Men prefer the company of other men - why is that?

"Much of men's activity at work is strongly homosocial, in terms of men's homosocial preference for men. In some cases, homosocial processes link with men's social networks more generally, including occupational groups, sporting organizations, and religious affiliations. It is imporant to ask: why do so many, apparently heterosexual, men seem to prefer men, and their company?
Is this a complicit acceptance of dominant systems of power and status, which they accrue recipocally to men by dint of association, or is it a much more socio-emotional or even a socio-sexual process. These processes certainly create problems for 'others'."

It is true, in all levels of society heterosexual men have a desire to connect with the same gender. Nowadays the teenspeak of "Bromance" is even used. In the olden days it was marching off together singing soldiers' songs, and living in stinking foxholes together. I cannot say it is repressed homosexuality, but in many cases I also cannot say it is devoid of latent homoerotic sexuality. Perhaps other comments can cast some light on this strange reality?
The "others" in the last line of the quote would be women and those outside the male heirarchy: gay men and boys, but also in some instances foreigners and other races.
Sadly, in male in-group behaviour, violence is the most graphic form of rejection.
I see it less seriously these days (I suppose it varies between communities), and it's in such groups that males have fun, drink, burp, gossip and indulge in sports, gambling, prostitutes or strippers. But...is any of that really harmless?

(Citation source: "The problems boys and men create, the problems boys and men experience" by Jeff Hearn. In: "From Boys to Men: Social constructions of masculinity in contemporary society": Edited by T Shefer, K Ratele, A Strebel, UCT Press: 2007. P.23.)

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[edit on Fri Mar 26 2010 by DontTreadOnMe]

Pfft, I much prefer the company of females.

Ladies?

Its called brotherhood, comradery, friendship...nothing sexual about it. Men have to bond and know that there are guys just like them out there they can talk about the game with, go shooting with, fight with and know someone has your back, work on cars, tell war stories too, etc.... To have a friend a phone call away that can help you move, help you fix something, etc....again nothing sexual. Women are great, but as we all know a woman cannot understand some things we men are interested in or don't want to do what some of us men do. Just like women who have women friends...because some men want nothing to do with certain aspects of what she likes.

A MAN can love another man....I served with some OUTSTANDING men whom I will love until the end of my life and will do anything for if asked...and the reason we can prefer each others company is because we have common likes and understand each others. There is no "physical attraction", there is no desire....as we all want women, we all want to share the emotional side and feelings we have with a female. There is nothing greater than spending a fun day with the guys and doing our thing to go home to your girl and shut that side off and put someone you love with everything you have in your arms and allow the "softer" side to show....

Again, IMO...it is normal and NEEDED to have fellow men to live life with...share things with....and understand that its ok to love another mn as your brother, your comrade, your friend...and hold onto that...before you know it...its all gone.

Wowowowow, im a guy and i hate guys. most my friends are girls, and its not a sexist thing, its just personality wise they are not as egoistic i find.

Of course there are some that aren't, just not in my environment.

Maybe because women mostly don't like doing guy stuff. I said mostly, because while there are some cool ladies out there who aren't afraid of adventure, and relaxin', most of them are wrapped up in social/personal drama, shopping, and other "girl stuff".

That and, if the male/female friendship goes on long enough, eventually someone is going to get horny, make a move, and kind of make hanging out *awkward*.

So when hetro guys are hanging out, they don't have to worry about their *friend* making a move on him. This means you can actually trust that the friend isn't going to one day become a jealous *#$% and tell others the secrets you entrusted them with.

And lastly, bros before hoes.

Best part about guys, and I know that it's a cliche but it's still true, is that after a month or so into the friendship you've said pretty much all you have to say to each other, unless something big comes up! How refreshing it is to take an afternoon to go fishing with a bud and not feel like you have to say stupid # to each other just for the sake of saying something! With some women, if you're not responding to them 24-7 then they think you're mad at them or brooding about something or, even worse, that you're falling out of love with them!!! OH NO!! The best thing about the company of men is the quiet!

reply to post by rcwj1975

That extrapolation certainly made sense to me. Of course both the quote and my additions clarify that sexual attraction is perhaps a knee-jerk description, and therefore it is mentioned but not imposed as tenable.
Terms like "homoerotic" or "homosocial" refer to intense bonding, or same-sex environments (Muslim countries are virtually totally homosocial in public life), but not necessarily homosexuality. Nevertheless, in some cases boundaries may be blurred.
What I can say is that straight men are the biggest gossips EVER, and few of them keep the honor code of not speaking outside the bedroom. Tell a straight guy something and next thing every male in town knows.

