Adultery - ruins everybody's lives.

doesnt this belong is social issues and not skunkworks?

Well i feel sorry for you friends husband, my wife just had an affair about a month ago, than left me for this the guy.

never in my life have i felt a pain so deep. I love her with all my heart, i honestly believed we were the cliche "soul mates" i thought she understood me more than anyone, i thought i understood her more than anyone. Everyone would comment on how we had such a great relationship.

What sucks is after she had the affair, i told her i could forgive her and that we should seek counseling, i was willing to do anything to save my marriage.

She told me (and i quote) "no, i don't regret anything I've done" words i never thought she could speak. (she was the sweetest kindest girl i had ever met).

She than just started to pretend i don't exist and started her new life with her new man (who ironically is only in town for about a month, he moves back to the other side of the country tomorrow).

I tried to contact her a number of times, but she wont return my calls or text, I've never raised my voice to this girl, I've never been mean or abusive at anytime. Our sex life was pretty amazing too, so i don't understand why shes made this decision. I hate that she is pretending i don't exist, its like all those years of bliss we shared meant nothing to her...

god i hate even thinking about this crap. it wasn't to bad when i started writing this, but now im making myself depressed.

I just want my wife back. but i wont get her back, and even if she does physically come back to me... she wont be the same girl i thought i married....

Adultery destroys...

reply to post by Alaskan Man


Be thankful she didn't take your money too. Thats normally how it works.

Some people are just bad to their core with a sweet veneer. Blank her and move on and keep your distance next time.

reply to post by Alaskan Man


thats really quite hart wrenching.
but from one man to an other. all you can do at this point is sever ties lern to love your self!
then when YOU get better consider your options... but for now shes gone. hang in ther freind
-jplaysguitar

reply to post by Alaskan Man


Sorry to hear that man. Just found myself in a similar situation (but mine was withing a few months of the beginning of the relationship which is looking to be short), first relationship I've been in in several years, heck of a way to start.

With your wife, it's an awful thing, she will live to regret it, but you need to remember there lots of people that can relate to you and you aren't alone. You will find someone again. Look for someone different, someone who puts importance on sensibility.

Remember there are no real rules to relationship and mourning you don't have to wait to start your life up again. People seem to think so, but why surrender any more of your life? Also break your routine, it will eliminate the empty ominous feeling of something being subtracted from your otherwise normal life. Hang out in some new places, don't go directly home from work, etc.

Best of luck, keep your head up.

reply to post by purplemonkeydishwasher


There are differences though between cheating and agreeing on an open relationship.
In cheating the trust is destroyed.

halfold man i agree you are in some pickle.. but consider this

telling the guy seriiously just flip a coin heads tell tails you dont
ether way your in the middle homeslice

safest bet is l3ave town haha

Originally posted by Alaskan Man
Well i feel sorry for you friends husband, my wife just had an affair about a month ago, than left me for this the guy.

never in my life have i felt a pain so deep. I love her with all my heart, i honestly believed we were the cliche "soul mates" i thought she understood me more than anyone, i thought i understood her more than anyone. Everyone would comment on how we had such a great relationship.

What sucks is after she had the affair, i told her i could forgive her and that we should seek counseling, i was willing to do anything to save my marriage.

She told me (and i quote) "no, i don't regret anything I've done" words i never thought she could speak. (she was the sweetest kindest girl i had ever met).

She than just started to pretend i don't exist and started her new life with her new man (who ironically is only in town for about a month, he moves back to the other side of the country tomorrow).

I tried to contact her a number of times, but she wont return my calls or text, I've never raised my voice to this girl, I've never been mean or abusive at anytime. Our sex life was pretty amazing too, so i don't understand why shes made this decision. I hate that she is pretending i don't exist, its like all those years of bliss we shared meant nothing to her...

god i hate even thinking about this crap. it wasn't to bad when i started writing this, but now im making myself depressed.

I just want my wife back. but i wont get her back, and even if she does physically come back to me... she wont be the same girl i thought i married....

Adultery destroys...

If you did nothing to hurt her, the maybe she just didn't understand the concept of loyalty. Not everyone can understand this concept without having a reason to learn it and make it through uncertain moments where some decide to build loyalty because that is most important and certainty comes back to you, and then some get sidetracked away because it seems easier.

Don't be depressed. It takes something in the other person if you did nothing wrong. It takes a personal regard for loyalty.

I am not commenting to sound like a know-it-all. I feel bad for your situation if you know you did nothing wrong.
It happens to nearly everyone. If you did not hurt her somehow, it's not your fault.

This post made me sad. You sound like this really happened to you. I'm sorry.

reply to post by NWOnoworldorder


If you think your wife will blow your head off for cheating....may I suggest you divorce, or you keep your pants on.

reply to post by him777


A man who views pornography isn't necessarily going to commit adultery.
Men are visual creatures and need visual stimulation during masturbation.
Women are different. We have more vivid imaginations and can just dream or fantasize about our
object of desire whether it be some celebrity like Brad Pitt or George Clooney or the guy down the road.
Does that mean we will commit adultery because we have fantasies about other males?
Of course not.

Back in the 70s a lot of fathers used to read the Sunday paper in the toilet with the page 3 bare breasted girls.
A lot of those same men stayed married to their partners until death. No adultery committed at all.
Thank god those days are over and men have access to something that can give them pleasure when their partners are unable, with out all the hang ups and secrecy.

