Duke Grad's 'Sex Thesis' Flunks Internet 101

reply to post by Soshh

I played the field for a while

Fair enough, it sounds like you made a conscious choice after having explored some alternatives. Do you accept that some of us make different choices & there's nothing wrong with that?
What irritates me is that there's a huge social pressure to adopt the lifestyle you've chosen. It just doesn't feel right to some of us. When people discover "the scene", as it were, they're usually full of curiosity & eagerness, but are burdened by monster inhibition that stems from nothing other than that they've been told all their lives that their desires are wrong. Is that a good thing?
You say you "played the field". Would you condemn a woman for doing the same? If so, why?

Originally posted by Bunken Drum
reply to post by Soshh
Do you accept that some of us make different choices & there's nothing wrong with that?

Yep and I made a point of saying that!

Originally posted by Soshh
It's a matter of opinion, some people want to have sex with loads of different people, for whatever reason. Others, like me, are happy with just the one.

My point of view was not exactly a common one, not one of my friends shared it and the only other people who did were not people who I would have enjoyed being around. I didn't get at people for it or judge them because I thought that I was the one who was unusual, not them, and I'm not the kind of person to do that anyway.

I just started to grow out of the casual sex thing while the girls I was going for weren't. Getting attached to someone who wasn't interested in that kind of thing was quite upsetting as you can imagine and it got me into a lot of fights with their next bloke in the series and sometimes the one after that. It didn't switch off my sex drive or anything, I would have continued if I could, it's just that I realised that I could only be with someone who shared my point of view, that's all.

reply to post by Yissachar1

Honestly? Yes..

Not normal at all.

You're right, its not normal. Still, if you read some psychology, you'll soon realise that, after decades of clinical practice & research, the consensus of opinion among professionals is that dysfunctional, or nuts, in laymans terms, is by far & away the norm. My ex-wife, our other 'wife' & many of our friends have tried to be less nuts than we might otherwise have been, thus giving our kids a better start than we ourselves had. We did this by rejecting the norm & applying our own ethics to our desires & choices. There was nothing 'dissolute' about it. In fact, 3 adults earning means you can all afford a good lifestyle, spend plenty of time with the kids & have time for yourselves also. Did we rock?
My wife didn't betray me. When we chose to have kids, we stopped contraception & she refrained from doing other men. I dont need to get a DNA test: my daughter has my hands & lips (they look better on her than they do on me or her brother - major cupid's bow top, "sensuous" ie fat for a caucasian bottom) & my son, the poor sod, looks just like me except for his mum's eyes (bonus!).
You must have missed the point about sex being more than just for orgasms, also. Before I elaborate on this point, do you mind answering whether you are circumcised or not? I'm not.

Does anybody have a link to the powerpoint?

Never mind found it

deadspin.com...#-list-thesis-from-a-former-female-student/gallery/?skyline=true&s=i

reply to post by Bunken Drum


Am I circumsised?

Dude im a Jew what do you think?

And have amazing orgasms! But im not ruled by them and are not the be all and end all of my existence.

Yes you can have sex for enjoyment with no strings but whats the point? Its just masturbation.. Sex.. Something any animal can do.

Was I a virgin before I met my wife? Hell no! I was a soldier for 19 years and had my fare share. But found it empty.. Was my wife a virgin? Yes, she is Jordanian and was raised as a muslim until she converted to Christianity and had to flee her family and go to Israel where we met.. Trust me she is hot! Perfect figure, long black hair, brown smooth skin and dreamy pools for eyes.. How I got her is beyond me! And my daughters look like her, lighter skin because of me, but my eldest dyed her hair blonde. ..
We live in England now (im English). My eldest is at college, and ironically so am I studying Mental health nursing at uni so yes have read a few psychology books! And know the damage that permissive lifestyles have on families in terms of mom and dad splitting up, them drinking or taking drugs, them bringing new partners in and out of their lives. No stability.. Kids being bullied at school for their parents choices and genrally screwing them up.. Children learn how to treat their partners by how the parents treat each other and how they interact in society.. Alternative lifestyles are unfair on kids because they have no say if they want to be in it.. 9 times out of 10 these kund of relationships end badly and whats left behind is screwed up kids who end up on drugs or whatever. And no sense of normality to bring into their own relationships because like it or not, alternative lifestyles are beyond being the norm and most people would not touch that type of thing with a barge pole. .

