I hate my life

reply to post by mossme89


Well, writing is like anything worthwhile.....it takes practice, practice and more practice. The potential is what you need and you have it!

Glad I could help though, and I wish you nothing but the best in your future. Good luck, my friend!

reply to post by mossme89

Yeah, it's like you'd rather be in a post-crash or post-apocalyptic world than making copies for a pointless company or doing homework for a class you don't really care about.

I am afraid after having to live in an apocalyptic nightmare, school would be fun.

WOW this thread is depressing....


So, why does everyone just accept this as their fate and not just reject it? I'm seeing comments like, welcome to adulthood... That's a we bit disconcerting. I understand acceptance is easier than fighting against these constructs but I would imagine if we fought against them together we could all have the lives we envision.

Originally posted by Pentothal
ideal != observation = unhappy.

Pay attention to how you think for the next hour. Try not to drift into your thoughts and daydreams. Try to stay at the edge of your perceptions (listen to every sound, feel every little sensation on the surface of your body).

You may last less than a minute. You may drift into the mind made narrative. Simply bring yourself back to the cutting edge of awareness and try again.

After an hour of this, try and calculate the percentage of your life you spend in your mind made reality rather than awake. It shocked me greatly. I have been walking in a dreamworld most of my life. I can now see that almost everyone is on autopilot.

Be aware and observe where you are as intensely as possible. Do not judge what happens. Just observe and act consciously. Unhappiness is when your demands are not met. When things do not happen the way you want them to. Do not make the demands and one can not be made unhappy when they are not met. Awake and pure observation.

You definitely have a point. I know i spend a ton of time in my head, but my biggest issue is how do i get out of my head and into what's going on? My mind just seems to have a tendency to wander. It always has.

Originally posted by amc621
reply to post by mossme89

 

Buddy, let me tell you something. ENJOY what you are doing right now. I felt THE EXACT same way about sitting in a class room that I didn't think there was going to be anyhting I would use the rest of my life.

What you can do is watch people interact, watch how the teacher tries (or doesn't try) to get his message across. If you can't stand the class, try to learn about the people around you, it will go a long way in life.

Believe me your life is NO WAY as bad as you think. No one will ever be able to convince you (no one convinced me), but I wish I could go back to those days now knowing what I know now.

I respectfully disagree. I think things ARE that bad these days, from the perspective of a Millennial. They're starting to realize the American Dream is a fairytale.

reply to post by mossme89

I know i spend a ton of time in my head, but my biggest issue is how do i get out of my head and into what's going on?

Go work with the homeless or a soup kitchen do some charitable work, help others worse off.

Also, I wanted to add that I personally believe (from my own experiences) that you can't really conquer the OCD until you have conquered the depression. Being depressed or anxious is like feeding fuel to the OCD fire. You gotta knock the problems out one by one and not over exert yourself in the process.

There's no magic button to press to make it all go away, but as someone who lived with OCD for 10 years, I'm happy to tell you it IS possible for those thoughts to completely go away. There is a light at the end of that tunnel. If someone would have told me that 5 years ago I would have told them to go F off. But maybe coming from someone with similar issues it will mean a little more to you.

Music has also helped a lot as far as OCD goes. I used to have my headphones on at all times when I wasn't otherwise distracted, that way my minds already occupied by the music instead of being free to roam into compulsion land.

reply to post by mossme89


I am only one year older than you, 18, and still trapped inside the cage that is our current reality. I can definitely relate to you as I have GAD and OCD. I am an extreme introvert and always happiest when I am alone to pander my own thoughts.

I still have yet to decide exactly what I want to do with my future however philosophy is the branch of thought that I do prefer. It permits me to express my thoughts on myself, humanity, morals, and politics, among other things. Since writing is my expertise this assists me in the current path I have decided to embark upon.

It is not that I hate my life, as being an opportunist and some say a dreamer it has permitted me to see that “things are better on the other side” even though every day of your life that other side is being drawn further and further away from you. I have yet to lose sight of it though and I refuse to allow myself to get that far.

The current world that is forced upon you and I is not one either of us enjoy or feel any sort of belonging too. It is a world of detachment, materialism, false hope, lies, and expectations that neither of us feel we want to meet. Yes I believe college is important and once I am finished with it I do not have any plans of moving to ‘the city’ and getting some conventional job wasting my energy on others when I could use that energy to fulfill what I want to do.

