I want to get a girlfriend and I want advice.

I've had girl problems for a lot of my life. I haven't exactly had problems per se, but, I have never gotten to know anyone quite well enough to go out with them. I have one pretty good friend that's a girl but I'm not exactly interested in her as a romantic relationship. I've always kind of been a coward with approaching girls. What can I do to do better? I'm trying to overcome my shyness, but, I want to do it right.

[edit on 16-8-2010 by Frankidealist35]

reply to post by Frankidealist35


for starters, ask your lady friend for advice, not anonymous folks on a conspiracy site. perhaps you can ask her to introduce you to some of her friends. you can make conversation with women in places you like to hang out, be it the library, park, music store, bar (usually a last resort) etc. try to avoid discussing your shtf plans, crop circles, alien abductions, 9/11 conspiracies, moon haoxes and so on. these topics tend to frighten the normals.

other than that, be yourself, don't try to be anyone or anything, just be natural and confident and always be a gentleman.

if all else fails, stop wearing underwear and, if you must wear it, make sure it's something unusual. (yes, it's a bastardized movie quote and a joke)

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
I've always kind of been a coward with approaching girls. What can I do to do better? I'm trying to overcome my shyness, but, I want to do it right.

That's the exact reason God created beer and tequila. It's been my experience that no matter how you initiate contact with the opposite sex it always turns out that you make a fool of yourself anyway. So....

Alcohol takes off the rough edges and blunts the memories.

The secret to a successful meeting is finding a chick as drunk as you are.

You can hash out the details and get to know eachother in the morning over breakfast and bloodymarias. You may find that you actually have common interests besides carnal lust.

There are probably other viable techniques but I haven't found any that works as good as the "old school" one I just described.





[edit on 17-8-2010 by whaaa]

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Well, I really have no advice to give ... but I would point out that envisaging another human being as something to be 'gotten' is perhaps not the best approach.

As the man above pointed out, all one can really do is to confidently be one's self and not try to become something that one thinks the other person desires. Women and men alike, in any relationship, cannot be attracted to someone they don't fundamentally respect, and one one cannot respect someone who isn't confident enough to respect themselves.

Life is full of miracles and extraordinary opportunities that people bypass on the way to what they 'want' ... my only suggestion is to be true to yourself and open to the possibilities that life presents you. I have found that being so yields the best chances for happiness. If not happiness then at the very least peace.

As far as the ladies, they are fickle in their deliberations. Usually we men just show up and have no clue what happened and why it happened.

One rule of thumb (which really applies to all relationships):

"I can be perfectly miserable without thee."

reply to post by whaaa


The problem with that is that I don't drink, so, I normally would be completely sober.

reply to post by schrodingers dog



I suppose so. And no, I don't view other people as someone to "get". I have met some girls that I've liked a lot, some that I've even had a crush on, and actually kind of loved (not lusted). I've been wanting to get more close to them and I feel that if I could go out with a girl that I really like, then, I would be able to have someone else close to me, and stuff like that.

I don't mean to sound argumentative- I just don't feel like life has presented me with those opportunities yet.

[edit on 17-8-2010 by Frankidealist35]

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
reply to post by schrodingers dog

 

I've been wanting to get more close to them and I feel that if I could go out with a girl that I really like, then, I would be able to have someone else close to me, and stuff like that.

I understand Frank ... I truly hope you find someone who moves you, you move them, and connect with them on many levels.

Think of it this way ... if you meet someone you like, what's the worse thing that can happen if you express your interest to them? They might not feel the same way and say no or they might say yes. But if you never ask it will always be no.

Be kind be honest and all good things will come your way.

Originally posted by Frankidealist35



I don't mean to sound argumentative- I just don't feel like life has presented me with those opportunities yet.

You can't wait for life to hand you opportunities. Fortune favors the bold.

Success with women is a numbers game. Put yourself in the position to meet as many as possible, even sober, and remember...

Single women crave attention from men! Give it to em!!

Read an article on Body Language so you can know the subtle unconscience cues of when a woman is attracted to you.