Sometimes, people just think too damn much...

Guys hang with guys cause we can fart, scratch our crotches, make stupid jokes, eat like cavemen, build comradery, relax...no false pretenses here...just guys..ie big kids doin big kid stuff...campin', fishin, racin, workin' on motors, talkin' about life...our first wives...our first broken heart... our kids...politics...and playin stupid jokes on each other. We do stuff most women don't appreciate or understand... like takin' the frame of an old VW bug and dragging someone in a kiddy pool through mud holes at 45mph... funstuff.

Besides, not too many women I ever met that appreciated the Three Stooges... never met a straight man that didn't like the Three Stooges, some beer, some BBQ,...you know, important things.

Personally, if the other person has a kind heart and a sense of humor I don't care what sex they are.

what so you don't think women hanging out with their girlfriends for feministic reasons isn't homosocial?
Men like hanging out with people with the same interested.. And who else have the same interests but other men.

I will hang out with both men and/or women, I don't care. I am an equal opportunity hanger outer.

reply to post by rcwj1975

Ooh, before I forget and my pc shuts itself down again inexplicably:
I've seen in cowboy and other macho flicks that straight guys can punch each other, then help each other up and head back to the bar.
The women scream hysterically when this happens, but the guys forget about it in minutes. Now that's not something one can do with the ol' wife.

Is this a movie thing? I mean does that really happen? Do guys fight and then just wave it off? Are these the fights about women, or stuff like finances, politics and religion? If your buddy decked you in a heated argument would call the cops or sue, or is that still "unmanly"? Would you speak to somebody that hit you again?

I love the fact that my mates have my back... But my missus does more soo... She sends me off to work with a kiss, she watches our kids and has turned them into amazing young people... She feeds us all... She keeps me warm on cold nights and in the heat of summer we sit at the beech drinking wine, eating a cheese board and watch the sun go down wrapped up in each other...

But I need my guys too.. But will never feel so safe as I do with my wife... Hence whys she and my kids come first... She fights for us every day and so will I... That is what being a man is about; loving your wife..

Friends are important too, and going out with the lads is important as her girlie nights... But at the end of the evening when the sun has gone down and the earth cools... There is nothing in this world like the warmth of your missus and the scent of her hair to make you glad you are a man...

[edit on 26-3-2010 by Yissachar1]

Originally posted by halfoldman
That extrapolation certainly made sense to me. Of course both the quote and my additions clarify that sexual attraction is perhaps a knee-jerk description, and therefore it is mentioned but not imposed as tenable.
Terms like "homoerotic" or "homosocial" refer to intense bonding, or same-sex environments (Muslim countries are virtually totally homosocial in public life), but not necessarily homosexuality. Nevertheless, in some cases boundaries may be blurred.

I agree they are blurred but usually by people who never experienced the bonds of true brotherhood. When you go through life and bond with another man that you trust with your life it is hard to explain how close you become. To someone not fully understanding that, they may think there is something "sexual" there....especially in todays society where homosexuality is just an everyday thing. The author you mentioned in your post seems a bit out there IMO...lol....

Anyway..as I said before, men bond, men share, men love, men hate...but to have a fellow man you can spend time with and TRUST is rare, so when we find that trust and friendship, we tend to make the most of it.

What I can say is that straight men are the biggest gossips EVER, and few of them keep the honor code of not speaking outside the bedroom. Tell a straight guy something and next thing every male in town knows.

I think this refers more to "guys" then men. Your frat boy types...i.e. "guys" may do this stuff.....or guys who continue to live that lifestyle well after the age mark. MEN on the other hand respect their wives, gf's and women in general and don't go gossiping about them...and TRUE friends don't ask about that stuff.....its called respect...another important factor MEN share when they bond.

Originally posted by nahsik
what so you don't think women hanging out with their girlfriends for feministic reasons isn't homosocial?
Men like hanging out with people with the same interested.. And who else have the same interests but other men.

