Could U Find Yourself Attracted to Another Member

Originally posted by Skid Mark
reply to post by NoRegretsEver

 

You're welcome, and thanks for posting this thread. I agree that the topics discussed usually only come up a few months to a few years together. There is a broad range of things to talk about on ATS. So, in effect, you can get to know somebody before actually meeting. Thanks to this, the dating world has changed a lot since the invention of the internet.

I agree the dating world has evolved due to the internet. I just wonder about how this type of site has narrowed down the search for some out there to find others like themselves. Sometimes we can get caught up in paranoia, and actually separate ourselves more than most.

Its a double edged sword. But hey, you never know right?!

Peace, NRE.

Originally posted by NoRegretsEver

I agree the dating world has evolved due to the internet. I just wonder about how this type of site has narrowed down the search for some out there to find others like themselves. Sometimes we can get caught up in paranoia, and actually separate ourselves more than most.

Its a double edged sword. But hey, you never know right?!

Peace, NRE.

True, it is a double edged sword. On the positive side, a lot of the bs can be sorted through and weeded out if you're looking for a mate. On the negative side, would you be able to trust that one person? I don't think any of us would be here if we didn't have at least a little paranoia. Not that we're all paranoid nutters for coming here. Just that I think most of us are here because we think some things just don't seem right. One thing that concerns me about the net is that all the time spent on it could be used to interact with people out in the world, in our own locales. It's almost like isolating yourself from the world. Then again, like you said, it's a double edged sword. The positive side is that it's somewhat safer online than out in the world.

The longest relationship I have ever been involved in, six and a half years, was with a girl that I met in the music section of the old Yahoo chat, back when it wasn't filled with spammers and pornbot's. Our relationship had many great moments and many not so great ones, and we almost got married.

I think the internet is a pretty good place to meet people, just because at least you get to know them as a person for their thoughts and ideas, as opposed to being burdened with the physicalities of it right off the bat.

As far as meeting someone on ATS, well I know it has happened before based on reading other people's accounts. I have met a few really lovely and insightful people here during my stay, but never tried to hook up with anyone.

But as for the question "can it happen""? Sure,,,why the heck not. You never know where or when you could meet that person who you find everything in. Keep an open mind.

Originally posted by Skid Mark

Originally posted by NoRegretsEver

I agree the dating world has evolved due to the internet. I just wonder about how this type of site has narrowed down the search for some out there to find others like themselves. Sometimes we can get caught up in paranoia, and actually separate ourselves more than most.

Its a double edged sword. But hey, you never know right?!

Peace, NRE.

True, it is a double edged sword. On the positive side, a lot of the bs can be sorted through and weeded out if you're looking for a mate. On the negative side, would you be able to trust that one person? I don't think any of us would be here if we didn't have at least a little paranoia. Not that we're all paranoid nutters for coming here. Just that I think most of us are here because we think some things just don't seem right. One thing that concerns me about the net is that all the time spent on it could be used to interact with people out in the world, in our own locales. It's almost like isolating yourself from the world. Then again, like you said, it's a double edged sword. The positive side is that it's somewhat safer online than out in the world.

I think that in order to take that step a choice has to be made. Either you put it all out there, crazy and all, or you chance being someone else, and find out it was all for nothing. Yes, I agree it is safer to interact online, but by every passing day, you are getting more comfortable with a screen, then a person.

I find myself sometimes wondering how long it will be before I completely shut down, and realize that I will never find a in person companion, whether a friend or not to interact with in person. I get invited out, and say no, because I figure at least on ATS, a conversation isn't going to arise about American Idol, or some celebrity, that I neither care for or know about.

But I am also losing time, by figuring that one day, I may sometime in a galaxy far, far, away, find my mate
When I haven't really bothered to ask, or try, out of fear.

Peace, NRE.

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


I used to hang out on ICQ a lot and got into a few close online relationships, but none of them translated into real life, one girl even came over from China to visit me

I met my girlfriend on an Internet site, but more of a dating site

Originally posted by NoRegretsEver

I think that in order to take that step a choice has to be made. Either you put it all out there, crazy and all, or you chance being someone else, and find out it was all for nothing. Yes, I agree it is safer to interact online, but by every passing day, you are getting more comfortable with a screen, then a person.

I find myself sometimes wondering how long it will be before I completely shut down, and realize that I will never find a in person companion, whether a friend or not to interact with in person. I get invited out, and say no, because I figure at least on ATS, a conversation isn't going to arise about American Idol, or some celebrity, that I neither care for or know about.

But I am also losing time, by figuring that one day, I may sometime in a galaxy far, far, away, find my mate

When I haven't really bothered to ask, or try, out of fear.

Peace, NRE.

