Your New Reality: How traumatic grief reshapes your world

reply to post by soficrow


Thank you for the condolences, they are always appreciated.

I suppose that one might become inured to the pain of grieving, were it ever present, but statement was more a matter of each grief episode being different from any other, as it is impacted by two unique individuals, so the combination is likely never going to be the same.

Grief is different from traumatic grief. I have experienced grief in the past, when I lost others, but nothing like this. It's been six months, and I'm still not even close to feeling like I ever did in the past. The process has permanently changed me, and I see nothing on the horizon that tells me and end is in sight.

Grief really isn't about death, though that is its most frequent cause. Rather, it is about loss, and generally illogical loss. Your wife dies at 46 of a heart attack. You lose your job, even though you're pretty good at it. Your son gets a terrible disease and you lose your life's savings to his medical bills. Getting beyond grief is really a matter of getting beyond on the loss, accepting that you have lost, and accepting that it doesn't have to make sense.

I do agree that, as we get older, we become more accepting of our mortality, but it is only a slight tempering of the power of traumatic grief when it comes. I have a friend who is older, and is dying, slowly and sometimes painfully, of blood cancer, and we've talked about which is worse -- Patti's death, sudden and reasonably painless, or his, prolonged, painful and inevitable. His family will have the opportunity to be with him, to resolve any outstanding issues, things denied to Patti's family and I. We haven't come to a conclusion, but as I've said in the past, if my suffering paid the price of Patti not suffering, that's all that matters to me. She knew that I loved her, I know that she loves me, and the rest, we'll sort out at a later date.

Thanks again for the thoughts!

I must give this thread a bump!

It may be dated, but it is something we all must read.

Reply to post by adjensen

i really tried to read all but i just couldnt do it, it pretty much instantly brought me to tears, im truly and deeply sorry for your loss. i admire your strength.

peace.


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Originally posted by Lichter daraus
Reply to post by adjensen

 

i really tried to read all but i just couldnt do it, it pretty much instantly brought me to tears, im truly and deeply sorry for your loss. i admire your strength.

peace.

Thank you. Though it's been more than three years now, I think of her every day and my heart never ceases to long for her.