[edit on 17-8-2010 by whaaa]

Originally posted by whaaa
That's the exact reason God created beer and tequila. It's been my experience that no matter how you initiate contact with the opposite sex it always turns out that you make a fool of yourself anyway. So....

making a fool out of yourself while trying to meet/woo a woman will, more often than not, be viewed as charming, sweet, endearing.

making a fool out of yourself as a result of your being drunk and trying to meet/woo a woman will, more often than not, be nothing more than embarrassing.


there's also the horrific realization that last night's 8, whom you will be seeing again for dinner, will turn out to be a tequila free 3. the look of horror on your face when you see her in a sober light can ruin the evening.

Originally posted by Crakeur





there's also the horrific realization that last night's 8, whom you will be seeing again for dinner, will turn out to be a tequila free 3. the look of horror on your face when you see her in a sober light can ruin the evening.

I don't use media generated attractiveness standards as a criteria in judging people. Especially women. To me that is shallow and stupid!

[edit on 17-8-2010 by whaaa]

reply to post by whaaa


who said anything about media generated attractiveness? you go out, do a handful of shots, meet a woman who you think is stunning and then you go meet her for dinner a couple of days later and your clear headed view of her is no longer what you thought it was. I don't care how awesome her personality was the night before, the initial shock of her not looking like you thought she would, is still going to show on your face. You do find people to be good or bad looking, no? not based on any magazine or tv show but on your own opinion. Guess what, even that opinion can be skewed by booze.

reply to post by whaaa


The upshot of your strategies and theories on women is that they haven't made you in the least bit bitter.



[edit on 17 Aug 2010 by schrodingers dog]

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Frank, stick with the basics.
It has always worked for me.

Show them respect. Talk to them like a freind not as a mark. Pay attention to what they say not just check them out. Remember Females are people too. Don't be afraid of rejection. For every yes there are plenty of nos beforehand.


In the end if it's going to click just go with the flow and be yourself.

P.S. Learn to dance and how to make them laugh.

The guys before me made good points.... but I bet your problem isn't just talking to women you don't know. It's about getting those 2nd and 3rd dates.

half of the battle is meeting the right girl and making conversation. To do that right, you have to figure out what you want first. If you want a chick that's in to conspiracy’s and comic books, don't try to pick up a girl at a night club. If you're into sports... try going to a sports bar or something on ladies night or during a ball game. You'd be surprised at the amount of women that go to bars to watch sports games. If you want a nice girl.. join a book club or a cooking class. Point is, figure the right girl for you then find the right places to meet those type of girls.

Break the ice – be cool.. be confident… pretend like you got a 10” cock and a million dollars in the bank.. woman can sense confidence and they can sense fear.. don’t be afraid of women and if you are don’t show it !

keeping the girl... let's say you meet the right woman... you hit it off.. you get her number.. you go out on a first date.. it goes well... what do you do next? If you're like most guys that are bad with women.. you make the ultimate mistake.. you get all crazy and fall in love after the first date. Now you're calling this chick 3 times a day and trying to get her to meet your mom... STOP!

When you first meet a girl.. you want to hang out with her once a week.. GOT IT !.. and you want to talk to her on the PHONE once per week.. and that is to make the plans to hang out... GOT IT? PHONE.. not text.. aim.. or the chat feature on ATS. Let’s say after a week or two, she asks you to hang out on a Monday.. what do you say? You say your busy, how about Tuesday?… but you still only ask her to hang on the weekends… why? Your busy during the week.. I know you’re not.. but tell her you are.. and don’t tell her what you’re doing.. just say your busy… pretend your James #ing bond and you have to go to Havana to stop a nuke from going off.. it’s not her business what you’re doing when you’re not with her.. she’s not your GF or your mother.

Why act that way? Because women don't want to date boys that hang out on conspiracy sites all day and play video games all night. Women want Men... men with jobs and hobbies n # like that. Not guys that sit around wacking it all day long. Don't be that guy that is available 24/7.. if you don't have hobbies, get some... if you're out of shape.. go to the gym... can’t afford the gym.. go jog, it’s free.. get your ass into shape… get some nice cloths... shower before you go out... that stuff might be obvious to your or it might not.. I dunno.. I see guys at bars wearing batman t-shirts and dirty jorts (that’s jean shorts) and they are trying to buy women drinks... don't get me wrong man, I’m not some pretty boy.. I’ll rock the superman shirt while I’m out.. but my girl friend is sitting at home waiting for me to get back.

