I have to appologise, I have brought on the end of the world

reply to post by michael1983l


Pfft bullcrap.

You need to remember that while you have control of your own destiny and personal space, you do not have control of others.

So, I'm sorry you ruined your own life.

reply to post by michael1983l


Hi

I owed more than you do 10 years ago, but a visit to the Citizens Advice Bureau and some general pig-headedness on my behalf has got me through it without the world coming to a sudden demise. I had chosen a zombie apocalypse to take everyone down with me, but as its not yet happened I think we're all fairly safe

Seriously - a bit of CAB advice, some credit smarts and patience and we'll all be getting up tomorrow

reply to post by michael1983l




Please don't take offence, but your story's touching, but I'm sure others myself included have fell on hard times at some point on our lives. Your family will be fine, you'll be fine.
If the world ends, it won't be your fault . . . . it'll be obama's.

It appears that your letting the debt you are in control you. Feeling depressed, feeling like a failure, feeling less than.... are all mere feelings.

The negativity that you have noticed coinciding with your life could be due to that fact that you are so overwhelmed with the negative thoughts about where you are in life, that you are subconsciously refusing to allow yourself to notice the positive. This is normal for anyone under large amounts of stress. It can only be overcome by accepting the fact that you are where you are, leaving it behind, and moving on with the lessons you've learned.

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the #&*% on." ~Tupac Shakur~

Believe me, you are not alone due to the simple fact that you do not have to be.

I suggest writing a gratitude list. Sit down and write it instead of typing it... write down everything that comes to mind when it comes to things that you are grateful for. It can be anything... even lifes tough lessons that make you a stronger man, if you so choose to allow it.

I would also suggest setting aside some time for meditation. If you are unfamiliar with meditation, start with maybe 5 minutes a day and work your way up from there. For me, meditation is clearly one of 2 very effective ways of opening up my inner conscience and listening to what it has to say... it is my guide. The other is writing and playing music... letting it flow. The sounds that come out represent how I feel, releasing the negative energy, and expressing the positive.

YOU, my friend... are the only one that can make the conscious decision to NOT attend the pity party. It will take work. It may be the biggest challenge you have had yet to face. But through internal pain, one can make the choice to exercise it in order to obtain unimaginable personal growth.

Be strong...

Hi Michael,

Reading your story reminds me of myself many years ago, and the challenges that were being presented to me. I can only speak from my own experiences and viewpoint so take it as is most beneficial for you, if at all.

You are an incredibly strong individual. You were willing to come here and express exactly what you are experiencing knowing some of the responses you would likely receive. You are also willing to ask for help from the realization that you are unable to move forward by yourself. Congratulations! Two huge steps. You have also dug yourself a very deep pit, what seems to be insurmountable challenges. It may seem that way now, but you have all the tools you need, and through this you will come to know your true strength and power.

What I found from my own experience is that self-destructive behavior is due to a lack of love for one's self, a fear of the unknown, and the fear of death. Gambling and debt are the manifestations of a fear of a lack of money. It may seem contradictory, but we generate what we fear in order to experience it, and from experience we can understand and overcome.

The need for money is a diversion, the time and energy needed to acquire such really can hamper a seeker. It is my suggestion that you set time side everyday for "Me Time". For me, it worked best first thing in the morning. I got up an hour or so earlier in order to do some stretching and meditation. Stretching helps with energy flow, and meditation helps with thought organization and awareness. Try thinking about what you are thinking and why you are thinking that way, and note how you feel about each thought. It is very uncomfortable at first, but gets easier over time.

Death is a biggie, because you will suffer some small deaths, per se, as you learn to change your perspective of who you are and why you are here. That is one of the biggest fears tied in with death - The fear of change and the unknown associated with such. Your mind will fight it tooth and nail, yet the old must be torn down in order for the new to be erected. So your sense of death is very real, yet also very advantageous. By expressing it you have opened the door to understanding and acceptance. Again, congratulations.

