ATS I need some help on a domestic and/or law issue.

Okay, I've been careful to post this in the most appropriate forum. So hopefully this is in the right place.

This issue is mostly domestic, but the law may play a large part. In forward, I'm asking for any kind of help, wither it be personal advice or professional help. This does not affect everyone, but it's a prime example of the stupidity of some of the population and evidence of a poor social structure. I'm outright sick of this atrocity. And this is quite important to me.

Details...

I'm set to fly out of state in 3 days. (Yes yes, I'll opt for the pat down if I have to). I'm going to see my gf, who is only a couple years younger than me. She is not yet at the age of majority. We have already meet, I'm well familiar with the family and vice versa, so that's not the issue.

Her family is surrounded by a group of women who have been attempting to be in control of her life for some time now and can't do anything without their knowledge or say. The issue with the mother is that she's highly submissive to these women and has no confidence in her own decision making. Attempting to get her to communicate with authorities on this issue has been a lost cause. The women have used her, taken control of her bank account at one point, and threaten to call DHS or send her to a group home. 2 of them are 3rd party, and the other is a 25 year old daughter who is mooching off of her and has refused to leave the house even when the mother tells her she wants her to leave.

The younger daughter (my gf) and her brother also become residual victims of this and become ridiculed by others and are thought of as devils children. Partially because my gf is not a Christian and so obviously she is a bad child.

These ladies are going to extreme lengths to try and make sure I do not go and visit. Sure, I'll be disappointed if I can't go, but it's getting ridiculous how they are treating the family and attempting to restrict every-ones freedoms.

2 weeks ago I contacted the local sheriff of my destination and was pleased to receive a well unbiased and level opinion on some legal questions I had. Today I called to try and get some ideas on what the options would be for the family, and I received a very biased opinion from an officer that was more concerned about me not having any business going down to see my gf. Sure my gf could call about the issue but she would be treated as a child.

I'm not thinking the straightest at the moment because too many things are on my mind. I can share more details to those who request, and anyone who wishes to personally communicate with me can send me a PM.

Was hoping at-least someone would have some sympathy here..

...would you mind answering a few questions?...

...how old are you?...

...how old is your girlfriend?...

...whats the age of majority in her state?...

...in her state, whats the minimum emancipation age?...

....thx...

reply to post by Scarcer


Fear not a group home. They are required to let the people get out of the house and come back. They are required to allow visits. She'd be better off in there, if you ask me from what you're saying. When she gets adult age, then she and you can get a place together. If she is holding onto material things at the place she is at now, then that's how those who have a bad control over her are taking advantage. Tell her to drop holding onto material things, no matter how big or small. And what you need to do is get started on busines ideas for her for when she is of age and with you so you both can make due.

Just advice. Don't let people hold leverage over you by material things.

Originally posted by Wyn Hawks
...would you mind answering a few questions?...

...how old are you?...

...how old is your girlfriend?...

...whats the age of majority in her state?...

...in her state, whats the minimum emancipation age?...

....thx...

20

16, which is minus 3 1/2 years with her turning 17 in may. --- So according to my own research, and the first officer I spoke with weeks back, there is no law I'm in conflict with.

Arkansas: age of majority is 18, though there is some confusion on the web of if a 17 year old graduates high school then they are automatically emancipated. I'm having trouble validating that. Though she is graduating this year.

The web shows conflicting facts for emancipation in that state. But I believe 16. Though my gf may attempt to get emancipated after school.

reply to post by Scarcer


You are in the clear.

Age of consent is 16 in Arkansas.

5-14-127. A person commits sexual assault in the fourth degree if the person: (a)
(1) Being twenty (20) years of age or older, engages in sexual intercourse or deviate sexual activity with another person who is:
(A) Less than sixteen (16) years of age; and (B) Not the person's spouse; or
(2) Engages in sexual contact with another person who is:
(A) Less than sixteen (16) years of age; and (B) Not the person's spouse.

