What the Spiritual path cost me(WARNING!!).....

While I used to have tons of friends, girlfriends, jobs, life in general was good ...but there was always something missing. Since I was a kid I felt this existence isn't right ..all these wars, lies, fakeness ......it really always did feel like a matrix. And while I had everything I could possibly need and then some ...I was empty inside...

So I went looking for God .....in the Bible, in philosophy, mysticism, Taoism, science, meditation you name it.

WHat I found was SHOCKING!!!!! Direct experiences of higher realms, higher consciousness, seeing beyond the matrix ....awakenings and eventually finding out that who I think I am is just an Illusion and that there is no I, you, us, them.....

It cost me EVERYTHING in the process. The spiritual changes were like a rebirth. I literally had to relearn how to function through this higher consciousness. Everything went away, my old friends, GF's, jobs, etc ...all for the sake f giving me time to get used to aspect of there not being a ME anymore ......to get used to Loving all of you guys regardless whether you understand me or not ...to see the mechanics of human ego.

Its been quite a ride the last 10 years. I can never go back to how I used to be ...but in retrospect...in my atheistic days of old I was so ignorant and would take certain views as concrete and immovable.

But now, or the now, is sooooooo much better freedom, no attachments, higher understanding, deeper intuition ....its like experiencing God ....although there's no one here to experience it.

It did cost me everything to get here. I wanted the absolute truth no matter the cost even if it did cost me my own life. I always said that and felt that way. And guess what, it did cost me my life......

(some will understand this post, others ....just look away and go to another post)

reply to post by dominicus

Was it worth it ?

Originally posted by dominicus

(some will understand this post, others ....just look away and go to another post)

Okay.

Originally posted by Spotless
reply to post by dominicus

 

Was it worth it ?

I can only speak of my case, but NO, it was not worth becoming utterly delusional, and dysfunctional, as the OP seems to be.

I prefer to live a life full of friends and loved ones, I'll give spirituality a miss if it means losing them.

reply to post by dominicus


I relate to your post in so many ways it is quite eerie and strange but I also detect a problem in that you seem to have got stuck my friend. What I think you need to do is to accept what you have learned and use it to your improvement because if you stay there you could make yourself ill physically and psychologically.

In other words I think you need to pick yourself up and take it to the next level and not be afraid because if you really have dived as deep as you seem to have dived then you know that there is nothing to be afraid of and there never was. The next level is adapting to the situation you have awoken to – this reality and no longer look upon it as something to see as you and them but to be seen as you fitting back into the game to wait.

I do not think you are deluded and I do not think you have much longer to wait. There are many of us who also feel almost “exactly” as you do so try to help those you know who are not as far along the road and are hurting, it will be good for you.

For what it is worth My UFO encounters nearly drove me to suicide myself but now, I understand!

Great thread OP!

Well...

There are stages in spiritual growth. First is the illumination, when you receive light and this opens you up to blissful experiences. Then you come down from the high and fall into the abyss. This can take forever to come out of for many they never do. In the abyss you meet depression, compassion, sadness, detachment and many other emotions that you internalise every moment of your life until you learn that you are not your emotions. Then you rise up out of the abyss and lead a spiritual life.

During our time in the abyss we distance ourselves from those around us. It is a natural thing to do when you realise you are going through a metaphysical change and others are not.

Stay the course, you are almost there, you only need to let go of everything you believe and emerge whole and into the light, then you can teach others the process and share your love with them again.

Peace and blessings.

Originally posted by unityemissions

Originally posted by dominicus

(some will understand this post, others ....just look away and go to another post)

Okay.

Originally posted by Spotless
reply to post by dominicus

 

Was it worth it ?

I can only speak of my case, but NO, it was not worth becoming utterly delusional, and dysfunctional, as the OP seems to be.

It doesn't sound as if you were leading a spiritual path if you became delusional and dysfunctional.

The OP makes complete sense to me.


[edit on 26-7-2010 by Namaste1001]

So, is the answer 42?

And btw... on your journey. What did you find out?

Curious minds want to know.

reply to post by Spotless

Was it worth it ?

If I can go back to ignorance and do it again, I would. It was soooo worth it. No there is no fear of death, there is transcendence, living life with out labeling or judging, the old friends were replaced with a small number of very loyal and loving new friends, every single breath and step is like a miracle. Its frackin AMAZING!!!!

