I hate my life

I'm so sick of going to school and learning about things that other people deem important, being indoctrinated. I only do it because i feel like i have to in order to do anything in society. Nowadays, you can't get a good job without a college degree. I'm still in HS btw. Plus, being in school gets me around people, which is really one of my only pleasures, socializing. But secretly, i resent the bureaucrats and elite who make me do this. Why should i have to learn Spanish to graduate? I feel helpless and powerless against this machine we call the system.

I think every day of why i'm this way. Why i'm able to see how messed up society is, and why i just can't seem to buy into a 9-5 job and schooling. Why i resent authority. Why I'm OCD and have a temper. Why I'm a bit of a loner, introvert yet am happiest around people (a bit of a paradox).

I'm rooting for the whole 2012 thing because frankly i can't stand it anymore. But the rational part of me tells me that nothing will really change. I don't know what will happen.

I keep trying to envision a society that i would like to be in, but think of a logical way to get from here to there (open, free society, abundant resources, free energy, live and let live approach, etc.) The world I'm in and the world i want to be in are 2 different worlds. Perhaps being 17 has something to do with it. i'm at that age where the identity crisis is at it's peak and i can see that. But i just get so down when i start to think about my future. With things the way things are now, i can't do anything without money. What i want is to be able to be free to do as i please (without harming anyone). To be able to travel and meet people. To be able to relax at the beach if i feel like it. To just have fun. Yet i can't do that in our current world without money.

I try to have fun with the little things in life, yet it's so hard when the world is so messed up. If I try to forget about what's going on in the world, and have a good time, i feel like i'm turning a blind eye to the world and feel guilty. If i mess up, i beat myself up and feel guilt for a while. With OCD, i get random thoughts sometimes, like unwanted, crude and disgusting thoughts. It's a dark side. I feel like such a bad person because i have these thoughts.

I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but i'm just so tired and worn out of everything. I'm posting this here because I'm hoping you guys can give me some advice. I don't think I'm mentally unstable, I'm just really depressed over how our world is. The nature of my depression is that of a more complex and philosophical nature, which is why i thought ATS would be a good place to post this.

knowledge is power . Even going to school your getting some form of education . Regarless of indoctrination or not . That is up left to you to take the informatin that way. If you take it with open mind do school work + go home and research other aspercts of it your game. Getting bests of both worlds. Plus using your time wisely on free educaiton and resources lol.Use you rbrain as a sponge and suck that # up . You dont have to accept or reject any information they feed you . But that doesnt excuse ignorance and not taking it in ^^. We all tink we know lol but we dont know # . So much information out there we have to learn catch up on and use to make more productive sustainable effective adaptive life for other and us! Right now our status = Earths cancer. We really need to fix that espically because you know we have all this "intelligence" to actually not live like the greedy sons of b____'s that we are. But takes alot to do that and first thing is ignorance is such a giant problem but its easy to see how it goes on espically with all the destractioins we have in life to justify it . lol


Good luck

Please dont kill yourself, you should call a hotline and get help. Its life and we all go through it at some time. there is still hope. think of you family before you do anything stupid

Man just do what you wanta do the best you can. I'd like to offer more encouragement than that, but the cosmos has been sh***ng on me lately.

My fish died.
My gf (or I guess ex now) is / was cheating on me
Had a wreck with a deer
And 15 minutes ago I was on my bicycle and got hit by a driver and now my bike is broke and has to go into the shop.

So I dunno what to say except a long string of curse words and hang in there.

reply to post by seedofchucky


I know, some knowledge, even if it's wrong is better than no knowledge. I'm just so burnt out it's a huge effort to get me to do anything. Senioritis. And with me being me, senioritis is not just school-related, it's society related as well. Go figure!

Originally posted by camaro68ss
Please dont kill yourself, you should call a hotline and get help. Its life and we all go through it at some time. there is still hope. think of you family before you do anything stupid

Like i said, i'm not going to. I'd rather sit here and do nothing than kill myself. A boring life is better than no life. I'm just so tired of the life i'm living. 2 separate things.

reply to post by pirhanna


Thanks, guess i'm not alone in feeling the universe is taking a massive dump on my face.

I don't know about advice but I have a similar outlook as you... But I'm over the whole "I'm sick of this #-hole world" I'm kind of just wasting time doing the daily grind hoping that the S.H.T.F. The mundane seems to weigh on me, my daily bouts of ambivalence toward life in every facet is now the norm. Maybe I'm "wrong" or "unstable" but this is just the way things seem to be for me...

S&F OP.

Fingers crossed, waiting on the end of the world as I know it

reply to post by mossme89


Well, to quote our dark poet and a prophet of things to come, Bill Hicks: "It's just a ride". There are ups and downs. Experiences, good times, bad times.