Originally posted by XsameXoneXotherX
reply to post by Scarcer

 

Fear not a group home. They are required to let the people get out of the house and come back. They are required to allow visits. She'd be better off in there, if you ask me from what you're saying. When she gets adult age, then she and you can get a place together. If she is holding onto material things at the place she is at now, then that's how those who have a bad control over her are taking advantage. Tell her to drop holding onto material things, no matter how big or small. And what you need to do is get started on busines ideas for her for when she is of age and with you so you both can make due.

Just advice. Don't let people hold leverage over you by material things.

edit on 15-11-2010 by XsameXoneXotherX because: (no reason given)

Yeah, a group home might be better for her mom, though it's not right. But it would put her in a situation where she couldn't be taken advantage of as easy. For my gf and her brother though, that would mean they would be put in custody of the Child Protective Services or such, but sometimes we wonder if that would be better and excuse them from the dramatic situation she is forced to live in.

Yes it would be much easier once she is an adult, and she plans on going to a university near me. But as always with long distance relationships, it's difficult since I haven't seen her in a year, so I'm trying to make the most of this situation and see if it's possible for me to visit without conflict.

Thank-you very much for your reply. I appreciate it.

reply to post by BigTimeCheater


Thankyou very much. Though I'm aware of this. The main issue is the threats toward the family. And these 3rd parties.

reply to post by Scarcer


Do you plan on marrying this girl one day?

Originally posted by Scarcer
reply to post by BigTimeCheater

 

Thankyou very much. Though I'm aware of this. The main issue is the threats toward the family. And these 3rd parties.

Document the threats, and proceed from there.

Documentation is crucial.

reply to post by Mr. D


Please...

address the issue at hand,

not try to ridicule me under your self righteous wing..

I refuse to answer your question in the manner it is addressed.

Well I could probably get the sister and possibly someone else for slander. But otherwise for everything else, I'm not sure where the fine-line is between a threat being just domestic talk, or being a prosecutable threat.

There is only one threat that has been made towards me, being that 'her sister will go off on me if I walk through the door'.

Other threats are towards the family, to send the mother to a group home and send the evil children away.

So I'm not sure under Arkansas law how those threats measure up.

If the daughter isn't of the age of majority in her state, unfortunately, she doesn't really have a voice in this matter, and you don't have a voice in how this family raises their children.

However, once the girl reaches the appropriate age, I hope you are able to work through any problems there may be while maintaining contact for her with her family.

...okay, age isnt a legal issue...

...what it is about this group of women that gives them power over your gf's mom?... i dont understand the group home threat... is the mom ill?...

...whats your reason for going?... just to visit?... or do you have other reasons - like talking the girl into leaving with you?...

...are you sure that the info is accurate and not just a 16yr old girl looking for attention or a handsome knight to rescue her from a boring life?... it happens...

Originally posted by Wyn Hawks
...okay, age isnt a legal issue...

...what it is about this group of women that gives them power over your gf's mom?... i dont understand the group home threat... is the mom ill?...

...whats your reason for going?... just to visit?... or do you have other reasons - like talking the girl into leaving with you?...

...are you sure that the info is accurate and not just a 16yr old girl looking for attention or a handsome knight to rescue her from a boring life?... it happens...

Well the mother lives on disability, in theory, and from my own experience, the mother is quite capable of parenting both my gf and her brother. The issue comes when she is pressed by other individuals which leaves her in a state of in-compromise and a sort of mental helplessness as she doesn't have the confidence in herself to take charge and ignore these other women. These women look at her as mentally ill or stupid.

It's simply a stay for thanksgiving week.

I've known her for 2 1/2 years and know her in person. Sorry for leaving those details out.

reply to post by Scarcer


I'm going to tell you as a mother myself of a teenage daughter...

This young woman is 16 (almost 17) years of age and you are a young man of 20 years of age. There is a big difference psychologically, emotionally and mentally between your ages of 4 years and neither of you are fully developed enough to deal with adult issues however you are more so than her since she is only 16.