Taking a universal view of yourself is actually true and beneficial. Not in the respect that you will end the Universe should you die (although your Universe will be greatly impacted), but from the perspective that your thoughts and feelings feed into the energy interconnectedness of all of us. The more negative you are, the more negativity (fear, dark) that you feed to the world. The more positive (love, light) you are, the more positive you feed the world. That is, after all, the whole point of becoming enlightened.
"A single raindrop raises the sea". (Dynatopia)

This could also be one of your "Dark Nights of the Soul". A time when everything comes front and center and confusion rules the day. This is to get your attention, that it is time to start sorting though all your mind "stuff" and discard or adjust what is no longer of service to you. The answers are in your past. To rectify some of my memories I had to put myself in the other person's shoes, to understand the drive that caused that person to do what was done to me; and I had my own experiences on which to base that knowledge. Other memories I could simply forgive myself and those involved as being nothing more than weak, confused human interactions. After all, we are constantly being brainwashed; how can anyone be expected to think clearly under those influences?

Again, this is only my interpretation of your posts based on my perspective and experiences, and what worked for me. If you find this to have been any help, then the time has been well spent.

If not..... well..... uh...... exit stage left.

Originally posted by yourmamaknows
reply to post by michael1983l

 

You could accept Christ as your Lord and master and pray for guidance.

Haha, finally a christian who speaks the truth. Your Lord and master . All hail the eternal christian slavery system!.


At any rate, Michael I'm going to give you the same advice that I gave to my brother after two years of reckless alcoholism and self-loathing that nearly tore my family apart: Grow the **** up and get over it.

I'm sure you'll like it about as much as he did, which isn't very much, but it's honestly the best advice you will ever get.

There is nothing that Satan can do that Jesus can not do better.... Go to God and ask for forgiveness. Accept his son Jesus into your heart. God and the Universe can easily handle all your issues. You have not lost your faith nor your ability to give the hard stuff over to God vs Satan. Did you ask God first? Did you try to strike a deal with Him?

In the long run, a total economic collaspe may not be a bad thing. If everyone goes down, then who will the banks collect from? If no one has money, then there is none to collect., You cannot squeeze blood from a turnip just like they will not be able to squueze a cent out of you.

You had nothing to do with the collaspe of the future. No one man carries that task. Satan may lie to you and say that you do in order to quicken his grip., Afterall, once he has you, then he will proceed to work on family members...afterall, you invited him in.

Consider this message and then talk to God. The outcome (with God) will definately be an easier one to carry.

Originally posted by michael1983l
Thanks for everybodies advice, not sure what to say really. I am just going to get by and let god into my life and hope things change for the better. No more gambling, I don't take drugs any more that was in the past and I rarely drink now.

I have to do it because my daughters need me. I have to succeed for the sake of them and for the sake of not making my parents bankrupt.

edit on 16-6-2011 by michael1983l because: (no reason given)

Brother.. We've all been there. I too have had some deals with the devil so to speak, and you know what? It's all a bunch of CRAP. Yes, we get mixed up in bad stuff, yes, it's our own fault for letting it happen, and yes, it's so much easier to let the bad happen and do nothing about it. It's easy to not have to work at it, it's easy to forget about what pain you are causing family, it's easy to just let it ride... It's hard work to actually make things right and good in your life. That's why we are all here for the test. How hard can we actually work at making things right. Giving up is not getting a job to pay debt, giving up is letting others depict what should happen in our lives, giving up is not caring about what your family wants or needs. We are all human and we all do things out of dispair.

I've screwed up my life pretty quickly. Try this on for size... over $60,000 in debt cash value not real estate, I have 3 young kids and a wife to support, lost jobs because I just didn't like what I was doing, ended up loosing my home to forclosure and forcing my family into a rental home they didn't want to be in, had an affair for 2 years while married, then ended up seperating from my wife, forcing her to live with her parents, filing for divorce, going through bankruptcy Chapter 11 and basically selling my soul to the devil... Been there done that....