Having a small dwelling in the countryside left alone to pander my thoughts whilst gazing at the street lights of eternity under a clear sky, that is where I feel a connection and sense of living. That is what I want to do. I do not know what your dreams or expectations are but humbleness is mine.

Originally posted by schuyler
Well, look at it this way, fella. Once you leave school you might actually have to work for a living. You'll have to pay the rent and pay for your own food. If you decide you can't refrain fron getting laid you might even have responsibiloty for someone else's life. If you think life is bad now, just wait until you have to work for someone you don't like. Then you'll find out what the definition of "bad" is.

I fundamentally disagree with this entire post. I just wanted to say that so the OP knows.

reply to post by mossme89


Kudos to the OP, very well put. You've pretty much summed up what I've been feeling for the last 5 years. I'm no longer in high school, and the 4 yrs in college are long behind me, I'm 35.

The biggest challenge I've had in the past 5 to 7 years is trying to find a point to the daily grind,

I've even tried changing careers, only to find out my 'piece of paper' is no longer enough, and I can't afford a new one.

It seems all there is in life, put on a smile for the sycophants and morons that employ you, and enjoy being 'specialized' into a mind number career with no variety or room to think.
Add to the that the fact that (here in Canada anyway) half your hard days earnings are going straight to the gov (who I wouldn't trust to give me the correct change for a chocolate bar but have to trust with half my pay).
It starts to feel like the little money you have left goes to paying for silly fees and licenses and rent...just so you have a place to sleep and a way to get to work again the next day.

Everyone I know is too busy working to pay the bills that their marriages are going to crap, and they have no time to let loose (except the rare bout of binge drinking cause they feel they have to pack the party into one evening). And their children are being emotionally and psychologically left behind to fend for themselves.

What is the point? Still hoping find one here someday. BTW...ya I'm hoping for the when the S.H.T.F. too, just to have some relief

Originally posted by mossme89
I'm so sick of going to school and learning about things that other people deem important, being indoctrinated. I only do it because i feel like i have to in order to do anything in society. Nowadays, you can't get a good job without a college degree. I'm still in HS btw. Plus, being in school gets me around people, which is really one of my only pleasures, socializing. But secretly, i resent the bureaucrats and elite who make me do this. Why should i have to learn Spanish to graduate? I feel helpless and powerless against this machine we call the system.

I think every day of why i'm this way. Why i'm able to see how messed up society is, and why i just can't seem to buy into a 9-5 job and schooling. Why i resent authority. Why I'm OCD and have a temper. Why I'm a bit of a loner, introvert yet am happiest around people (a bit of a paradox).

I'm rooting for the whole 2012 thing because frankly i can't stand it anymore. But the rational part of me tells me that nothing will really change. I don't know what will happen.

I keep trying to envision a society that i would like to be in, but think of a logical way to get from here to there (open, free society, abundant resources, free energy, live and let live approach, etc.) The world I'm in and the world i want to be in are 2 different worlds. Perhaps being 17 has something to do with it. i'm at that age where the identity crisis is at it's peak and i can see that. But i just get so down when i start to think about my future. With things the way things are now, i can't do anything without money. What i want is to be able to be free to do as i please (without harming anyone). To be able to travel and meet people. To be able to relax at the beach if i feel like it. To just have fun. Yet i can't do that in our current world without money.

I try to have fun with the little things in life, yet it's so hard when the world is so messed up. If I try to forget about what's going on in the world, and have a good time, i feel like i'm turning a blind eye to the world and feel guilty. If i mess up, i beat myself up and feel guilt for a while. With OCD, i get random thoughts sometimes, like unwanted, crude and disgusting thoughts. It's a dark side. I feel like such a bad person because i have these thoughts.

I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but i'm just so tired and worn out of everything. I'm posting this here because I'm hoping you guys can give me some advice. I don't think I'm mentally unstable, I'm just really depressed over how our world is. The nature of my depression is that of a more complex and philosophical nature, which is why i thought ATS would be a good place to post this.

edit on 2-12-2010 by mossme89 because: (no reason given)

edit on 2-12-2010 by mossme89 because: (no reason given)

you have the most important thing in the world.. YOUTH! you can change the world, dude. put the passion and intelligence you have to good use. help people. helping people and being compassionate will lead you to a fulfilled happy life. and learning spanish isn't so bad. learning languages can be fun if you're doing it to enhance your mind and not just cuz you "have to". you have time on your side. take the world by its balls and be spectacular.

reply to post by mossme89


Hey Mossme,

Ever heard of the phrase surreal? Sometimes I feel like more of an observer. I watch drama play out. People get upset. Frustrated people. I watch them laugh about silly concepts. I watch them joke about small talk subjects. I hear them gossip about others. They are immersed in this world, and I stand apart in awe. How do they see the necessity in these things? Why do they react in the way they are taught to react to every situation? When will they begin to realize they are in control of it all?

