3 Months to Live.

reply to post by Republican08


I've worked the hospice side of our organization and it is filled with people who are either alone or with families that cannot absorb the crisis. It is cliche, I know, to say that we aren't promised tomorrow, none of it, but it is true. Have fun each day. Help them absorb every drop of job they can the last few months, and when their time comes they can say that they lived with wild abandon, if only for a few months, which is longer than most who are unaware that their time may be cut short.

As for "the other side" that you don't believe in, I've had a NDE and I'm not afraid. It wasn't what I expected, but that's okay. It's still very good and, actually, kinda cool.

reply to post by Republican08


Nothing, thats the point i am making. For me people are just rotten to the core, and they set out to totally destroy me, and if i did anything in my life they would have actively destroyed that too.

If your life experience here is different then fine, but i was just stating what i would want.

The only thing other than what i am doing now, is would be to live in the country away from the city. To be able to walk out in the fresh air.

The greatest gift you can give is to listen. Really listen to them. Hear them.
So simple and yet so rare in these busy times.

The answer is very simple. Just be there. What this person needs at this point isn't some 'memorable' experience. That would only serve you. What they truly need is to be able to depart this world comfortably in whatever way can be managed. And the way any of us genuinely achieve that is through loving, human connections.

Just listen. Share the burden. Be as much of a comfort as you can. You can't do anything physically, but emotionally, dare I say spiritually, you can. Be available. Give them a friendly, compassionate presence to look forward to in the twilight.

That's what I would want. Lucky as I am, I found it. And I'll hang on to it with whatever strength I have.

Best wishes and peaceful journeys.

Well for one, starting a friendship with someone about to lose their life is scary enough but think of the VALUE of lessons from someone with life experience facing the imminent end.

This is where you'll probably find they are the smartest person you've met with the most appreciation for life out of anyone you've met so far. Listen to what they say because it will be pure honesty like you've never experienced!

As for what you can do, you can listen to them as one of their top priorities will be releasing their demons inside. Help them do just that and you will have the most important 3 months of YOUR life! Just being there is probably everything to them and will be everything to you in hindsight when you look back on life's lessons.

reply to post by Whine Flu


Whine, what you said is one of the saddest comments I've ever read. I understand where you're coming from; I suffered from depression in my teen years well into my twenties. Many times I contemplated suicide but obviously never carried it out. Now I'm 50 and 2 years ago I was given a false diagnosis of Astrocytoma, a deadly cancer of the spinal cord.

That wrong diagnosis was one of the greatest gifts I've ever gotten. Only when faced with certain death did I begin to appreciate all of the truly wonderful aspects of living. Life is way too short to waste on such negativity. You have many gifts and talents that can make the world a better place if you utilize them. Life doesn't come to you, nor does happiness. You have to go out there and get it.

Republican08, I hope you will form a friendship with this person and help them along their journey. It will be one of the most rewarding and sorrowful tasks you will ever partake in but well worth the effort. What your friend will desperately want is to feel that their life amounted to something and was not wasted. Don't ever let them wallow in self-pity, pick them up and make sure they do the things they've always wanted to do. I admire your pluck and compassion and know that it will be a life-changing experience for you. Let the man-tears flow, it's cleansing. You are being baptised in the spirit of humanity.

Best wishes to you and your new friend. You should introduce them to ATS!

Originally posted by Whine Flu
I dunno. At the moment I couldn't really care about living so I'd probably just count down the 3 months and happily depart onto another world.

Your not alone in your thinking. Always remember that so many people in this world feel the same, as just look at what goes on.

Just never commit suicide.

Originally posted by Republican08
[quote
What do you think they'd like to experience in their last days, and moments.

What would bring them the most joy, according to the OP guidelines, as it is.

Because in all honesty....

This, that I'm speaking of, ISN'T A LOST CAUSE.

He/She is still breathing, and speaking, and more importantly, is reaching out, acknowledging that they are truly afraid.

THERE IS NO COMFORT FOR THEM!!!!

I will stress that, as I have seen it first hand.

Said person is still alive, and reachable, and a fairly nice timing, disregarding the disease.

I want to be sure, that I can make life, the best possible one.