I finally decided to be a man and do what was right for my family. I have a really good job now, I left my affair, my wife moved back in with me and we are going to councililng and taking things day by day, but most of all we are both making sure our kids are happy. If you took your life... trust me, I've been there.... if you take your life you are only causing more pain to your family, and it will be pain they have to deal with for the rest of their lives..

Money is the evil of this world, it's the devil, it's the soul taker.... F*ck Money I say. Once you let it rule your life, it takes the life right out of yourself and your family. Live cheaper, spend less, don't focus on yourself because that's where the greed takes over. Learn to live with who you are and really look inside you. Look at the love you have for your daughter, your wife, and take that as who you really are, because my friend, you are not your submissions. You are your love...

Keep your head up and don't ever look back. What's past is past, you can only live in the present, so make it what you want, not what you were, or what you think should happen. Focus on the good and F*ck the evil...

When I was in J-high (72),I was reading "The Sacred Writings of Abramelin the Mage"It occurred to me than even at genius level execution, this entity is Eons old,nobody could control that without heavy "outside" help You had to use a 5 year old to tell you what the angel said in order to get the incantations,symbols,etc, to perform the elaborate conjuration.
I hear the highest levels use infant sacrifices and cannibalism.
While I won't heap witches and most new age groups in the same pile they are in lower succession of the same edict.
By the time you really can influence reality it's only pain and suffering you're no better than our current highlevel banker,in fact they are probably inspired by the same source.
For the record I would say I'm a Christian Heretic.God gets me that's all I care otherwise I just ain't too fond of religious books.


Don't feed this in any way you have to face life in order to grow
What a stupid way to gain power.

Originally posted by michael1983l
Thanks for everybodies advice, not sure what to say really. I am just going to get by and let god into my life and hope things change for the better. No more gambling, I don't take drugs any more that was in the past and I rarely drink now.

I have to do it because my daughters need me. I have to succeed for the sake of them and for the sake of not making my parents bankrupt.

edit on 16-6-2011 by michael1983l because: (no reason given)

Now your speaking my language, your gonna be fine love. Im not much of a believer in the bible and jesus etal, but i know there is a God, and if you think about it, the devil or the evil men do is a creation of God, it has to be ! theres no way it cannot. And i dont know why we all get the varying degrees of s**t, that we, but theres a reason for it and well find out one day. But take a leap and KNOW that he is with you, you just havnt asked to see him yet, and one day you will just know, and youll feel him around you, and he wont go away.
Im really glad youve grabbed the bull by its balls, sorry horns. This is excellent news. Your stronger than you think, i promise you.

You have already ruined your chances of taking the path you think you are going to take. You see you have posted your thoughts in the open, if you take that path, your family will never be free from debt because they will not get the insurance that you think they will. It's just the way the universe works, the goal now is to make you understand that. But what the universe did is give you another path, just like those pesky thoughts led you to gamble and do bad things, some pesky thought sent you in the other direction, causing you to post your story as a call for help. And I see many wonderful responses full of understanding and love. That very choice closed the door on the path you think you are going down, and opened the chance for a new one. Now it's up to you, are you going to walk down it or not?

Did you ever consider that the universe led you to the people here?

Suffering does exist
Suffering arises from attachment to desires
Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
Freedom from suffering is possible

Somebody on this site once posted this video, I don't know who it was but I thank them and re-post it now.



God loves all his children and gives us the power we need, when we need it, it's up to us to recognize even the slightest miracle that we may receive, even if at the time we may think we need more.

Hahaha welp we are boned then. Im kidding you can't end the world because it is merely an illusion so what you speak of is impossible to do. Unless you are a prime creator that is when S*** hits the fan and then we are really boned

reply to post by michael1983l


It would seem to me that if the entire Universe is just a rat-maze created for your rat-soul to run about in, then both God and the Devil are complete a-holes.

Consider the wastefulness of creating time and space, in all their intimate complexities, just so they can see whether you're an addict—to gambling, drugs, and booze—or if you aspire for some higher ideal.

