Stifled or Selfish or What ?

reply to post by riley


Practice contraception. She's also just past that time of the month. So, no other lives will be involved... Phew....

I have refused to acknowledge her desire to read my messages and go through my mobile phone. It's just too demeaning for me to subject myself to this. Her smother will be complete if I cave in.... (still a little spunk left in me I think)

I am sure she's snooped around my computer. I put in a password 2 nights ago. No reaction from her just yet.

I am sure she knows that I escape from her. She's been asking me quite frequently lately whether I need to work in the study and online.......

Prisoner in pradise.... That's me.

But I've come to terms (I think) with the fact that I got to do what I got to do (for both our sakes). I just dread the pain that I bring to others.... First my ex and now her.......




[edit on 11-2-2010 by dixon]

Well, as good as all she is doing is, she's still contributing to it by smothering you...and if you've been honest with her about it, and she's still doing it, then I'd say she has a little more fault here...

Still, in the end, it's all about compromise, not the blame game...so don't go blaming yourself...or even her...just try and resolve it.

Originally posted by dixon
reply to post by riley

 

But I've come to terms (I think) with the fact that I got to do what I got to do (for both our sakes). I just dread the pain that I bring to others.... First my ex and now her.......[edit on 11-2-2010 by dixon]

Sometimes it's like pulling off a band-aid.. are you worried about her reaction?

The pain will subside for your ex and this one eventually, you need to try and stop doing the things that cause pain to others and hopefully that also will come in time. It took my ex 2yrs & 3 new girlfriends to figure out what he was doing wrong but he's got it now lol.

reply to post by Gazrok


Another day in "paradise"......

Woke up to a major pleading session to get married.... Think my blood pressure shot up to past 200. Finally escaped by saying that I'd think about it........

Thinking about faking an accident and staying in the hospital or something.......

reply to post by damn_ummmm



Pretty lost at this time. My ex is better off without me.... That's for sure and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I was a real jerk, for many years..... The minute she mentioned divorce, I knew it was over... She'd had enough.......

I consented and left her the house and everything in it. We still keep in touch on a daily basis. ... Like I've gone on a long business trip.... She's cool and still loves me.... But it's over and I think she is much happier now.

With my present girlfriend,.... I really don't know what gives... But I am resolved.... Will make the big split this weekend..... Not kidding when I say I gonna keep the knives safely locked away before I talk to her..... Sigh....

Well, good luck with everything man...

reply to post by Gazrok



Thanks Dude.....

If I don't make it out of paradise, at least we've managed one thread where members don't go after each other's heads or insist on being right and showing just how intelligent they are.... Ha !

reply to post by dixon


Good luck... maybe do it somewhere 'safe' lol do you know anyone with a padded room?

reply to post by dixon


Hi, Why oh WHY did you say that you`d think about marriage??

I can see that you really are trying to be as nice as poss, BUT, all she`s thinking now is that you want to marry her...
So when it comes to telling her its over, she`s gona be saying "but you wanted to marry me the other day"
Cause you know she didn`t hear the "I`ll THINK about it" in that sentance...
You`r not only making things much harder for yourself, but you`r giving her false hope, and thats not nice.
I mean it works in the short term, but it just makes things sooo much harder in the long run...

You need to sort things out as much for her too. This kind of relationship isn`t healthy on both sides..

I wish all the luck in the world...

And yes, Ive been TOTALLY single...
I am very happy though.
It does annoy me that people think that because you`r on your own you`r not happy, and that there is something missing..
I really Dont need to have a man to validate me or my life...
I see so many of my girl mates jump in and out of relationships without any gaps in between to find there own personality again, that they take the same problems from 1 relationship to another..

Good luck and let us know how it goes... If it goes at all!! lol

Keep her away from any sharp or heavy objects!! lol


[edit on 13-2-2010 by squidley_35]

[edit on 13-2-2010 by squidley_35]

reply to post by damn_ummmm


Padded room is where I'll be if I don't sort this out quick....



:bnghd:

reply to post by squidley_35



Did not want to say anything regarding the marriage thingy.....

But she kept going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and and and and and and ......................................................................

I thought I was going to bust my entire set of blood vessels..........

Considering a long trip to wherever next week...... (if I survive this weekend....)

reply to post by dixon


I do feel for u. It sounds like complete hell...
And when someone is going on and on the easiest thing to do is just go along wit it...
Things wil get sorted, 1 way or another.
So jus look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it seems so far away at the moment.
If you do go away, have a nice time...

reply to post by squidley_35



Thanks for the comforting words and thoughts.....

Been some time since I've gone to Cambodia........maybe..... Spent 10 yrs there with the Khmer Rouge running around with AKs. Them.... I can deal with......

