Sexuality is not a choice, you don't choose your attractions

One of the major arguments against the nature of homosexuality, against same sex marriage is this choice everybody has about their sexuality. How on earth can your sexuality, your natural attraction, and whom you wish to spend your life with be merely choice? As a straight male, why on earth would I out from no where wish to start dating and marrying other males? How does that work? Can any straight ATSer commit themselves to being with the same sex from here on out? No straight male or women in their right mind would do such a thing and settle well with it.

Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles; most people experience little or no sense of choice about their sexual orientation.

www.apa.org...

I don't understand how people can just argue that homosexuals are "pretending" or just decided, out of nowhere, to become attracted with the same sex. It doesn't make sense, we don't all control our urges or our attractions, I certainly can't, yet to find somebody who can. We cannot control love either because if we could, relationships would essentially become meaningless.

Most folks will reference sexual experiementing, in particular by females, with the same sex, and yet go on to live straight lives. But there is a difference between experiementing, and living a life with the same sex. We must also not forget, there are many people out there who are attracted to both sexes. Sexuality is blurred, it's not black and white. It is as complex as mother nature itself.

What do fellow ATSers say to this?

This again? You are wasting your time. Those of us who believe it is a choice will not be swayed by your constant browbeating. Those who believe it is genetic, will not be swayed by arguments to the contrary. Why bother?

Its not a choice? Stop the presses!

Anyone with a brain knows that.

While I agree with you, this topic is kind of pointless because you can't really argue it and it won't convince anyone who doesn't already agree.

Originally posted by DarthMuerte
This again? You are wasting your time. Those of us who believe it is a choice will not be swayed by your constant browbeating.

Is this really your response? It's a "choice" by your accounts, and you'll make your bed with just this explanation? The mere fact you're not even willing to come up with a reasonable explanation beyond "choice" shows me just how much of a one dimensional thinker you are. Life is complex, it does not follow exactly around the route that "leave it to beaver" teaches one. We should celebrate the diversity of life, not hide from it. Why fear??

If this is so easily a choice, and if you were permitted to live with the same sex, in a relationship, for a year, it would be that easy right? Because it's just a "choice"? I suppose you chose whom you'd be emotionally attracted to right? We've had families broken up because one person in the relationship was living a lie, we've had homophobic congressman do things totally opposite to what they preached, pretending to be something he or she was not, do you think it was "choice" that they got put in this situation emotionally? We can all live lies, but can we choose how we feel? Don't tell me you chose and control how you feel emotionally to somebody because I won't buy it for a second.

reply to post by Southern Guardian


I wouldn't say they are "pretending" to be attracted, any more than a pedophile or animal "lover" is "pretending" to be sexually attracted to their object of interest.

With that said love is a choice. We choose to love our kids, we choose to love friends, and family. Simply observing society we can clearly see many who don't love their kids, ie molesting them, abusing them, killing them etc. Many choose to not love their spouse, they cheat, abuse, kill etc. If love isn't a choice, how could people treat persons that they are supposed to love in a negative manner?

Want to see what happens when heterosexual males choose to be attracted to other men, and have reduced sex to simply a feeling: go watch a prison documentary, it happens all the time.

Ummmm how do homosexuals breed? Thats the only question i have every had. Besides that, to each its own. I just wonder how would same sex couples continue their blood line....? Thats the big question i have.

reply to post by Southern Guardian


your right, its not a choice but i dont think people are born gay or straight either. i beleive that everyone is born as a blank canvas, and the people we grow into our sexuality, our religous beleifs, our behavour ect is all a result of our personalities and life experiances

reply to post by Southern Guardian


Cool story. Honestly couldn't agree with you more.

But you must not have been on this site for very long, because if you had.. You would know how these posts -ALWAYS- end.

Originally posted by targeting
While I agree with you, this topic is kind of pointless because you can't really argue it and it won't convince anyone who doesn't already agree.

This is forum, and this is a topic, people are more than welcome to participate. If people think it's such a pointless topic, then they need not bother participating in the thread.

As for convincing people, I don't expect my points to change the minds of people stuck in this mentality that everything is black and white, I do however expect for somebody to come up with their rational or views over the situation. I don't think sexuality, or our emotions, our feelings to loved ones, are merely choice. Anybody who says this knows, personally, that they are being dishonest. These emotions are embedded into our consciousness, it's something we can't freely control.

I understand that many people would argue that "choice" is somebody controlling their actions they make and to some extend I'm not fully denying this. A man with homosexual feelings can live a lie his marriage, that gay congressman can continue to preach hatred, against his own feelings. People have choices to live lies, but this notion that they have a choice over their attractions, their feelings, this is false. I never chose to love somebody, it just came to me naturally.

I personally don't mind seeing this topic again -- especially when couched in logical arguements as the OP has done -- because I think it's important.

I've said it like this:

If you believe sexuality is a choice, I challenge you to recall when you made that choice --

Choice implies measuring the pros and cons and deciding which direction you want to go. My personal opinion is that "choice" where sexual attraction is concerned is a farce. I never once in my life weighed the benefit of being one way or the other; I knew from the time that I first began oogling Kelly C. -- our resident lifeguard in our hometown pool -- that I liked women. I was a tender 7 years old. It wasn't an analytical process, it was just nature as I knew it, and I knew which avenue I wanted to explore.

I firmly believe it happens that way for all of us. We don't just accidentally "fall" into our sexual attractions. We aren't influenced by our peers. We aren't brainwashed by the media. We know what we like and know quite early.