In Reply to Unityemissions:

I can only speak of my case, but NO, it was not worth becoming utterly delusional, and dysfunctional, as the OP seems to be.

All pointless labels and unnecessary opinions. Over here is just freedom and Love. No need to argue, to debate ...just a resting in the not .....timelessness ......I would have never believed any of this had it not happened as direct experience.

In reply to woodwardjnr

I prefer to live a life full of friends and loved ones, I'll give spirituality a miss if it means losing them.

It wasn't like that. My old friends were all about drugs and limited way of living. They were counter productive to new growth to the unlimited ...and so one by one dropped away. It was just like a natural evolution....

In reply to SmokeJaguar67,

if you stay there you could make yourself ill physically and psychologically.

But thats just it ......the physical and psycholgical are illusion .... so in sense there is no one who can become that.....

The next level is adapting to the situation you have awoken to

that seems to be naturally what is staring to take place ....all its own of course..... without me having to do it ....if that makes sense

In reply to Spirit777

you only need to let go of everything you believe and emerge whole and into the light

Ahhhhhh words of the wise.....

In reply to Namaste1001

It doesn't sound as if you were leading a spiritual path if you became delusional and dysfunctional.

There is no one here who is any of those things. delusional and dysfunctional are limits and boxes, ideas and concepts .......the unlimited is beyond.

The point being that to get out of the matrix costs you your identity....

In reply to Grey580

So, is the answer 42? And btw... on your journey. What did you find out? Curious minds want to know.

The answer ...Absolute truth, God ....its all beyond words ...can only be experienced ...but when the experience happens there is no "you" to experience "that" because "that" is of its own accord.

Better yet the mystics have it right. Study the mystics......

Originally posted by Namaste1001

Originally posted by unityemissions

Originally posted by dominicus

(some will understand this post, others ....just look away and go to another post)

Okay.

Originally posted by Spotless
reply to post by dominicus

 

Was it worth it ?

I can only speak of my case, but NO, it was not worth becoming utterly delusional, and dysfunctional, as the OP seems to be.

It doesn't sound as if you were leading a spiritual path if you became delusional and dysfunctional.

The OP makes complete sense to me.


[edit on 26-7-2010 by Namaste1001]

Uh, are you aware that by other monks accounts, a good chunk of students on the spiritual path go psychotic?? If not, maybe you should check into this. It's got nothing about not being on the path, as you put it.

You say the OP makes sense. So I'm guessing you think he's on the path, yet he has become entirely dysfunctional! He lost his friends, family, and his job, and it seems like the ability to connect with much of anyone. Yet... he's not dysfunctional? There's a contradiction there.

Listen, if you guys want to believe in higher realms, higher consciousness, and crapola like that, you go right ahead, but I've been there, and know without a doubt that it's a bunch of narcissistic and psychotic hooey.

You say it makes sense, I say it makes sense in the mind of narcissistic psychotics.

Enjoy the bliss, ignoramuses!

reply to post by dominicus

I am offering $1000 dollars to meet any person that can convince me they are fully Enlightened and Egoless.

[edit on 26-7-2010 by RRokkyy]

reply to post by RRokkyy

I am offering $1000 dollars to meet any person that can convince me they are fully Enlightened and Egoless.

Convincing is the realm of Ego ...why dont you rephrase the question.... otherwise its a dead end

I can relate to it, I think it's less literal than that, but there are elements of that same thing in my own life.

In Spirit777's example here, I think I find myself in the abyss.

This happened to me too on a smaller level. I still have my friends but the grace period is up for me and I basically can't go anywhere and interact socially without being perceived as a total weirdo. I've been (apparently) empty and alone for so long, I've gone to so many social gatherings alone where others would be frightened to death to show up without some significant other. I've shown strength implicitly simply by being alone and without (worldly) meaning for so long and still having a smile to offer my friends. But it doesn't matter, to the materialistic and ego-centric society around me, I am nothing without the career, beautiful wife, nice car, and big house. Even the best of folks I am surrounded by, cannot get past this. People I put my very hope in humanity on in certain ways.

I find character in everyone I meet, sometimes it's general, sometimes it's selfish, but I can always see that they love SOMETHING. Why can't people see that I am also inspired and living same as them?

Maybe it just wouldn't be fair...

We will all laugh at this one day.

Originally posted by RRokkyy
reply to post by dominicus

 

I am offering $1000 dollars to meet any person that can convince me they are fully Enlightened and Egoless.

