Best One Liners

People take their lives to seriously at times, including me, but I have the ability to laugh at myself and laugh with other people, or laugh with other people at myself. lol

This thread is for the funny one liners we can use to lighten up situations, in life.

Here is just one of my favorites.

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

The gene pool sure could use some chlorine.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Yikes! Second line Sorry ATS!

good times

"I wave my hair back and forth.."

stupid song

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Children in the front seat cause accidents,
but accidents in the back seat cause children

reply to post by Realtruth


Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

spec

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.


Sounds like a group of people we all know well here at ATS, lol

You must have walked here because your knuckles are scraped.

It must be getting really cold outside, because I just saw a politician with his hands, in his own pockets.


Second line, lol.

I once shoot an elephant in my pajamas... How it got there I'll never know! (Groucho Marx)

I once shoot an elephant in my pajamas... How it got there I'll never know! (Groucho Marx)

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.



* The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.



AND one I thought most suitable for this site or at least the atmosphere :


* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Have a nice night ATS

reply to post by gnosticquasar
I was able to use that one on my son recently when my dad was driving. I'm 51 ; son is 23, dad is 80
AWESOME, We all laughed all the way to .........................I forget, but it was funny.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Seems like valid logic to me, lol

"Its just been revoked!"

"My whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others"...

I love that one.

reply to post by Realtruth


That one was Bill Clinton.

reply to post by ThinkingCap


"I may be drunk now, but I will wake up sober. And you, will still be ugly in the morning."

- Winston Churchill, to woman calling him a drunk.

I would have a battle of wits with you, but it is unfair to fight an unarmed person.


What's the difference between a politician & a bucket of sh#t?
The bucket.