"Homosocial", or an exclusive same-sex environment can refer to either men or women. So yes, women also have homosocial get togethers! However, because so many threads concerning gender on ATS focus on women or gays, I'd like to hear some of the experiences of masculinity for a change.
The Freemasons for example are a largely homosocial men's group. So far little has been said on how in-groups also form networks and a heirarchy of power. In business there is a growing tension between affirmative action and "old boy's" networks, and perhaps a greater closing of ranks. But even on a lighter note, religious same-sex mass meetings are proving increasingly popular (just search on The Promise Keepers or Angus Buchan's Mighty Men conferences).

[edit on 26-3-2010 by halfoldman]

Originally posted by halfoldman
Ooh, before I forget and my pc shuts itself down again inexplicably:
I've seen in cowboy and other macho flicks that straight guys can punch each other, then help each other up and head back to the bar.
The women scream hysterically when this happens, but the guys forget about it in minutes. Now that's not something one can do with the ol' wife.

Yeah I wouldn't recommend this with the wife... UNLESS..lol...KIDDING!!!!!!!

Is this a movie thing? I mean does that really happen? Do guys fight and then just wave it off? Are these the fights about women, or stuff like finances, politics and religion? If your buddy decked you in a heated argument would call the cops or sue, or is that still "unmanly"? Would you speak to somebody that hit you again?

Its not just a movie thing. I have two VERY good friends who will die for one another....but when they talk about religion they both lose teir minds...anyway one is Catholic the other Christian...the Christian will say, "the pope is BS...why honor a living old guy like he is something special, when all he is, is an old coger who thinks he deserves to be kneeled down to and respected". This pisses off said Catholic who DID punch the Christian square in the face. I stood there and thought WOW...these two need to work this sh1t out...so after a few punches, a bloody nose, and a split lip...the Christian won...helped up the Catholic...they both apologized and agreed that their religious beliefs were their own and they wouldn't go there anymore....of course like 3 months later what do you think happened..AGAIN..only difference is this time they held the punches and turned it into a wrestling match!!! But let some stranger come up and screw with one of them...you wanna talk about putting that crap aside and having each others back...son...its game on...

God I love those idiots..lol

Growing up, my father and I would go driving in the country for hours. Silence between us, looking out and just enjoying the view. As I grew older I would go on similar trips with my brothers and friends.
If I go now, with my wife, on a drive and I am silent, within minutes, my wife will ask me "whats wrong?"

Men are just like that. We don't need to chat. That's why we enjoy fishing. Silence and peace.

Maybe it comes from the days when the hunters had to go out and be quiet to track and kill the game. I just know that in silence to men can be very content.

Not to change the subject, but have you ever noticed that when two men hug they usually pat each other on the back? The body language is clear. Yes they may be hugging, but they're also hitting each other. Therefore the are still being men.

Originally posted by LiveForever8
Pfft, I much prefer the company of females.

Ladies?

Ditto on that mate. Although.. all my mates are emotionally secure and pretty deep thinkers. I find the average guy in the street is not.

IRM

Originally posted by rcwj1975
but as we all know a woman cannot understand some things we men are interested in or don't want to do what some of us men do

rcwj1975 I love what you have written and it makes sense but please do not under estimate the female understanding of mantalk and his interests, not all of us girlies are interested in feminine stuff, I personally love doing all my own DIY, I have always participated in fixing my own vehicle, I ride a Motorbike, have been in the reserve forces and spent time in a jungle.

Man things are more interesting, I find men more interesting than women to talk to as you guys have more exciting things to play with and do, as a kid I used to hang out in the woods, climb trees, go home covered in mud and play starwars. I was always jealous of all the remote control stuff you boys had!

I will add that I am very feminine despite the above and do like hanging out with other females but I sometimes find the discussions are limited to kids, fashion, celebrity gossip and what the husband had for dinner! I will also add that not all woman talk about this stuff but a majority that I know do!

reply to post by Tinman67

Wow, thanks for those posts guys. Right now I'm thinking of the movie: "The Deer Hunter" (which I saw again recently). I mean that is very much on male bonding and how the nightmare of war affected all that. It's also in the long beginning, where females are always yelling and noisy (still ignored though) and men find their solace in the deer hunt in the hills.
The real chauvenist pig amongst them is then also cast out by the benevolent "alpha male" (for lack of a better term), and then the film cuts to Vietnam.
Just a thought.