Just Another Emotionally Trapped Woman seeking advice about My Abusive Relationship

I Love him

I know you don't want to hear this, but that is not love. Get away from this guy while you can. I understand. I am going through a divorce right now. Things have gotten really ugly, and I don't understand how someone who was supposed to be in love with me could turn like she did. I waited until my mid 30's to get married just to try to avoid stuff like this. My situation is different from yours though. You must take time to get to know yourself, get to like yourself. If you liked you, you would never put up with this stuff. Get out now while you can. I will pray for you. Good luck.

Wait...you call it a "relationship" when you have never met the person and only deal with them while playing WOW?

I hope you can walk out among the world and find what love is. I have been married 16 years. Every time i see my wife, my stomach gets butterflies. She works nights, and is asleep when i get home from my 8a-5p. Every day i stand there and watch her sleep for a few minutes, to see her beautiful brown leg sticking out of the blanket, and her jet black hair tossed softly across the pillow.

If i am going to buy something, my first thought is "will it make her the happiest if i get this?". Every decision I make is about what is best for her. And every thing I put into her, i get right back. I will wake to find her watching me sleep, smiling.

When i can hold her, and smell her hair, or the sweet smell of her body (she just has this naturally sweet smell), i feel a rush of emotional and physical bliss. When her warm and soft hands touch my back. When her full lips kiss mine. Or the sensually soft parts of her lower back, especially during the summer when her sunkissed latin skin is brilliant and bronze.

The times she has been sick, and needed me to hold her hand (or her hair) because she was not strong enough. When she gave me my sons, and needed dad to be the "nanny" while she recovered. The warm feeling my soul feels as i nurture and care for the woman who has provided me with reason, with the lattice to which my life has been affixed. The woman who patiently molded up the man I am from the crude, base clay that she found me as.

You have to experience these things. And you cannot do this over the internet. It requires real, human contact. With a real human that is willing to take their hand off the mouse long enough to caress your cheek, to make you feel the love that you seem to want so bad.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


You sir, are a very lucky man.

It is posts like that one, that give me hope to one day aquire the tools to build such a strong and healthy relationship as yours.

Cheers !

~meathead

You are indeed very lucky. And you are right, a good strong relationship is built on love, devotion, trust and caring. My husband and I have that relationship and I know all about the butterflies you get watching your soul mate sleep. I do it all the time and have caught him doing the same.


Thats what you want out of life, to love and be loved. What was said in the OP isn't love. I hope she can get out and find a soul nourishing realationship and find the true meaning to love.

Liera, are you taking all this in honey? Is anything helping? How are you feeling? What are your thoughts now that you have had so many replies? Just checking.

reply to post by leira7


You may not be his first, his last or his only. He loved before he may love again. But if he loves you now what else matters? He's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if he can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and make mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He may not be thinking about you every second of the day but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break - his heart. So don't hurt him, don't change him, don't analyze and don't expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad and miss him when he's not there.

Originally posted by EFGuy
reply to post by leira7

 

You may not be his first, his last or his only. He loved before he may love again. But if he loves you now what else matters? He's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if he can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and make mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He may not be thinking about you every second of the day but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break - his heart. So don't hurt him, don't change him, don't analyze and don't expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad and miss him when he's not there.

That's kind of creepy considering the OP. Are you her boyfriend?

Originally posted by EFGuy
reply to post by leira7

 

You may not be his first, his last or his only. He loved before he may love again. But if he loves you now what else matters? He's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if he can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and make mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He may not be thinking about you every second of the day but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break - his heart. So don't hurt him, don't change him, don't analyze and don't expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad and miss him when he's not there.

Do Not follow this advice. This is a trap that could seriously get you killed. No amount of temporary "happiness" is worth being abused. Cut that person out of your life while you still have it. I hate to sound alarmist, but this is an alarming post and with your apparent vulnerability you need a serious wake up call.

reply to post by leira7


Well, I do not think you are stupid, or crazy. What you have here is a control freak.Be happy that he isn't there with you in person. Guys like this will make you crazy after just a short while, you will have no secrets, he will follow you everywhere, even to the bathroom, he will track your movements online and off, and will no doubt beat you if you try anything. Call it off now, and find a good man, there are a few left out there.

