The Rapture Report-Live testimonials from around the world, 26 minutes to go.

Originally posted by cluckerspud

Originally posted by Terrormaster
Anyone know if the TSA is handling security for the Rapture? If they are I think I'd rather just skip the whole thing and stay on Earth.

Exactly! Must JC pass through a scanner or be subjected to molestation when crossing the border from the spiritual world?!

TSA Agent: "What's this?"
Jesus: "Those are keys..... you know... to the pearly gates?"
TSA Agent: "And this?"
Jesus: "A Halo. Hey! Don't hold it like that. This isn't goddamn Tron."

Originally posted by Suspiria
My face is aching from laughing.

thats weird.. my chick said this to me last night... though it wasnt from laughing..

Originally posted by InfaRedMan

Originally posted by MJZoo
reply to post by Swizzy

 

Right, but you didn't KNOW it wouldn't. The people making claims that the rapture won't happen are just as wrong as the ones making the claims that it will happen. Anything is possible at any time.

I'm just as likely to fart diamonds if you say anything can happen...

IRM

edit on 21/5/11 by InfaRedMan because: (no reason given)

Hey InfaRedMan, when you master that nifty trick, could you possibly teach my husband. Let's just say he is umm 'noisy' and I really like diamonds. This could prove a win/win for me

I still have a few hours left ... I'm thinking I should go protest something (maybe a funeral)
for a last minute rally to push me over the top ...

I took all my personal time at work this week. I wouldn't have done this but the rule is "use it or lose it".

I read that Harold Camping has made 10 million off of this.....I think he told his lies and knew they were lies in order to get the 10 million. I think he had this all planned to line his bank accounts.

Quasi O/T

I think it is fantablous that I can see everyones personality

A person doesn't really get to see that around here much

Originally posted by caladonea
I ready that Harold Camping has made 10 million off of this.....I think he told his lies and knew they were lies in order to get the 10 million. I think he had this all planned to line his bank accounts.

Maybe the government will prosecute him for fraud. Maybe he would get a cell right next to Bernie Madoff

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!

So... it turns out that someone left the 'C' off the front of 'rapture'...

It seems appropriate that all those who fell for this scam should be encouraged to commemorate this day by substituting their tinfoil hats for something a bit more symbolic.




All Hail The Crapture!

IRM

ARKANSAS CITY (AP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sun roof during an incident best described as "a mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she claimed was Jesus.

"She started screaming "He's back, He's back" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force,"said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was dressed up as Jesus and was on his way to a toga costume party when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blowup dolls filled with helium which floated up into the air.

Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration, and said "Come back here," just as the Williams' car passed him.

Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband, who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else.

When asked for comments about the twelve dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

Totally an urban legend, but could you imagine?!

So has anyone heard anything from the people that started this whole thing?
Any statements about why they weren't right this time and why it'll actually be __________ instead?

reply to post by coldkidc


My guess is they're all busy binge drinking kool-aid right now.

Did everyone remember to have your parents/ guardians sign the rapture permission slip? Without it you are stuck here...

reply to post by TruePatriot1685


Dammit!!! I knew I forgot something!

Then again...it's kinda strange that a 30 year old needs a permission slip from his parents...but whatever works I guess.

Music to set your rapturing to:

( Its a parody, dont get all rapturey on me)

Originally posted by coldkidc
reply to post by TruePatriot1685

 

Dammit!!! I knew I forgot something!

Then again...it's kinda strange that a 30 year old needs a permission slip from his parents...but whatever works I guess.

edit on 21-5-2011 by coldkidc because: (no reason given)

It'll be fine. Tell them "Jesus ate my permission slip! No not Him, my dog..... Jesus."

4 hours till rapture here. I hope they don't call a delay due to fog.

My local news station just reported that the rapture is supposed to START at 6pm pst and then roll back timezone by timezone.

riiightt. So if I'm mst I guess I'm last! whoopwhoop.

Also they said that Harold Camping or whatever his name is took in 120 million dollars in donations between 2005 and now. Guess billboards aren't cheap.

Originally posted by TruePatriot1685
4 hours till rapture here. I hope they don't call a delay due to fog.

you should be fine. I believe the bible says Jesus is rollin' in on a cloud

Worst part about the rapture? The gates of heaven are staffed by TSA Agents.