Opening Up To My ATS Family

reply to post by EagleTalonZ


Hey there EagleTalonZ, long time no type

So sorry to hear how things are ... but pleased to hear you choose life (good man). I know how you are feeling right now having been there myself (pretty sure most of us who are responding have been) but I know that doesn't really help you in a practical way.

I have dated my share of men but only had 3 serious relationships and not once has the love I have had for them been truly reciprecated ... so after my last relationship ended (8yrs ago) I decided I was probably not meant to be in one.

My situation wasn't intentional but in the time I've been out of the relationship game I have got to know me (properly) and it sounds corny but I actually like the person I am and if 'The One' never crosses my path then so be it (they'll never know what they missed)

But my point to all this is that I have never been stronger ... and that's 'because' of my experiences ... not 'in spite' of them.

My advise to you at the moment is to give yourself time to heal ... and don't go looking for a replacement ... you may have more important things to do in life !

Woody

reply to post by woodwytch


Ah... my friend! I have missed you! (though you're on my facebook as well!) heh How are you?

Things have taken a strange turn in my life with this stuff. Tuesday she was saying how lucky she was to have me. Thursday night she can't stand to be with me. I am more confused than I can even describe! But after going trough several emotions, I am sorta starting to settle down. Though I'm not at all looking forward to the sleeping thing. That will require laying still, allowing the loneliness of the house to fill my heart... but I have to keep on pushing.

You give sound advice once more though. I won't be seeking any replacements. A lesson learned for sure.

I can honestly say I know how it feels to be in such a situation, although not in the same way reagrding the little girl. That sounds like a tough one, and the primary reason why I refuse to even consider dating a woman with kids.

But I do know the frustration and the loneliness that comes with having a relationship turn bad and end in a really awful way. At first it feels like your heart is going to explode and it is impossible to focus or to have a positive outlook.

My last serious relationship ended very badly, and like you I had full belief wholeheartedly that she was the one and only love of my life. We were engaged and together for six years. It has now been over five years since we parted and still to this day I have problems being with women and having any level of trust. The longest relationship I have been able to manage since has been around four months, then I usually end up running for it or finding any excuse to break it off.

The wall I have built for myself is very high and sturdy. It pains me to say but in the last few years I feel as though I have lost my faith in the female species and in humanity in general. I make attempts to get back into the game and I have no trouble meeting or attracting women, but then I see my friends and people I know who are miserable and trapped and constantly getting shafted by relationships and it causes me to panic and as a result I now avoid commitment like the plague.

I dont really have any advice for ya aside from the fact that I know how agonizing this stuff can be and I hope you can find someone worthy of your attention. Life, as in love each have their ups and downs, but you have to keep searching and be patient until you are able to find what is truly right for you.

Until then, just hang in there and don't do anything stupid. You are not alone, and definitely not the first or last man to ever get screwed over by a woman. No relationship is worth your life, you just have to have at least a little faith that things.... good or bad.... always happen for a reason.

Too many cliche sayings echo in my ears: "Time will ease your pain," "Don't give up," " Find a distraction to get your mind off of her"... but I don't have the strength to do anything but stare at the door, just praying she will walk back through and rush to me. She is stubborn though. I know it will not happen today.

There's a reason cliches exist...because for the most part, they are true. (and you do have the strength, you just need to find it).

However, like others, I'd caution against hopping into another relationship anytime real soon.

Praying she'll come back? To torture your soul again? It's hard to compete with history, even when you share it too, and if she's left for an old flame, she likely won't be back.... But here's the thing...that's a GOOD thing. Do you honestly WANT to be with someone who would do this to you? This kind of deception isn't a reflection on what kind of person YOU are...it reflects who SHE is... Don't turn this around on you. Sounds like you deserve better.

It also sounds like it's your basic nature to trust others and nurture vs. try to control. While commendable, it will also mean you'll be taken advantage of from time to time. However, at some point, you will meet someone worthy of that trust and friendship and love.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Losing contact with the child will be the harder part of it, but if you had a strong relationship with her, you may find the child may pressure her into letting you two see each other. All depends really...as we don't know all the details here.

