Why Can't I Stop Thinking About Her?

The relationship we had, if you want to call it a relationship, never really got going and/or worked out. I hurt her at one point and then she hurt me. Not in the cheating sense but the same effect. I don't talk to her anymore and we both moved on but she just keeps popping in my head frequently. I try all sorts of things to prevent it like playing games, reading books, hanging out with my friends, going to parties and talking to other girls but no matter what I do, there's always something there to remind me of her (not trying to quote that 80's song)....

The weird thing is she really shouldn't have this effect on me because the relationship we had never got serious. I knew her mainly from work and it sort of progressed from there. I doubt I had the same effect on her as she has on me and that's what stings more than anything I think.

Anyways, yeah, I know it's something I have to try to get over and will eventually and I just have to find someone else but I needed to rant a little I guess because it's so frustrating.

reply to post by Chad_Thomas89

Was she your first girlfriend?

reply to post by Chad_Thomas89

I know its rough man
hang in there
sounds like you're on the right track ♥

Time heals all things - if you let it.

Ah, the one that got away. This has happened to me a few times of the years and even now, I still think about the ones that got away and have regrets.

I guess it's the whole 'what if' thing that gets me.

In my opinion, finding someone else, although it will work, is not the answer. From experience, there are two ways to accomplish your goals. The first is to give it time, and don't try to not think about her, but push the thoughts out when they do come. The other method is to change yourself by coming to the realization that you do not "need" to be in love or with someone.

In reality most people confuse real love with the effect of falling in love. They are different. What you are feeling is caused by chemicals in your brain, and is not real love, so take comfort in that fact if you can. Real love is a choice, not a feeling, and although many will have a hard time believing that, it is the truth. My favorite book on psychology is an older one, but still the greatest I've ever read...It's called the Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck.

In the book he talks about what I just mentioned on love. You should check it out.

m8 im in the same boat was with my ex 5yrs and she still pops into mind atleast once a day

they same the best way to get over a woman is to get under another

It sounds like you had an idea of her, and that is what you were attracted to. Instead of trying not to think about her, do the exact opposite and get it out of your system - while keeping in mind that it was the IDEA of her which drove you mad for her in the first place.

After a few attempts, it deffinately helps to find a partner that is at the same "place" you are.

Then you both hopefully realize it becomes a shared vision, one bending to the other at times.

When one is with someone who stops stretching or you stretch wider, it's not necessarily anyones fault. Games can be messy though.

Hope you the best, and that you find the one,may you find one with the things you admire about the one you can't forget but without the things that you do not preffer and wish you could forget.

My opinion,
Peace.

Originally posted by Chad_Thomas89
no matter what I do, there's always something there to remind me of her (not trying to quote that 80's song)....

...but if you do end up quoting one, that's not a bad choice. There are many worse 80's songs that you could have used.



I am not good at this, and I am not sure why I'm trying, but I can somewhat relate to you with this. About 12 or 13 years ago.... only lasted a few months.... but every great once in awhile.... a mental image.... that smile..... followed by thoughts.......

Originally posted by Chad_Thomas89
The weird thing is she really shouldn't have this effect on me because the relationship we had never got serious. I knew her mainly from work and it sort of progressed from there.

I think this may be why, or at least a part of the why. IF you had ever reached that seriousness part, then you would know what it was like. The problem may just simply be that part of you just wonders "what if...."

reply to post by zilebeliveunknown
The first one that I can say that I cared deeply about and yes, loved.

Thanks everyone for understanding and sharing your views. I agree that it's mainly the "what if". The relationship never grew long enough for me to experience on what it would've been like if the relationship did grow more serious. Since the beginning of it was good, my mind keeps showing me thoughts of how romantic and how deeply we would have been in love with each other but in reality, it most likely wouldn't have been like that since we didn't stay attached to each other after all. It's like the old saying "my mind is playing tricks on me".

do not dwell on what you don't have! remember what you had! no matter how small you feel it was the fact that it effects you makes a difference. everyone is allowed to make mistakes the difference is how do you learn from them.

reply to post by JiggyPotamus
I'll check it for sure but what you say about real love being a choice and falling in love because of chemicals in the brain sounds like a very defined, thin line. I know how to fall in love but how do I choose real love? Actually, what is real love?

Could "falling in love" just be those little butterflies you feel for someone when you click with them just right and "real love" be the appreciation I have for my mother for caring for me all those years and I choose to love her for that? Sorry if I'm totally off on this....trying to get the gist of it.

i think its safe to say that we have all gone through that stage, i know it sucks and can hurt, but the way to get her out of your head is to find someone else, someone that kinda makes you loose that breathe of air in your lungs, you know what i mean, that every time you see that person, a smile erupts across your face without any reason, its a rare feeling, but when you experience it, you know your on the right track.

Hang in there and all will eventually get better, simply hang in there.

reply to post by Chad_Thomas89


Real love....

You just know it when you feel it

Boy, this definitely made me feel better getting this off my chest. I feel I can better handle this situation and be self-assured. Thanks again everyone.

The ONE, the one I fell in Love with first and never really managed to suceed in having a relationship with - and went and fell in Love with anyway, and always carried in my heart . . . . and who I thought I'd not made much impression on . . . came back to me 30 years later ~ and we are trying to figure it all out now, complicated, exhilirating, and unknown.

It could be epic . . . time will determine. Why do I add to this? Because you never know in life and sometimes the one who got away - comes back.

(ps. We have both shed tears over the misunderstanding of so many years past - caused by another, and my fear of communcating with him. Bittersweet we can't go back - and now we are working to discover - if/how we will go forward.)

reply to post by Chad_Thomas89


it is your hormones sending thoughts of her to your head mate its a 100% natural thing, we all have this problem so to say hope this helps

Well it sounds like she may not have been as easy on you as you may have had it in the past or maybe expected it to be. Its always the ones that slap you around a little bit that give you a little tingle.......that's not love though. Thats just not leaving as happy as you would have liked to leave it. IMHO

I'm sure you will find another muse to fill your mind with. I'm guessing your young because older people don't really think or talk like this because we accept what is and what is not and leave it at that.

Trust me you'll be back in the saddle in no time.

reply to post by Chad_Thomas89


Is there maybe some guilt you feel for something you did in the relationship? That could be adding to it.

Thing is, time heals all wounds...as does new experiences and relationships.