I try to smile, is how I cope. Sometimes that gets me in trouble for smiling in the wrong circumstances, but I honestly find it hilarious watching people react to situations exactly how they are taught to react. Imagine if you didn't do your homework at school. You already know after so long the teacher would sit you down and give you some speech. They might think something is wrong with you if you do not conform. They will respond nearly exactly how they are taught to respond. I find that incredibly odd. What they need to be asking is why they are having this person do homework that he is not interested in doing it.

I have no exact answer for you. I say sit back and smile. Look around you, there may be others just like you, but might not be as aware of why they feel this way. Find these people and work together to change this world for the better.

reply to post by PeasantRebellion

the American Dream is a fairytale

Well I never achieved the American dream, whatever that is, I am sixty years old now, we still live paycheck to paycheck, we been homeless, unemployed, without heat or electric, yada yada, but there is more to life then food and creature comforts, yes, I get down and depressed, but, you gain appreciation for the little things in life like a roof over your head and food on the table. Everything else like the internet is a luxury.

Struggle is nothing new to me, many people are now struggling that maybe have never before, get tough, get going.

Anyone who is saying "welcome to adulthood" is not really doing this person a favor here AT ALL. That is such a wrong message to send to someone who is clearly struggling with more than just becoming an adult. Becoming an adult is hard enough without OCD, anxiety, and depression added to it.

Welcome to adulthood, to me, is like saying "you must conform now". No! There are ways around conforming to everyone's bass ackwards ideas of adulthood.

If everyone loved school and authority and 9-5 jobs the world would be a much worse place than it even is now...

We need people who want to do things outside of the box, unfortunately a lot of people who think outside of the box seem to have issues in relation to anxiety. Probably because they've been trying to cram themselves into the box they don't fit in that everyone calls "adulthood". Don't push people into the box. There's enough people in there already. Wrong message to send, in my opinion.

Mankind has always had to work....in the past as well as now. The system of work has changed alot, we are not all spending endless hours in the fields and the kitchens worrying about food. There are communities that still do live that way and Im trying to make my way back to the more natural living, but I know its going to take me a while to get there.

I am not as big as blaming the whole system as some are.....for the world has changed and in that change, we need to all be more skilled in special areas to keep it going. But there are skills that you can learn on the job or through some paid training.

What is your ideal living? How would you clothe yourself, feed yourself, keep yourself warm and cool in the seasons? Do you not think that these things should cost something in that it takes people to make the clothes, companies to organize the processes of food, peoples time to make our utilities that help us live more comfortably.

I agree we are in trying times, but humans are still figuring out how to make a good balanced system. Either way, there has always been and will always be work to do. The system is not going to be perfect but there are life styles that are more natural then structured, you just may not have all the things you can have from having a skill.

I dont think we are preparing teenagers enough for the 'skilled work place'. I think we need to drastically change the routes of high school education and make it more geared to learning skills early on, allowing students to really explore what interests them.

I dont know of a time ever that people was able to get good paying jobs without a skill.

Even to farm and can your own food for winter, takes alot of knowledge that is very specific. One little mess up and you have a entire crop that didnt come out (and time put into that doesnt pay off in the end).

What passions do you have? What would be your ideal way of living? From there...you need to weigh what is possible and realistic in a world that you have to have certain things to live.

And about the Spanish....we are a world of multiple cultures. I dont find it unwarranted that we are only preparing to work with that in areas of professionalism.

I really hope you are not truly counting on the 2012 thing to save your day. There is going to be many disappointed people Im afraid that are going to have trouble coping. Try to slowly adjust 'now'.....claim your place in the world, do what you can to be a benefit unto it.

Learning to cope and adjust is a life time practice. Just when you think 'you got it'....the world slips out from under you. Chin up and try to find some little things in life that make you thankful that you are here and able to experience them. Even if its just feeling some sunshine.....be thankful you can experience what sunshine feels like on your skin. Dont let the hustle and bustle of the world distract you 100% from experiencing 'life'. Its not all about materials and money. Find things that help you be thankful and the harder times wont seem to drag so slowly by.