Again. An orgasm is not worth it... It is not worth playing with peoples lives because of it. Especially our kids.

I did not bring my daughters up so that some skanky bloke can get their rocks off with them. They will not debase themselves that way but keep it confined to a loving relationship.. Im not expecting them to be virginal queens, but i know they wont sleep with the whole team either!

I actually think this is quite amusing, and that people are taking it a bit too seriously.

I don't believe for one minute that Miss Owen didn't want her ''thesis'' spread around the university.

I mean, seriously ! Who would really go to all that time and effort to create this, just to mildly amuse a friend or two ?

I think that she probably thought that it would do the rounds at her university, and her intention was to get some of the ''subjects'' in her powerpoint presentation to read it; possibly to get back at them.

I don't think she wagered that it would achieve this widespread level of popularity and notoriety that it is currently enjoying, though !

Originally posted by Sherlock Holmes
I actually think this is quite amusing, and that people are taking it a bit too seriously.

I don't believe for one minute that Miss Owen didn't want her ''thesis'' spread around the university.

I mean, seriously ! Who would really go to all that time and effort to create this, just to mildly amuse a friend or two ?

I think that she probably thought that it would do the rounds at her university, and her intention was to get some of the ''subjects'' in her powerpoint presentation to read it; possibly to get back at them.

I don't think she wagered that it would achieved this widespread level of popularity and notoriety that it is currently enjoying, though !

edit on 10-10-2010 by Sherlock Holmes because: (no reason given)

If you look at the actual powerpoint, theres not a lot of effort put into it just pictures of each athlete followed by a short description of the hookup something akin to what you would see in a diary.

Also garbage schools like Duke, the students have nothing but free time

reply to post by Returners


I did notice in the link that you provided that there were a lot of photos in it, but there still was an awful amount of text ( I can't be bothered reading most of it ).

I also wonder how much of that was her writing ''erotic fiction''. While the sexual encounters may have taken place, she certainly seems to have a great memory for all the events and dialogue that took place ( especially considering she was drunk during many of the escapades ).

So, I'm sticking with either the idea that she intentionally planned her ''thesis'' to be spread around, or she was just fantasising and embellishing her experiences with largely fictional writing.

reply to post by SoshhApologies. I'm quite tired & I failed to discriminate between answering you & Y1. Still, to be specific, for the sake of debate, would you look down on a woman who played the field before settling down?
I know what you mean regarding disappointment. Through high school, I was friends with a girl who blatantly had no sexual interest in me, but was, imo & many others, something of a living goddess (she became a model & married a millionaire - hope she's happy). What made it worse was that she was not only really intelligent & friendly, but completely unselfconscious about her beauty. It was a case of "if there is a god, please, pretty please, get me with her!"
I had some issues @home & skipped most of my last year @school. So, by the time our exams came up, I was living in my own place, had a job, some business, 1/3 of a car & some serious 'bad boy cool'. Looking back, its obvious she was just curious, b/c I wasn't b/f material, but when she dumped me, I was heartbroken. All I got from my family was "there's plenty more fish in the sea." Well, if I hadn't become vegetarian, I'd have replied "I dont want fish. I want lobster thermadore!"
We made mistakes as parents, but I think 1 of our best jobs was helping our kids understand & manage their emotions during mad crushes, whether they got with their 'beloved' or not. None of that would have been possible however, if throughout their lives previously they hadn't understood sex & desire to be normal things, so we already had a mutual syntax with which to address the difficult bits.
Prudery damages people, imo.

Originally posted by Sherlock Holmes
reply to post by Returners

 

I did notice in the link that you provided that there were a lot of photos in it, but there still was an awful amount of text ( I can't be bothered reading most of it ).

I also wonder how much of that was her writing ''erotic fiction''. While the sexual encounters may have taken place, she certainly seems to have a great memory for all the events and dialogue that took place ( especially considering she was drunk during many of the escapades ).

So, I'm sticking with either the idea that she intentionally planned her ''thesis'' to be spread around, or she was just fantasising and embellishing her experiences with largely fictional writing.

