My flaws seem to be ruining my relationship :(

Guys, she is not trying to change me

She wants me to clear up my issues...and I was having trouble doing that. And if anyone had changed it was me on my own accord, because I was trying to be this guy I wasnt..rather than the guy she fell in love with.

Im ok now I think.....if I just be myself, Im thinking things will be a lot easier on both of us

all men have those issues with all women. it is simply the cause of differences in communication between genders.

She has no issues? She's perfect?

Hey mate I really hope you read this. I am not a relationship guru, but ATS possibly saved my relationship last night.
The problem you see isn't the problem itself, it is your attitude towards changing it. You need to remember that negativity when nurtured becomes a beast and another person in your relationship. It is a darkness, a disease, a black cloud that rains its negativity into every situation. It is very sneaky.

One thing to remember is that positivity will ALWAYS triumph against negativity. The only way to face a negative situation is to turn it into a positive. It might feel lame and against the grain but it seriously is the solution. Its science. Do some research on black holes and the positive/negative fight that goes on and you will know what I am talking about

To explain ats saving my relationship : My bf and I love each other dearly, but we are constantly fighting to keep our heads above water. Lately we did more fighting with eachother then against the world. The hate and negativity last night was so strong, it felt like we were almost finished murdering our love. I walked out of the bedroom and jumped on ATS.There was a thread that popped up about love. I thought it was odd and clicked on it. Now at the time of clicking on the thread I was drowning in a sea of hate and misery. 5 minutes later I was giggling. My bf heard my giggling and came out, I gave him a headphone and then we were both giggling. Then we realised if we had any chance of saving our relationship then we had to fight fire with fire.
We have to be positive and recognise negativity whenever it appears.
There is no need to live in a world of fear when a world of love is the key to true freedom. I guess this is why God made it his highest commandment.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
Guys, she is not trying to change me

She wants me to clear up my issues...and I was having trouble doing that. And if anyone had changed it was me on my own accord, because I was trying to be this guy I wasnt..rather than the guy she fell in love with.

Im ok now I think.....if I just be myself, Im thinking things will be a lot easier on both of us

Good one Oz... thanks for the update mate.. hope it goes well for you.

I have the exact opposite problem, my perfections are ruining mine! How can anyone ever meet the high standard which I achieve!?!?!?!?!?

j/k thought some comedy sarcasm would take the worry away a bit.

I hope it works out mate, but if it doesn't dont dwell on it too much, theres always someone else just as fantastic out as the last person you're with even if it doesnt seem that way.

I have no advise for you, except to remember this. Money, status, position, fights, all the small things, they're always gonna be there, for everyone. Best thing I remember to help me though those things? Matters of the heart have nothing to do with them, it is its own special being love is, and as long as its nurtured right, it shall grow well enough to overcome any of those issues. Then and only then I find, did things fall into place for me

I come with no advice, because mate, we could be twins by the sound of things....except I just gave up, got tired of dealing with crazy women and the like, so I don't bother anymore (don't do that, you'll end up a bitter young man)

But I digress!

Like I said, I can't give you advice but I can give you my support.

Stick to it mate, don't let it get you down.

reply to post by OzWeatherman


A really great older women once told me and my wife these words..

Did you know he liked beer when you married him? then deal with it..

did you know she likes to color her hair? then deal with it..

did you know she likes a clean house? then deal with it..

did you know he likes to have a hobby? then deal with it..

be who you are and never try to be something you are not.....

I'm sorry for what you are going through and apologize for not reading the other posts.
I feel your pain.I am 46 and have been married for 16 yrs.I still can't vacuum the why she wants me to.
I still can't clean"momma clean".Even though I know I have cleaned better then she has.
It's a battle that can not be won.
But it has to be the other things that you do that makes her love you.
She cleans her way,you do your things your way.
It's a compromise,and there are times ,forgive me ladies,but women are just not themselves.
You are doing everything right,and then BOOM,you are a POS.
Couple of days later,everything is fine just like it never happened.
That's life in a relationship.

Love your self and then you have no flaws.

If she isn't your best friend or confidant or you've nothing else to learn then the lesson is within you.

Take a break and if nothing is resolved then move on. Love is all around if you want it to be.

Don't ' be yourself ' if you don't know what that is yet, just be happy to learn. Romantic love is just a small offering based on the root (security) and sacral (balance/sexuality) chakras to which all we (as modern man/woman) display to have permission.


All the best bro and to all others learning in the same class.

The fact that you think you have flaws is ruining your relationship.

My girlfriends sister is ruining my relationship

Relationships aren't a one way road. Both have to meet in the middle, or it won't last. It's just not physically possible to go one way all the time.

As everyone else has said: Meet in the middle or bust. We're all not perfect, but swaying one way just makes everything come crashing down... *insert obscene bacteria growing and eating all its food too fast example here*

reply to post by OzWeatherman


If they are really the person for you, they'll accept your flaws just as you accept theirs. It's a two-way street. Nobody is perfect...NOBODY.... All you can do is try and improve, but I'm sure there are some areas this other person can improve in too....some things that drive you batty...

Still though...doesn't mean you have free license to mess up, but if you are honestly making an attempt, the other person should see and recognize this. In a true relationship, (whether romantic or even friends), people accept the pros and cons of others...that's just the way it is.

I dont think there is anymore advise that I could give you here that hasn't been covered. If you ever need to cry, bit.., moan, or talk...U2U me. Their is plenty of people here who care about you.

Originally posted by FrancoUn-American
My girlfriends sister is ruining my relationship

So just leave away from her.

reply to post by Gazrok


Im not sure if she has any flaws to be honest. There's none I have actually noticed that she has. Maybe Im just too layed back to notice.

Either way, I can still improve as a person, and have to just be myself

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
reply to post by Gazrok

 

Im not sure if she has any flaws to be honest. There's none I have actually noticed that she has. Maybe Im just too layed back to notice.

What if you are infatuated and that is why you cannot see the flaws. That happens sometimes.

*But if she is flawless, then you ought to marry her and start having kids. That's what I'd do.

Once you have kids, you won't spend so much time worrying about improving each other, or having fun and all that other jazz.

reply to post by Exuberant1


Well essentially I do want to marry her and have kids. Im not infatuated with her, I just love her, probably more than I should at this point in time. Thats the reason why Im trying so hard I think, which is something I am working on right at this moment. I dont want to smother her and scare her away.

Thanks for that Ex, now some of what you are saying is making sense