If my daughter was in her shoes at 16 years of age and took up any kind of relationship with a young man of 20 years of age I too would put a stop to it because it's my duty as a mother and parent to protect her until she reaches legal age of 18 years.

If you really care for this young girl you would put her best interests first and foremost and allow her to complete high school without having to deal with all the emotions of having a boyfriend older or not.

Another issue you are going to have to deal with is her family. If the mother (or parents) don't accept your relationship with this girl then you should have the intigrity to at least accept their wishes. Perhaps when she turns 18 and you still feel so strongly about this girl then you could perhaps approach her father and talk to him of your intentions and build up some trust and a good friendship with her family so that their minds are at rest. In the mean time, you have no right to force yourself on to this girl or her family regardless of what this girl wants; she's too young to be in a relationship with a 20 year old young man who has already finished high school. Now let her finish hers because without it her future won't be so promising.

You make waves with this family and nothing good will come out of it except a whole lot of regret somewhere down the road for both you and her.

My advice would be to move on. You're 20 and she is just 16. The only legal way for the two of you to be together would be by marriage in Arkansas only if you both reside in the state. You would have to stay there until she turns 18 as the marriage would be not be valid outside the state.

Any involvement with her family is opening up a big stinky can of worms. There are more fish in the sea than just her.

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by Scarcer

 

I'm going to tell you as a mother myself of a teenage daughter...

This young woman is 16 (almost 17) years of age and you are a young man of 20 years of age. There is a big difference psychologically, emotionally and mentally between your ages of 4 years and neither of you are fully developed enough to deal with adult issues however you are more so than her since she is only 16.

If my daughter was in her shoes at 16 years of age and took up any kind of relationship with a young man of 20 years of age I too would put a stop to it because it's my duty as a mother and parent to protect her until she reaches legal age of 18 years.

If you really care for this young girl you would put her best interests first and foremost and allow her to complete high school without having to deal with all the emotions of having a boyfriend older or not.

Another issue you are going to have to deal with is her family. If the mother (or parents) don't accept your relationship with this girl then you should have the intigrity to at least accept their wishes. Perhaps when she turns 18 and you still feel so strongly about this girl then you could perhaps approach her father and talk to him of your intentions and build up some trust and a good friendship with her family so that their minds are at rest. In the mean time, you have no right to force yourself on to this girl or her family regardless of what this girl wants; she's too young to be in a relationship with a 20 year old young man who has already finished high school. Now let her finish hers because without it her future won't be so promising.

You make waves with this family and nothing good will come out of it except a whole lot of regret somewhere down the road for both you and her.

Sorry if my OP wasn't that clear, but you are stepping off the edge bit with these statements....

I've been dating her since I was 17 and she was 14. Mother has consented to the relationship. As stated we are quite familiar with each-other.

She is a straight A student. And it's actually a blessing that I live far away, otherwise I WOULD be a distraction.

The drama enveloping her and her families life would be happening regardless if I existed or not.

As with your last paragraph, that is straight out offensive and shallow in regards to understanding the information with far too many assumptions.

I'm sorry but I have no more to say.

reply to post by Scarcer


Speaking as an LEO. The only valid threat is that of bodily harm for the most part. Slander is almost impossible to prove in court unless it is very clear documentation and is in no way true. Your matter is a civil one not criminal. Without proof of abuse law enforcement cannot help you. You can try the Department of Social Services, but from the info you have given thus far, with their case load, they are not going to be real interested.
Now I'm going to piss you off. At your age, your mind is made up and you don't want to be confused with the facts. Your actions sound noble, but do not confuse sympathy with love. You may be entering into a situation that you will regret for years to come, if not the rest of your life. For example; if you get this girl pregnant, you will be tied to this family and there ways for the rest of your life, like it or not. If they are as mean and devious as you make them sound you will be amazed at how they can screw your life up. Be careful
Seeashrink

reply to post by Sanity Lost


Quite true, in the end though I'll be making my own decisions one way or another.

Personality though has been a good factor in our relationship.

I wouldn't date out of state for a body.