Well if you look at the last slides you can see the sex scores for each athlete. It seems that the first couple of guys she had were all 8-10 while the last couple of guys were all rated 1-3 so she is probably writing from memory hence why the people she slept with a long time ago had the highest scores while the people she slept with most recently got the lowest.

reply to post by Yissachar1I know you're a jew & if you remember through my father's line, so am I. He was cut, I'm not: to the orthodox, I would need to study & get the snip (yeah right!), but to my practicing jewish family, I'm neither fish nor fowl. I just didn't want to make an assumption.
My point is that, despite my assertion that sex is about more than orgasms, you seem fixated upon them. As a bi man, IME, the % of men who talk about sex in the way you do is higher amongst the cut than intact. We might be better taking this aspect of our discussion to this thread: www.abovetopsecret.com...
For me, lovemaking (as opposed to fun-sex) is all about the most real communication we can have with another person. It doesn't matter if I get off, just so long as we've said "good morning", "good night" & that we can make time some days to say "I really love you!" However, there's play time too. When your eyes meet across a crowded bed, you wink at each other & crack up laughing for the sheer joy of it, thats unconditional love.
See by your reasoning, that we shouldn't do things that aren't "normal" for fear of social repercussions (I'm going to resort to reductio ad absurdam here, but please backtrack & apply the logic to modern life), we would still be living in trees. If somebody hadn't grunted "Bollocks, I'm going out to the savanna 'cause this is *snip* & *snip* you if you wanna stay here", nothing would've ever changed. I haven't got the right answers, I'm just trying to find some to the right questions. Did you ever wonder if the reason why "alternative lifestyles" sometimes end in disaster might be b/c "conventional" just doesn't work for some of us, but stigmatisation of our desires & ostracisation if we act on them produces isolation, which you know is a major factor in substance abuse?
Your daughters are Brits & hot? They'll shag around: just you wont hear about it so cant advise)

This subject is clear cut at least for me it seems, at the end it just comes down to whatever floats your boat, and as to the female in the op's link, it is just what it is, nothing more needs to be explained... is it bad or good? I don't think so, nor do I really care, and it's just normal to me, even though I don't sleep around like that. But trust you me, I have seen and known some who would make her look like a prude nun, by just the sheer volume of people they sleep with, no matter what gender they are male or female, though the males are more truthful with themselves in what they do, or want, and hence more truthful with others......And regardless of thing's like religion's or beliefs that in many ways are there to program behavior and thought, and even though you can program people to be what they are not, why and what for?....it's just silly...If you want a certain lifestyle, then whatever go for it, just don't make the mistake of thinking that everyone is like you and wants what you want, no matter what end of the spectrum you are......This chick I got to give her props at least she is not trying to deceive anyone with what she wants, it's clear as day. So either way, like attracts like, it's still better then if one is promiscuous and is pressured by outside influences to be something that she or he is not, and even be with someone who is not. Oh yes things wont work out then, you can be sure.

She's the acme of sluttiness. No doubt about it.

Originally posted by Soshh




It may have something to do with the fact that I wanted to be a soldier ever since I can remember. I need someone in the back of my mind when life is hell, someone who I can trust and I will know that they are thinking about me too. A meaningful relationship is all I have been interested in ever since I considered myself a mature person and I don't think it is a coincidence.

Huah soldier this is a good perspective that you bring. There's definitely something about being a soldier that makes you grow up, to see life more clearly. It is the experience of going through hell, and realizing how important having a meaningful relationship is, having someone you can trust to always have your back, and always stay with you.

Maybe if you are in college getting with a different girl every week you don't have to worry about being mature and having meaningful relationships, but that is only one perspective on life, and it sure isn't the only one you should have. Going through college, you don't face the challenges that soldiers face, and you lack a critical component in developing into a mature man or woman. This component, as I said before, is the experience of going through hell, of living weeks and weeks at a time feeling miserable and detached from friends back home... it is in times like these you realize you only want to be with one girl, you DON'T want to hear about your girl "experimenting" or "playing around" with sex buddies, you want to have a special bond with her that is much more than just good sex.