[edit on 26-7-2010 by RRokkyy]

I'll add to that and make it double!

reply to post by unityemissions

I'll add to that and make it double!

you don't get ....an egoless individual will not say anything ....there is nothing to say about it ...they would not say they are egoless because that is of the ego.

reply to post by dominicus


That reminds me of the story of two famous monks (don't remember the exact religion) that met for the first time long long ago. They knelt before eachother silently and looked into eachothers eyes. I don't know whether they closed their eyes, but they meditated there like that for 40 days. Then they both got up, and walked away lol - edit: of course never saying a word to one another.

[edit on 26-7-2010 by Novise]

Originally posted by dominicus
reply to post by unityemissions

 

I'll add to that and make it double!

you don't get ....an egoless individual will not say anything ....there is nothing to say about it ...they would not say they are egoless because that is of the ego.

If they dont have an ego they can say anything.
If they cant say something they have an Ego.
But words can be learned and parroted.

Proof is in the Divine Radiance/Love that literally emanates from such beings. I speak from experience.

reply to post by RRokkyy


but i'm wondering what would convince you?
what, to you, is "enlightened?"
and what do you see as "ego-less?"

i used to think in terms of either having an ego or not having one but then i came to a new understanding of what ego is.

and it is necessary because it is self.
i think the big difference lies in whether one is driven by the self-preserving ego or the self-sacrificing ego.

there is a saying that is something to the effect that you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself.

that, i can relate to.

the self-preserving ego gets offended and often offends others in its efforts to justify its need to exist. it is the malignant form of pride that truly goes before a fall - it builds up the mind into thinking more of itself than is warranted. when the mind is so built up on its own ideas, there is no room to learn anything new.

the self-sacrificing ego doesn't have any need to defend or keep anything because it already decided to give it all up just for the sake of finding out what it truly is, stripped of all artifice.

the first one is a "taker" and the second one is a "giver."

at least that's how it seems, to me.

reply to post by dominicus


i dig what you're saying, totally.

it is indeed, a path of no return.
but the good thing is, you can see much clearer from that perspective and realize that all that you lost was nothing, really, anyway.

Spirit777 had some good words for you - reliable and true words and i see that you see the wisdom in those words.

it is the "dark night" of the soul, so to speak.

i feel just like you, that i'd do it all over again, in a heartbeat!
the journey is just as much reward as the end, too, i'm sure.
the mystical evolution that you speak of is full of magic and wonder and things beyond the realm of belief!

fun stuff, but not for all, it seems.

in case you didn't already know, "psychic" is of the soul and "mystic" is of the spirit.

pursuing the elusive but very real core of "TRUTH" is the most costly endeavor on which any soul can choose to embark - as you say, it literally costs EVERYTHING.
and as they say, it is its own reward, which probably sounds to many as getting the short end of the stick or the bad end of a foolish bargain.

however, the peace that comes with that is what true wealth is - the bare naked soul that no longer is in subjugation to fear and mortality and the fear of mortality and the fear of uncertainty and the fear of being alone, is truly RICH. there is nothing worth the state of mind which comes from liberation of fear and delusion!

i have more friends now, and more of everything that is truly pleasant in life, than i ever had before i started off.
i enjoy everything more and i have absolutely NO stress and NO anxiety of any kind!
this is true.
i don't get offended and i don't get my feelings hurt and i don't feel the need to get angry about inconsequential petty ideas and differences.
i still get angry but it isn't a personal anger and it is not destructive or lingering. it is about things such as world hunger or war or other atrocities known as "man's inhumanity to man"
my anger doesn't explode and i no longer have a temper, at all.
and i had a bad one, before.
my anger is more like an extension of compassion for those who suffer, it is like a passionate determination to never let go of my intention to be the change i want to see in the world.
it is necessary for me to be able to get anything done, because the lack of acquisitiveness or insecurity brings also a lack of ambition, in a certain way.
i'm sure you know what i mean.


i'm rambling.
i think i'm done for now.



thanks for sharing your ideas with us, and your progress!
it is good to both warn and to inspire.

reply to post by queenannie38

in case you didn't already know, "psychic" is of the soul and "mystic" is of the spirit.

Can you expand a little on this? I can sense that there is a difference in soul people and spirit people. Not quite the same. I sure wouldn't want to attempt any value judgment, but they do seem different.