Her, I can't deal with...... Sigh.....

reply to post by dixon


Just dump her. Next time she mentions marriage say you've only been together for x aount of time.. she double checks everything you do, interrogates you, won't let you have mates or go out by using emotional blackmail. She won't even let you have some space on the computer without houding you about it. Ask her to leave asap if you don't you're going to either find out she's pregnant or she's lost her own home and has no where to go so will have to stay or she's moved so much stuff in it'd be too much trouble to move them out again. The longer you leave it the more likely she's going to play her trump card and believe me you do not want to know what that is. If she cries just remember it's part of the act. These methods work on you which is why she uses them on you.

Best on to do it on Valentines day though.. and I agree with the other person about saying "I'll think about it" in regard to marriage. That is a maybe which can be twisted into a yes. Say "I've just been through a divorce and do not want to go through that again" or something like that.


[edit on 14-2-2010 by riley]

reply to post by dixon


Sounds like fun

DONT invite her along, for god`s sake...
I have a feeling that she may not come bak... LOL



ONLY JOKING!!!

[edit on 14-2-2010 by squidley_35]

reply to post by riley



Hi. I don't intend to drag it out.

I do believe that most times, it is not an act put up by her. She's just like that..... and we are not good for each other.

Plan to have a sunday talk and deal with whatever fall out ....

Been showing my displeasure these 2 days and I can see that she is thinking..... I hope, about the same thing as I am.....

reply to post by squidley_35




bit of a nutter..... Plan to have a very large landmine accident.....

Live amongst the temple complexes for awhile and decide what to do next in my journey of life.....

Originally posted by dixon
reply to post by riley

 

Hi. I don't intend to drag it out.

I do believe that most times, it is not an act put up by her. She's just like that..... and we are not good for each other.

Even if the tears are genuine.. you are not reponsible for her desperation or paranoia.

Plan to have a sunday talk and deal with whatever fall out ....

Been showing my displeasure these 2 days and I can see that she is thinking..... I hope, about the same thing as I am.....

Good luck and stay strong.

[edit on 14-2-2010 by riley]

reply to post by riley


Just had a bit of an eye opener... Maybe, just maybe... she ... I am beginning to wonder..... if you were right earlier.

Had a chat about being able to co-exist with each other together and under the same roof. The words I used were co-exist, responsible towards each other and respecting each other as adults, human beings in our own right and as a couple.

I told her that no amount of love in the world could keep us together if we did not learn how to live with each other and accept our habits, our respective friends, our privacy.... faults... and all. As long as there was love, mutual respect and responsibility to each other. I told her that we were no 19 yr olds that live with blazing passion, blazing rows, crying, loving.... and all that.... I meant that we were no spring chickens and have grown up, having our individuality.

Here I was, talking and semi pleading for a compromise for her to back off a little and allow me to breathe.... but there she was trying to justify why she was doing this and the bottom line was that she felt that I did not RECIPROCATE her love and attention.

She actually was expecting more from me to her in terms of committment and love. At least she was honest in that respect.

Anyway, it sort of degenerated (as it always has) into why she is right and why I am wrong and I caused her insecurity. I told her that I go nowhere, talk to no one, come straight home after work (and I mean a direct line home). No coffee or beers with buddies, no... no... absolute zip.

The conversation killer was a simple : "You don't have me in your heart." AND SHE TURNED AWAY TO PICK UP AND START READING A BOOK !

Suddenly, it dawned upon me that she could be STONE COLD and mean.

I walked out of the room.

Well the position is well set for this weekend for me to tell her that we've tried..... we can't meet each other's position .... and cannot even discuss things rationally.

It's just gotta end. .......

The Khmer Rouge was easier to deal with.....

Originally posted by dixon
reply to post by riley

 

Anyway, it sort of degenerated (as it always has) into why she is right and why I am wrong and I caused her insecurity. I told her that I go nowhere, talk to no one, come straight home after work (and I mean a direct line home). No coffee or beers with buddies, no... no... absolute zip.

The conversation killer was a simple : "You don't have me in your heart." AND SHE TURNED AWAY TO PICK UP AND START READING A BOOK !

Suddenly, it dawned upon me that she could be STONE COLD and mean.

I walked out of the room.

So you basically said how you're bending over backwards trying to accomidate her and she says that? Thats not sincere.. thats a guilt trip. You try convey your position and she spins it around and makes it about you having no love for her? Thats mean.

Well the position is well set for this weekend for me to tell her that we've tried..... we can't meet each other's position .... and cannot even discuss things rationally.

It's just gotta end. .......

The Khmer Rouge was easier to deal with.....

Imo if you try discuss this again with her she will just keep with the guilt trips and emotional hot buttons which will only put off the inevitable. You cannot negotiate with someone who will not even listen to what you want. Is she moved in properly? If you tell her to leave will she? Has she got anywhere to go or has she installed herself as queen of the castle already?