I Shot Someone

Go shoot another one, the more you kill, the less you feel. Had that pumped into my head about 200 times during my training But come on now, I would care less if the person was 8 years old. If they were shooting at me, I shoot back. Its nothing to feel bad about, and its the Christian thing to do

reply to post by KJV1611


I can't work out whether you are being serious or not.....?? is that a joke?

Originally posted by Niall197
I have crossed swords with Budski on numerous occasions over the years. We are as chalk and cheese, seldom agreeing on anything.

But he's never struck me as being a liar or a fantasist. His contributions here have invariably been well written, thoughtful & sometimes very personal. I consider him a truthful person & have no reason to doubt what he says here.

I like to think of ATS as a community of friends, friends you know, others you've still to meet.Some of you are being cruel to a long term ATS member. Cut Budski some slack.

I for one am not calling Bud a liar I simply am pointing out that if one has been a member of a special unit like SAS or say like me in SF just friggin say it. There is nothing classified about ones unit of assignment hell I got a sticker on my truck says Army Retired and Special Forces along with a blue Fort Leavenworth sticker on the front - not exactly surreptitious central.

To talk around something in an attempt to make it seem more mysterious is a hallmark of behavior I have seen on numerous occasions by individuals I have served with who were both in and out of the community. It is simply an attention seeking mechanism. SF guys use it on chicks all the time - seen it a thousand times in bars and hotels all ove the world.

It makes people ask questions and wonder and engage the person for details and then they can be even more mysterious and claim non-disclosure when the facts are easy to relay in a manner that frames the incident for all in a clear way without violating any oaths.

Usually only actual classified operations and methods are not to be discussed and even talking around them is a violation of the non-disclosure agreements. Saying one participated in a certain theater went to unclassified common training locations etc. is fine.

Anyway, FFS just say I was in SAS, training in the Jungle and I feel bad for having had to engage a person who turned out later to be a kid. Happens a lot down range - happened to a really good guy on my team in Afghanistan; big investigation ruled a mistake but not a malicious or negligent one. Kid’s family got paid a bunch of blood money...
He beat himself up for a while but we helped him through.

Now if the event was public and you don't want people to put two and two together that you were the shooter say if they know the particulars as they were in the papers or something then I just wouldn't talk about it at all. Someone with any training in cover operations should know this.

reply to post by budski


We can't prove this and it's blatently going to cause a divide;

-You're wrong and bad
-We have sympathy and you should forgive yourself.

Anyway, i'll let the hysteria continue....enjoy it.

I am not SAS or SF. I am a dirty nasty leg and proud. But I do know a little about the effects of killing.

If this actually happened and the OP really has these feelings, it makes sense that he would post here. When one feels that his killing is wrong it blackens the soul. You reach out for others to confirm your worthlessness. It is a coping mechanism that is destructive to say the least. If you think you are a monster you want others to confirm to you that it is true.

Killing is an emotional roller-coaster. At some points you feel like you'll never get the blood off your hands and other points you feel like a god walking the earth. These points are different to each individual. Some kills bring you higher and some kills sink you lower. It is the nature of the beast.

Only the OP himself can decide to move on. A thousand people can forgive him, but only one person matters.

Better days,

reply to post by Niall197


I'm not one to make 'I agree' posts, but you summed it up perfectly,

Keep your head up Bud.

Originally posted by Freeborn
reply to post by Niall197

 

I'm not one to make 'I agree' posts, but you summed it up perfectly,

Keep your head up Bud.

I was with a therapist yesterday who told me I should talk about it, as that apparently helps PTSD.

I don't think he meant post on a forum after consuming a bottle of wine lol

I personally don't give a crap whether people "believe" or not - it's a cathartic process, not one asking for approval.

Originally posted by budski

I personally don't give a crap whether people "believe" or not - it's a cathartic process, not one asking for approval.

Well said dude.

If you feel bad about killing a kid, or any human being, you should find yourself another career.
If you stay, it is inevitable that something like this will happen again...

Your only solution, is to leave.

