Hi All,
Having this thread pop back into the recent posts today was a but of synchronicity, as I had possibly the worst nightmare I've had in decades just
last night. I've decided to pull no punches describing this one. Usually, I'm a very happy type of guy. I see solutions instead of problems and
can see the good in everything, but after waking from this nightmare around 3:30 this morning, I was shaking and just... wreaked.
On with the dream:
I was living with my Dad in his old workplace, back in my home town of Hokitika, in a shop front, and my bedroom was in the display area at the front,
right next to the main windows that faced the street front. For the first part of the dream, we interacted normally, eating together and all was
good.
Suddenly, the phone rang and he entered the back room to answer it. He suddenly emerged totally changed. He was wearing some type of ammunition
belt, that criss-crossed in an X shape around his chest. A bandoleer, I think it's called.
He also carried a sledgehammer. His personality also totally changed. Gone was the very intelligent person I knew (in the SAT's in NZ he tested in
the top 1% of the population) and was instead a completely retarded version of himself. I do not mean that in any disrespectful way, it was like he
had suffered a massive brain injury. I was more like living with Dr Frankensteins monster. I was beaten with the sledge hammer often. I
distinctly remember waking in my bed in the shop-front and often having my Dad just inches from my face, sledge in hand, staring and ready to destroy
me with the slightest provocation. The fear in this part of my dream was something else. It was a physical thing that undermined my ability to
think, act or do anything. During this part of my dream, it became imperative that I called 111 to get the cops around, but I was always thwarted
my my Dad. Every-time I tried to get near the phone, he acted out and began to smash me with the sledgehammer. My injuries were brutal. I clearly
remember one instance where I went to grab the phone and had my arm split in two from a blow from the sledgehammer.
I should add - I have always been able to feel pain in my dreams. Always. I know what it is like to have many terrible injuries. According to most
scientific opinion, this should not be possible. But I can, and do feel pain. Have done since I was born.
The injuries were horrific. Broken bones poking out of my skin, crushed head and generally just carnage. Each time I would be beaten, it would
appease my Dad and I would heal (although the aspects of how I did this are fuzzy).
This dragged on for some time. Weeks, I think. One day, I managed to escape (I don't remember how), and found myself outside the shop front,
looking into the windows with a good friend of mine from High School. I clearly remember asking my friend "Perhaps he's calmed down" My friend
replied "No, he's still raging in there. We all know it. He has done since he changed."
I should add at this point that never in my life have I suffered physical abuse from my Dad. Last time he tried to smack he (when I was 10 or so) I
managed to accidentally knee him in the testicles and ran away from home for half a day cause I was so worried I hurt him
So absolutely no history of physical abuse. Mental, yes. But not physical.
Anyway... We could see my Dad walking thru the shop/office, sledgehammer smashing everything in sight. My friend remarked "That's what we see every
night since you've been gone."
We walked across the road to a school type setting. Suddenly I had to judge a flyer competition the students had done. The subject was "Radiation
pants make your bum look big"
Weird, I know.
Anyway, I'm looking at all these flyers, and suddenly there's a commotion at the door. It gets smashed to pieces. Guess what? Dads back. Even
more stiff and retarded then ever. My friend flees. He shouts over his shoulder "He's coming back Shane!"
Then I wake up. Scared the crap out of me, and left me watching the sun rise, while drinking a beer. It wasn't the physical assault, rather the
inability to help my Dad. This is first time I have dreamed of him in over five years.
Now, a little background. my Dad went missing a few years ago, presumed dead. He did some terrible things before he went missing. He is wanted by
Interpol and by some South Pacific nations on rape and torture charges. He slipped away while on bail. I have no problem talking about this and can
provide proof if needed. My biggest regret in life is not being able to find him before he died (if he actually did).
The thing that shocked me the most was the phrase "He's coming back Shane!" I know it's probably just a sons wish to see his Dad again, but damn
it shook me to my core. Not wanting to sound up myself, but I'm a physically active and tough person. I work very hard physical jobs and have never
been intimidated by someone's personality or physical appearance. I know myself mentally and often put myself in situations where panic would mean
death (solo caving and climbing etc...). This dream rocked me to my core. And remember, I'm a happy guy, and usually well in touch with his
thoughts. This dream came out of no-where.
Sorry to bum out the thread
But thanks for the opportunity to rant and vent.
Cheers
Shane