Just like to know, what would make those last few months, the greatest of all

Just me, but I would want to feel like my last days had made a difference in this world. I would want to feel that I had tried to give the last of myself to mean something to others.

Maybe I would want to go through the sick wards and comfort others in some way in their misery. Maybe share with them my hobbies and what led me to my creative avocations, or funny stories, read to those who would enjoy it, paint fingernails for the ladies who are in traction...some little something to cheer others up and make them laugh or smile.

I think doing for others helps to relieve our own sense of pain.

To sit alone is to dwell on the pain, misery, and self pity; it is very negative and unproductive.

Perhaps your friend would find it uplifting to be around others and to make it a goal to encourage them to get through the obstacles.

It's good of you to want to make your friend's next 3 months happy and fulfilling ones.

I'd suggest only making plans that would be easy to drop if your friend wasn't feeling well enough to participate.

For instance, a trip to a museum or art gallery is easier to postpone than an outing to the theatre that you may have had to book tickets for.

You need to avoid a situation where your friend feels that they have let you down or disappointed you by being unable to attend.

Maybe you can learn the routes to the nearest beach or the forest or a park so that on days when your friend is well enough you can just go off 'at the drop of a hat'.

If I were ill, I think I'd be worried that I'd never see animals again. If your friend feels that way a trip to the park where you can feed birds and squirrels would be wonderful thing, especially at this time of year when the squirrels are busy hunting out and stashing nuts.

It could be useful for your friend to be outdoors a lot to help 'tune in' to nature. To get a feeling of the cycles of life and the seasons. If they felt a part of it, it might be easier to accept that what could happen to them is natural and something that comes to everybody, sooner or later.

(I'm not being flippant. I had severe chest pains the other day whilst walking my dog in the forest. I was so glad to be outside in beautiful surroundings, it seemed like the easiest thing in the world to just give myself up to nature. As it turned out, the pains subsided and I think I'd just pulled some muscles but for about half an hour I was expecting to be breathing my last).

More practical things might include shopping for them or cooking a meal. Once, when I was ill a friend cooked me some soup and actually fed it to me whilst I was propped up in bed. I'm still grateful - it made such a difference.

Possibly, you could find things that your friend could do for you. Make the relationship a two way street. Let them know that you're getting more out of it than just an opportunity to do a good thing.

My best friend died some years ago and we used to talk a lot in the few months before it happened. I was suffering from a broken relationship and valued being able to talk to him about it. Even in his condition, he was still there for me.

I think just finding every day things to enjoy together - reading the papers, sharing the crossword can be fun.

And remembering that not every day has to be action-packed.

Someone has already suggested introducing your friend to ATS - I'd thought of that , too. Let them join our little community, we need never know who they are then they can get flamed and laughed at along with the rest of us.

Good luck - I hope things go well for you and your friend.

Originally posted by andy1033
The only thing other than what i am doing now, is would be to live in the country away from the city. To be able to walk out in the fresh air.

Andy, if you can, do everything possible to get yourself out to the country.

City life can make you so ill and unhappy. You're right to want to be out in the fresh air, it will do wonders for you.

There's so much to appreciate and marvel at. I've never missed the city and I left it over eighteen months ago. I am so much fitter, mentally and physically.

Honestly, it helps to see how beautiful the world is away from all the concrete.

Originally posted by Republican08
THERE IS NO COMFORT FOR THEM!!!!

I will stress that, as I have seen it first hand.

Well it's hard to convince anybody of anything if they choose not to open their minds. I was sharing my personal experiences of three real life situations. Physical comfort? No, you're right. There was not much of that while they were dying. That I'll concede but there is more to the human being than just our physical bodies.

Here is the difference between you and I. I believe in the Spirit/Soul/Life Force etc. However one chooses to call it. When they were near the end they had reached a certain level of peace and serenity. Spiritually they were comfortable. I guess it all boils down to faith. If you have none then you get none of it's benefits.


Just my 2 cents.

Slay

No one is suggesting trying Alternative Therapies?