Otherwise- don't complain.

reply to post by budski


While most cannot understand exactly how you are feeling, you need to realise that every person has regrets about their past that they cannot change. You made a bad mistake, but you have to accept and acknowledge that you cannot change the past and all you can do now is move on and live your life. Make peace with the spirit of the boy you shot by apologising and praying that he finds his path to a better life. Be sincere and open your heart to his spirit. Then move on and live your life.

reply to post by timi0000


No, he did not do the right thing...........the kid did not come over here..........he went over there like a drone puppet for his corrupt country, he was a invader and murdered a child.

Look down at your child, your son - now imagine a foreign invader coming onto your property or into your town and gunning down your son at 15.

America and many of the countries now that are following suit are bullying and invading other countries.

It's called, pushing the New World Order Agenda and do your research, start with Henry Kissinger (nasty piece of work, not even a human).

This person has some serious Karma to work out, the taking of a human life, even the mistreating of another person or animal is serious for we are all part of one grand whole.............you hurt another and you hurt yourself.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/adc9d5cb4712.gif[/atsimg]

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Very good advice Dark Ghost.

reply to post by ofhumandescent


In he's OP he admits that they committed a crime. Its odd that no one else can read it!

I am appalled by some of the replies here. Budski, it must not have been easy to share this sort of thing, but I don't think ats will give you healthy responses. This site has fallen so far from what it once was. I don't think anyone really has a right to assume what they would have done in your shoes, or judge you for any of your actions. People try to imagine what they would have done, but none of them can know or ever fully understand. I believe everyone strives to do their best. I suggest you seek some professional help. There doesn't seem to be many here able to feel empathy and compassion for those with pdsd. Best wishes to you.

You have my sympathy Bud. The killing of one so young is a difficult thing to deal with. But ask yourself this, would it have been better if he had killed you. He would have moved on almost immediately and killed some one else. Teens in his situation have little conscience. They have no understanding of what they have done. Or perhaps they do at a very low level. Later in life when they come to understand what they did and why, if they have gained maturity they will regret what they have done. However I think that the boy was misguided by the adults around him.
This lead him to the confrontation with your unit. You did what you had to do to survive. That's what anyone would do. Don't accept the blame for what he did. He made his choice when he engaged you. It was simply his time.

One doesnt shoot to kill,one shoots to save his life.And unfortunatly the images never fade from your mind.Your alive...they are not.Honor them in your everyday life.After all they died for what they believed in and you lived for what you believe in.Feel good about the fact that at least it bothers you.There is no fixing it.

Hi Budski,

Though ATS isn't the place of sympathy and empathy it used to be for a lot of people it seems (after reading some of the trolling moronic insensitive replies) It's better to talk about it here than to not talk about it at all.

I hope you find your peace of mind and can forgive yourself, at least you are feeling bad about it, and that makes you more human than anyone who pulls the trigger and sleeps just fine like nothing ever happened.

take care.

GM

I'm sorry you had to learn to know yourself like this. But life goes on, don't waste it.

In the end death is imminent and resistence is futile. That kid walked here armed and ready to kill at 15 years old... You might have saved hundreds of lives just by preventing he could ever pull a trigger again.

Karma could be very real but who says the kid didn't have it coming to him.


Killing someone is murder regardless the situation... Whovever says that in war it isn't guess again... That is contradictive thinking. Trying to talk it right,

Then again... killing is what we do be glad it wasn't you

My experience is that writing about your issues works to relief some of that weight.... IMO you can do that everywhere and on ATS you even get some feedback.

Good luck

Originally posted by budski

Originally posted by Freeborn
reply to post by Niall197

 

I'm not one to make 'I agree' posts, but you summed it up perfectly,

Keep your head up Bud.

I was with a therapist yesterday who told me I should talk about it, as that apparently helps PTSD.

I don't think he meant post on a forum after consuming a bottle of wine lol

I personally don't give a crap whether people "believe" or not - it's a cathartic process, not one asking for approval.

You pray that you sent the 15 year old to heaven sooner than he expected, and move on.

Originally posted by spy66
reply to post by ofhumandescent

 

In he's OP he admits that they committed a crime. Its odd that no one else can read it!

I think not, you're getting hung up on the meaning of "challenged", "Halt who goes there" is a challenge, Challenge, like many English words, has many meanings, hence so many linguistically challenged foreigners historically calling us Perfidious Albion, we weren't lying we were being opaque, like Obama.