I think it's better to put it all out there. To lie or lie by omission would be a disservice to both you and the other person.
True, it's a lot different interacting with others in person than online. You miss the body language, for one. Also, so many other things. In the end, it's like alienating yourself from the rest of humanity.
I know what you're saying about intelligent conversation, or lack thereof. It seems like a lot of people don't care about real issues. It's frustrating. As for shutting down, don't give up on yourself or sell yourself short. There might just be someone there but you haven't paid any notice to him for some reason. Also, recognizing love for what it is, is the key, as well as being able to accept it and let yourself be loved in return. Keep your chin up.

reply to post by Skid Mark


Thanks for the kind words. I in no way want to completely close myself off, actually I have been trying to be more open as of lately, and I thought that this is usually where I am, so I would try and ask people that would be in a more similar situation.

I guess I am just going to have to give it a go, and see what happens (reluctantly at first), but I guess better late than never.

Peace, NRE.

Originally posted by bigfatfurrytexan

Originally posted by pirhanna

Originally posted by Somehumanbeing
Probably not. I am very cautious. For all I know, Piranha could be a psychotic rapist in real life that has evaded capture for the past three years after 28 victims. Some even repeat victims. Just sayin'..

edit on 7-12-2010 by Somehumanbeing because: One word makes all the difference in the world..

LOL really? A star for saying I might be a rapist??

Hey, i mean...i don't know you. And that red hat you are wearing....

Ya, that's true, it's a scary hat. Actually I photographed that pimp in Barcelona when I was there last year. Had to be sneaky about that one...

Originally posted by davespanners
reply to post by NoRegretsEver

 

I used to hang out on ICQ a lot and got into a few close online relationships, but none of them translated into real life, one girl even came over from China to visit me

I met my girlfriend on an Internet site, but more of a dating site

You #'ing Pimp Dave. You made a girl cross an entire Ocean just to see you ?? Now thats a Mack-aroni.

anyhoo, ... to answer the OP more directly.

Yes, ... I find you slightly attractive, .... but you didn't have to make a whole thread just to bait me in.

...... dont fight the feelings.

Originally posted by IntastellaBurst

Originally posted by davespanners
reply to post by NoRegretsEver

 

I used to hang out on ICQ a lot and got into a few close online relationships, but none of them translated into real life, one girl even came over from China to visit me

I met my girlfriend on an Internet site, but more of a dating site

You #'ing Pimp Dave. You made a girl cross an entire Ocean just to see you ?? Now thats a Mack-aroni.

anyhoo, ... to answer the OP more directly.

Yes, ... I find you slightly attractive, .... but you didn't have to make a whole thread just to bait me in.

...... dont fight the feelings.

I would have been more direct, but I was scared, but thanks for calling me out, now I can share my love...




Thanks for the laugh!
Peace, NRE.

To answer the OP directly...

I think that one can become quite attracted over text - as this medium does afford us an intimacy that normal social interaction does not. On forums, like this, we sometimes get to see aspects of others that even their own friends and relatives may not see, or see often. There is something very cathartic about opening up online - just as there is catharsis, and attraction, to be found in seeing others open up.

In the mid nineties I went to Texas to visit a woman I'd met on IRC. I planned to take a two week vacation and she suggested that I visit her, so I did.

I stayed for 3 years.

I'd seen pictures of her, talked to her a LOT over the net, and was sure that she and I would have chemistry. As it so happens, we didn't. Online she was super flirty, and I was... Well I was just like I am here - on ATS. In real life, she was shy and she was actually shocked that, yes, I am pretty much the same in real life as I am online - just a bit quieter. So there was an awkward period. But, over the two week vacation period, we did connect and we built a new chemistry that was more based upon our real world "us" than our online counterparts.

In the intervening years I have met quite a few Internet people and, for the most part, have enjoyed their company. So, yes NRE... I do think that it's quite possible to find an ATSer attractive. Now, whether or not I'd want to meet any of you maniacs...

That's an entirely different subject.

~Heff

Originally posted by Hefficide

To answer the OP directly...

I think that one can become quite attracted over text - as this medium does afford us an intimacy that normal social interaction does not. On forums, like this, we sometimes get to see aspects of others that even their own friends and relatives may not see, or see often. There is something very cathartic about opening up online - just as there is catharsis, and attraction, to be found in seeing others open up.

In the mid nineties I went to Texas to visit a woman I'd met on IRC. I planned to take a two week vacation and she suggested that I visit her, so I did.

I stayed for 3 years.

I'd seen pictures of her, talked to her a LOT over the net, and was sure that she and I would have chemistry. As it so happens, we didn't. Online she was super flirty, and I was... Well I was just like I am here - on ATS. In real life, she was shy and she was actually shocked that, yes, I am pretty much the same in real life as I am online - just a bit quieter. So there was an awkward period. But, over the two week vacation period, we did connect and we built a new chemistry that was more based upon our real world "us" than our online counterparts.

In the intervening years I have met quite a few Internet people and, for the most part, have enjoyed their company. So, yes NRE... I do think that it's quite possible to find an ATSer attractive. Now, whether or not I'd want to meet any of you maniacs...

That's an entirely different subject.

