like refusing to see from my point of view.

Tell me you didn't go to public school and get an education in catchy phrases and emotions?? Tell me that you did not get an education in "I'm sitting on the only one in town" as did many women out here??

Tell me this is not true.

This stuff you are quoting up here looks good..just like a slick politician but it doesn't make good nonsense when one looks at the details. And politics is just like this..glitter and glitz ..but few details.
One needs to learn to think outside the box to catch it.

Watch this...from my previous post about what my friend told me when we compared notes one day at his place.

He said..I finally figured out what it is about these women ..alot of them. They are coming over and looking at my house...swimming pool..yard..cars..et al...all paid up. They are looking at what they can get for themselves and their children. They are "not Looking" at what they need to bring me. ..but how it will apply to themselves and the children if they play their cards correctly...or what they think is correctly.

Now...EspyderMan...is my friends glass half empty or half full?? How about the women of which he is speaking..is their glass half empty or half full??

When one plays the half empty or half full political line in speaking of things like this....the truth can go out the window very quickly. Is what my friend was saying ...untrue..is there no merit to it. Or is the important thing..in life..whether the glass is half empty or half full.

The important stuff is in the details..all the details..not a half empty or full glass. A half empty or full glass is what you get in public education ..ie..a movie or television/peer group education.

Another male friend of mine married a woman and had a son by her. She was married twice before. The two girls by a previous marriage went to the father ..but when the father passed away..the girls had no where to go and quickly spent their inheritance. Mom had them move in with her and her new husband. The girls were both over 18 and quickly moved in and began pit stopping while the man was working his backside off to keep the roof over their head and food on the table.
Was the glass half empty or half full here.

The girls showed total disrespect to the man and their mother and also both of them allowed this to happen to them in ignorance or guilt. The man was so dumb he thought his job in this world is to rescue lost puppies.
What they did not realize until almost to late..was that these two girls were taking the sustenance so that they could pit stop back onto the race track..out of the young sons mouth.
What the girls wanted was a pit crew to keep them on the race track.

Is the glass here half empty or half full?? What you say before facts doesn't even make good nonsense when one can think life through. You don't have all the cards in the deck..EspyderMan..and neither did these two married people. They thought the glass was half full..not half empty but didn't see the water in it was dirty.

The two girls went out pit stopping and got pregnant and stayed with him until they managed to get two navy guys to marry them. They went out "Hunting and gathering"

But nobody sees what we do.............do they??

Is the glass here half empty or half full?? This nonsense cost these two people their marriage in the end. The woman was unable to bring the man first fruits ..not even to the son. And the man stopped leading in his house.

In this you are correct..the hands off approach is not good..he stopped leading and got lead.


I can give several more examples along with this one. High maintenance is high maintenance..not half full or half empty.

What is not described and explained here is that for many ..including the men out here..they consider themselves socially to be expendable and disposable for the women...carte blanche. I don't think so. They have learned that their natural default setting is to slay dragons and run touchdowns even if it cost them everything. And many males are very ignorant in this.
It has nothing to do with half empty or half full.

Notice how many people have stated the scenarios I posted have no merit??

Hope this clears up the half full/half empty nonsense.


Orangetom

edit on 14-11-2011 by orangetom1999 because: (no reason given)