Grumpy people are more advanced on the evolutionary scale!

Do you hear that, grumpy people are more advanced.

Link to story-Gordon Ramsay will be happy: Grumpy people are more advanced on the evolutionary scale

A snippet from the story-

Being grumpy could soon become a desirable quality, as new research has found short-tempered people are likely to be more advanced on the evolutionary scale. In contrast, where adults have a more childlike attitude to life, it could be a sign that they have not developed as far, according to a new study.

These guys must have been pretty advanced-

OH, one more thing, everyone whining about how mean and obstinate I can be, its just that I am more evolved and advanced than you!

Originally posted by endisnighe

Do you hear that, grumpy people are more advanced.

OH, one more thing, everyone whining about how mean and obstinate I can be, its just that I am more evolved and advanced than you!

Being cynical used to be the "advanced" human trait...

Now it's being grumpy.

The old cynics are now able (or close to being able) to order from the senior discount menu!

And yes, I'm more advanced as well.

and if you don't like it, eat poo and expire.

reply to post by DrMattMaddix


Thanks for dropping in Doc.

I saw this and I just HAD to post it.

Some may think I am just being an #, but really, I am just being grumpy.

That's what I've always thought, but does anybody ever listen? No, the close-minded sons-of-bitches. If only I had a flame thrower handy. The local postman should read this. It would it explain my outburst towards him regarding his massive incompetence, but, then again, he doesn't appear to be able to read.

Originally posted by Karilla
That's what I've always thought, but does anybody ever listen? No, the close-minded sons-of-bitches. If only I had a flame thrower handy. The local postman should read this. It would it explain my outburst towards him regarding his massive incompetence, but, then again, he doesn't appear to be able to read.

Think about it, why is the country getting really grumpy about the government?

It is because we were letting the MONKEYS do the easiest jobs and look where it has gotten us.

The government are a bunch of frelling monkeys trying to # a football.

I totally buy it.

The more intelligent you are, the more open to accepting ideas outside the generally accepted realms of normalcy, thus leaving you ultimately depressed and angry at how royally #ed our society, lives, and world really are.

MAAAAAAAATTTLOCK!

Oh wait, that's senility....

Good Grief:

You mean to tell me this grumpy man i live with for so many years is *gulp* more advanced than me???

There's no way i'm going to beleive that one.

How many "subjects" did they test? How do you get a grumpy man out to do one of those studies?

I smell a conspiracy.

Oh yeah? More evolved huh? Pfffft!

(Jean Paul rolls his eyes and kicks the waste basket by his desk.)

Does this mean that like grumpy people are the new "ascended masters"?

(Jean Paul grumbles something inaudible and then yells at his neighbors to turn the g-damned television down.)

Okay, fine! I'll buy that too. Maybe I should start my own church and begin proselytizing the joys of grumpiness. The Church of the Cantankerous Saints, how about that? I will preach that if someone strikes you turn the other cheek and call them an ATSHOLE! After you declare; "ouch!", of course.

(Jean Paul gets up from his seat and grabs the dictionary near buy and throws it at the wall, following that gesture with several bangs on the wall demanding his neighbors turn down their stupid television set. After a moment, he hears the volume of the neighboring television set recede and he goes back to his desk and starts typing again.)

You know what I hate? I mean really hate? I hate neighbors who spend all day and night blaring their g-damned television set at 11 on the volume scale, and all they ever watch is Oprah, American Idol, and in between re-runs of Married With Children. Geez Louise, I hate that. Does a person really have to turn their volume up to full blast to listen to Oprah yammer on about this or that, and pretend she's so wonderful? Couldn't she be just as wonderful at...say, half the volume? And what's up with that Simon Cowell dude? What a poser! Pretending to be grumpy ain't evolution, its just pretense!

And, I have never understood what is so funny about that stupid show Married With Children. The joke are stupid and lame, and I don't mean stupid like Three Stooges stupid, (which is a great show and very funny, talk about turning the other cheek), I mean stupid as in devolved, as in moronic, as in pointless and base with jokes that are not at all funny, just pretending to be funny. And what's up with that stupid laugh track? Do television executives honestly think that by following a lame joke with canned laughter that an audience will find it any funnier?

Well, maybe it does, since clearly so many idiots in this country love that show...at full volume. Too bad this post doesn't come with a laugh track...well, on second thought, maybe it does...