Look at it this way: Life's 90% maintenance. The 10% is time for yourself. That 9-5 dead end job is part of that maintenance. People have to work for living. But that doesn't mean you have to take all the [snip] that THEY throw on your face. Standing up to do the right thing, that's also a part of life.

But learning from my own mistakes: Plan. Plan ahead. Although, things don't always go as plan, keep your eyes on the prize. Aim high. Think of all the things you CAN do when you have achieved your goal. It will also make you feel better when you know you have tried your best and achieved something. Find out what interests you. Get involved.

Life's a bitch sometimes, but there are ecstatic, wonderful times ahead too, I'm sure.

reply to post by mossme89


Mossme,

From your OP, it is quite apparent that you are a good writer. You express yourself well and seem to enjoy doing so. Perhaps, your calling is right in front of you and you have not realized it.

Become a writer and help change the errors of our world by expressing your ideas with others. Perhaps it will enable you to reach the sense of fulfillment you are searching for.

Remember, you are far from alone in your perceptions, and in fact it is quite normal to feel such discontent at times. Just keep on grinding my friend....chin up, head forward, shoulders lowered!

edit:

I also wanted to add, that I think you are heads and tails above your peers. While they're out there paying attention to the Kardashians, jersey shore and latest tweet, you seem to see past the superficial. That in itself is half the battle!

Originally posted by mossme89
reply to post by seedofchucky

 

I know, some knowledge, even if it's wrong is better than no knowledge. I'm just so burnt out it's a huge effort to get me to do anything. Senioritis. And with me being me, senioritis is not just school-related, it's society related as well. Go figure!

Originally posted by camaro68ss
Please dont kill yourself, you should call a hotline and get help. Its life and we all go through it at some time. there is still hope. think of you family before you do anything stupid

Like i said, i'm not going to. I'd rather sit here and do nothing than kill myself. A boring life is better than no life. I'm just so tired of the life i'm living. 2 separate things.

reply to post by pirhanna

 

Thanks, guess i'm not alone in feeling the universe is taking a massive dump on my face.

edit on 2-12-2010 by mossme89 because: (no reason given)

I don’t know…. I think you’re secretly reaching out and thinking of committing suicide. Please don’t. I had a friend do the something as you and say he was not going to kill himself and ended up doing it with a .45 in his mouth.

Just think of your family. Give your mum a hug and look into her eyes and ask yourself do you really want to hurt her that way. Think of your friends mate. Don’t do it. get help!

Originally posted by Solar.Absolution
I don't know about advice but I have a similar outlook as you... But I'm over the whole "I'm sick of this #-hole world" I'm kind of just wasting time doing the daily grind hoping that the S.H.T.F. The mundane seems to weigh on me, my daily bouts of ambivalence toward life in every facet is now the norm. Maybe I'm "wrong" or "unstable" but this is just the way things seem to be for me...

S&F OP.

Yeah, it's like you'd rather be in a post-crash or post-apocalyptic world than making copies for a pointless company or doing homework for a class you don't really care about.

Perhaps i might have made my original post too dramatic, i just get really frustrated sometimes.

Going back to the whole knowledge thing, i have no problem with taking classes i'm not interested in and learning. It's the grades i have an issue with. The fact you're being judged on how the teacher thinks you're doing irks me.

As Seed of Chucky said above, knowledge is power.
The secret is to play the "game" but be aware enough to not buy into the game.
I don't resent one thing I learned in high school, or college. I just regurgitated the unimportant stuff they required me to learn, and embraced the subjects that held interest to me.
Unfortunately the word is what it is, and there's no escaping it totally. Thankfully there are places like ATS, and other sites, the library, and book stores that hold knowledge of just about any subject you'd ever want to know about.

You sound a lot like I did as a teen. I am now 41 and have led a very rich life. I do the 9 to 5 thing, and slave away for a family owned company, but the rest of the time is mine, and I use it to enrich myself. Find something that truly interests you, and put all of that angst and energy into that, as a wise man once said "follow your bliss"
Don't let them beat you down, and know that you are unique, and the fact that you are here on ATS shows that you are awake and not one of the "sheeple"


Keep your head up!

reply to post by mossme89



"I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but i'm just so tired and worn out of everything. I'm posting this here because I'm hoping you guys can give me some advice. I don't think I'm mentally unstable, I'm just really depressed over how our world is. The nature of my depression is that of a more complex and philosophical nature, which is why i thought ATS would be a good place to post this."


Your missing passion . Thats the problem here . You havnt found your one thing that almost gives you a reason to live and thrive for etc. Everyone has differnt passions. and no its not just the help the world one lol. There are many differnt ones in differnt forms from the smalles weirds to the most complex things ever imagined. To many to list. But you should start a new diet .