If that is what you consider Christ to amount to, then you need to find a new god and savior.

What is the point to manifesting solar systems beyond ours, if all They want to know is what number you bet on for the Roulette Wheel?

Why create the beasts of the field, and the winged of the air, and the creatures of the deep just to see if you like the effects chemical substances cause?

I think you just need to man-up. Walk straight; onward Christian soldier.

Life is what you make of it. Go get some counseling for your gambling addiction. Enter into rehab for your drug addiction. Seek a 12-step for the drinking problem. Go get checked out psychologically.

~ Wandering Scribe

Originally posted by michael1983l
I expect a visit from the devil any time now so that he can collect my soul that I voluntarily offered him. As a by product my demise means the end of this universe so I will take you all with me and I appologise immensly. However I am out of options now and need to find the ideal way to end all of this without raising suspicion as then my family will be looked after.

Have mercy on me and pray for me. You probably think I am 100% crazy and I would be inclined to agree but only I can understand the test I have been through and I know I have failed beyond belief. I am sorry lord that I failed so bad and I hope that my failure can inspire others to go to you, which is why I write this passage.

Good luck everyvody in your own tests and with the greatest of intentions I hope I do not see you on the other side.

Do not be afraid.

Christ. This is my third intervention this month already.

Listen. Sit tight and I'll handle Beelzeboob for you. But just this once.

I wish you people would someday catch on to these idiots on the other side that're hoodwinking you with their claims to be everything from Jesus to Satan to Santa Claus.

Trust me, your luck isn't going to change and this universe is going to survive your devil.

reply to post by michael1983l

The only evil here is your self-deception...
...that you have been led to believe that you are this important...you aren't.

Originally posted by michael1983l
reply to post by yourmamaknows

 

It is not me I am concerned with, it is my family. If I have made the gravest of judgements by believing it is only me in this universe,

I kinda see it a bit different, I see everyone as me. Just in different body....

Whatever you did, you just have to own it & not be sorry at all. Not only will you feel stronger but better about yourself. Hell I have done some bad things myself & when you truly understand it you will realize its all had a positive effect elsewhere

Right sunshine, no mucking about. You've been in the forces so you already know how to get off your bum and get active. Stop the whining, it's you being lazy about what you know you have to do. You aint daft, so get on that phone Monday and phone CAB. They've heard it all before and will get you help. We all walk on this earth and each step has a responsibility. Your 1st step of responsibility starts with that phone call.
Do it numb nuts and stop asking god for help, that's just being weak. Whats he going to do, hand you a fist full of dollars?
Take care kidda, get smart, get going, get it done xx

reply to post by michael1983l


I read your post and that was enough to reply. There is still hope for your soul if your willing to fight the hardest battle of your life. That battle is against yourself and your willpower. Either you take control of yourself and your life and do whats right for Everyone, not just others. (your important too) Your equally as important as your family is. Once you value yourself at less then equal you are limiting yourself. Just think as your fears or trouble as walls, you start off with a blank canvas and write your story as you experience life. Walls can be made but history also shows they can be taken down. If your willing to save your soul and to be the father you can be to your family then you have to care about your life as well. Undo your deal, make a new one with the good, angels, god, love, light based, more then just good intentions but pure positive souls. Earn it back if you have to but if you give up on your soul it can hurt them worse the money can. If you ever loose that willpower over your body, (they) can take over and you'll wish your deal involved safeguarding them from all evils... because they may be safe from one aspect of life but not the others. So take the time to consider the different factors to your life and how it effects others. You have more power to change the situation, due to the depression in USA tho I recommend maybe getting mobile home or trailer. Something more affordable. Yes its lowering your standard of living but its being realistic and saving money. There are some different agencies that lower debts. Look into all your options. Your soul should not be for sale. Regardless of what it can buy. p.s. yes I bet you felt a vile pressence... Your body knows best and it tells you whats right or wrong. Beleive in yourself and trust your feelings.