My son had a dog, age 13. She had a large Cncerous Pancreatic Tumor.
I becan giving her Burdock Herb Capsules. The tumor shrunk so that my son Thought the Vet had been mistaken. At the same time he was telling me to not give her anything that those "radio doctors" were talking about.
So I quit givng them to her....and the tumor came back and finished her.

If this were my friend I would suggest Essiac Tea or it look-alike, Floressence. It couldn't do harm. I don't know what it tastes like so I wouldn't know if he might just like it without being told that it could have curative properties.

Unfortunately, Once someone is in a Panic situation over such a dire pronouncemtnt from a Medical Authority they just seem to roll over and fulfill the Doc's prediction.

For the other person, I don't know, I guess each person's response to the situation would be different, and depending on that, my response would be different.


For myself, honestly, I can completely see myself falling back into "do nothing, really" routine, however horrible that'd be . And as much as I love the people I love, I gotta say, since I'm very unsocial and introverted, the more people around me, the worse I'd probably feel (all those sympathy pity-stares, tiptoeing around me so as not to "hurt" me, etc.). Aside from putting my affairs in order, I'd obviously not be doing my job anymore, and perhaps spend the money on the minor things I've always wanted to do. Hell, as useless as it may be, perhaps I'll learn to play the guitar .

reply to post by babloyi


That meant more then I think you thought it did.

Thanks personally for replying.

Originally posted by XXXN3O
Hey!

Cheer up chief, hang in there, things will get better.

Hope that gives you a bit more fight to go on.

[edit on 6-10-2009 by XXXN3O]

What does the Rocky IV montage have to do with anything?

I will answer the OP's question...it must be a trick question for the answer is sex, and a lots of it. Like, duh. Or is it just me?





[edit on 7-10-2009 by pluckynoonez]

reply to post by Republican08


you cannot feel the person's pain unless you are yourself a healer doing reiki/ pranic healing/spiritual healing etc and get too connected.

your partner has to live with the pain and not you. in the process the person concerned does tend to become difficult/grumpy and angry with the world. main question is why me?

i have already been through this phase. my sadness/ tears were always hidden from my partner. who died of cardiac arrest two days after being discharge from the hospital where heart surgery had been performed.

as to what would make the partner happy, just being together and to be as normal as possible. walk in the parks, eat together, see old albums, go down memory lane. avoid those who would try to hut your and your partner's feelings. and if necessary a good verbal argument also helps.

[edit on 7-10-2009 by goldenlight]

Just be there if they need you both physically and emotionally. Offer to pick up some grocery's for them while you;re doing your shopping, bring them a meal when they're feeling badly and so on.

S&F

reply to post by Republican08


For myself it would depend on circumstance what I would do. Should I not care for the Person at all????? then DIE, and with much pain.

However, should I care for the Person as they are a good Person, then I'd try my hardest to help them. Everything I would do would depend on the level at which they allowed myself to be around them. I would be there for them whether it was getting them a meal, or helping even changing diapers, need be.

Where I will deviate from my religiously burdened counterparts a lot is that I would assist in suicide, or call it homicide........... It's no different than putting down Your doggie who is in pain......... I know a lot of People can relate with that.

S&F

The clock of life is wound but once , and no man has the power,
to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour,
Live , love, and toil with a will..
Place no faith in tomorrow, for the clock may then be still

Nobody, but nobody, has the ability to put a time line on a life.
That being said, I have seen many responses here, and I don't wish to repeat them.
This hits close for me too- I lost my dad to cancer when I was 10, and my mom when I was 22. Most recently, someone I care for very much , but have lost contact with, is going through this too.
You are looking at this from the perspective of "WHAT CAN I DO?" instead of "WHAT CAN THIS EXPERIENCE DO FOR BOTH OF US?"
That is what I see.
You said this person just came into your life, and you feel compelled to do something, even quit smoking because of it...Do you see where I'm leading?
All the other suggestions made were fabulous, completely..and I say try them all if you wish.
But even more,realize why this person came into your life, right now.
Perhaps the sole purpose was to change YOUR LIFE, not you change theirs..or perhaps it is for both of you to enrich each other.
I believe this goes above and beyond just making a bucket list.

reply to post by pluckynoonez


It's just you. The person is in pain, sex is probably not a very high priority.