Why diet?

www.youtube.com... How foods affect mood. (Dun care if you think you watched it or not, a refresher course never hurts) .


THen second you need ot try and bunch of differnt things you didnt think about trying before . Eventually you'll hit your sweet philosophical position in life. It'll always be on your mind and you'll thrive with passion to wanna do it and imporove it. There are to many enviromental factors for me to tell you what it is for you so you gotta figure that out your self like the rest of us .


Yes knowing the world is # and trying to enjoy can be hard sometimes. But its the plate life has handed Regardless of whos fault. THe plate is there only way now is to work with it . Not throw it away because it taste like # . Is it worth it? Who knows. But i know it taste better when you have an idea of who in the right mind would put such a combination into a plate

reply to post by mossme89


Welcome to adulthood. It sucks big time!

Reading your posts got me to thinking. You would seem like an ideal candidate for communal living. Like minded folks, great support, the whole nine yards.

Here's a link for you: directory.ic.org...

Good luck to you friend. I agree the whole "system of life" is truly broken. We work our butts off so once every part of our body starts to breakdown we can then retire and be even more miserable.

Becker

reply to post by mossme89


Oh you sound like me in high school. I feel for you. I was depressed for a good while, it's better now. I also have OCD, but it's what I call "in remission" for the past year now. Are you medicated for it? Not all medicine for it works and it's a very case by case basis type of thing. The intrusive thoughts are caused by an imbalance of chemicals, so for that the medicine can help a lot. But I don't believe in relying only on medication, there needs to be some anxiety management techniques involved. And thinking positively can help a lot, it sounds silly and too simple, but really it works over time. The more you force yourself to think positively the more your brain will become used to it. But it isn't always that simple, it's something you have to work really hard at.

I still detest the idea of a 9-5 job, but there are ways around that, and you should make that your goal. Find something to do with your life where you can set your own hours and such. That's what I did. I wouldn't be able to function any other way.

High school sucks because you don't get to pick and choose what you learn, but once you get to college you are free to basically study whatever your heart desires and definitely use that to your advantage. Don't give up on education, the school/infrastructure of schooling might be on the dark side, but knowledge is priceless.

The more you learn, the more you will surpass all of the people/things you say you dislike. It can feel really hard at times I know, but if you find a good school (by that I mean, preferably not one full of silly people who are just there to party) and you really concentrate on something you're passionate about, it can make a huge difference in your philosophy/outlook of life. Think of your schooling as your best weapon against all of that ignorance. It pays off in the end, especially if you end up being the one with a fun job and everyone you disliked is stuck in their monotonous 9-5.

P.S. I will never stop resenting authority.

ideal != observation = unhappy.

Pay attention to how you think for the next hour. Try not to drift into your thoughts and daydreams. Try to stay at the edge of your perceptions (listen to every sound, feel every little sensation on the surface of your body).

You may last less than a minute. You may drift into the mind made narrative. Simply bring yourself back to the cutting edge of awareness and try again.

After an hour of this, try and calculate the percentage of your life you spend in your mind made reality rather than awake. It shocked me greatly. I have been walking in a dreamworld most of my life. I can now see that almost everyone is on autopilot.

Be aware and observe where you are as intensely as possible. Do not judge what happens. Just observe and act consciously. Unhappiness is when your demands are not met. When things do not happen the way you want them to. Do not make the demands and one can not be made unhappy when they are not met. Awake and pure observation.

reply to post by mossme89


Buddy, let me tell you something. ENJOY what you are doing right now. I felt THE EXACT same way about sitting in a class room that I didn't think there was going to be anyhting I would use the rest of my life.

What you can do is watch people interact, watch how the teacher tries (or doesn't try) to get his message across. If you can't stand the class, try to learn about the people around you, it will go a long way in life.

Believe me your life is NO WAY as bad as you think. No one will ever be able to convince you (no one convinced me), but I wish I could go back to those days now knowing what I know now.

Well, look at it this way, fella. Once you leave school you might actually have to work for a living. You'll have to pay the rent and pay for your own food. If you decide you can't refrain fron getting laid you might even have responsibiloty for someone else's life. If you think life is bad now, just wait until you have to work for someone you don't like. Then you'll find out what the definition of "bad" is.

Originally posted by OnTheFelt
reply to post by mossme89

 

Mossme,

From your OP, it is quite apparent that you are a good writer. You express yourself well and seem to enjoy doing so. Perhaps, your calling is right in front of you and you have not realized it.

Become a writer and help change the errors of our world by expressing your ideas with others. Perhaps it will enable you to reach the sense of fulfillment you are searching for.