(Jean Paul pauses and does a double take to punctuate his lame joke and allow the emoticons functioning as a laugh track to get his readers to laugh.)

Maybe we're all just like Pavlov's dogs, and we salivate when we're supposed too, and just because I drool when I sleep, or when I see a pretty girl, it doesn't make me any less evolved. It is this high level of evolution that has led to my involuntary drooling, and I am nothing more than a product of being highly evolved.

(The rolling eye emoticon is visual shtick intended to get a laugh, so the producers of this post have insisted a laugh track follow.)



You know what else I hate? I hate that evolution is so dogmatic in its "science". I am so sick and tired of science imitating religion. I mean just because art imitates life, doesn't mean science has to imitate religion.

(John Paul is waiting for the laughs, but they don't come.)

Hello? Hello, hello! Is this mic on?

(After hearing that laugh, Jean Paul peers out into his virtual readership of an audience to find the single person laughing.)

Thanks Mom. Everybody, this is my mother who has come to visit from New York.

(Jean Paul waits for the virtual audience to applaud, but because the producers of this post are really cheap, they didn't buy a full clapping track and instead got a really good deal on a one hand clapping track.)



Okay, okay, okay, that's enough. She came to support the show not steal my thunder. This is my show dammit! Thanks Mom.



Yeah. Think its funny? Well, I got news for you, being good humored only makes you less evolved!



What the hell are you laughing at? The jokes on you people!





I tell ya, nothing befuddles a wise and grumpy man, more than a bunch of morons laughing.



Listen I would love to keep on telling stupid jokes so the producers can run their laugh track but someone has to pay for all these stupid emoticons, so we are going to have to break away for a word from our sponsors and I will return after these messages.

:u p:

(While Jean Paul's virtual live audience claps politely and silently he steps out into the audience to give his mother a kiss on the cheek and shamelessly suck up to his audience, since his ratings are down and he is under pressure to get them up. So, since his neighbors insist on blaring Oprah at full volume he has learned a few tricks through osmosis, and is doing what he can to be more lovable. Kind of like a lovable grump...a highly evolved lovable grump)

reply to post by xynephadyn


I never even thought of it that way and it makes perfect sense to me.

Makes the saying, "ignorance is bliss" more scientific then just a funny saying.

reply to post by OZtracized




reply to post by dgtempe

How many "subjects" did they test? How do you get a grumpy man out to do one of those studies?

The study that Harvard did was based on a bunch of primates. I guess that goes to show what they think of us grumpy people. Compare us to a bunch of monkeys, frelling asshats at Harvard think they can compare me to a primate. Argh.

The problem they had, the most grumpy never left the cages, they did not even want to join in on the study. That is what PROVED the grumpiest were more evolved.

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux


All I have to say is-



I hoped you would run with it. This being my 2nd attempt at a humorous thread, the first flopping like the fish in Grumpy Old Men. Dag nab it!

I knew there had to be a reason I identified with those old coots in Grumpy Old Men 1 and 2.

Thanks Jean Paul, you made my day!

Without fail, my IQ and enlightenment factor visibly skyrocket first thing every morning. I am so brilliant, others appear to notice I am above reproach, and are standoffish, apparently mesmerized by the the sheer light I must radiate.

It seems to drop back down to something managable after about two cups of coffee and a shower.

I'm going to print out ths study and give it to the old man, Now I have proof I am superior to HIM!!!! HURRAY!!!!!

No I don't buy into this study, not wholeheartedly, Because I know some certain grumpy people that I don't think are intelligent at all. Not to say I'm a scientist or doctor, but you can just tell they aren't as well read as others, I also know some very pleasent people who are very highly adanced.
There will be a paper to dispute this claim I'm sure.

It's official, my mother-in-law and my wife can now STICK IT.

They call me all sorts of things, from a curmudgeon to a negative nancy. Well they can all bite me because I am an enlightened being here to bestow my cantankerous nature on all that pass before me.

I also shoot lightning bolts out of my eyes, but I think that might be another thread topic.

HUZZAH GRUMPS.

We win losers. Go meditate yourself off a cliff.

Ahhh ATS has finally enlightened me. Best thread yet.

Advanced yes
Grumpy yes
Now I have to let the world know
That grumpy is the way to go

Originally posted by Jean Paul Zodeaux
Oh yeah? More evolved huh? Pfffft!

Yes.

Does this mean that like grumpy people are the new "ascended masters"?