So to sum it up… get your # together first… get your girl/friend to give you a make over or something and make sure you’re presentable.. get a hair cut.. cut your finger nails… I can’t tell you how many girls have told me that’s the biggest turn off – finger nails… then find a place to meet a girl… play it cool.. and KEEP YOUR # TOGETHER that’s the hardest part.. not getting all excited… ONE DATE AT A TIME.

and of course, be yourself.. maybe save the ATS convos for the 5th date or so.. but if that’s who you are, you need to find a girl that’s into that kind of stuff.. my GF is.. I got her into this stuff… but I picked a girl with an open mind.. that’s prob what you need too. After you find a girl and make her your we’ll talk about relationships again ;-)

Good luck buddy

Good advice:

...you have to figure out what you want first. If you want a chick that's in to conspiracy’s and comic books, don't try to pick up a girl at a night club. If you're into sports... try going to a sports bar or something on ladies night or during a ball game. You'd be surprised at the amount of women that go to bars to watch sports games. If you want a nice girl.. join a book club or a cooking class. Point is, figure the right girl for you then find the right places to meet those type of girls.

... and Lol at the finger nails - um - ya, that's true!



[edit on 17-8-2010 by LadySkadi]

Originally posted by SLAYER69

P.S. Learn to dance and how to make them laugh.

Me dancing is how I make them laugh.

reply to post by schrodingers dog


two birds, one stone

As George Carlin once said..."I never had a 10....but once I did have 5 2's....."

One thing I'm curious about (to the OP)...why aren't you interested in dating your female friend? Do you think she wouldn't go for it? Don't want to ruin the friendship? Or, (as is more likely the case), you don't feel she is up to your physical ideal standards?

Anyhoo, going to agree with Crakeur here, on almost all counts, and see if you can recruit her to your cause, if you aren't interested in her that way, and see if she can give you a gal's perspective on what you may be doing wrong, and if she can set you up...

When I was young though...I often found this only when I wasn't actively looking...

Originally posted by whaaa

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
I've always kind of been a coward with approaching girls. What can I do to do better? I'm trying to overcome my shyness, but, I want to do it right.

That's the exact reason God created beer and tequila. It's been my experience that no matter how you initiate contact with the opposite sex it always turns out that you make a fool of yourself anyway. So....

Alcohol takes off the rough edges and blunts the memories.

The secret to a successful meeting is finding a chick as drunk as you are.

You can hash out the details and get to know eachother in the morning over breakfast and bloodymarias. You may find that you actually have common interests besides carnal lust.

There are probably other viable techniques but I haven't found any that works as good as the "old school" one I just described.





[edit on 17-8-2010 by whaaa]

See...thats why I like you Whaaa......you keep it simple.


Tried and true is best, can't argue with results!




My only advice to Frank, don't make yourself too available. Women for some reason seem to like a challenge, and if you present yourself as a door mat you will surely get walked on.

Especially attractive women, they are used to men blathering and fawning all over them. When you are the one guy they meet who doesnt, it makes them want to find out why.

That's my $0.02...... good luck to ya'

Originally posted by BlackOps719

My only advice to Frank, don't make yourself too available. ....Especially attractive women, they are used to men blathering and fawning all over them. When you are the one guy they meet who doesnt, it makes them want to find out why.

babysteps, man, babysteps. he needs to build up the confidence, learn how to act around the ladies before he can move on to trying to lure them in with wily charm and feigned indifference.

Women for some reason seem to like a challenge, and if you present yourself as a door mat you will surely get walked on.

if you like a strong, domineering woman, the door mat approach works wonders.

@ Crakeur


You trying to get the lad hooked up with some angry, domineering she-beast on his first at bat? That could scar him for life.

Let him at least have some fun first, he will have plenty of time for marriage down the road...lol.



[edit on 17-8-2010 by BlackOps719]