So again....what is your ideal 'living'? I think it would really help you adjust to take a good look at your ideal living.

Dont let it all get to you to the point where your favorite music wont 'sing to your soul' no more....or your favorite taste of food wont 'awaken your senses' as it always did. Find ways to satisfy your senses in the mean time of school or work.

Just trying to find ways to let you look at it all from a different perspective. Sometimes I have to remind myself many times....there are those that have it worse then me.

Originally posted by SpaceJ
Also, I wanted to add that I personally believe (from my own experiences) that you can't really conquer the OCD until you have conquered the depression. Being depressed or anxious is like feeding fuel to the OCD fire. You gotta knock the problems out one by one and not over exert yourself in the process.

There's no magic button to press to make it all go away, but as someone who lived with OCD for 10 years, I'm happy to tell you it IS possible for those thoughts to completely go away. There is a light at the end of that tunnel. If someone would have told me that 5 years ago I would have told them to go F off. But maybe coming from someone with similar issues it will mean a little more to you.

Music has also helped a lot as far as OCD goes. I used to have my headphones on at all times when I wasn't otherwise distracted, that way my minds already occupied by the music instead of being free to roam into compulsion land.

edit on 12/2/2010 by SpaceJ because: spelling oops

You certainly have that right. I can't open a drawer without opening it back up 3-4 times to make sure everything is okay. If i want to throw clothes in my dirty laundry, i open and close my closet door 10 times to make sure it doesn't come off the hinges. Yes, you're spot on!

Music does help, a lot. Even systematic pop songs, as i find they get me into a bit of a rhythm that counteracts the OCD.

Exercise helps also. I've been running 3-8 miles daily, and it helps. Shoot, i should probably go run now. be back in a bit!

Thanks for the advice!

And BTW I have suffered from panic attacks and anxiety disorder since I was thirty, so I been there still doing that, thirty years later.

It is a form of OCD, I fought that tooth and nail, be a fighter.

Originally posted by Misoir
reply to post by mossme89

 

I am only one year older than you, 18, and still trapped inside the cage that is our current reality. I can definitely relate to you as I have GAD and OCD. I am an extreme introvert and always happiest when I am alone to pander my own thoughts.

I still have yet to decide exactly what I want to do with my future however philosophy is the branch of thought that I do prefer. It permits me to express my thoughts on myself, humanity, morals, and politics, among other things. Since writing is my expertise this assists me in the current path I have decided to embark upon.

It is not that I hate my life, as being an opportunist and some say a dreamer it has permitted me to see that “things are better on the other side” even though every day of your life that other side is being drawn further and further away from you. I have yet to lose sight of it though and I refuse to allow myself to get that far.

The current world that is forced upon you and I is not one either of us enjoy or feel any sort of belonging too. It is a world of detachment, materialism, false hope, lies, and expectations that neither of us feel we want to meet. Yes I believe college is important and once I am finished with it I do not have any plans of moving to ‘the city’ and getting some conventional job wasting my energy on others when I could use that energy to fulfill what I want to do.

Having a small dwelling in the countryside left alone to pander my thoughts whilst gazing at the street lights of eternity under a clear sky, that is where I feel a connection and sense of living. That is what I want to do. I do not know what your dreams or expectations are but humbleness is mine.

edit on 12/2/2010 by Misoir because: (no reason given)

I've thought about the city vs country too, and the conclusion i came to was that it might be best (atleast for me) to live near a city, yet in the country with lots of land. Reason being that the country can be a bit lonely if it's just you or even with 1 other person, and the city can be great to get you around other people, yet a nightmare to live in.

reply to post by SpaceJ

We need people who want to do things outside of the box,

I have always been a non conformist, this isn't about becoming an adult but learning about life, how much control over our own destiny do we really have?
We must be prepared to face adversity.

Because of the panic attacks I had to think outside the box, I could not work outside the home, so I have been self employed, artist and designer.

reply to post by SpaceJ


Look at the world today....everyone is one way or another depressed or has anxiety or some label for their issues. But what did people do hundreds of years ago with all of these issues??

People dont understand the attitude of 'having to work' now adays and look at it as they are being made to work.

Adjustments are hard....and adulthood is defiantly, an adjustment.