I have had homosexual friends and heterosexual friends most of my life. I don't know for certain the sexuality of many of my relatives, and don't really care. You all be with whom you feel a bond and chemistry with, and I hope you find love in your life. I believe that, more than anything, defines us as human.

... perhaps scent has a great deal to do with it. For gay guys, women are not sexually attractive, even when she is stunning to look at. Same with gay women... even though she may appreciate the looks of a sexy guy, they just don't smell attractive. The urge to have sex with someone is often more complex within gay people as its not just about the visuals. Sexual drive relies heavily on hormonal influence... your sex drive and sexual attraction to anyone can become completely void due to the various input of hormone levels. But sexual attraction....that's far more complex considering a gay person can become aware of sexual attraction and sexual orientation at a very early age. This is hardly a choice, though they could chose otherwise and be completely miserable within a heterosexual relationship by pretending to be attracted to their partner... not a nice way to live for either.

Originally posted by PLASIFISK
Ummmm how do homosexuals breed? Thats the only question i have every had. Besides that, to each its own. I just wonder how would same sex couples continue their blood line....? Thats the big question i have.

Answer: We don't. We adopt, care for, love, feed and clothe the children that you heterosexuals want to abuse and throw away. I have been with my lesbian partner for 11 years and we have 2 wonderful children who had a mother that was insane and strung out on drugs. Guess what? The kids are now happy, health, well adjusted and HETEROSEXUAL to the hilt.

Originally posted by DaveNorris
reply to post by Southern Guardian

 

your right, its not a choice but i dont think people are born gay or straight either. i beleive that everyone is born as a blank canvas, and the people we grow into our sexuality, our religous beleifs, our behavour ect is all a result of our personalities and life experiances

Thankyou for that response Dave!

There has been many a debate in the science world regarding genetics and homosexuality, although this has not being conclusive. They've done tests and they've seen patterns, namely those of gay twins, the youngest child, etc, but these tests have not being conclusively established. I am of some opinion that our environments, the life style we grow in, impact on our sexuality. But then again emotional and sexual attraction to me is something of nature, something that nature put into us, not something that the social environment can fully control or change. So I'd be more of the opinion that much of our sexuality has to do with genetics. Like I said though, research is still being carried out.

I think being homosexual is abnormal and counter productive and honestly two gay men do nothing more but cause irreversible damage to their bodies.

to each his own though.

Click here for more information.

Originally posted by Southern Guardian

Originally posted by DaveNorris
reply to post by Southern Guardian

 

your right, its not a choice but i dont think people are born gay or straight either. i beleive that everyone is born as a blank canvas, and the people we grow into our sexuality, our religous beleifs, our behavour ect is all a result of our personalities and life experiances

Thankyou for that response Dave!

There has been many a debate in the science world regarding genetics and homosexuality, although this has not being conclusive. They've done tests and they've seen patterns, namely those of gay twins, the youngest child, etc, but these tests have not being conclusively established. I am of some opinion that our environments, the life style we grow in, impact on our sexuality. But then again emotional and sexual attraction to me is something of nature, something that nature put into us, not something that the social environment can fully control or change. So I'd be more of the opinion that much of our sexuality has to do with genetics. Like I said though, research is still being carried out.

This is the debate to have. Whether its a choice or not has already been settled. If someone thought the world were flat it doesn't mean its worth discussing.

reply to post by wlord


Assuming your version of "normal" and "productive" are "right."

Originally posted by DJDigitalGem

Originally posted by PLASIFISK
Ummmm how do homosexuals breed? Thats the only question i have every had. Besides that, to each its own. I just wonder how would same sex couples continue their blood line....? Thats the big question i have.

Answer: We don't. We adopt, care for, love, feed and clothe the children that you heterosexuals want to abuse and throw away. I have been with my lesbian partner for 11 years and we have 2 wonderful children who had a mother that was insane and strung out on drugs. Guess what? The kids are now happy, health, well adjusted and HETEROSEXUAL to the hilt.

Wow...... It was just a question i had! Did i offend you or something. Jeeez sorry for asking! I think im gonna leave this topic alone folks! I think the HOMOSEXUALS just want to use this thread to attack the HETEROSEXUALS.

In closing though, and aside from your attack on me, my question remains. How will you breed with out drug abusers, or anyone mentaly unfit to take care of a child? How?

reply to post by Southern Guardian


I can't commit myself to anything type of sex. The more I get, the more I want. I can't say I won't ever try something homosexual. It doesn't interest me now, but I have seen some women that I would do just about anything if it were part of a package deal?

And, if it is an excuse to say, "we don't choose our attractions." Then pedophilia is just as natural as homosexuality or heterosexuality or bestiality. If they are all natural attractions, then the only problems we have are restrictive laws criminalizing some things and not others?

I'm not saying I'm a fan of pedophiles, but I am saying your argument is just as pertinent to them as it is to anyone else.

I believe we all have choices, and we all have certain fetishes. We are naturally born with a sex drive, but it isn't aimed in any certain direction. As we gain experiences during key developmental times (puberty mostly), then we learn fetish behaviors. Some men learn to be womanizers, some learn to be romantics, some learn to love older women, and some learn to love younger women, and some learn to love each other. Some men have no outlet whatsoever, and they learn to love shoes or watermelons, or old gym socks.

Whatever the case, there is no biological inclination as to what we have sex with, except for procreation which is necessarily heterosexual. Anything other than procreation is just a fetish. That includes regular heterosexual sex for fun. If there is no intention of creating a baby, then it is just part of a learned fetish.