~Heff

Thanks for the reply Heff, as I feel you bought both perspectives into play. Even though your connection was originally online, it did take for the actual meeting and basic language to make a connection. I think that sometimes people can get caught up on what they can and cannot do on the internet, as some actually change their persona.

But when meeting someone, there is an element that 2 people must have in order for either a short or long term connection to occur.

There's a human element for either this type of scenario (ATS) or other, and language, facial expressions, and chemistry have a lot to play in it. Its a personal thing that you can feel towards someone that just cannot be conveyed online, and if not treated correctly in person can be a wonderful moment, or a disaster.

Peace, NRE.

reply to post by BellaMente


NO WHAT EVER YOU DO DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH ANYONE FROM ATS :-P

I am very much kidding, Bella and I met and fell right away. She is brilliant, beautiful, honest, caring and a very big part of my life now.

ATS we just the way we met, we wrote and spoke to each other often and got to know each other.

Honesty is what is most important, be honest with the person you are speaking with, let them know how you think and who you are, don't hide anything it will cause problems I am sure, Bella and I were honest and forward and we hit it off for a great relationship.

Anyway I can say we are in love and loved and are happy .
It can happen for you too!

Originally posted by BellaMente
I met someone through ATS while I was living in Chicago. His name here is Loki Lyesmyth - I came to visit him on July 8th and never left! We now live together in Florida and I have an awesome job and a great relationship...

So yes.

Judging by your avatar, Loki's a lucky bastard.

I met my fiancee online.

Granted, it was a dating site and we both lived in Savannah.

But we chatted alot, and sent email back and forth.

Now..2 years later, here we are..buying a house together!

Its hard to believe that - for young singles, it is so hard to meet potential life long mates but it sure does happen.

Back in the day (I was born before TV and pocket calculators were invented) we went out to drive in theaters - i think Video large screen TV's and World of Warcraft have a lot too answer for!.

These days I am investigating the disappearance / murder of a 17 year old girl - who "vannished" 11 years ago while walking to a farm to do some shearing shed work and visit a guy aged 18 that she had a crush on (he was the older brother of her best girlfriend).

It appears - that she arrived - he gave her a alcoholic drink, with GHB mixed in - she passed out and he had non consensual sex with her, left her to wake up and she vomited alone and choked to death while unconscious.

Body disposed of, reported missing 24 hours later and never found!

Please DO BE BLOODY CAREFULL,"meeting up" with "strangers off the internet" - use common sense, i.e.:

Meet up with them in company wth a GROUP of people, get their name photo and address - then get a Private eye to check their criminal background for priors.

THEN maybe consider getting involved.

The worlds full of creepy bass turds essentially and since I am downunder - I'd not want to be investigating your disappearance next!

Sorry to be a debbie downer for your idea / question but I do please urge the utmost caution...I'm thinking back 10 years ago to the case of the Claremont serial killings of 3 young women in West Oz -- no one ever apprehended - he could be on the internet stalking his next victim as I type.

The whole thing is NOT to make yourself a target.

Using the internet to date IMHO is effectively attaching a target on your back.

I realise other posters experience might be different too mine.

Cheers & stay safe whatever you decide to do!

A very big yes to the OP.

Personally I have met people here and another forum that have become life long RL friends. I have met many in person as well.

None are romantic just great friends... I do know of others that are romantically involved..

Beware I have also met some a-holes... and no doubt a few have felt the same about me.

The internet is here to stay and meeting people thru the screen will become more and more the norm.

Originally posted by Loki Lyesmyth
reply to post by BellaMente

 

NO WHAT EVER YOU DO DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH ANYONE FROM ATS :-P

I am very much kidding, Bella and I met and fell right away. She is brilliant, beautiful, honest, caring and a very big part of my life now.

ATS we just the way we met, we wrote and spoke to each other often and got to know each other.

Honesty is what is most important, be honest with the person you are speaking with, let them know how you think and who you are, don't hide anything it will cause problems I am sure, Bella and I were honest and forward and we hit it off for a great relationship.

Anyway I can say we are in love and loved and are happy .
It can happen for you too!

*sniff* I just love a happy ending *sniff* Seriously, congratulations to both of you.

I'm in love with ofhumandescent's hair and BenevolentHeretic's dog, but Descent is married and I have too many animals as it is. Maybe somebody can photoshop Descent's hair on Heretic's dog?

Yes, I am very lucky that Loki wasn't a serial killer..

It is rather funny how it all worked out- I am quite notably the "paranoid" one, yet my family and friends kept trying to convince me I was going to get killed lol - and it didn't even cross my mind...

I definitely think that ATS is a place where you can find your significant other.

I don't know about anybody else here, but among my peers (17-21 ish), I find myself to have almost nothing in common with what they find interesting and what they enjoy doing.

It seems ATS is the only place where I find like-minded individuals who like to spend time thinking and talking about things other than the latest hockey game or how drunk they got last friday.

That being said, I'm sure that if some relationships have spawned off ATS (which I'm sure they have), they would be good, successful relationships; heck, I'm sure even some of the ATS Trolls would make good matches with eachother