Well, yes. Arguing with facts makes you tired.

Okay, fine! I'll buy that too.

You must buy it.

Maybe I should start my own church and begin proselytizing the joys of grumpiness. The Church of the Cantankerous Saints, how about that?

That is an acceptable proposal.

I will preach that if someone strikes you turn the other cheek and call them an ATSHOLE! After you declare; "ouch!", of course.

Foul language in the presence of the Masters is strictly taboo and no cheek is ever out of reach.



How you run your lives is of no concern. All extra saliva however must be collected as an offering, mixed with sugar to saturation levels.

(Jean Paul is sitting at his desk waiting for his studio readers to stop applauding that silly one hand clap, so that he can begin typing outside of parenthetical statements. The applause dies down)

Okay, we're back, and as you might have guessed our first guest tonight is Enlightenup, a saliva expert and "ascended master", which his really just another term for grumpy old fart.

(Jean Paul pauses and looks beyond the computer screen to his producer)

What's that end?

(The producer is inaudible but is conveying something to Jean Paul)

Enlightenup isn't here? But I thought...Oh never mind. Ladies and gentleman that was our producer endisnighe, who created this silly show we call affectionately call Late Night With Grumpy Old Men. I'm not really sure how I got this gig, since I am not by any stretch of the imagination old...

(Jean Paul is interrupted by endisnighe)

What?

(Jean Paul strains to listen)

Oh, speak for yourself buddy, I am forever young. I'm like the Dick Clark of ATS.



What?

(it is obvious that endisnighe is saying something while the studio audience laughs along with the laugh track)

What did you say?...Remove the Clark and then it will be more descriptive? Hey!



Sorry for that edit, we seem to be experiencing technical difficulties, which might explain why our guests aren't showing up for the show. Well what am I supposed to do for this segment, another monologue? You know if this was Jack Parr he'd storm off the set right now, don't you? You know that right? If I was Conan, I'd be doing everything I could to cost you a bundle right now.



What? Yeah, well I'm not Jay Leno, okay. Listen you, let the professionals tell the jokes and you just stay behind the computer screen and do your job and produce. Don't you have a laugh track to run?



Well, do we have any guest for tonight? No?! What the hell kind of talk show is this? All right, we'll figure out what the hell we're going to do for the next hour, after we return from some stupid Ex-Lax commercial or some maudlin Coca-Cola ad....What? You're kidding me. Coca-Cola pulled their sponsorship? Well, I guess that's mean no more clap track. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor...who is our sponsor end?

(John Paul waits for a reply)

Morty's Funeral Parlor? Oh Christ, this just getting better all the time.





(Late Night With Grumpy Old Men Cuts to Commercial)

[edit on 5-2-2010 by Jean Paul Zodeaux]

What a crock.

I think some grumpy old man just wanted to start a grumpy argument with his peers out of sheer grumpiness.

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux


EU glimpses in the glare of the stage lights the glint of unsaccharated precious fluids dripping and dangling in thickened ropes from the open mic, the foam covering so soaked as to deaden the upper harmonics and vocal formants to inaudibility. The final segment bellowed forth through the P.A. as the distant thunder of buffalo hooves.

Under authority of the saliva collection decree, an emergency meeting of The Council of Seven is convened to decide Jean Paul's fate. The subject may have to spend 13 years in a heremetically sealed hexagon or may be required to serve the remainder of life as court jester for the Great Ones.

Welcome ladies and gents to the second half of the Grumpier Old Men Late Night Show.

We would like to thank all our previous guests this evening for staying up long past their regularly scheduled sleep.

The always magnanimous star of the show Jean Paul Zodeaux. Brought to you by the producer the cataclysmic endisnighe.

The ever stellar Enlightenup, the effervescent xynephadyn, the doctoral DrMattMaddix and (under breath-who the frell were the other guests)?

Anyway, Back to the SHHOOOW!





[edit on 2/7/2010 by endisnighe]

reply to post by endisnighe




(Jean Paul enters stage left and stands center stage and finds his mark)

Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you very much.

(Jean Paul points to beyond his computer screen)

Ladies and gentlemen, our producer, Endisnighe!

:u p::

Wow! Look at that!! How come you get all the applause? They don't applaud like that for me. Huh?



What was that, I can't hear you? What? End, put the microphone closer to your mouth, so I can hear you....

[edit on 7-2-2010 by Jean Paul Zodeaux]