Remember, you are far from alone in your perceptions, and in fact it is quite normal to feel such discontent at times. Just keep on grinding my friend....chin up, head forward, shoulders lowered!

edit:

I also wanted to add, that I think you are heads and tails above your peers. While they're out there paying attention to the Kardashians, jersey shore and latest tweet, you seem to see past the superficial. That in itself is half the battle!

edit on 2-12-2010 by OnTheFelt because: (no reason given)

Really? Thank you. One of the classes i do like is a creative writing class at school. I've written some short stories, however i don't like them very much. I feel maybe i have the plot down, but the writing isn't up to par of what i want it to be. Maybe i'm just being too hard on myself. I am typing from a HS level.

That would be a good idea. I get the craziest ideas for stories sometimes, often in dreams. If i started writing them, i think they could be quite good.

That's a good point, i'm not alone. Just certainly feels like i am. I have all of you on ATS You guys are great !

People say that a lot, that I'm mature for my age. I mean, i'm certainly immature in some areas (i make a lot of 'that's what she said!' jokes), but i see past the drama of HS and the superficial stuff. Good point.

Originally posted by mossme89
I'm so sick of going to school and learning about things that other people deem important, being indoctrinated. I only do it because i feel like i have to in order to do anything in society. Nowadays, you can't get a good job without a college degree. I'm still in HS btw. Plus, being in school gets me around people, which is really one of my only pleasures, socializing. But secretly, i resent the bureaucrats and elite who make me do this. Why should i have to learn Spanish to graduate? I feel helpless and powerless against this machine we call the system.

I think every day of why i'm this way. Why i'm able to see how messed up society is, and why i just can't seem to buy into a 9-5 job and schooling. Why i resent authority. Why I'm OCD and have a temper. Why I'm a bit of a loner, introvert yet am happiest around people (a bit of a paradox).

I'm rooting for the whole 2012 thing because frankly i can't stand it anymore. But the rational part of me tells me that nothing will really change. I don't know what will happen.

I keep trying to envision a society that i would like to be in, but think of a logical way to get from here to there (open, free society, abundant resources, free energy, live and let live approach, etc.) The world I'm in and the world i want to be in are 2 different worlds. Perhaps being 17 has something to do with it. i'm at that age where the identity crisis is at it's peak and i can see that. But i just get so down when i start to think about my future. With things the way things are now, i can't do anything without money. What i want is to be able to be free to do as i please (without harming anyone). To be able to travel and meet people. To be able to relax at the beach if i feel like it. To just have fun. Yet i can't do that in our current world without money.

I try to have fun with the little things in life, yet it's so hard when the world is so messed up. If I try to forget about what's going on in the world, and have a good time, i feel like i'm turning a blind eye to the world and feel guilty. If i mess up, i beat myself up and feel guilt for a while. With OCD, i get random thoughts sometimes, like unwanted, crude and disgusting thoughts. It's a dark side. I feel like such a bad person because i have these thoughts.

I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but i'm just so tired and worn out of everything. I'm posting this here because I'm hoping you guys can give me some advice. I don't think I'm mentally unstable, I'm just really depressed over how our world is. The nature of my depression is that of a more complex and philosophical nature, which is why i thought ATS would be a good place to post this.

edit on 2-12-2010 by mossme89 because: (no reason given)

edit on 2-12-2010 by mossme89 because: (no reason given)

You're not a freak and you're not alone. I HATED high school. I got out of there early. I remember being like "Why am I the only one who can see through this sh*t or cares??" Actually I'm still like that. It was very hard to relate to people my own age. I too have mild OCD. It's maddening. Sometimes days I can hardly think straight my mind is so busy trying to exert a little control over this chaotic environment. I was very sociable, but never really felt like many peers were on my level. The social thing is major in young adulthood though, don't let them take that joy from you too. I did really well in school but suspected my efforts were a waste of time (they were).

Advice? Punk rock gave me similar people to connect with. Mosh pits are great for letting it all out. Don't ever stop seeking those connections with like-minded people. DON'T change. Don't forget what you've learned. Don't give in. Even my "punk rock" friends lost that passion that abounds in young adulthood. Grew up and sold out. Now THAT'S disheartening, lol.

There's a crisis a-brewin'. It's not a great time to be a young adult. It's NORMAL to be depressed when your life sucks. They never tell you that. These are dark times, but they're coming to a head. And with that comes a chance to change things for the better. Maybe not as soon as 2012, but soon enough, so get ready to be a part of it my man.

I HIGHLY recommend you get a copy of the book The Fourth Turning by Strauss and Howe. It will help you gain perspective of where we are in history, and what your role is. It can also explain why everything seems so out of whack to you right now and how things are expected to turn out.

reply to post by mossme89