There was even porn made back in the old victorian days as well as in art for thousands of years.
It isn't going away.

Originally posted by Flighty
reply to post by him777

 

Does that mean we will commit adultery because we have fantasies about other males?
Of course not.

For me, to fantasize about another man means there is something wrong with the relationship.
That is my personal experience. Have I done it? Sure, but the other knew something was wrong. I didn't cheat but I could not show affection to a man if I was thinking about another, because something was already wrong with the relationship. It was already being absolved which of course takes a process to complete but the end had begun and it always ends the same if fantasies of another man come into play. Not all people are the same. I'm speaking for myself of course. If I am happy in a relationship, I do not fantasize about other men.

reply to post by Flighty


Hmm.. I dunno. If it is a guy down the road, eventually the "harmless flirting" starts.

Originally posted by ChaosMagician

Originally posted by Flighty
reply to post by him777

 

Does that mean we will commit adultery because we have fantasies about other males?
Of course not.

For me, to fantasize about another man means there is something wrong with the relationship.
That is my personal experience. Have I done it? Sure, but the other knew something was wrong. I didn't cheat but I could not show affection to a man if I was thinking about another, because something was already wrong with the relationship. It was already being absolved which of course takes a process to complete but the end had begun and it always ends the same if fantasies of another man come into play. Not all people are the same. I'm speaking for myself of course. If I am happy in a relationship, I do not fantasize about other men.

Often that is true, yes, but to be honest you want to know the main reason people fantacize about others? That is because humans are not meant to be monogamous. It is well known that a man thinks about sex very often and if he is in a relationship do you really think he is thinking about sex with her all the time? No, he will see a woman walking down the street and think about sex with her...thats fanticizing. Does that mean theres something wrong with his relationship? Not necessarily. So for a woman to think about another man does not mean something is wrong, either. Sometimes it does, but I think more often than not, its just normal.

Originally posted by Xavialune

Originally posted by ChaosMagician

Originally posted by Flighty
reply to post by him777

 

Does that mean we will commit adultery because we have fantasies about other males?
Of course not.

For me, to fantasize about another man means there is something wrong with the relationship.
That is my personal experience. Have I done it? Sure, but the other knew something was wrong. I didn't cheat but I could not show affection to a man if I was thinking about another, because something was already wrong with the relationship. It was already being absolved which of course takes a process to complete but the end had begun and it always ends the same if fantasies of another man come into play. Not all people are the same. I'm speaking for myself of course. If I am happy in a relationship, I do not fantasize about other men.

Often that is true, yes, but to be honest you want to know the main reason people fantacize about others? That is because humans are not meant to be monogamous. It is well known that a man thinks about sex very often and if he is in a relationship do you really think he is thinking about sex with her all the time? No, he will see a woman walking down the street and think about sex with her...thats fanticizing. Does that mean theres something wrong with his relationship? Not necessarily. So for a woman to think about another man does not mean something is wrong, either. Sometimes it does, but I think more often than not, its just normal.

I was speaking for myself... said so more than once.

I have no idea which man you are talking about and am not speaking for that man, whichever one.

Funny thing, monogamy.

People who state that "nature" doesn't support monogamy, point to animal behavior, et al... and state monogamy is a "religious" idea, are not thinking scientifically at all.

Nature only supports monogamy, inherently.

My college microbiology professor advanced an idea for us to ponder one day, and it really made us all think-

If human beings kept their virginity until they chose their partner for life, and stayed utterly faithful to that partner until death, "forsaking" all others, (and this is for homosexuals as well as heterosexual relationships)...then STD's, to include HIV, would completely be eradicated after one generational cycle.

Obviously nature is NOT in favor of multiple partners in relationships between human beings.

And really? Haven't humans "evolved" to be higher than animals? Do we need to rely on the animal kingdom to provide excuses for this behavior?
Furthermore, when animals are confronted with a diseased or sick animal, or water/ food that is tainted, they either kill the animal (and do not eat it) or they avoid the substance that makes illness... aren't we "smarter" than animals?

That said, I would never be an "informant" on someone else's behavior. Many times these dissolve into a huge problem, and the one who "informs" is the one who somehow gets blamed for a lot of the controversy, not to mention that reported behavior is sometimes completely untrue.

reply to post by thegoodearth


Actually many species of animals do mate for life with one partner.

Here, 11 animals that mate for life:
www.mnn.com...

reply to post by GogoVicMorrow


I know- and I didn't advance that in my post, due to the fact that so many will post that "not all" animals do, so that doesn't apply...

It is thought provoking to consider that many animals in the animal kingdom, across the species, do mate for life, however human beings have such a struggle with it. Perhaps they have "evolved" more so than people...

reply to post by Aeons


firstly can you tell by my pic im female?? secondly im not discussing my private life but the topic at hand, im into monogamy, clearly though u have no answer to my statement and instead try to avoid it by deflecting it onto me with a piss poor comment/statement which was so far off the mark it was funny?!

You can have both variety and fun, as well as devotion, trust and love. It all depends on how the two of you communicate, and the commitment you make to each other. There is nothing more erotic than exploring your sexual fantasies together, in a solid marriage. The divorce rate of couples today in a monogamous relationship is over 50%. While couples in an open marriage is less then 5% pretty big difference.

These were very interesting posts that make some very good points. Some animals are very carefree with their sexual behavior but clearly it fit's naturally into some circumstances.