So this is my perspective on this Duke grad's thesis: it shows that a huge portion of America's population that goes through college is lacking an important part in their development which causes them to look at sex as a means to love or just a means to have fun instead of it being a product of love.

reply to post by Wang TangWell, in light of your ""Test Everything. Hold on to the good." 1 Thessalonians 5:21" siggy, I'm a little disheartened by your position. You seem to be saying that sex for love (which I agree is the product of a loving relationship, not the means to get into 1) & sex for fun are mutually exclusive. I promise you, they aren't. You also mention maturity. Ok, here's some RL which I hope will shed some light:
I met my current g/f about 2yrs ago, whilst in the tail end of a loving relationship with someone else. None of us knew it was ending then, but, as many childless women in their early 30s do, my ex was feeling like "soon or never". I have 2 bio +1 step kid, all in early adulthood. I'm not saying I'll never have another, but the responsibility of a baby is 24/7, even if you're not the parent currently 'on duty'. I'm trying to be the best dad I can; if I also had a baby on the scene, something would have to give.
This is un-PC but, imo, as a man, you not only have to look out for the kid, but you must accept that a woman during pregnancy & early motherhood is at the mercy of her hormones. Thus, you have to make all the space in your life that you can to look out for the day-to-day crap that she really doesn't want to deal with, basically to allow her to be what she is, or 'husband' her. If you're not upto it, you've no business impregnating her in the 1st place. Currently, I've got commitments that mean I'm not upto it.
We still love each other, & occasionally make love, but I had to make way for her to find a "dad". Her current prospect is lacking, imo, but naturally there's an element of jealousy, so I keep my mouth shut.
This wkend, my g/f & I had to travel for work. There was no guarantee when/if either of us could get home, so no point spending money on the off-chance. Despite some chaos, I did get back about 2 this am & I was in need of a good unwind, but too tired to bother.
(TBC)

(Cont)
When I pinged my belle to tell her I'd landed safely, I also told her I was knackered & intended to have a drink & crash. She has a friend whom I've only met socially, despite our 3way attraction. The problem is that this woman, although she doesn't teach my g/f, is part of the social sciences faculty that oversee her studies: ethics are thus extremely important to these people, so we couldn't play together. However, there's no reason why the lecturer & I cant play &, since my belle is away anyway, last night was the perfect opportunity. She insisted on acting as middleman to put us together.
We had a nice time. Are we now lovers? No. In fact we're not even friends, we just enjoyed each others bodies. By experience, I'd say we probably will become friends over the coming years, but in the meantime, we know we can have a laugh. Judging by what my belle said to me earlier, I expect she'll also want all the salacious details from her mate. No doubt they'll share a giggle over my foibles & knowing smiles over my best abilities. Now, if I were insecure, then I'd not want women discussing my average penis size, the state of my middle-aged body, the fact that, when I'm really turned on, in order to avoid talking what seems like nonsense to others, I communicate with hand gestures & click my fingers in a manner which has been described as "imperious", or that I get impatient when a partner cannot/will not show their real selves during sex, which can bring out a degree of cruelty in my dom nature. As you can see by the fact I'm able TBH about all of this, I'm not insecure. Nor do I mind that partners will inevitably compare me to others, or that I'll be found wanting in some departments: I am what I am; I'm doing my best; if you dont like it, dont come back.
Does this sound like immaturity to you? Imo, it takes far more maturity to manage the emotions surrounding love & sex so that we can, ourselves, & allow our partners, to enjoy the banquet thats on offer, rather than just say "I'll have meat & 2 veg, please."

at least she's got a sense of humor.

points deducted for rudeness or being Canadian

am i the only one who thinks she put this together quite well for something she 'didnt mean to go public'. didnt miss a t or a dotted i.

either she failed internet 101, or she is excelling at establishing-a-career-through-gonzo-marketing.

time will tell.

reply to post by Bunken Drum


Yup, you got me with that one, that I'm going against my "test everything, hold on to the good" philosophy. Well part of that is because for now, I am the happiest guy in the world with one girl, and I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

Where I want to be different from you is where you couldn't keep up a commitment to one woman to raise a child. I want to go through all the bs of pregnancy, granted that won't be for a while, but if you can't take care of your pregnant girlfriend or wife how can you raise a child with them? I want to be raising functional families, not a family where the kids don't know who their real father is and the mother sleeps with guys other than her husband because her husband just isn't that great.

I'll give this to you, you have much more life experience in this sort of thing than me. But the experiences you describe are experiences I would rather not have.