Suicide is NEVER the answer though...which, if you are truly a Christian, even goes against your faith. Sure, I know you claim to have lost it (personally, my faith is more in the Universe and the Human Spirit), but whether faith in a deity or in ideals, FAITH is the cornerstone of our existence and purpose, and it is what drives us to enjoy our experience while here. Sure, we'll stumble along the way, and sometimes times are hard...but we must never lose sight of all the good times, and remember them well, and seek them out again.

You will love again (maybe even lose again), but that's no excuse to not live your life and try to enjoy the good while enduring the bad.

reply to post by Gazrok


Two things: First of all you posted at 11:11 heh and secondly, love the avatar!

As for the advice: You are right. Many of the posters here are right. Love left me blind and I did wish her immediate return, but the more I hear people say, "Do you honestly want to go through this torture again?" the more I realize you're all right. I don't want to endure all the fear, the questions and the feeling insufficient. It was an awful feeling. You're also right about letting go of our daughter being the hardest.

Some people have said to stay in contact with her. She is just turning a year. Others have said to let go completely. I certainly don't wish to add any chaos or instability to her life. She is an amazing and wonderful little girl who I love with all I am. I'm not at all sure about what to do in that situation. Several of my good friends have just said to cut ties with my wife completely. Delete her number, don't talk to her. Move on and just forget her. I know I'm not capable of doing that yet, but the overwhelming opinion of many is to let her go.

Yesterday I was driving home from work. I had not slept but a few hours since Thursday. I fell asleep and hit a center median at 70mph. Luckily I woke up just before impact and was able to offset the hit and mostly only damaged the right side of the car. I am fine. Very fortunate. I lost my job today as a result of not being able to make it. This past week has been hell. But I've learned that I don't want to give up. My new motto blends with another: "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade." Well... life has thrown me enough lately to make several gallons and I happen to be very thirsty... let's do this.

reply to post by EagleTalonZ

Yesterday I was driving home from work. I had not slept but a few hours since Thursday. I fell asleep and hit a center median at 70mph. Luckily I woke up just before impact and was able to offset the hit and mostly only damaged the right side of the car. I am fine. Very fortunate. I lost my job today as a result of not being able to make it.

Wow dude, and I have been through some things and days were it seemed like the universe and all the planets and solar systems aligned to make your troubles, and day, worser then it is already, just for the fun of it. And yes that old saying about if one thing goes totally wrong something more, is just around the corner, and it seems to be a very real truth, that is a major pain in the gluteus maximus.

But don't let it get you down anymore then necessary, because yes its true, that "When it rains it pours". But you will get over this, and as for your wife, well do whatever you want its your life. Just if she comes back and you still would want to try living with her, you better make some rules at least, because what she did and just leaving like that, is totally uncool, its way up there on the uncool scale.

reply to post by EagleTalonZ


Hope you are alright health-wise after the accident. That's even more terrible news on top of everything else, especially with the job. Pretty crappy of them to not understand a car accident.... Well, hopefully it leads to an even better opportunity and job...and the change may help you get over things even more, so there is that. Take care of yourself.

reply to post by EagleTalonZ


OMG

I hope you're not too battered and bruised after the accident ... what a mare !

Please take care of yourself (sleep and food wise) ... I think you do right to go to work if you can, because you need to stay occupied ... it will help to keep things from consuming you.

Also try to remember that what you have experienced means you are going through the same kind of grieving process as someone who has had a loved one die ... the effects are very, very similar ... and you 'have' to go through this process which is different for everyone ... trust me I've experienced both (being left devastated by someone I loved ... the death of a child) !

As someone who has experienced both please believe me when I tell you that the way you currently feel WILL pass ... and you my friend are strong enough to roll with it ... not fight it (there's a BIG difference) ... that's how you survive and come out the other side a stronger and wiser person

Woody

reply to post by Gazrok

That was great advice and well put into words, it's no wonder you're a SUPER moderator

Hang in there ETZ and do yourself a favor, stay out of relationships for a yr or so and focus on yourself and your health. Doesn't mean you can't still go out and have fun!