Almost everyone has posted my point exactly. Cut the cord ASAP!. No one, even the love of your life has the right to your online personal information. I know none of my wife's passwords nor do I need to know where she is and what she is doing all the time.
You are only 23 years old. You have plenty of time to find the real Mr. Right.

To be completely honest, it is 'women' such as yourself that make me somewhat ashamed of my gender. You need to give your head a shake, open your eyes, and have some respect for yourself. Then, you need to realize that you are the only one doing this to you. You are allowing yourself to be abused, which makes you just as responsible, if not more so.

This 'man' is draining you emotionally and psychologically. You could very easily walk away from this and yet you would rather stay and let yourself get beaten down by him. You love him? I can guarantee you right now, there is zero love in this relationship. You clearly resent this man, he clearly does not love you and worst of all there is absolutely no self love on either part.

Instead of posting on forums and declaring this abuse and adding your refusal to leave, you should be looking at yourself and asking what the hell is wrong with you. What is so wrong with you that you would let this continue?

reply to post by Iamonlyhuman

Originally posted by EFGuy
reply to post by leira7

 

You may not be his first, his last or his only. He loved before he may love again. But if he loves you now what else matters? He's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if he can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and make mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He may not be thinking about you every second of the day but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break - his heart. So don't hurt him, don't change him, don't analyze and don't expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad and miss him when he's not there.

Originally posted by Iamonlyhuman
That's kind of creepy considering the OP. Are you her boyfriend?

...its more than kind of creepy, imo... didnt she say that he made her give him access to everything?... of course, that really means he demanded and she gave in...

...maybe she hasnt posted because he beat her up for tattling... the most dangerous time for an abuse victim is when they're planning to leave the abuser...

...also, it could be that this is all a ruse perpetrated by role playing addicts to see if their chosen fake personalities will fly... i really hope thats the case...

Originally posted by Cinquain
What is so wrong with you that you would let this continue?

...it could be that she's mentally ill... it could be that she's never known life without abuse and, so, she's grown up only knowing a very warped concept of love...

reply to post by Wyn Hawks


I don't doubt that and while I completely understand it, I think those are questions she needs to ask herself, and then seek help. She is a human being and she owes it to herself to gain some self respect and overcome this.

reply to post by leira7


I understand the heat of the moment fights, were some things just go wrong and you say some things you shouldn't, but to call you worthless and stupid and treat you like that, it's as plain as day. Dump this chump and get a new boyfriend, if he treats you this way by way of cyberspace and a game, he in all probability is like that in real life or worser, we tend to be more closely to what we really are when we don't have to conform to the rules of society, kind of like that saying, "a person is more himself drunk then sober". In fact your probably lucky it's only a online type of relationship, it will be much easier and cleaner to end it, so tell the him it's over and move on. And next relationship you get into, even if it's another wow thing, if you can't find a way to get together physically like outside of computer, then don't bother because a only long distance relationship were you cant get together, does not work, much less were he avoids and demeans and insults you. And soul-mates whatever that means to you, do not call each-other useless and stupid or constantly try to get under your skin and control you by putting you on a lower plain then them-selfs, so therefore he cant be your soul-mate.

rate your looks out of 10.

reply to post by Iamonlyhuman


No, I'm not her boyfriend. That was a sincere advise.

reply to post by leira7


nobody cares. if you're not happy break it off. what's so complicated about this? i've never understood people who are miserable in relationships but act like they're chained somehow to their partner. you're in an even better position than normal being long distance. just tell him how you feel and break it off. problem solved.

Originally posted by snusfanatic
i've never understood people who are miserable in relationships but act like they're chained somehow to their partner.

Sometimes it seems less painfull to be unhappy with someone than the thought of being unhappy without someone and alone.

C'est la vie.